


He'll help you understand.

by psrsephones



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Cigarettes, Cigars, Drug Addiction, Drugs, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-01
Updated: 2013-09-26
Packaged: 2017-12-10 03:39:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 25
Words: 114,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/781337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psrsephones/pseuds/psrsephones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jon Snow always felt like he did'nt belong. And so did Robb Stark. They hated each other long before they loved each other. They made good choices together, and they made bad choices together. They even made terrible choices together. Where Robb goes, Jon follows.<br/>MODERN AU: high school. Jon and Robb aren't brothers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You can blow what's left of my right mind

Chapter I  
If you asked Jon Snow what day was the saddest day of his life, he would tell it was March 7th of 2013, because that was the day he lost the thing that mattered the most. It was also the day he grew up. He stopped being that sweet, or not so sweet, boy, and became a man. The day Robb Stark died was the day Jon Snow died too, but only the former stopped breathing. But perhaps you should know the whole story. Jon and Robb didn't meet on normal circumstances. Actually, they hated each other at first. But it wasn't exactly their fault. It was almost Robb's obligation to hate Jon. Because no big brother on earth would love his little sister's boyfriend. But Robb did. Not that he would admit it, but while he told himself and the world that he hated Jon, it was all a fucking lie. And he kind of knew, but he kept lying anyway. If you're a bit confused, Robb had a sister. She was called Sansa, and she was beautiful and popular, and she started dating Jon, which didn't make absolutely no sense. Jon was a misfit. And Sansa was not. The Starks were not, actually. Jon also had a little sister, but Robb could not date her, she was too young. Her name was Arya, and she was the bravest girl Robb had ever seen in his short life time. He felt sorry for showing her the bad things in life, but he was reckless, and so was Jon, and so was Arya. They were just a bunch of kids who didn't quite fit in the world. Like Sansa. Sansa would never do what Robb did, because she knew her place in the world. And apparently, for a few months, she believed that her place was beside Jon.  
-  
"I'm dating Jon Snow." Sansa said, loud and clearly, when all the Starks were having dinner on a September night. By Starks I mean the whole lot. Their parents, Eddard and Catelyn, Sansa, Robb, Bran and the baby Rickon. The school had started two weeks ago, and Sansa was a junior. Robb, on the other hand, was a senior.  
"What?" Robb asked, dropping his fork on the floor. “You are dating that fucking bastard?”  
“Robb.” Eddard warned.  
“Sorry, father. But seriously, Jon Snow? Isn’t he like a loser?”  
“Don’t talk like that. You don’t know him.” Sansa said, quite angrily.  
“He’s a douche bag!”  
“You’re a douche bag!”  
“Well, I can be a douche bag, I’m your fucking brother!”  
“Robb.”  
“Sorry, father.” Robb snapped. “You can’t date him!”  
“I can date whoever I want!” Sansa exclaimed, slamming her fork down the table.  
“You’re only dating him because I hate him.”  
“Well, I’m really sorry you think the world revolves around you, Robb. You’re not the fucking king, you know.”  
“Sansa!” This time, it was Catelyn who exclaimed, looking shocked at her daughter.  
“Then why the hell are you dating him?”  
“Because I like him!” She screamed back at him, rising up from her chair. “He’s nice, and sweet, and he makes me feel important.”  
“I’m pretty sure you just like his dick in…”  
Eddard took a deep breath, deciding it was time to interfere before it went too far. “Robb, shut up. Sansa, sit down.” Robb closed his mouth, lowering his body to collect his fork from the floor, still fuming over how stupid his little sister was, and Sansa sat down, staring as if she could murder her older brother, still fuming over how stupid her big brother was. They would often do that. Every dinner felt like a war, and Eddard Stark was always there to stop it.  
“I hate Jon Snow.” Robb said quietly.  
“Well, I hate you.” Sansa replied, not even looking at her brother.  
“I’m starting to lose my appetite.” Bran mumbled, crossing his arms.  
“Shut up Bran.”  
“Yeah, shut up Bran.” Robb agreed.  
“Look, they can actually agree on something!” Bran mocked.  
“Bran, don’t tease.” Catelyn said. She wasn’t exactly snapping at him, but that was because Catelyn couldn’t possibly snap at any of her children. She loved them too much. She took care of all of them, even when they didn’t want to. She was the glue that kept the family together.  
A few blocks away from the house of the Starks, Jon Snow sat on a bed, talking about his girlfriend. Not because he lived near the Starks, but his best friend surely did. His name was Theon Greyjoy. He was kind of a lost kid. Jon knew it. Theon knew it. Everyone knew it.  
“She’s a nice chick.” Jon said, while he watched Theon light up a cigarette. He shook his head when the other offered him one. “I mean, she’s not like the nicest, but she’s nice enough, right?”  
“She’s a fucking Stark, kiddo.” That’s the thing about Theon. He likes calling Jon “kiddo”. And cigarettes. And kissing. Boy, he surely loved kissing.  
“I like her well enough.” Jon said, lying his body on Theon’s bed. “I mean, she’s really nice.”  
“You already said that.”  
“Well, because she is! And she’s a ginger. That makes her way cooler, right?”  
“Robb Stark is a ginger and that doesn’t stop him from being a complete asshole.”  
“Point taken.” Jon said, looking at the poster of girls wearing bikinis that Theon had on his wall. “Doesn’t your father complain about this stupid poster or something?”  
“Yes, all the time. That’s probably why I still have it up.” Theon blew off the smoke slowly, and looked at Jon. “Did you guys do it?”  
“No, no yet. We just kissed.”  
“You’re such a pussy.”  
“Well, I can’t just fuck her. We’re only dating for like two weeks now.”  
“I could totally help you guys with that.” Theon said. Another thing about Theon is that he was a sex addict. Well, not really, but Jon was sort of a dramatic kind of person, so he already considered taking him to a psychiatrist, because that just couldn’t be normal. But Theon wasn’t exactly normal. He wasn’t even in school anymore. He was kicked out. He was smoking weed in the bathroom, and when the janitor found him, he asked if he wanted to join him. Go figure. “I mean, your relationship isn’t going to last years or something, you gotta do what you gotta do before it’s too late!”  
“For the love of God, Theon, shut up.”  
In reality, Jon didn’t even know how he got around to dating Sansa. They barely talked before. But she was crying in the bathroom because some stupid kid named Joffrey were really rude to her, and Jon got in the wrong bathroom, and he sat down by her side and made her feel better. She didn’t even ask why he was in the girls’ bathroom. Perhaps she thought he entered the place because he heard her crying, which was not true. He was just kind of sleepy and didn’t bother to read the sign on the door. Jon was always kind of sleepy on school. He had this thing where he hated mornings. He was not a morning person. He was not a day person either. Nor a night person. He was kind of grumpy. But he felt bad because she was crying. He couldn’t quietly deal with tears. Or girls, for that matter. But he tried anyway, and she found it cute. So after three days of constant texting and talks between classes, they were dating. It was pretty quick.  
-  
Robb Stark was kind of a douche bag that particular Monday. You can’t really blame him. After all, Snow was dating his little sister. He didn’t need to be so freaking rude and all, but he had the right to talk to Jon. He found Jon Snow reading a book, sitting alone under a tree. Wearing a stupid leather jacket which kind of made him look hot, and stupid sunglasses even though there wasn’t any sunlight. Robb felt the urgent need to punch those glasses out of his face. He was a loner. He used to hang around with the Greyjoy kid, but then he got expelled so he just spends his time alone. He didn’t complain, or tried to talk to people, so everyone supposed he was alright. Robb got the book from Jon’s hand and tossed it to the ground.  
“Who the hell do you think you are?” Robb asked, angrily. Jon smirked, looking at the boy in front of him. He knew this would happen. Robb was just too much of an asshole to let him date his sister in peace.  
“Jon Snow.” He replied. “Nice to meet you.”  
“I know who you are!”  
“Then why the hell you asked it?”  
“Who the hell do you think you are to be dating my little sister?”  
“Oh, you mean Sansa?” Jon asked like he just only remembered he was dating someone. “She’s pretty fit, if you know what I mean.”  
You have to understand his side. It was a pretty boring day. Jon was bored as hell because Theon would be on a date with a girl or something like that. He literally had nothing planned for the rest of the day. And there was a really angry Robb Stark in front of him, he just couldn’t resist. “Her kisses aren’t that good, but she can surely suck a dick.”  
Robb stared at Jon like he could kill him. “What?” He asked, his voice on a dangerous tone.  
“I said…” Jon replied, getting on his feet. They faces were really close, Jon with his hair black as night and his stupid sunglasses and Robb with his growing beard and red hair. “Your little sister can surely suck a dick. I can’t wait to get inside her pants. I’m pretty sure she’s a virgin. They can get wet pretty fast.”

“Shut up.” Robb said.  
“She must be so thigh. I think I’m going to fuck her in your bedroom.”  
“I said shut up.”  
“Do you think she’ll moan like a whore?”  
Robb couldn’t take it. That stupid I’m-the-king-of-the-world grin. The sunglasses. The leather jacket. His words. One minute he was considering walking away and the next one his hand was hitting Jon’s nose. He had never been a physical fight. Neither had Jon. But this was the first of the many firsts they would share together. Jon didn’t exactly had anything against Robb until that moment. I mean, he thought he was a douche bag. But he didn’t hate him. He raised his hand to his aching nose and felt the blood running down his face.  
“Did you just fucking punch me?” Jon asked, slowly. His glasses were not in the correct position anymore, but he didn’t bother to fix it.  
“You’re a genius, aren’t you?”  
Jon chuckled, cleaning his bloody hands on his pants. He took his sunglasses off, noticing they were kind of broken, and tossed it right next to his book. “I am going to fucking kill you, Stark.”  
“I would like to see you try, Snow.”  
In a few minutes, Jon and Robb were struggling in the floor like two wolves fighting for a piece of meat. People noticed what was happening, and started to gather around, screaming and cheering. Jon hit Robb in the ear, but got a punch in his stomach. But of course, the subject of the fight would eventually notice it. Sansa was having a particular nice day. She spend the math class talking with Jeyne of how amazing Jon Snow was, with his badass attitude, and Jeyne sighed and giggled in all the right moments. So when she came out on lunch time, she didn’t possibly think something would ruin her day. She searched for Jon, but he was no here to be seen. Neither was her brother. She had a bad feeling about it. It made everything worse when she heard things like “You go, Stark!” and “Kick his ass, Snow!”  
“For God’s sake. Jeyne, call the principal.” She said, and ran to the crew, pushing some people out. “Robb! What do you think you’re doing?” She held Jon’s arm and pushed him from Robb, hugging his waist.  
“I’m defending your honor! Step away from this asshole!”  
“I’ll show you the asshole, you stupid piece of shit.” Jon snapped back at him, but stood on his place, hugging Sansa’s waist with his arm.  
“I don’t wanna see your asshole.”  
“That was not what I meant.”  
“Everybody knows you’re gay, Stark.”  
“Boys, boys.” Said the principal getting near them. Robb knew better than to keep swearing in front of him, after all, Robert Baratheon was the best friend of Ned Stark for longer than anyone could remember. “Let’s not fight, alright? You don’t wanna get suspended.”  
Robb stared angrily at Jon, and Jon smirked, kissing Sansa’s cheek just for the pleasure of annoying Robb.  
“Can I leave now?” Robb asked, looking at Robert.  
“Yes, you’re a good boy, Robb. Tell your father I said hello.” He nodded shortly, looking at Jon once more, then turned on his back and left. “Now, you, Snow, don’t want to get expelled like your friend Greyjoy, right?”  
“No, sir. Never. Me and Robb were just fooling around. Kid’s joke.”  
“Yeah, I hope so.”  
That was the day Jon Snow decided he liked the idea of annoying Robb Stark constantly.


	2. Ain't got a care in the world

It was a party. Not a Sansa's kind of party, though. The jocks and cheerleaders were not there, and there weren’t any fancy drinks or expensive clothing. It was a Jon's kind of a party. It was amazing what some amount of drugs and alcohol could make a group of teenagers have fun. Especially Arya. She was surely having a great time with a kid named Gendry Waters. They were both high. The Snows were always high or drunk. It was going to be sad if their friends weren't a bunch of fucked-up teenagers who were always high too. She was kind of shirtless, kissing Gendry like his lips were oxygen. Jon felt like he should worry. She was only 15. But he was just sort of happy because she was happy.  
"Isn't that your baby sister?" Sansa asked, playing with Jon's hair. She was probably the only sober person in the whole room. She saw Jon put some pills in his mouth a few minutes before, but she didn't take any. She thought Jon was the perfect badass, but she didn't have the courage to be a badass with him. "Jon, I think Arya is going to..."  
"Sh..." Jon said, kissing her silent. He then laughed, smiling against her lips. He had also smoked some weed. He took almost everything on those parties. Except coke. He never had it. Jon was the kind of person who liked to do things because of a reason. He had a lot of reasons to do weed. It made him happy. It made him forget stuff he wanted to. And ecstasy made him braver to touch Sansa. Even thought he told Robb otherwise, they never did more than kissing. They haven't even got to the second base. But the reason he wanted to fuck Sansa Stark was mainly Robb Stark. Or maybe it was the ecstasy. He wasn't sure. Jon Snow never was sure of anything, anyway. "You are so pretty." He whispered. Like your brother, he wanted to say. But he didn't. He still had some sense on his mind. He was so mad at Robb. Just because he was a Stark he thought he could go around punching everyone. It made Jon pretty angry. And his favorite sunglasses were now broken. It made Jon hate him even more. He also hated Robb for not getting out of his mind. Jon kissed her. Her forehead, her ears, her nose, her cheeks, he kissed her whole face. His hand caressed her leg.  
"Jon, what are you doing?" She asked, kind of chucking. She liked the way he touched her. But she didn't want to lose her virginity. Not now. Not with him high. Not in a couch where everyone could see it.  
"Let's have sex." He mumbled, pulling her closer. Jon didn't used to be such an asshole. At least, not when he was sober.  
"Excuse me?" Sansa asked, trying to push him off.  
"Sex. Let's fuck. Right here. Right now."  
"No!" She said, getting up and a few steps away from him. Sansa believed she was being kind of stupid. What did she expect? She knew the kind of party Jon went to. She also knew the kind of people Jon was friends with. She just wanted him to change for her. All pretty girls want the fucked-up guys to change for them. It rarely happens, though. Expect if it is a movie. Then it happens all the time. But Sansa's life wasn't a movie. "You're a fucking asshole." She said, walking away from Jon. Theon, who was sitting beside Jon, too high to give a damn, laughed like it was the greatest thing that ever happened. "Spicy little bird, isn't she, kiddo?"  
The Starks only had one car. Friday night was like hell there. Robb and Sansa always argued about the car and who would drive it. And they can't exactly do rational argue. They just scream at each other and who screams the loudest wins. And in this particular weekend, it had been Robb. So Sansa needed a ride. She left the building, breathing deeply the fresh air and gave Robb a call.  
"What do you want?" He asked. The noises behind him were loud. He was probably in a pub with his stupid friends.  
"A ride."  
"It's 8pm!"  
"I had a problem. Jon is an asshole." Sansa said. "Can you pick me up?"  
"I could…" He replied, smiling like a bastard. "But why would I?"  
"Don't be a moron." Sansa said, quite angrily. "Really, Robb. He was being a fucking douche."  
"Do I need to punch him again?" He asked, shifting on his seat, starting to worry. "I'll be there in 10. Bolton's house, yeah?"  
Robb, of course, took more than 10 minutes.  
"At last." Sansa snapped. She was wearing a short dress and the night was kind of cold. She climbed into the car, the minute Robb got out. "Robb, what the hell? We're going home!"  
"You're going home. I'm going in."  
"Robb, is that really necessary?"  
"Yes. Actually, it is. I'm going to kick his ass."  
"You don't even know what he did."  
"He was fucking born, that's it." He said, closing the door and turning on his back, heading straight to the door.  
"Robb!" Sansa yelled, opening the window. "ROBB!" She called once more, only to be ignored. "Stupid asshole." She murmured, changing seats and turning the car on.  
"Jon, you're like my best friend. You know that, kiddo?"  
"What the hell, Theon?"  
"I just really love you. I mean it. Like, for real."  
"Now you're just being weird. No more weed for you today, Greyjoy." Theon proceeded to hug Jon, and he pushed him away. "For Christ's sake, Theon."  
"Okay then." Theon said, looking offended. He rose up from his place on the couch. "This is fucking boring. I'm going to talk to Ramsay."  
"Theon, don't." Jon said, sitting up. "He's fucked up. You shouldn't talk to him unless you wanna get drugs."  
"He's nice enough." He mumbled. Theon had this friend. Well, it wasn't exactly friendship. But Ramsay had drugs, and Theon had a crush on Ramsay. He knows he shouldn't, because Ramsay was not only a douche bag. He was really messed up. Rumors said he once killed his dog. He knew Ramsay was no good, but Theon never did what was good to him. He didn't give a damn about himself, or the world. He was a lost kid. And Jon didn't notice. Not because he was a bad friend. He wasn't. Theon just pretended everything to be fine, and Jon believed it.  
Robb entered the room, looking quite disgusted. He coughed because of all the smoke. The amount of people kissing was ridiculous. He could even swear Jon's little sister was doing something more. "Dear lord." Robb whispered, making his way toward Jon. He wasn't even sure of what was he doing there. He didn't need to go in or punch Jon again. But he felt like he needed to see Snow. He didn't even know why, he just felt he needed to.  
"Snow." He greeted. Jon, who was staring at Theon while he stared angrily back at him, looked around, focusing his eyes on Robb. He raised one eyebrow.  
"Yes, my lord?" Jon asked, sarcastically.  
"Oh, this is going to be good." Theon said, sitting down once again. He could meet Ramsay later.  
"Look, just because your little sister is some stupid whore..." Robb began, pointing at Arya and Gendry.  
"She's not a whore!" Jon said, laughing. "She's just having a nice time with her boyfriend! You should totally try to do it sometimes."  
"Are you high?" Robb asked, getting closer to him.  
"Sweetie, I'm always high."  
"You fucking pothead!" He said, shoving his shoulders.  
"Oi! No need to be so fucking rude all the time, okay?" Jon asked, almost getting up.  
"I have to when my sister is dating a fucking loser!"  
"Guys, guys..." said Theon, getting between the two of them, making Jon sit down again. "Let's not be like this, alright? Robb, sit down. Have some fun. Jon, stop being such a bitch."  
"He's the bitch!" Jon complained.  
"Shut up, kiddo. Here, Robb, have this." He said, handing him a pill. "Can I call you kiddo, Stark? I'm doing it anyway."  
"Don't call me kiddo, you asshole. And I don't do drugs."  
"Everyone should do drugs!" Theon exclaimed, pulling Robb by his arm and making him sit.  
"Don't bother, Theon. He's a pussy."  
"I am not a pussy, Snow, shut up."  
"Then do it." Jon said, looking Robb in the eye, for a moment ignoring Theon's existence. "Take the goddamn pill." Robb took it from Theon's hand and put it on his mouth, swallowing it with the help of a gulp of vodka.  
"There. Done it. Don't feel anything."  
"It takes about half an hour to kick in."  
"I'm not staying here half an hour. I hate you both, remember?" Robb asked, lying his head and closing his eyes. He breathed deeply, and he could smell the weed in the air. He gazed off, thinking about his whole life. He thought about his parents, his brothers and sister. About his stupid friends which Robb always felt would turn on him. And about Jon. It was quite funny how he hated Jon so much but couldn't get him out of his mind. It was actually very funny. Robb felt dizzy. He was feeling really dizzy. He even considered asking the world politely to stop spinning. He wasn't even sure how high felt, but he sure knew he was. And then it happened. He felt lips against his. Theon’s lips. Theon was kissing him. Robb wasn’t really sure what to do. He could push him off. He really could. He was stronger than Theon, that was certain. But he didn’t want to. He wasn’t sure why, though. Maybe it was because he never felt right kissing girls. Maybe it was because of the pill he had before. He just kept kissing Theon back, not really sure of what to do. You have to understand. Robb had kissed before. But he had kissed girls. He never even thought of the possibility of having a guy’s lips pressed together with his. But they were soon gone, and Robb saw Theon moved to kiss Jon. Jon kissed him more eagerly. They had done it before, but they didn’t remember or care. They had this kind of friendship were they didn’t talk about things. Which was pretty sad, but apparently, they couldn’t care. Of course Jon would do anything for Theon, and Theon would do anything for Jon. They just weren’t good at talking it through. Suddenly, Theon’s hand was wandering in Robb’s crotch. Theon had sex with a man before. He knew what he was doing. He knew where to touch, and how. He kissed Jon rudely, invading his mouth with his tongue, so different from how he kissed Robb. But Theon and Jon were used to each other. They knew their quirks. Jon knew how Theon liked playing with his hair and Theon knew how Jon liked to bite his lips. Robb closed his eyes while Theon caressed Robb slowly, over his pants. Stark knew he should worry about other people looking. Even though they seemed pretty baked to care, Robb seriously doubted that three guys kissing wouldn’t attract some curious people. He did care, but at the same time, he didn’t. He just wanted more, and somehow it all didn’t feel as fucked up as it really was. And then, Theon let Jon’s lips go, smiling. Robb could feel himself getting harder as Theon kept touching him.  
“You go, kiddo.” Theon whispered against Jon’s ear. Jon looked at Robb, and he opened his eyes slightly, staring into the grey of his eyes. Theon’s hand stopped, while he looked at both of them, quite expectant. They stared at each other for longer than they should have, considering all their options, trying to make a clear thought in the big mess that both of their minds were. But it didn’t matter how long they thought, they couldn’t find one damn thing that seemed right. Jon was Sansa’s boyfriend. Robb was Sansa’s brother. They hated each other more than anything in the world.  
“What the hell.” Robb whispered, leaning forward and taking Jon’s lips. It was confusing, at first. And a bit messy. The noses kept getting in the way. But to Robb, Snow's mouth felt as cold as his name. It made his whole body ache, not out of cold, but of desire. It was a bit funny. All the Starks were fond of the winter. But not Robb. No, Robb liked the summer and dreaded the winter, with all the stupid snow getting in the way and big coats and being sick all the time. But for the first time, he appreciated the cold. Not even Theon's warm hand felt better than Jon touching him that way. It sent chills down his spine, and he felt like he could stay like this for the rest of his life. Maybe, like the frozen one that got in his way to school, Snow wasn't so bad himself. Theon smiled quite proudly, not caring to be left out for a few moments. The fact that he could see Jon kissing Robb kind of made him not think about. He always knew Jon was in love with Robb, just like he knew Ramsay was a shitty person. He was observer. He knew that boy who always wore a leather jacket on, and always used sunglasses - even though it wasn't sunny - like the back of his hand. And he just knew, by the way he seemed to keep quiet when they started talking about Robb, and the way he looked at the red-headed boy like he was the most wonderful thing in the world. Jon Snow loved Robb Stark. It was as right as to say that the stars showed up at night. But Theon couldn't keep these nice thoughts in his mind. He wanted touch. Soon, his lips were on Jon's neck, biting him slightly. His hand worked harder on Robb, his fingers opening his zipper, now the only thing stopping the direct contact between his hand and Robb's cock being his black underwear. Robb moaned inside Jon's mouth when Theon's grip got firmer. Robb slipped his hand to touch Theon, still not ready to do anything but kissing Jon.  
"People will notice..." He heard himself whispering, but didn't stop opening Theon's pants. Yes, they were all high, but he doubted that three guys kissing would attract some attention.  
"We don't spread rumors, Stark." Jon whispered, locking their lips together after he finished speaking, slightly sucking on them.  
"We could go to a bedroom. I know the way." Theon said. Damn sure he did. He let himself be guided to Ramsay's room more times he could keep track of. He was always high, and Ramsay was always sober. He let him treat like the piece of shit he always felt he was, because at least he would feel something. But nobody asked him how he knew the way to the bedroom. They just followed. Jon probably knew. But again, they didn't talk. About anything, ever. Robb worried for about a second if someone could see how hard he was, but laughed it off. Once they were upstairs, though, they found something that worried him a little more. He looked at Jon. And then he looked at the scene that was playing in front of him. Arya's boyfriend was against the wall, his eyes closed and his hands on her hair. And she was on her knees. Gendry also had his pants lowered. Robb laughed. He didn't mean to. He just felt like it. It wasn't exactly funny that Jon's sister was blowing someone in a hallway in a party, but he kept laughing anyway. Gendry smiled at them. Jon kind of smiled back. For God's sake, he knew his sister was no virgin. And he was going to fuck Robb Stark. The world was, indeed, a beautiful place. He entered the room, which was a mess, and instantly he kissed Jon again, desperate for a taste of his icy lips. Theon took his shirt off, while the two of them lied on the bed. Theon lied too, watching them, taking his pants and underwear off. He started to move his hand up and down, his eyes watching lustfully while Jon took Robb's shirt, scratching his back with his short nails. He was hungry like the wolf, kissing Robb like his life depended on it, his hands trying to find every secret his body held. Theon sat down, rising himself from the bed slowly. He pulled Robb nearer him, and kissed him ruthless. He proceeded to take Robb's pants and underwear in one quick move, freeing him. Robb got off the bed, kissing him, trying to touch Theon more than it was possible. He was hard, he was since Theon first landed his hand on him. Jon was looking quite offended because he was no longer Robb's center of attention. Theon turned him, pressing his cock against Robb's ass, but not quite entering. Robb gasped for air, closing his eyes, as Theon nicked at his neck, licking it slowly while staring at Jon, defiantly.  
"Who'd have thought?" Theon murmured, his voice soft. "Robb Stark..." He entered, not without any difficulties, Robb. His first movement was kind. Gentle, even. He did it slowly, so it wouldn't hurt the Stark kid. Robb moaned, enjoying the new feeling, trying to get used to it. "Actually plays on the other team." Theon moved his hips, slamming into him harder this time. Robb dropped his head, using Theon's shoulder as support. It hurt, but not so much. He could take it harder. He wanted harder. Maybe it was the goddamn pill he took. His legs were tremble, and he used Theon's body to keep him standing. Theon's thrusts got harder as the time passed, his grip firm on Robb's waist. "Oi, kiddo." Theon called, his breath quick. "You should totally suck our little lord here. I'm sure he never had a boy blowing him off." He slammed with all his strength, making Robb let out a deep moan. "Did you, Stark?"  
"Fuck." He breathed, knowing he wasn't going to be able to form a complete sentence. Jon got up, now fully naked, and kneeled before Robb. He looked up for a few moments, and slowly stuck his tongue out, licking the tip of his cock. He never had done this before. Not even on a girl. He already got a blow job, he couldn't even remember her face, but he did. And now, he was giving it. To Robb fucking Stark. He felt like laughing. But he didn't. Instead, he parted his lips, taking Robb's head and sucking it. He was trying to take it slow, but when he heard Robb's mute gasp, he couldn't take it. He took all he could of Robb's cock into his mouth, licking it, sucking on it. Robb couldn't quite understand how everything was happening, but it felt good. It felt more than good. Theon's thrust got to a constant rhythm, and Robb would move his hips to meet his, but Theon's hands were holding him down with strength. He was pretty sure marks would be there by tomorrow. And Jon. Jon's tongue made him feel like he was in heaven. Everything felt like heaven. He just wanted this night to last forever. 

Robb couldn't quite remember that night. He remembered Theon, and Jon. And Jon's tongue. And maybe something about Sansa. He wasn't sure. He didn't care much about Sansa, to be honest. He also thanked God because no one called him a faggot or anything like that. Apparently, they really did not spread rumors. Robb knew he was gay. Or at least kind of. Oh, well, he was. But he still wasn't ready to tell the whole world about it. But it wasn't like he spent his whole week searching for Jon at school. He didn't. He didn't even stare at him. And he didn't talk to Sansa. He was cutting the Jon Snow drug from his life. Because he needed, desperately, to get Jon out of his mind. Because it was killing him.  
So friday was being a pretty nice day. Robb missed school, so he stayed sleeping until 1pm. Then he literally played video game all day long. And ate stupid things. Nice good Jon-Snow-free kind of day. He was, as usual, trying to ignore the thoughts of the threesome they had, when he heard a knock. He got up from the couch. Bran was watching TV, Rickon was playing with the dog, his mom and dad were cooking and Sansa was babbling on their ear about something stupid. So Robb went, because it always him who answered the door. He seriously asked himself what everyone would think if he just closed the damn door on his face. Jon "pot head that happened to be sexy as fuck" Snow was standing on his door. Snow, who Robb had been trying to pretend that didn't exist for the last week. Snow, who saw him naked. Snow, who sucked him off. Snow, who kissed him.  
"What the fuck?" Robb asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first threesome ever, i'm still not used to writing smut?????? if it wasn't for my friend i swear to god i wouldn't have written it  
> and thank you for the kudos!


	3. Turn me on with your electric feel

Sansa surely didn’t know why the hell she was with Jon. After all, he was an asshole to her on last week’s party. But he looked like a lost puppy on Monday, she just had to forgive him. And he was kind of cute. And a complete bad ass. Sansa couldn’t just drop him because of some things he did when he was high. So she forgave him, because that was the right thing to do. She also invited him over to dinner, on Friday. She knew Robb and Jon didn’t get along, but she felt it was right to Jon to meet her parents. After all, she watched a lot of romantic movies, and you always have to make your boyfriend meet your parents in one nice dinner. She expected it to be nice but what she didn’t know was that her brother and her ex-ex boyfriend had sex. And since that group of lost kids didn’t spread rumors, nobody knew. Nobody even thought about it.   
Robb started to panic. “What the hell are you doing here?” He whispered, stepping outside and closing the door behind him.   
“I was invited, Robb.” Jon replied, chuckled.  
“Don’t call me Robb!”  
“Oi, I saw you fucking naked, I thought we were already over the last name part.”  
Robb slapped him in the arm. “That was a mistake. It’s not happening again. Not ever. Now fuck off.”  
“I told you, I was invited!”  
“What the hell are you doing here?” He repeated.   
“Did the ecstasy affected your brain forever or something? I told. I was freaking invited.”  
“Who invited you?”  
“Sansa.”  
“Why would Sansa invite you?”  
“We are dating!”  
“You are not dating her.”  
“I am, though.”  
“We fucked. I fucked my sister’s boyfriend. Dear Lord, that’s sick.” Even though he already knew that, he told himself it was alright because Sansa and Jon were not together anymore, so he didn’t exactly slept with Sansa’s boyfriend, but with her ex. But now he slept with her sister’s boyfriend, so he felt kind of sick.  
“You know, that is kinda like fucking your brother.”  
‘What? No! Shut up, Snow.”  
“Because like if me and Sansa ever get married…”  
“You are so not getting married with her.”  
“I’m going to be your brother in law. So you kinda fucked your brother.”  
“I didn’t fuck anybody. You just blew me.”  
“Oh, yeah, I forgot you’re in the bottom.”  
“Excuse me you little piece of…”  
Sansa opened the door, smiling. “Jon!” She exclaimed, hugging him and kissing him in the lips.   
“Hello, sweetie.” He said, doing his stupid grin, his eyes not on Sansa, but on Robb. Robb felt the incredible need to stick out his tongue for him, but he decided against it. After all, he still had some dignity.   
“What are you doing outside with him?” She asked, throwing a look of absolute scorn to Robb, who looked quite offended.  
“We had some unfinished business. Shall we go inside?”   
“Yes, of course. I can’t wait for you to meet dad, I’m sure he’ll love you.” She said, holding his hand and pulling him inside.   
“If he likes me like your brother does…” Jon said, once again looking at Robb and smiling slightly.   
“Oh, don’t bother, Robb is kind of a asshole.” Jon chucked, and Robb blushed. Sansa, fortunately, didn’t notice. Robb took a deep breath, shaking his head. It was going to be a long night. “Dad will love you.” She said it one more time, trying to assure herself too. They made their way into the living room. Ned was watching TV and taking care of Rickon, while Catelyn was in the kitchen, trying to get dinner done while Bran jumped around asking stupid questions.   
“Hm… Hi.” Jon said, awkwardly.   
“So dad…” Sansa said, smiling in excitement, while Robb tossed himself at the couch and covered his face with a pillow. “This is Jon.” The thoughts that crossed Robb’s mind were a mix of “I hate my life”, “I hate Jon Snow” and “I hate my sister”. Also, he was thinking of never taking drugs again. Or at least not close to Jon Snow. Jon Snow and drugs were not a good combination. And if you add Theon Greyjoy everything just explodes. He wasn’t even gay, for Christ’s sake. At least he wasn’t sure. I mean, he had to be straight. It was all Snow’s fault. He wondered if his dad would get mad at him if he rose from the couch and punched Jon Snow in that pretty nose of his. Not that Snow was pretty or anything. It was just a figure of speech.   
“Hello, Jon!” Ned said, cracking up a big smile. Robb imitated it under the pillow. He was a bit stressed out. He supposed with was Jon Snow and his lips. Dear God, Robb loved those stupid lips. He sure did. Those lips were his downfall. Especially since Jon liked to bit them all the freaking time. He looked so beautiful doing it. He looked so beautiful breathing.   
Oh, crap. He was gay. He was so fucking gay. He couldn’t even try to deny it. Robb Stark was gay. He was so gay he lost his virginity last week to a boy. Two boys. He couldn’t even be a normal type of gay, no, he had to be the gay who has threesomes. It was as clear as the sun, if that even made sense. He was gay, and he wanted Jon’s lips against his own. And Jon’s body pressed against his. He wanted him. But he dated his sister. Why couldn’t he just have a crush on some straight dude? It seemed easier than him having a crush on Jon Snow.   
“How are you, Mr. Stark?” Jon asked, with the most respectful voice he could manage.  
“Ned, my boy, Ned. C’mon, sit here. We’re watching… Sansa, what are we watching?”  
“That’s glee, dad.” She said. She was quite a fan of the program, though. She just liked it. She also liked the lesbian couple. She didn’t know why. She just found it pretty hot. Not that she would say that out loud or anything. She sat down beside him and pulling Jon near her. Robb felt Jon’s leg against his own, and took a sharp breath. Dear Lord, it was torture. “Why are you watching glee?”  
“I was watching the Simpsons!” Ned exclaimed.   
“Is this Rickon?” Jon asked, leaning forward so he could see Ned even with Sansa sitting between them. He smiled kindly at the kid, and Ned found it amazing. Robb stared in disbelief as Ned apparently liked Jon more than he liked his own son.  
“What the…” Robb murmured.   
“Don’t be like this, Robb.” Ned said, smiling at Jon. “He’s a great kid.”  
“A great k… Dear God, I quit.”  
“Don’t care about him, Jon. He’s just a bit sore about everything lately. Go figure.”  
“Oh, you know, Mr. Stark. We’re teenagers. We’re going through changes, finding out new things about ourselves…” Said Jon, with a serious face. Robb stared at him.  
“Yes, of course. Yes, yes of course.” Ned said, nodding with his head.  
Fuck everything. Robb hated Jon. It was official. Just because he had pretty lips and all, it didn’t give him the right to throw stupid subtle jokes in a conversation with his father, for God’s sake.  
“Sansa, is that guy gay?” Ned suddenly asked, pointing at someone in the TV.  
“Oh, well, of course he is!” Jon exclaimed. “I mean, I can’t always see when someone is gay, for example…”  
“Mom, I’m starving out here!” Robb screamed suddenly.   
“Well, if you could be of any help just for a change maybe we would be already eating.” Sansa replied.  
“Shut up, Sansa.”  
“Shut up, Robb.”  
“Children…” Ned said, shaking his head at Jon.  
“Oh yeah, it must be hell. I can’t imagine Robb when he’s on PMS.”  
“I don’t PMS, you stupid little cock sucker.”  
“Robb, go help your mom in the kitchen.” Ned said.  
“But I didn’t…”  
“Do you want to embarrass our family even more? We have guests, for Christ’s sake!”  
“He’s not a guest. He’s Jon!”  
“That’s very sweet, Robb, thank you, I might cry.”  
“Oh, you just shut up.”  
“Make me.”  
“I already did once.”  
Jon couldn’t help but smile, and Robb returned the smile, but refrained himself, staring ahead with his eyebrow furrowed.  
“Okay, then.” Sansa said, getting up really quickly. “I’m going to help mom. Dad, don’t let them kill each other.”  
“Will do.” Ned replied, paying attention to the show that was on the TV. “Why the hell are they singing? People just don’t go out singing like a madman.”  
“They are a glee club. They sing. It’s their thing!”  
“Why there are so many gays?”  
“Dad, you don’t understand anything.” Sansa said. She leaned and gave Jon a quick kiss on the lips, and then made her way to the kitchen. The only one left in the couch were Robb, Jon, Ned and Rickon, who didn’t make a lot of difference, since he was on Ned’s lap and basically falling asleep. Babies. They spend most of their times sleeping or crying. Jon didn’t like babies very much, but he was good with them. He was good with people, even though he didn’t like people very much. But he kind of liked Robb. Ok, he liked Robb a lot. He was pretty sure the only reason he got back together with Sansa was Robb, even though that was stupid. But he couldn’t stop himself from being stupid.  
“Is that Katy Perry?” Ned suddenly asked. “I hate this show. This show is crap. How do they all know the choreography?”   
“Are they all gay?” Robb asked.  
“Oh, I’m sure that if they were, you would know.”  
“What are you implying, Snow?”  
“Me? I’m not implying anything. I know nothing, I’m just saying…”  
Ned, apparently, was still wondering about the dancing. He never liked musicals. He never liked movies too. He didn’t like anything new, actually. He was a bit of a traditional kind of guy. Jon’s lips formed a wicked grin. He was close to Robb. Really close. Their legs were touching. Before, it was because there was no room for Jon to sit away from him. But now there was plenty of room, but neither of them moved away. The feeling of the two legs pressed together felt nice. Right, even. But Jon couldn’t resist playing a little bit with Robb. After all, he looked adorable when he blushed. He moved his hand across his own leg, and rested it in Robb’s thigh.  
Robb didn’t know if he wanted to punch Jon in the face or if he wanted to kiss him. He felt a chill in his bones and a warm between his legs. Robb held his breath, telling himself to get over it. Snow was just a boy. A stupid boy, who he hated. Or loved. Or both. He wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure of anything and he couldn’t possibly think with that stupid hand on his leg. He looked with the corner of his eye, and saw Snow smiling like he owned the fucking world. He probably did. He owned his world. Grey and blue collided. The grey in Jon’s eye made Robb think of ashes and steel and this made Robb realize his favorite color was grey. His favorite season was winter. His favorite clothing was leather jackets. His favorite taste was that so familiar cigarette taste that he felt when he kissed his lips. His favorite person was Jon Snow. Robb’s mind felt like a roller-coaster, travelling between hate and love the whole night, but now he knew that he loved that boy, and he would forever do so. It didn’t matter how wrong it was. It only mattered how right it felt.  
“Mom told me to call you guys for dinner.” Bran said, standing in the door of the kitchen.   
“Can’t make it.” Ned said. “I’m watching glee. I just love this little one with the blazer.”  
Bran shrugged, and made his way back to the table, sitting down. Jon took his hand out of Robb’s leg, and rose from the couch, smiling quietly to himself. Robb shook his head, letting out a big amount of air.   
“C’mon dad. Sansa has the DVD’s, you can watch it later.” Robb said, getting up and looking at his father, trying to control himself. Jon Snow had absolutely no right to be like this.  
“She has the DVD’s? Who gave it to her?”  
“You did. At Christmas, last year.”  
“Oh, yeah. I thought it was something about vampires or whatever.”  
“Dad, you think everything is about vampires.”  
“When there is a vampire, there is a werewolf, and I like dogs. Therefore, I like werewolves.”  
“Eddard!” Catelyn called from the kitchen. Everybody thought Ned commanded the family, always making the children stop fighting and everything. He worked in a firm, but who had the most stressful and hardest work was definitely Catelyn. Robb and Sansa were already grown-ups, but Bran absolutely adored spending all his hours of his day defying every possibly rule his mother said to him, and Rickon was a bit of a needy child. She didn’t mind, though. How could she? They were her children, the most important thing in the world to her. Family was the most important thing in the world to her. Without them, she would be nothing.   
“I’m coming!” Ned said, reluctantly rising from the couch and going to the kitchen, finally sitting down at the table. Sansa had his hand over Jon’s, caressing it slightly, observing how beautiful he was. Robb was looking at Sansa’s hand and Jon, feeling a tiny bit jealous. He wished he was holding Jon’s hand. Sansa’s finger didn’t even look right there. He was sure his hand would fit Jon’s perfectly. He felt the need to hit himself. He was getting gayer by the minute. Catelyn stared at Jon, a look of discontent in her face. After all, he looked exactly like the type of boy you don’t want your teenager daughter to date. Again, with that leather jacket. Robb asked himself how many leather jackets Jon even had, because it seemed like it was a lot. And also, he had a lighter on his hand. He was playing with it, and Bran looked at Jon like he was the most amazing person who ever existed. It seemed like all the Starks thought Jon was the most amazing person who ever existed, actually. Except Catelyn. But she wasn’t born a Stark, so it doesn’t really count. Even Rickon smiled when he saw Jon, and Rickon never smiled. Jon released his hand and took a cigarette out of his pocket, ready to lighten it.  
“What are you doing?” Catelyn snapped, holding Bran’s plate in the air. She was getting spaghetti. Bran had already asked if the sauce was blood and if the pasta was a family of worms, like they were a family of people.  
“I’m lighting a cigarette.” Jon said, looking at Catelyn like she was some crazy woman.  
“Jon, we don’t smoke in the table.” Sansa whispered.  
“We don’t smoke anywhere, Sansa.” Catelyn said. All Robb could do was smile like a madman. Ned seemed to find his glass very interesting, and was too busy observing its details while the two women and the boy argued. Bran was one step of creating a Jon Snow fan-club.  
“But I like smoking.” Jon replied, his voice slow and kind, like he was talking to a child. Robb rose a bit from his chair, getting Jon’s cigarette from his hand and tossing at the floor, stepping on it. Jon even considered getting mad at Robb, but he couldn’t. He just smirked. Dear God, that killed Robb. It certainly did.   
“There. Solve it. Can we eat now?” Robb asked, pleasant to see Sansa looked a bit disappointed to Jon. Then he shook the thought of his head. He didn’t want Sansa sad or anything. He just wanted her to break up with Jon and stay away from him forever. Just that. He wasn’t being possessive; he didn’t have any right to be. They just had pointless sex, and they were both on influence of drugs. And Theon. It was all Theon’s fault. Robb then remembered he had a threesome with the other two people being guys and wondered how it would be nice to hide himself under the table for the rest of his life.   
They started to eat, Catelyn torn apart between eating her own dinner and feeding Rickon. Ned offered himself to help, and the Starks kids chuckled, while Catelyn smiled softly and refused. Jon was the center of all conversation, with Catelyn inquiring every little aspect of his life, and Ned trying to defend him without offending his wife.”My parents are out of town.” He explained, licking the sauce out of his lips slowly. Robb, who almost didn’t get his eyes out of Snow the whole dinner, dropped his fork to the floor. What was up with his lips? Robb began to wonder if Jon wasn’t some kind of a wizard, because he simply couldn’t act normally when he was around him. It just wasn’t right. Robb got out of his chair, kneeling on the floor, having to go under the table to get his fork. Of course, he was sitting in front of Snow. And of course, Snow sat with his legs open. Robb couldn’t help but stare.   
“Oh, poor kid!” Ned said, ignoring completely the fact that his son was on the floor.  
“It’s not a big deal, really. I mean, I’ll spend the weekend alone and all, but it’s okay.”  
“It is not okay!” Ned exclaimed.  
“He said it is, Eddard.” Catelyn said, with a displeasing look in her face.  
“Oh, Jon could sleep over!” Sansa said, excited, clapping her hands, for a moment forgetting about last week’s party. Robb smiled the same wicked smile Jon did a few moments before. Jon Snow would taste his own poison. He raised his hand and caressed the inner part of his thigh. He could even see Jon’s body tense up, and could hear him holding his breath. He moved his hand in a slow pace, always getting nearer the place both of them wanted him to touch, but never quite touching it. He watched how Jon was getting hard. If his whole family wasn’t around the table, he would go there and pull his pants down, he swore to God. He moved away, and Jon’s body relaxed, but Robb knew he was still excited.  
“He could absolutely n…”  
“Oh, please, Cat, he’s such a nice boy.”  
“Yes, I would love to, Mr. and Mrs. Stark.” Jon said, his breath still not completely restored. Robb hit his head against the table, and his face formed a grimace. He rose himself and sat on his chair once again. Robb’s lips formed the so known Jon Snow smirk, and he carefully rose one eyebrow, challenging. Jon chuckled, even though he was still a bit shaken. Sansa looked curious at him, so he leaned forward and took her lips in a soft kiss, and while she smiled against his lips, her eyes closed, Jon’s lips didn’t even form his regular smirk.   
“See, it’s decided. Jon’s staying!” Ned said.  
“So, Jon.” Catelyn said, making Jon pull apart from Sansa and look at her. “About that party… Who was there?”  
“Just some cool kids. You know. My sister, her boyfriend. The Tyrells siblings. Probably the youngest Baratheon, I’m not sure. Oh, and Theon Greyjoy.” Robb began to cough quite desesperate, which made Ned throw him a worried looked.  
“Are you okay, son?” Robb nodded, taking a big gulp of water.  
“You mean the one who got expelled from using drugs?” Catelyn asked, ignoring the noise that the two men did.  
“Yes! That one. He’s my best friend!” Jon said, completely forgetting that drugs were supposed to be a bad thing.   
“Your… best friend.” Catelyn said, chewing the words.   
“Actually.” Sansa said, thoughtful. “You, Robb, didn’t come home after the party. Where were you?”  
“Oh, don’t worry.” Said Jon, once again beginning the game they were playing all dinner. One made the other embarrassed and kind of horny. And the other would strike back. “He slept on my bedroom. I can assure I took great care of him.” Robb felt a warm in his cheeks. Gladly, dinner was over. Torture was over. Except for the fact that Jon was staying over.   
“So, where’s Jon sleeping?” Bran asked. “He could stay in my room.”  
“He’s staying in my room, Bran.” Sansa said. “He’s my boyfriend.”  
“He’s staying at Robb’s.” Catelyn said, quietly. Jon and Robb stared at each other.   
“I don’t want him in my room.” Robb said quickly. It was a lie. He did want him in his room. Preferably naked. But he couldn’t say it out loud.  
“He is staying, though.” Catelyn replied, forcefully.  
“But he can stay in my room for a few hours right? We wanna watch some movies.” Sansa said.  
“We do?” Jon asked.  
“We do, Jon, sweetheart. I told you! I wanna watch The Notebook.”  
“Why?” Jon asked, looking at Sansa like she was insane. “We already watched it!”  
“Because I like it.” Sansa replied, her voice still sounding kind. “It’s a great movie.”  
“You kids go watch your lovely movie. “ Ned said, kindly. “Robb, you do the dishes.”

Of course, they didn’t watch the movie at all. By the time the main guy was hanging in the Ferris wheel, Jon had his lips against Sansa’s and his hand on her hips. He kissed her ferociously, wishing it was her brother that he was touching. He just needed some pointless sex. And he knew that even after all the teasing he and Robb did they just couldn’t do it. Not in his home. Since the party, he had been thinking how Robb made him feel. He even wrote some stupid songs about it, and they were three or five new drawing of Robb’s face hanging on his wall. He had once drawn Sansa too, but he couldn’t quite capture her. He could only truly capture the essence of the things he loved, the things he spent hours observing. He drew Robb Stark without looking at his picture once. He knew the way his lips curved when he cracked open a smile. He knew how his eyes shined when he looked at him. He knew how the curls of his hair looked just like an angel’s hair. How he would let his beard grow, and how good it looked on him. He knew every detail of Robb. And he couldn’t do the same to Sansa. It made him feel quite sad for her. He should break up with her. All she wanted was a happy ending, and she really hoped she would get it with him. And here he was, kissing her while his thoughts were in the room across the hall. But he kept kissing her anyway. It was the right thing to do. In a matter of minutes, they were both shirtless. And Jon was working really hard on getting Sansa off her skirt, while she pushed his pants down, braver than she thought she could be. But then, she felt like it was going too far. She wasn’t ready. She couldn’t do it. She just as might want it, but she couldn’t take it that far. So she stopped. He looked confused at her, frowning.   
“Let’s just cuddle.” She said, smiling softly.  
Jon felt the need to tell her that people don’t cuddle before sex. They cuddle after. But he couldn’t be so extremely rude to her, so he hugged her waist and let her rest her head in his chest. The movie was still on, and Jon decided to watch it for a little bit, while Sansa dozed off to sleep. It was extremely sad, but he figured maybe it was the new type of fairytale. Happy endings couldn’t last forever. Once the credits were over, Jon took the remote and moved around the channels until he found something good. Which was a cooking program.

Robb couldn’t sleep. He tossed and turned, but how could he sleep when his sister was probably having sex with Snow in the room across the hall? He knew they probably weren’t anymore. It was 3am. They were both probably asleep. But Robb was sure they had slept together. He was so damn sure it made him want to cry. This was pretty stupid, since he shared his first time with Jon. He hasn’t even kissed Jon when they were alone. They hooked up once, and they probably wouldn’t do it again, since he was dating his sister. Robb sighed, and got up. He was wearing a t-shirt that was too small to be comfortable, but it was his favorite t-shirt, and of course, pants. He didn’t like wearing underwear to sleep, it just felt wrong. He figured that since he couldn’t sleep, he could at least use some water. The whole house was asleep. Of course, Jon was supposed to sleep in his bedroom, but he never showed up, which didn’t help with Robb’s suspicion of them having sex. He didn’t peek though. He would, but the door was closed. He went down the stairs silently, occasionally rubbing his eyes. He was tired. Robb needed some rest, but his nights were filled with dreams about Jon. But he stopped dead on the end of the stairs when he saw the kitchen’s light on. And he could smell chocolate. His mind ran through all possible explanation, and he could only fall into one. Jon. He walked into kitchen, expecting to see Jon in his clothing or at least with his pants on. He was not expecting Jon to be on his underwear. Nether less in his white underwear. He could swear his lungs stopped working for a moment. And then he realized what Jon was doing.  
“Are you smoking weed?” Robb asked, walking toward Jon and taking the weed off his hand. “Are you fucking insane?”  
Jon, of course, laughed. Jon was always laughing when he was high. It was kind of cute.   
“I’m making brownies. Do you want one?”  
“Who told you to bring drugs to my house?” Robb whispered. “Shit, Jon, mom will murder you.” He said, his voice sounding worried.  
“She will not, because you will not tell her. Will you, Robb?” He asked, getting closer to him.  
“Please, put some pants on.” Robb said, his voice tremble.   
“You don’t really want me to do that.”  
“I do, though.”  
“No, you don’t. You like it. Like you liked that night we shared last week.” Jon said, smiling cockily. “I liked it too, Robb. Fuck, I loved it.”  
“Jon, you are dating my sister.”  
“I am really sorry, Robb.” Jon said, kind of laughing. “But I don’t really care about that.” Neither did Robb. He should. He really should. “Tell me you didn’t like it.” Jon whispered, his mouth so close to Robb’s they could kiss. “Tell me, and I will leave you alone.”  
“I loved it.” Robb replied, quietly. “I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t get you out of my head. Why, Snow? Why can’t I just get you out of my fucking head?”  
“I don’t know, Robb.” Jon said, pressing their foreheads together, looking into his eyes. “I can’t get you out of mine either.”  
“What should we do?”  
“We should eat my brownies.”   
Robb chuckled in response. “Yeah… That’s a good plan.”  
“My plans are always good.”  
“We should go to my room.”  
“Okay.” Jon replied, locking their lips together and pulling away faster than they both wished for. They talked so lowly, treating their relationship as a secret neither wanted the world to know. Standing there in the Starks’ kitchen, with Robb standing close to him, made him feel like he was home. Robb felt like home. Robb felt like home and summer. He knew Robb could right every wrong in his damn sad life. He knew it, he freaking knew it. Robb Stark would save him, and he would save Robb Stark.  
Robb got the brownies and led Jon into his bedroom. It wasn’t a mess, like it was expected to. Robb’s computer was in his desk, and he had some pictures of him growing up, and none of him with his friends. Robb didn’t like his friends. He was pretty sure he hated everyone outside his family on that goddamn school, until he realized he did not hate Jon. He didn’t have any paintings hanging, or drawings. He had nothing on his wall. It was a dull bedroom for a teenager. Sometimes he wanted to change it, but it would take too much work, and he wasn’t sure of what he wanted to do with it. He didn’t want just to put anything. He wanted the room to represent himself, but he wasn’t really sure of who he was to begin with.   
“It’s pretty cool.” Jon said, throwing himself at Robb’s bed. Robb stood there, awkwardly. Jon was acting like he always did; like he was at home. Of course, the weed he had smoked before made everything easier. But Robb couldn’t quite act normally when there was an almost naked Jon Snow on his bed. “C’mon, Robb, don’t be like this!” Jon laughed. “I already saw you naked, mister.”  
“I… Jon!” Robb said, blushing slightly. Jon always made him blush. He considered he had to be high all the time he was around Snow so he wouldn’t look like a lost child. He sat down on the far corner of his bed, taking one brownie and biting it. It tasted as a regular one, but he wasn’t really sure how they should taste. He ate it all, and then proceeded to lie on his bed, his head turned to his right so he could see Jon. The effect took some time to kick in. But it didn’t matter. All they did was eat and talk and laugh anyway. Robb loved Jon’s laughter. It kind of sounded like a bark, and it was pleasant to hear. Jon also ate like a child, and he got chocolate on his cheek. Robb raised his body, sitting and getting closer to him, taking the plate of brownies from the bed and putting it on the floor.   
“You got something in your face, Snow.” He murmured, feeling Jon’s cold nose against his. Jon laughed gently.  
“Do I now, Stark?”  
“Yes. Yes, you do.” Robb then moved forward, and licked the chocolate out of Jon’s cheek, enjoying more the taste of his soft skin than the chocolate. Robb smiled, and Jon cocked his head to one side, grinning.   
“You’re fucking irresistible, Robb. It’s not even fair.” He whispered, before leaning forward and kissing him with passion. This time, their nose didn’t bump, their teeth didn’t bother them. Their lips even fit perfectly, if that was even possible. They knew what they were doing. They didn’t need Theon pushing them to do so, not this time. They were doing it because they wanted to, they needed to. The desire they felt whenever they were close to each other it was unbearable. Soon, Jon was working on getting Robb’s shirt, breaking their kiss only for a few seconds so he could pull the piece of clothing out of his body and throw it across the room, his arms surrounding his back and pulling him closer, desesperate for more proximity. Robb’s warm skin collided with the cold of Jon’s, sending chills over both of their spines. Robb moved his head to the side, kissing Jon’s chin, moving to his ear. His teeth bit gently on it, his lungs already claiming for air, his cock already hard under his pants. Jon moaned softly, making his hand go up his nape, his fingers playing with the locks of his hair.  
“Fuck me, Snow.” Robb whispered between the kisses he was planting on Jon’s skin. Jon couldn’t resist the smirk that begged to appear on his face. Jon pulled down Robb’s pants and looked down, appreciating the vision. He licked his lips, smiling maliciously. Robb felt a stronger need to have Jon inside of him that he almost begged even more for it. Jon himself was already hard, but he felt an even warmer feeling in the middle of his legs after laying his eyes on Robb’s cock. He couldn’t resist, and raised his hand again, to caress it slightly. His movements were slow, taking his own time to make his hand go up and down, his lips assaulting the tender skin on Robb’s neck. Robb bit his lips to hold his moans down, suddenly remembering his whole family was in the house. Robb hands wandered to Jon’s underwear, finally freeing him. His hands were around him in a matter of seconds, doing the same thing Jon was doing to him, but his hands moved faster, his lips seeking for Jon’s, his teeth biting on him more fiercely than he normally would. And Jon couldn’t take it. Robb’s hand almost threw him off the edge. He took his hand away and placed it on Robb’s hip. A silent request, which Robb understood. They were connected, Jon’s thoughts reflecting Robb’s. Robb felt Jon in his back side, and he breathed deeply, closing his eyes. Jon smiled against the back of Robb’s head, moving his hand forward to return the movement. “God, Jon.” Robb said, breathless, throwing what was left of his dignity. “Please.” Jon put his other hand in front of Robb’s mouth, and he parted his lips slightly. He sucked them, twirling his tongue around his finger, knowing what would come next. When Jon slipped one finger inside of Robb, he felt like he was in heaven. He moved it slowly, teasing him merciless. Robb used all of his strength to hold back his moan, glad he had locked the door after entering the room. Then Jon smiled, putting a second finger next to the first one without a warning, speeding up his pace. Robb opened his lips, but no sound came out of it. It felt greater than anything Robb ever felt, but he wanted more; He didn’t want Jon’s fingers. He wanted all of him.   
“What do you want, Stark?” Jon whispered, both of his hands provoking Robb, his movements getting harsher by the minute.   
“You.” Robb choked out, his word sounding more like a desesperate moan. “Inside of me. Now.” Quicker than he thought it was possible, Jon was inside of him, and this time Robb really couldn’t bite down a loud moan, finally feeling complete. He heard Jon muffed moan too, which made him feel even better. It was good with Theon, but it felt even greater with Jon. Everything felt better with him. His whole body was a mix of feelings that he had never felt, Jon getting deeper every time their body met, making Robb feel like he just as might break and tumble down. His whole body was burning with passion and desire, the sounds he was making barely being kept down no matter how hard he tried. He could feel himself getting closer, the combination of Jon’s deep thrust and his hand on his cock making the whole world a bit blurry. He could barely see anything, just feel. Jon, his world was Jon, more than ever. Jon’s smell, Jon’s touch. Jon, Jon, Jon. It was a mantra in his head. That cold and warm boy, who always wore sunglasses when it wasn’t sunny and always seemed too high to give a damn, was everything that mattered, not only now, but forever. Snow was his. He was Snow’s. Stark and Snow belonged together. They always did. They just took some time to find each other.

They were lying together, still naked, Robb’s blanket barely covering them. Their legs were tangled, the plate with the brownies still on the floor. Robb had his head on Jon’s chest, watching carefully as it rose delicately when Jon breathed.  
“I’m kinda hungry.” Robb whispered, not wanting to break out from their little world.  
“Weed makes you hungry.” Jon explained, in the same tone. Robb chuckled, and Jon smiled. Yes, they were going to be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for the kudos and the comments!  
> briancap: oh well, my Starks are bit different sdgoisdj thank you <3


	4. The warmth in your eyes swept me into your arms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a reference, hope you catch it.

Jon slept on Robb's bed, and even though there was plenty of room for both of them, they slept as close as they could, Jon's arm around Robb's waist, the ginger's head resting on his shoulder. Jon opened his eyes, waking up slowly. He glanced over the clock to check what time it was, and realized it was still early morning. He never slept much, his thoughts always kept him awake. Jon thought too much. He considered everything too important, too beautiful. He was sad that nobody seemed to care about how wonderful life truly was. Little moments like this, with Robb on his arms, feeling his soft breath against his skin, made the world brighter, more beautiful even. Little moments like this, that people don't pay too much of attention, were, in his opinion, the best of them all. Jon knew that couples often forget how special the feeling of waking up next to their lovers actually is, and he promised himself he would never do that. It was the first time they were together, just both of them. Snow didn't want to stop, but he felt like Robb wouldn't keep this going. Not with him dating Sansa. Oh, Sansa. He felt bad for her, he really did. But the thought of protecting her feelings vanished from his mind when Robb was around. He just couldn't help it, even though he tried. He snuggled closer to Stark, resting his chin on the top of his head. A smile formed his lips. He admired Robb for longer than he could remember, filling his days with "what ifs" and false hopes. But his false hopes became true, truer than he ever thought possible. He would be happy just being his friend, he never would have imagined it would get to this point. Robb breathed calmly, his chest going up and down in a slow pace, his eyelids fluttering, and his mind probably crossing fantastic worlds in his dreams. Jon kind of hoped he was in some of them. "What are you playing in my head, Stark?" He whispered, closing his eyes. He didn't want to wake him up, so he moved away, focusing his eyes on Robb's face. He should get dressed. Soon enough the rest of the Starks would wake up and they seemed like the kind of family that had breakfast together, unlike his. He didn't even have a proper family to have breakfast with. He had his sister, of course, and they were best friends. But his mother was dead since he was a baby, and his father wasn't exactly the biggest role model. Arya and Jon didn't fall into the drugs path because they thought it was pretty. The smell of cigarettes was something they were always used to, and so were screams and swearing. But Arya had Jon, and Jon had Arya. His favorite thing about his baby sister was how unafraid she was. She wasn't just brave, no. She had no fear, of anything. She never cried. She never begged. Strongest little girl in the world. He lied to the Starks. His father really was out of town, but not exactly his parents. He just didn't want anyone feeling sorry for him. Pity was certainly something he hated.  
Robb opened his eyes, blinking a few times. He yawned, raising his head, using his elbow as a support on the mattress.  
"Rise and shine." Jon said, smirking.  
"What fucking time is it?" Robb asked, rubbing his eyes, still not completely awake.  
"Not a morning person, then."  
"Look who's talking."  
Robb then proceeded to lay his head again, closing his eyes and moaning.  
"That's just unfair, Stark." Jon whispered, while he moved his body to be above him. "This time in the morning?" Robb opened one eye.  
"Are we naked?" He asked, and Jon could feel himself getting hard.  
"Yes, we are."  
"My parents are home." Robb warned, slightly pushing Jon off him.  
"They were home yesterday." Jon said, pouting. Now they were both lying down side by side on Robb's bed.  
"You are such a sex addict." Robb murmured, staring at the ceiling.  
"You say it like it's bad!"  
"Dear God, Snow, control your boner." Robb said, not managing to hide his smile. He rose from the bed, letting the blanket drop. Jon sat straight on the bed, eyeing Robb hungrily. He walked around the room calmly, like he didn’t care that there was a naked Jon Snow on his bed. He did, of course. If he could, he would be already kissing those pretty lips, but he couldn’t risk it. His parents were probably awake, and Sansa across the room. And he was sober this time. He opened one drawer, getting an underwear and putting it on. Jon pouted, and Robb couldn’t help but laugh. He tossed one at him.”Get dressed, you pervert.”  
Jon started to put it on, accepting the fact that they couldn’t do anything right now. “I don’t wanna get dressed, I wanna…”  
“FUCK!” Robb yelled, holding his foot with an expression of pain in his face.  
“Well, yeah, no need to shout…”  
“For fucking sake, my stupid foot, this fucking asshole of a fucking table, fuck everyone I hate this shit.” Robb had this table on his bedroom. His mother always told him to move it, because he always hit his finger on the corner of the table, but obviously, he didn’t listen to her. He never listened to her. At least once a week he would kick it and start yelling. “Son of a bitch.” He choked out, letting go of his foot, which was still aching. And you see, just like Robb had the table, Jon had a thing for quotes. He loved quotes. He would quote everything to everyone. When he couldn’t really think of something good to say, he would quote something awesome someone already said. So he rose from the bed, and stood in from of Robb, making him stop staring at his own feet and look up. Jon didn’t even know where that quote was from, he just found it very appealing to the moment. Or perhaps he just wanted a reason to kiss Robb.  
“You better watch your mouth. I’ll fucking kiss it.” He said, leaning his face forward.  
“Are you fucking quoting me?” Of course, Jon didn’t answer it, preferring to press their lips together. Robb put his arms around his waist, pulling him nearer, his tongue entering his mouth. They were sober, and kissing, and it felt like the best thing in the whole damn world. They were too busy pretending they were the only people in the world, that the world was made of Robb and Jon and Jon and Robb. But of course, Sansa also existed. And she was knocking on the door. Loudly.  
“Robb! Is Jon in there?!” She asked.  
“Holy shit.” Robb whispered.  
“We’re naked.” Jon said, his eyes a bit wide. He wasn’t too fond of the idea of her girlfriend finding him with her brother.  
“Technically, almost naked.”  
“It isn’t time for jokes. You can’t make jokes. Stop it the jokes.” Jon whispered, going around the room collecting his clothes and putting them on. “Fucking answer her.”  
“Yeah, he’s here, Sansa! Or you think I would let you sleep in the same room as you?”  
“Open this stupid door!” She yelled, banging harder in the door.  
“I will, wait a sec-“ His voice was muffed out because Jon was trying to put a shirt on him. “Good God, Jon!” He exclaimed.  
“Are you calling him Jon?” Sansa asked, getting excited. “Are you guys friends now?”  
“Yeah! We’re best friends.” Jon answered, finally managing to put Robb’s arm inside the sleeves.  
“So fucking romantic.” Robb murmured, chuckling while Jon stared at him.  
“You’re an asshole.” Jon whispered.  
“Yes, I am.” He replied, smiling. Robb put his pants on, and opened the door. “Hello, Sansa. How are you in this wonderful morning?”  
“Are you really in a good mood?”  
“Why wouldn’t I be? Your boyfriend is the perfect companion.”  
“Yeah… Okay. Who are you and what did you do to my brother?”  
"I'm just happy." Robb replied, getting out of the bedroom.  
"Hi, baby." Sansa said, smiling kindly and taking Jon's lips in hers.  
"Hi, sweetheart."  
"What did you do all night?" She asked, putting her hands on his shoulders.  
"Hm... Internet." Jon answered, smiling slightly. Robb chuckled, not letting the quote pass unnoticed. Jon quoted, Robb guessed. They could make a game out of it.  
“Oh. Okay.” She said, frowning, kind of wishing she had a boyfriend who did not spend the whole night on the internet, but you can’t have everything. “Let’s have breakfast. Dad made pancakes.”  
“Your dad can cook? Awesome!” Jon said. Eddard seemed exactly like the kind of father he wished he had. Robb was lucky. Sansa was lucky. Bran was lucky. Goddamn, Rickon was lucky. His father would never allow him to be next to him when he was watching TV, not even when he was a baby. He didn’t remember it, and Rickon wouldn’t remember it, but it mattered. At least to him. He followed Sansa downstairs, throwing a glance back, just to see Robb following both of them. The kitchen’s window was open, and the sun was coming through. He had told Arya he would spend the night away, and of course they were a bunch of unread texts on his cell phone, asking which ginger Stark he had spent the night with. He replied the text with one hand, while the other caressed Sansa’s fingers. He politely told his sister to fuck off.  
“And who was that?” Sansa asked, sitting down. Jon sat on the chair beside her, remembering last night, when Robb’s hand made its way in his leg, and he felt a chill on his spine.  
“Arya. She’s being noisy.”  
“Oh, she always is.” Sansa replied, getting one pancake, and offering one to her boyfriend, who accepted. She didn’t say it to sound mean or anything. She just knew Arya liked knowing other people’s business. She liked the girl, even though she acted like she had absolutely no respect with herself on that party she went to. But she really was trying to not be so judgmental, after all she was dating Jon Snow. He was almost the leader of the misfits. She felt like one, sometimes. She didn’t like the drugs, and all the alcohol. She still liked buying dresses and wearing makeup. But she wasn’t like other girls. She was just a big fraud. But all Sansa wanted was to have a happy ending, on her very own version of a fairytale. She had Jon now, though. She knew it had been only one month, but she really liked him. He wasn’t the perfect prince charming, but he was good. He was great. Better than the popular kids, unique on his own way. She tilted her head to the side, supporting it on her hand, while she watched Jon eat. She didn’t even bother to reply her mom’s good morning while she observed the tiny details on his face. Across the table, Robb was doing the same, his fork halfway up his mouth, temporally forgotten.  
“Good morning mum.” Robb mumbled, blinking himself out of his daydream, focusing on his meal. “Hi dad.”  
Ned nodded at Robb, but turned his head to Jon. “Did you sleep well?” Robb didn’t need to look up to see Jon’s smirk. He just stood there, staring at his plate.  
“Oh, wonderful, you have no idea.” Jon replied. Robb held in a chuckle, trying to bite his tongue. A fake cough left his mouth.  
“I’m glad!”  
“He and Robb get along now, dad!” Sansa said, excited. She really like the idea of her boyfriend and brother being friends. Catelyn didn’t look pleasant that the conversation topic was Snow.  
“Really?” He asked, looking at both of them.  
“Yeah.” Said Robb, smiling innocently. “We became very fond of each other.” Jon’s smirk became even wider, the corner of his mouth twitching.  
Jon left in the afternoon, with a kiss on Sansa's lips and a smile in Robb's direction. He played a bit with Bran, who seemed to enjoy stories of knights and castles. Jon used to, when he was a child. The hours he spent, pretending to be a king or a knight were countless, but he eventually stopped. It wasn't real, it have never been real. When Jon got home, he found Arya and Gendry. They weren't naked, that was a surprise. They weren't high either. That was a bigger surprise. They were sitting in front of the computer. Of course, they were sharing a chair. You couldn't have everything you want.  
The Snows only had one computer, and they could barely touch it when their father was home. Jon didn't even had a Facebook, not that he was interested in having.  
"What are you guys doing?" He asked.  
"We're playing this stupid game Gendry downloaded." Arya replied, too focused in the so said game that she didn't even moved her head to see her brother.  
"It's not stupid. You like it." He said, kissing her close to the mouth not quite. He then looked at Jon, and smiled. Snow liked the boy. He wasn't the biggest role model of the world, but neither was he, or Arya. Gendry was a good kid, and he did good to Arya, making her smile all the time. He knew his little sister was only fifteen and shouldn't go so far with her boyfriend, but he really made her happy. Jon liked the pair of them together.  
"What's the name?" Jon asked.  
"The Sims." Gendry replied, almost at the same time Arya said it didn't matter to him. She glared at him, but instead of turning her attention to the game, she looked at her older brother.  
"So, how did it go?" Jon shifted uncomfortably on his feet.  
"How did what go?"  
"You slept in the Starks." Arya said. "But which Stark did you sleep with?"  
The problem with Arya was that she apparently knew everything. She was clever and quick.  
"I-" Jon began talking, but was quickly interrupted.  
"You cheated on Sansa! Again! With her brother!" Arya exclaimed.  
"Again." Gendry complemented.  
"Thank you. That's just sick Jon."  
"You didn't seem to mind when you saw us in the pa... Oh, wait, you didn't see it! You were too busy having Gendry's cock in your throat."  
"At least he's my fucking boyfriend. I bet you gave Stark a blowjob."  
"Shut up, Arya." Jon mumbled. In front of everyone else, he was the one that never was embarrassed, who always knew what to say, but that was Arya. His little sister knew him like the back of her hand, he could make up an act to deceive everyone but he would never trick her. His cheeks turned slightly red. "You did!" Arya said, her eyes widening. "Jon Snow, you are such a slut."  
"I'm not... Okay, I am." Jon said, and he sat down on the couch. "What do I do? I break up with Sansa or...?"  
"Well, yeah!" Gendry said. "Are you stupid? You're fucking her brother!"  
"But I didn't do it while I was sober, I just..."  
"Okay, Jon. Three questions." Arya said. She liked to solve her problems with three questions. "Do you wanna fuck Robb again?"  
"Yes." He answered.  
"Do you like Sansa?"  
"Yes, as a friend. She's nice." He did though. She was a great girl.  
"Do you wanna hurt Sansa's feelings?"  
"No."  
"There. Break up."  
"But I don't..."  
"Don't be such a pussy!" Arya said, slamming her hand in Gendry's arm.  
"Ouch, Arya!" Gendry complained.  
"Okay, I'm doing it next week. Promise."  
"Good." Arya said, ignoring her boyfriend. 

Next week came, and Jon was really trying to break up with Sansa. He just didn't want to hurt her feelings too much. So it was Wednesday and they were still together. However, he wasn't going to spend lunch with her, not today. He ran away from the classroom faster than he thought possibly, pulling Robb by the arm.  
"Hm... yeah?" Robb asked. "Hello? Good morning?"  
"I'm running from your sister." Jon said, walking towards the place where he usually had lunch with the Tyrells, his sister and Gendry. He wasn't even sure why he pulled Robb with him. They weren't best friends. But Snow wanted them to be. And Robb usually seemed so left out, sitting with the jocks, like Renly Baratheon and the Lannisters.  
"Well, that's not very nice." Robb said, but didn't complain, still following him like a lost puppy. They got to the place where they usually spend lunch together, and Gendry already had his head on Arya's lap, and Margaery was with a cigarette in her hand, looking carefully as her brother looked dreamily at the jocks' table where Renly sat down. They had a nice relationship. Except for the fact that Renly only talked to him when his friends weren't around and that he only touched him when he was high. But it was good.  
"This is Stark." Jon said, sitting down.  
"Is he your boyfriend, Snow?" Margaery asked, smiling. "I thought you were dating the girl."  
"I'm not his boyfriend." Robb murmured.  
"Oh, no worries, Stark boy. We're all gay in here." Loras said, moving his head slightly so he could see Robb. He smiled a cocky smile, and then returned to looking at Renly.  
"I'm not gay!" Gendry said.  
"Well, Arya is pratically a boy, so that makes you can."  
"Shut the fuck up, Loras." Arya snapped.  
"You know you're my baby girl."  
"I'm two years younger than you, I'm not a baby."  
"Jesus, okay." Loras said. "Don't need to be so hateful."  
Gendry sat down and put his arm around Arya's waist and pulling her closer. His lips were in her shoulder, kissing her slightly. Jon rolled his eyes, looking away.  
"Don't you ever stop kissing?" Margaery asked.  
"You're just jealous because you dont have a real boyfriend."  
You see, Margaery was kind of Renly's girlfriend. 'Kind of' because she was his fake girlfriend. Renly couldn't deal with the idea of people finding out he was gay, and Loras really liked Renly, and all Margaery wanted was to him to be happy. Robb felt nice in there. They were rude with each other, but he could see that they loved each other. They were the kind of friend that you could show up in their doorstep at 2 in the morning and they would let you in and drink with you until all your problems were gone. That was the kind of friendship Robb always wanted.  
"Jon!" Sansa called, running towards the group. Jon cringed, not because he didn’t like Sansa, but being around her made him think about how he had to break up with her. He took one cigarette of his pocket and lit it up, taking his own time to smoke it. Sansa sat down, making a face at Gendry and Arya sucking each other’s face off.  
"And who's that?" Margaery asked, looking at the redhead. "She's cute."  
"That's my girlfriend." Jon replied. Sansa sat beside him and kissed him on the cheek, smiling.  
"Hi, guys. I'm Sansa."  
"I'm Margaery." She replied, shaking Sansa's hand. Her brown locks fell perfectly, making her look like an angel. Sansa knew she was Margaery. She wasn’t stupid. Margaery wasn’t the mean girl, but she was popular. Everybody knew her. The girlfriend of Renly Baratheon, the prettiest girl in school. All Sansa desired was to be like her. But she held her tongue and didn’t let an ‘I know’ slip. The delicate smile in her face made her feel comfortable, and she hugged Jon’s arm, and placed her head on his shoulder. She observed as with his other arm he smoked, letting the smoke out slowly, almost artistically. Everything Jon did looked artistic. “Jon, did you invite Sansa to our party?” Jon’s eyes widened and he stared at Margaery like he would rip her head off.  
“No, I forgot about it.” He said, marking his words carefully.  
“So, Sansa, you are most definitely invited.” Margaery said, ignoring Jon’s cold glance. She didn’t care if Jon didn’t want Sansa there. She was sure she wanted. Sansa opened her mouth slightly, quickly transforming her silent surprise into a huge smile. Margaery Tyrell, of all people, was inviting her for a party. She didn’t even care what kind of party it was, the only thing that mattered was that someone like her invited someone like Sansa.  
“I would love to!” She said, excitement shining in her blue eyes, her head rising from Jon’s shoulder and her hands letting go of him. “God, thank you, Margaery.” Margaery smiled softly, wondering how in the world Jon could cheat on that girl.  
Jon didn’t seem to bother much Margaery staring shamelessly to his girlfriend, because he was doing the same to Robb, lazily holding his cigarette, with a sly grin in his face. Robb was trying to ignore it, but Jon had his tricks. He bit his lower lip, letting it go slowly. If anyone was paying any attention to them, they would see Robb’s body tense up, his breath being quickly taken away. Jon could even see how all his determination was blown away. His eyes flickered like a hungry wolf, following Jon’s stare to the bathroom’s door. The moment their eyes met again, Robb got on his feet.  
“I need to pee.” He said, faster than he thought possible, and left for the bathroom.  
“Is he alright?” Loras asked, looking as Robb entered the place.  
“I’ll go check on him.” Jon answered, kissing Sansa close to the mouth and leaving. Arya, who had stopped kissing Gendry for once, laughed while her brother went away. Her boyfriend, who was still close to her face, laughed with her, more because of Arya’s laughter than what was actually happening. Loras then understood, and started laughing as well. Margaery smiled, finding it quite funny, how both of the boys were so desesperate for each other, but she couldn’t laugh when Jon’s girlfriend was there. She felt bad for the girl. She even felt like punching Snow in the face. How dare he cheat on her like that? With her brother?  
“Why are you guys laughing?”  
“Inner joke, Stark.” Arya replied between her fake coughs. “We’ll tell you someday.”  
Sansa bit her lips, shifting uncomfortably on her sit, while Loras and Arya still seemed to find it particularly funny. “What do you think they’re doing?” She asked, more to Margaery than to the rest of the group. Arya coughed a little more, and finally stopped laughing. Loras resumed to smiling, his mouth twitching slightly.  
“They’re friends now. They’re probably… Hm…” Arya began.  
“Talking.” Gendry completed.  
“About what?”  
“Well, about you of course.” Margaery replied.  
“About… me?” Sansa questioned. Why would people even talk about her?  
“Yes, boys always talk about girls. It’s no big deal, really. Robb is probably telling Jon to be careful with his little sister.”

Of course, Jon and Robb where doing a lot of things, and the last of them were to protect Sansa. Robb kissed Jon eagerly, taking his mouth as it was his own, invading with his tongue, the need of having all of Snow burning through his body. He could already feel his cock pressed against his pants, desesperate for relief. They had to be quick. Lunch time would be over, and they couldn’t take long. Not with their friends waiting. Robb moved his head, kissing Jon’s neck and ears. He bit it, pulling the skin gently, releasing it seconds later. It was better than the kiss in Robb’s bedroom. Jon asked himself if every damn time they kissed it would feel like it was better than the last one. He couldn’t get enough of Robb’s mouth. He couldn’t get enough of Robb. His hands pulled Robb’s shirt from his shoulder, his nails slightly scratching the skin, and they broke away for one small amount of time, only enough to get the shirt of Robb’s chest. They stared each other in the eye, the blue iris filled with lust and passion and love. And then they were together again, this time Jon’s tongue claiming what was his, exploring every bit of Robb’s mouth, while Robb fought back with equal enthusiasm, making his tongue move and twirl, trying to get back the control of the kiss. But Jon broke it apart, biting Robb’s lower lip and pulling it, then letting it go. Robb’s hand slipped to Jon’s cock, and he could feel the pressure of it through his pants. He played with the buttons while Jon moved his hand to his jacket pocket, getting a condom out of it.  
“You brought a fucking condom?” Robb whispered in his ear, unbuttoning the first one. “You were planning this all this time, you bastard.” Jon chuckled, because it was right. He missed Robb. And this time he was right on his mind, so he remembered bringing one.  
“You know I am.” He replied back, kissing Robb’s neck gently. Robb closed his eyes, still working on Jon’s buttons. With his lips slightly parted, he sucked on Robb’s gentle skin. He could even hear Robb’s sharp intake of breath.  
“Fuck, Snow.” He whispered, finally pulling Jon’s pants down. Soon enough, Stark had his hand around Jon’s cock, going up and down in a slow and torturing pace, using the other hand to play with his balls. Snow was hard as fuck already, and Robb was no different. Jon moaned, thrusting into Robb’s hand, moving his hips unconsciously. But Robb could be mean when he wanted to. He took the hand from Jon’s ball and put it on his hip, holding it down, making his movement stop. Jon whined softly, but it became a gasp of pleasure when Robb made his hand go faster. Snow was desesperate to take Stark off his pants, but he couldn’t even see properly, the feelings that Robb was giving him being just too much. He then pulled his pants even lower, and threw a look at his throbbing cock. The grin that appeared on Robb’s face, and the fact that his crotch grew even bigger made a chill down all Jon’s body, and he felt desesperate to have Stark inside him. This made Jon act. His hand moved to Robb’s pants, clumsily opening the buttons with only one hand, the other one still firmly grasping the condom. He pulled it down, freeing Robb. He raised his eyes to Robb’s face, raising just the corner of his mouth to give him a cocky smile, and ripped the condom package with his teeth, claiming Robb’s mouth again, while his hands worked to put the condom on him. “What are you doing?” Stark asked.  
“I’d quite like you to fuck me.” Jon whispered, while he completed his job. He bit the other’s lower lip, almost in slow motion, taking his time. Robb smiled against them. Jon turned over, placing his hand on the small wall that was separating them from the rest of the world. Robb could use his fingers to tease, but he didn’t want to. They were both so eager, so desesperate, so fucking ready, that taking it longer that it should felt wrong. Robb’s hands grasped firmly at Jon’s waist and he rolled his hips, entering Jon for the first time. It felt fucking amazing. A moan escaped Jon’s lips, and Robb groaned. Jon inside him felt like the best thing in the world, but for God’s sake, nothing felt like fucking him. He didn’t move at first, letting Jon get used to it. But he moved his hips again, thrusting in and out Jon’s body, every time feeling even better than the one before, his orgasm quickly building, being encouraged by the moans that were leaving Jon’s mouth. Jon believed it was the best feeling in the world. It was a mix of feeling dirty, being fucked like a whore in the school’s bathroom, but how could it be wrong, if he was with Robb? His thrusts took all of Jon, and this time he went completely inside of him, and Jon left a long and low moan, his eyes closed with the wonder of the feeling. Robb slowed down his pace, moving his hand to Jon’s belly, carefully toying his way down to Jon’s crotch, finding it quickly. That was just torture. Robb was killing him. He played with his balls once again, caressing them with a kindness that was the complete opposite to his thrusts. Robb smiled against Jon’s neck, stopping his movements for one second, his cock almost completely out of Jon, just to thrust in again. “Robb…” Jon said, his voice no louder than a whisper, his whole body tremble by the feeling of Robb. And that was when Snow made Stark melt. He felt himself exploding. Robb kept moving his hand, this time leaving Jon’s balls to give full attention to his cock, making his hand caress the whole length of it, while Jon moved his hips, fucking Robb’s hand. It didn’t take long for him to explode as well, getting his essence all over his hand and even messing up with a part of the wall.  
Jon turned around, and put his arms around Robb’s neck, while Robb got the used condom off and threw it in the garbage. And Jon was supposed to feel dirty and wrong, but all he could feel was fine. He rarely was completely fine, but in this moment, with Robb and only Robb being all that mattered he felt.

They were a pretty mess when they left the bathroom. They cleaned everything out and did their best and everything, but they weren’t expert on bathroom sex. Robb even had a hickey. Their hairs were almost screaming at everyone’s faces “we just had sex”. But they left anyway. Lunch time was almost over. They walked over to the place their group was sitting, and sat down, Jon next to Sansa and Robb next to no one. Sansa was on the verge of tears from laughing from some Loras and Margaery’s story. She had almost forgotten about Jon and her brother. Arya, Gendry and Loras laughed at the two boys’ state. Jon smiled and kissed her on the lips, and Robb felt a twinge of jealously in his stomach. But then it was replaced with guilt. He asked himself how he could be fucking his sister’s boyfriend. If he lived in a place where you chose your neighborhood because of the things you do wrong, he would probably be living with the worst type of people. He sighed to himself, moving his eyes from Jon to somewhere across the field, making up his mind. He had to put an end to it, before it was too late. But it already felt like too late. Ten minutes without Jon’s lips against his and everything already felt like a disaster.  
“Who’s the lucky one?” Sansa asked.  
“What?” Robb said, snapping out of his own self-pity and looking at his sister. She could be his twin, for Christ’s sake.  
“Who’s the girl?” She said, pointing at the mark on his neck. The first thing that crossed his mind was ‘Fuck’. Then he considered telling the truth. That thought didn’t last much. Then one girl passed by them and he smiled at Sansa.  
“I-… Hm… It’s Jeyne.”  
“Poole?!” Sansa asked, surprised her friend didn’t told her about it.  
“Westerling.”  
“And who’s that? Oh, forget it. I have to go to class.” She touched Jon’s lips quickly, got up on her feet and ran off. Margaery threw her purse at Jon.  
“You are such a fucking asshole.” She screamed, while the other three laughed.  
They were, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, let me know if you guys like it!  
> Tinchi: thank you!


	5. Be cruel to me because I'm a fool for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: rape  
> kind of??? idk i'm dumb

The Tyrell’s house was huge. Sansa loved her home, but she couldn’t deny that the modern aspect of the place, and all those beautiful flowers in the garden made her want to live there. It was dark already, and she could do was wonder how beautiful it would look in the morning. Robb was in Jon’s house, playing videogames, according to Jon’s text, so she went alone to the party. They would meet there. She didn’t really care in meeting Jon after. She already knew his friends, and they had become her friends as well. Sansa was not afraid of being alone, not this time. She ringed the doorbell, and Loras opened the door.  
“Sansa! I’m so glad you came!” He said, curving his lips into a smile that made her actually believe he was glad she appeared. But just as Loras’ lips showed happiness, his eyes flickered with sadness, throwing a glance to the street behind Sansa, like he was waiting someone to come. “Did you talk to Robb? Are his friends coming?” He asked, quite hopeful.  
“I don’t know. Jocks don’t usually come to this kind of party, do they?” She said, tilting her head slightly confused. She didn’t mean to be rude, but she was pretty sure that wasn’t the kind of party jocks and cheerleaders liked to come. Loras smiled again, acting like Sansa just said the smartest thing.  
“You’re right, bird. You’re so fucking right. Jocks don’t come to this kind of party. C’mon, Margaery wants to see you.”  
“Okay.” Sansa replied, following Loras inside. The place was already crowed, and Sansa swore she didn’t know half of those people. She couldn’t think it was possible she went to school with all of those people. She quickly found Margaery, her brown locks tied together in a ponytail, the usually sly smile in her face. Sansa made her way towards her. The party wasn’t as wild as the one in Bolton’s house, but she suspected it was only because it was in the beginning. She could see two kids with silver blonde hair lighting up a bong, and the boy was on enough to be in college. But she soon focused on Margaery again. The brunette had a half empty glass in her hand, and her eyes lit up when she saw Sansa approaching.  
“Stark girl!” Margaery said, ignoring the person beside her. The boy was obviously trying to get his way with her. She nodded slightly. “Yeah, yeah whatever.” She said, holding Sansa’s elbow and pulling her away from the boy. “Do you want something to drink? I think there’s juice in the refrigerator if you don’t get drunk or anything.” Sansa was innocent, Margaery knew it. She doubted she even tasted alcohol in her lips, and she wasn’t going to be the one to force it down her throat.  
“I…” She began, thinking about accepting the juice after all. But she didn’t want to be the innocent girl anymore. She wanted to be like Margaery. Beautiful and wonderful and brave. But she never drank before. What if something happened? But her brother would soon be at the party, and her friends were there. Friends. She at least though they were her friends, but she worried that maybe they didn’t really like her or even care for her. “I can take a little alcohol.” She lied. She had no idea if she could take it. But she drank it anyway. The music was loud and they both had to scream so they could talk, but Sansa didn’t care. The alcohol made its way inside Sansa's body, burning through her throat. She smiled, holding the glass with both of her hands, still quite shy. The effect wasn't quick, she was still sober, after all, it had been only one gulp. Different from Margaery, whose blood were full of alcohol.  
"Are you still with Jon?" The brunette inquired.  
"Yeah..." She replied. "Don't you think he's acting a little weird?"  
"Jon is always weird, don't mind him."  
"Did I do something wrong?" Sansa asked, her eyes filled with worry.  
"Oh, God, no." Margaery replied, as she felt a certain rage boiling up inside of her. Someone really was getting it wrong in that relationship, but it was not Stark. At least, not this one. Sansa drank again, this time the burning feel was not so strong. "I mean, you're perfect."  
"I'm sorry." Said Sansa blushing slightly, her voice failing. "What?"  
Margaery leaned forward, closer to Sansa.  
"Have you ever thought about kissing a girl, Sansa?"  
"I-..." She mumbled, quite lost. Margaery was beautiful, yes, but Sansa liked boys. All her life she like boys, it couldn't suddenly change, no matter how pretty and sweet Margaery was. But still, she didn't step away. Her heavy breath mixed with the flower perfume she was wearing, her devilish smile contrasting with the white dress that made her look pure and innocent.  
"I'm just messing with you." Margaery said, chuckling. Sansa smiled, almost relieved. But not completely.  
What was Margaery thinking? Sansa wasn't gay. She couldn't be. She always said that she would never allow herself to suffer for someone that wasn't her family. She wasn't weak like Loras. She simply smiled again, and drank from her glass. But of course, she would like to taste Sansa's soft pure lips. She knew she wouldn't be able to get the other girl high, but at least drunk. She didn't need to sleep with her or anything. Just a kiss. Jon wouldn't mind. He didn't really had the right to.  
Margaery made her glass turn a little too much, and soon the top of her dress was wet. The thin fabric got slightly transparent, allowing Sansa to see the bra that covered her boobs. She had seen Jeyne naked. She never looked, she never felt anything, not even curiosity to see if her boobs were bigger than hers. But her eyes immediately lowered to Margaery's breast. She felt a warm feeling through her body, and her face burned with embarrassment. She took a step back, not sure of what to do with all the strange feelings going through her body. “I… I need… To find… Hm… Jon, yeah. Jon. Okay, bye.”

Robb had made his mind. He would not fuck Jon anymore. He would not talk to Jon anymore. He would not breathe near Jon anymore. But he couldn’t stop thinking about Jon, no matter how much he tried. Snow couldn’t get off his head, tormenting him everywhere he went. He saw Jon everywhere. He had a hard time concentrating in the classes they shared, because all he could do was stare, and quickly evade Jon’s eyes when him noticed. He would run away when the bell rang, hiding himself in the bathroom or sitting in the jocks’ table with Baratheon, knowing that Jon wouldn’t go after him when he was there. He felt like an asshole doing that, but Sansa was so happy with her boyfriend. He never saw her that happy, and with so many friends. They weren’t even arguing at home anymore. And he knew that once he allowed himself to step closer, to look into the depth of his eyes, to smile at him, they wouldn’t be able to stop. They never were. Passion and need made them act foolishly. Perhaps love was foolish. Robb cursed himself, for acting like this. He wasn’t dumb. He never acted like this, he never felt like this. His whole body ached for the feel of those hands on his skin, the touch of those soft cold lips against his own. He could never get enough. It seemed unfair how life played this act. They hated each other, and know they were lovers, but they couldn’t be together. Not just because of Sansa. For all effects, Robb was straight. He thought he was, he never doubted himself. Sometimes, he hated Jon for doing this to him, but then he realized he couldn’t hate Jon. Not even when he thought he hated him it was true. It was meant to be, all along, no matter how much he tried to deny it. But he was trying really hard right now. Jon texted him saying he would be visiting him, and Robb fled from his home faster than he thought possible, putting the first shirt he found on and heading to the Tyrell’s party. He couldn’t help but think he was being an asshole. But he had no other choice. Well, he did have other choice, but it wasn’t being noble being fucked like a whore by your sister’s boyfriend, so he acted like he didn’t.  
Loras opened the door.  
“Other Stark!” He exclaimed, pulling him in, the smell of alcohol already on him.  
“Wait, other Stark?” Robb asked, smiling. He liked Loras. He was a nice friend, and he could certainly strike the right joke at the right time. “Since when I’m the other Stark?”  
“Your sister was here first, so you’re other Stark because you, mister, are late, and that’s not very nice. Where’s Renly? Is he coming?”  
“He’s not, Loras.” Robb said, the smile disappearing from his face, not pleased to be the one to deliver the news. “Joffrey’s throwing a party, Renly is probably there.” Robb was invited too, but he didn’t like Joffrey, and he liked almost everyone that was in this party. And he could stare at Jon. And kiss him without feeling guilty because he would be high. Not that he would admit that were his plans for the night. “I’m sorry.”  
“Oh well.” Loras said, smiling and handing Robb a cup. “I don’t give a fuck.” He did. You could see in his eyes he did, but Robb only nodded, because that’s what good friends do.  
“Help me hide from Jon.”  
“Why are you hiding from Jon? Was Margaery mean to you? She’s always mean to everybody, you can’t really care.”  
“She wasn’t mean to me. I just… I just feel bad ok? Sansa and Jon are still together.”  
“Poor Sansa. She’s really cute you know. You shouldn’t do what you’re doing to her. It’s wrong.”  
“You’re basically doing the same thing to Margaery.” Robb said. He had talked to Loras a lot in the past week. Margaery dated Renly who fucked Loras.  
“Well, Margaery knows about it.”  
“Fuck you, Tyrell.”  
“Fuck me, Stark.” Loras whispered.  
“Wait, what?” Robb asked, chuckling, kind of uncomfortable. “Loras, how about Renly?”  
“Renly isn’t here.” Loras said desesperate.  
“I have Jon.” The words were out of Robb’s lips before he could even notice. He didn’t have him. But he felt like he did. And he knew Loras was pretty, just like his sister. Their looks made people stop and stare. You could call the Tyrell anything, but you couldn’t possibly call them ordinary.  
“Jon isn’t here. You’ve been ignoring him all week.”  
“I have my reasons.” Robb mumbled.  
“Of course you do. Noble Stark. Now shut up and let’s get high.” Loras said, getting a pill out of his pocket.  
“I don’t do…” Robb began saying, but his voice was quickly cut out.  
“Don’t be a liar, I saw you two weeks ago. High as shit, with Greyjoy and Jon. Just take the goddamn pill.” Loras said. “I don’t wanna get high alone. Please”  
”I don’t know, Loras.” Robb said, looking suspiciously at the pill. If it was Jon by his side he would have already taken it, because Jon wouldn’t do anything to hurt him. Not that Loras would, but Robb wasn’t a big fan of drugs, at least not yet. He didn’t want to end up needing it in a daily basic. But it was only in the weekends. And Loras was Jon’s friend. It couldn’t be too bad, he just had to control himself. He could do it. He wasn’t weak. So he took the pill, putting it on his mouth and pushing it down his throat with beer. He knew it would take some time to react, and he watched silently as Loras took his. They talked and talked and talked a little more. Robb told Loras about his siblings. Loras told Robb about Renly and how they shared the first kiss when they were both twelve and how Renly ran away. Suddenly, they didn’t talk too much. Loras’ hand was in Robb’s thigh, and everything looked so beautiful and full of colors and light and life that Robb couldn’t really mind. It felt great to be touched, even if it wasn’t by Jon. Loras’ hand wandered a bit too far, and Robb felt a chill on his spine. Loras was anxious. He wanted more. Loras wanted Renly just as much as Robb wanted Jon. But Loras didn’t have Renly, and Robb couldn’t have Jon.  
“C’mon, I know a place.” He said, excitement mixed with sadness in his voice, his pupils so huge that took almost his whole iris. He got up, pulling Robb by the hand, smiling like it was the best day of his life. It wasn’t. Loras never had a completely good nice, not even when he spent hours with Renly, because Renly left, and would act like nothing of that happened. But Loras couldn’t care. Renly was like the sun shining bright on his life. It didn’t matter how much it burned, he needed his sun. They walked through the people in the party, Robb looking at everything interested. In first time, his world was Jon Snow and Theon Greyjoy. Right now, he was free to look around and realize how everything looked so beautifully new. Loras placed his hand on the doorknob of the laundry’s door, and clicked it opened.

Theon couldn't believe in his own eyes. He stopped talking to the girl he was flirting with the exact moment he saw that man walking into the party. He wasn't invited, Theon was sure of it. No one liked him, and they were right to do so. And in some way, he felt like he should pretend that he didn't see Ramsay. But he knew that he wouldn't be able to. Ramsay attracted him in a way that was wrong. He was the only person that could make him feel something, even if it was to make him feel like absolute crap. It was something. Ramsay and drugs, both so addictive and deadly dangerous. He made his way past everyone, being careful not to be spotted by any of his closest friends, especially Jon. Snow would murder him if he saw it.  
"Ramsay." Theon said, his voice quiet, nothing more than a whisper. He knew the Tyrells didn't invite him. The both of them wouldn't even speak to Bolton. The dirty work of getting drugs always landed on Theon's hands. He didn't mind. Ramsay wasn't high - he never was, he was smart enough not to fall into his own poison - but the sick glow in his eyes were there, the sadist curve on his lips always present. He looked at Theon like he owned him. And he did. If he decided not to sell him weed or pills anymore, Theon would break. Bolton and Greyjoy knew it. Their whole relationship was game, where only Ramsay could win.  
"Reek!" He greeted, his smile growing bigger. He called Theon 'Reek'. Like a loving nickname, except they were not lovers. They were more like predator and prey. One day, that word slipped through Ramsay's lips and Theon accepted. Theon always accepted, he knew better. "I've been missing you." Ramsay whispered, getting closer to him. "In my last party we didn't have our time..." Theon gasped as he felt Ramsay's rash grip on his balls. "Alone."  
"Ramsay... Please." Theon pleaded, uselessly. Ramsay would do as he pleases. "You weren't invited, you don't wanna get in trouble."  
"Your little friends don't like me..." He said, his voice low, his hand still touching him. "I wonder why... Oh, we should go ask them!" Ramsay said, smiling at Theon's terrified stare.  
"No." He replied. Bolton slowly raised one eyebrow, questioning his defiance. "I miss you too, Ramsay." He began, measuring his words, adrenaline running through his body. So perfect and delightfully awful. They were sick, both of them. Looking for a way to fuck up with their minds a little more. "I need you. Let's go to a quiet place, please." Theon knew how he liked when he begged. No matter how much Ramsay wanted something, he would always make Theon beg like a little whore.  
"You want me to fuck you?" Ramsay asked, chuckling.  
"Yes." No, it wasn't what he wanted. He wanted to die. He wanted to feel nothingness but even this made his chest ache. Something was missing. His bones, blood and soul craved for love. What he had with Jon wasn't love. He would soon be forgotten. Jon loved Robb. The both of them would only remember Theon as the third wheel in the first time they had sex. And with his family... He didn't belong. He was an outsider, everywhere he went. And with Ramsay it was one of the sickest relationship ever to exist. He put himself through it, because all his life he never had any better. He knew he didn't deserve any better. Everybody liked Theon with his dirty jokes and cocky smiles. But nobody asked him if he was alright. So he kept it to himself and let Ramsay make his emotional pain into physical, because that was easy. That was what Theon knew and that was Theon would always have. Reek. The nickname fit him like a glove. Around Ramsay he was himself. Sad, tortured Theon. Being led by the hand, obeying every command. Ramsay always made him remember who he truly was. “Let’s go.” Theon whispered, touching Ramsay’s forehead with his, closing his eyes. “Just the two of us. Loras’s bedroom, or something, I don’t care, let’s just go.” He was sounding more desesperate than he should. But he didn’t want someone to see him and get in a fight with him. Ramsay was dangerous, and he didn’t want any problems for the Tyrells. But fortunately, most people knew better than to talk to him. They just bought his drugs and attended to his parties, because it was likely to them to get it for free there. Theon was stupid, Theon was a fool. Theon would come back for more even after Ramsay had drained everything of him. And what Ramsay spared, Theon himself took it all away.  
“Since you want it so eagerly.” Bolton replied, smirking, Theon made his way upstairs, but Ramsay held him by the wrist. “You don’t want to get little flower’s bed dirty with your filthiness, do you, Reek?”  
“You’re right.” Theon murmured. Of course he was. Reek was wrong, Bolton was right. It was how the world worked. “Sorry.” He wished he was high. It wouldn’t hurt so much if he was. Maybe Ramsay would give it to him. He could pay it with his body. He already had his soul. “Do you have any?” He asked, not having to say the words out loud. He knew the other would understand.  
“I do. Do you have the money?” Ramsay asked, not looking back at him.  
“I will get it. Next week.” Theon replied, immediately. He had no idea how he would get it, but he already owned Ramsay 200 bucks. “Please, I just need a sniff. Just one.” He begged. He needed it. Jon didn’t do coke. Barely no one did, and those Theon knew weren’t as addicted as him. His whole body craved for the drug, and the man in front of him had it. Ramsay’s lips cracked into a sick smile.  
“I’ll think about it. I can… Make it cheaper for you.” He considered. He wouldn’t, of course. But that was enough for Theon. He smiled, confident that in a few minutes he would have what he needed. He was feeling so tired. Not the kind of tired sleeping could heal. But he couldn’t sleep anyway. The thought of finally getting what he needed kept him up all night, his whole organism begging for the sweet feeling of the drug in his veins. He didn’t even bother when Ramsay rudely pulled him inside the laundry’s room. ‘Make it quick.’ He told himself. The sooner this was over, he would have what he needed. He let Ramsay attack him with his tongue, parting his lips, letting him take control. He positioned his hand on Theon’s chin, holding it still, kissing him rudely. His short nails scratched his face, but Theon didn’t care. He kissed the man back, slowly. He felt like a puppet in his hands. Ramsay’s lips moved to his ear, his chin and then his neck. He carved his teeth on his skin and Theon moaned softly. While Ramsay’s lips sucked into his neck, his hand wandered between his legs, grabbing him ruthless. Theon gasped, moving his hands to begin the work of unbuttoning Ramsay’s shirt. He didn’t like his prey to be still while he attacked. Theon hands moved fast and eager as he ran his finger in Ramsay’s arms while he pulled the shirt away from his body. Bolton moved his hand from his cock, pulling Theon’s shirt up, trying to get his chest naked. Ramsay again formed a wicked smile as he stopped the tiny marks on Theon’s chest. If you didn’t look closely, it would seem like there was nothing there, but he knew what he was looking for. Cigarettes which he burned in Theon’s skin, marking him as his. A sadist sparkle appeared in his eyes, his fingers carefully tracing the scars that didn’t hurt, but would never be forgotten. Soon enough, Ramsay was kissing him again, pulling Theon’s pants down. Theon’s craving for the drug was so strong that he couldn’t even manage to completely understand what was happening. They had done it before. Sometimes Theon would get hard, even reach the orgasm. Sometimes Theon was doing it just for the drugs. Most of the times Theon’s soul wasn’t even inside him anymore, and he felt nothing, remembered nothing. The world he created inside his mind was so much better. People loved him there. He was happy. He couldn’t even remember how it felt to be happy.  
Bolton turned Theon around, and Theon grimaced as he felt the washing machine against his abdomen. They were close to the door, and he knew that if the music stopped for a few seconds and someone was close enough, they would be heard. Ramsay put his own clothes down, and entered Theon all at once, not even considering lubricating first. Theon’s face twisted with pain as he tried to get a firmer grip on the machine. Ramsay’s pace build up quickly, as Theon worked to get used to it, biting his own lips to keep the moans and grunts inside his mouth, but small whimpers always seemed to pass. Theon closed his eyes, trying to push his mind out of it. He didn’t even heard when the door clicked opened, not even noticed his friends on the door.  
“Oh crap.” Loras whispered, his face turning quite pale as he realized what was happening. Ramsay smirked, seeming pretty happy with the whole situation. He stopped his hips’ movements, moving away from Theon for a few seconds before closing the door in front of the two boys.  
Jon got to the party angry. He didn’t found Robb at home, so he was at Tyrell’s house. Or even maybe at Lannister’s house in that stupid party. So he got there and gave Viserys money so he could use his bong, not even caring about Sansa or her stupid brother. Robb had been avoiding him all week, and that got on his nerves. Even though Robb still stared at him, they wouldn’t talk or even smile at each other. But of course, he was still hoping that this party would change that. Loras and Robb talked a lot in that week, so he was certainly invited. He told Loras to do it. And unless his friend had completely ignored his request, there was no other reason for Robb not to be here. Because Jon refused to believe their relationship would be like Loras and Renly. It had to be different. Better. Robb wasn’t ashamed of him. But soon these thoughts were washed out of his mind, and it all felt great. He closed his eyes, smiling slightly. He could even hear Viserys saying something rude to his sister, but he couldn’t bring the urge to care. But he opened his eyes when he felt a small pressure on the couch, and he found a redhead. His girlfriend. He blinked once or twice, and then smiled. She looked a bit embarrassed, and Jon looked at his crotch afraid he was hard or something stupid like that. He wasn’t.  
“Hello, Sansa.” Jon said, his voice slow, tumbling at the sound of her name.  
“Hi.” Her voice was quick, her cheeks red. He should worry and ask what was going on, but by the moment the thought reached his brain and he opened mouth, Sansa’s lips were on his. Her kiss was urgent. She never kissed him like that. She was always too afraid to go too far, but apparently, she had no worries about that anymore. She moved her body in a way that she had her legs around his waist and was sitting on his lap.  
“I wanna do it.” Sansa said, between kisses.  
“Do it?” Jon asked, finding it really hard to think. He heard a laugh, but it wasn’t Sansa’s. He looked around, and sitting on the floor there was another redhead. He swore to God, he started dating a Stark and suddenly everyone in the goddamn world was a ginger.  
“You know nothing.” She said. You could see she was really drunk. Or even high. Jon couldn’t tell. Sansa rolled her eyes, and kissed Jon again, making him turn his head to her.  
“Do it. Now.” Sansa said, gently tugging at his lips.  
“Are you sure?” Jon asked. He wasn’t really sure he could do it with a girl. Even though she looked like Robb. And Robb was an asshole. Sansa wasn’t. Sansa was sweet and pure and he couldn’t just take that away from her.  
“Definitely.” She replied, getting up and making her way towards the bathroom. This was wrong. Jon should’ve said no, told her truth, anything. He liked her, but not in that way. And he was pretty sure it was only the alcohol in her body talking. But he just got up and followed her. They entered the bathroom, and Jon turned on the lights, closing the door. Sansa turned off the lights. She was beautiful. She had tiny freckles in her cheek and her eyes were still filled with confusion, but if Jon stared a little longer he could see all her dreams and hopes. Her red hair was braided, but it was already messy. He had to focus to see her because of the darkness. He always heard girls weren’t confident in their bodies to do it with the lights on. As Sansa’s long hair made him reminder Robb’s short curls, Jon felt the need to get away. But he also felt the need spreading through his body. A few days away from Robb, with no touch from him, already made him desesperate for anything that made him remember his Stark. Robb was his drug. And he was already addicted.  
He took Sansa’s lips, pretending they were Robb’s. She was smaller than him, her kiss wasn’t so passionate. No matter how much Jon wanted to, he wasn’t kissing Robb. But it was all about the fairytales.  
Sansa’s hands were tremble as she took Jon’s shirt off. She liked boys. She had a boyfriend. Boys. Margaery was just attractive. But she still kissed Jon like her life depending on it, trying to get the sweet vision of the brunette out of her mind. Jon’s hand was in her thigh, but not daring to get close to her spot. He kissed her gently, and he realized what he was doing. He wouldn’t sleep with her. Sansa was a virgin. She deserved to give that part of her away to someone who deserved. Not some sick bastard as him. He tried to pull away, but Sansa didn’t let him. He was desesperate to prove something, to herself more than to anyone else. She could do it. She wasn’t a child. And she liked boys. She put her hand inside Jon’s pants, and caressed it gently. Her movements were unsure and innocent, and Jon closed his eyes. He didn’t move his hips to meet her hand. He didn’t want to frighten her. She soon got hold of what she was doing, and her movements became better, a quick pace already forming. Jon could feel himself getting harder. Sansa tugged down his pants, getting more space to move her arm. Jon left a soft moan escape his mouth. Sansa moved her other to his balls, just like Robb did when they were in the bathroom a few days ago. And Jon could blame all he wanted. He could blame his brain. He could blame the weed. He could blame the craving he was feeling. He could blame Robb. But the only thing that really was guilty of what he did next was his heart.  
“Robb…” The name came out of his mouth, in a mix of a moan and a whisper. Sansa stopped in the exact second, removing her hands and staring at Jon in disbelief. Jon’s eyes grew wide with the realization of what he had done. “Sansa, I-…”  
“Get off me, Snow.” Sansa whispered, pushing him off and leaving the bathroom. Jon stood there, not having enough courage to follow her. Sansa ran outside, and sat on the curb of Tyrell’s house. She felt tears in her eyes, and she still couldn’t quite make out what was wrong. She liked Jon, but not enough to cry for him. It was probably because of the idea of Jon, of having a boyfriend like him. Or because after this night, she didn’t feel like having a boyfriend at all. It would be funny if it wasn’t tragic for her. She always dreamt of getting married and having kids and being the perfect American family. Then why did she get so excited in seeing Margaery’s breast, and found Jon disgusting? She closed her eyes, and felt the tears beginning to drop from her eyes. Maybe it was the alcohol speaking. She had been straight her whole life, she couldn’t just change in a matter of seconds. But she never had a boyfriend before Jon. Or even a crush. Perhaps it was just Margaery. Margaery was a pretty girl, and Sansa found her attractive. It wasn’t a too big of a deal. But it was, to her. It turned her world upside down.  
She heard someone sitting beside her, and she opened her eyes. Margaery, wearing an old sweater over her dress. It was such an odd combination. “I’m sorry I scared you off.” Margaery murmured, slightly embarrassed. She was in control of herself again, the alcohol effect long gone. “Wait, are you crying? What happened?”  
“I’m stupid.” Sansa choked out, feeling really stupid. What was she thinking? Her first boyfriend was not a knight in a white horse. He had a crush on her brother. He was a pothead, and their whole relationship was built on them pretending they liked each other. Pretending they were more than friends. They never were. She was just daydreaming. “Stupid little girl with stupid dreams, who never learns.” Margaery looked at her, sadness filling her eyes. She sat closer to the other girl, and caressed her hand, gently. Sansa lowered her head until it was resting on Margaery’s shoulder and closed her eyes.  
“Do you wanna sleepover?” Margaery asked. Sansa smiled.  
“Yes, that would be great.”  
Snow. Snow. Snow. How could Robb spend three days without talking to him? He didn’t know. He didn’t care. He was just so happy to be near him again. Touching him. Kissing him. Making him smile and laugh. Snow. The thing he just sniffed was white as snow, but it was not better than Snow. Theon brought them. Theon seemed sad. Was he sad? He didn’t seem sad now. No, he seemed alright. Everyone was alright. It was just the three of them, like that night, when he kissed Snow for the first time. Snow. White as snow. Good as Snow. Robb laughed again, kissing Jon’s lips.  
Jon left the bathroom and scanned the room for Sansa. He couldn’t find her. He was a fucking asshole. He hated himself. But then Theon found him, and he was almost jumping of happiness. But his eyes. His eyes were so sad. But he had something. Something he wanted Jon to try on. Jon said no. Did he? He probably said to get Robb. Jon didn’t want to try anything new without Robb. Not even after being ignored by him. No, how could he ever be mad at Robb? It was Robb. Stark. His Stark. The Stark he loved. Poor Sansa. What did he do? What type of person was he? The worst kind. But the sniff. The sniff and Robb and Robb laughing and Robb’s lips. Was he feeling terrible before? How could he ever feel terrible in a world like this?  
Theon didn’t even notice Loras and Robb. He didn’t notice anything. The only thing he did notice was Ramsay giving him what he needed and kissing his lips. He kissed him back. He was so happy. He got what he craved for. He needed to pay for it, but he didn’t worry. Ramsay wouldn’t hurt him, he gave him this. In that moment, he swore he loved him. But Theon didn’t want to use it alone. No, no more loneliness. Jon. Jon. Where’s Jon? Jon was gone. He couldn’t lose Jon. Not even to Robb. They could share. They shared before. They could do it. Theon couldn’t give up the only good person in his life. He found Jon. He said he wouldn’t do it without Robb. Theon wanted to scream he was there first. But he was the outsider, how could he be the outsider? It wasn’t fair. But he agreed. He would share. He could. What other choice did he have?  
They were high and life was pretty. They were lost and life was pretty. Live fast, die young. They could die right now and it would be perfect. Robb broke their kiss apart. Theon was just laying on the floor, his eyes closed, his thoughts in a far away land.  
“You’re beautiful.” Robb whispered with his nose against Jon’s. “So wonderfully beautiful.” Jon didn’t know what to say, because he was so happy. So he kissed Robb again. And he felt like it was the best moment in his life. Until Robb decided to tell the truth.  
“I almost fucked Loras.” He said, quickly. He didn’t know what to say it. He would like to have something honest in that relationship.  
“What the fuck?” Jon said, moving his head away from him. He totally forgot about almost fucking Sansa. Almost fucking Loras was way worst.  
“Well I’m sorry?” Robb said, trying to kiss him again.  
“You’re such an asshole.” Jon said, getting up. “Let’s go home.”  
“What? Home? Why? How about Theon?”  
“Theon will be fucking fine.” Snow replied, pulling Robb by his arm, making him stand on his feet again.  
“Why are you so pissed?” Robb asked.  
“You can’t just go and fuck random people.”  
“He wasn’t random. He’s our friend.”  
“That makes it even worse!”  
“We didn’t even kiss! And I’m pretty sure you go further than kissing with my sister!”  
Jon turned on his back and left the house. Robb, of course, followed.  
“We’re going in my car.” Jon said.  
“You don’t fucking have a car.”  
“I’m driving.” He said, getting the car’s key from Robb’s hand and sitting on the driver’s seat.  
“You can’t drive. You’re high as shit.”  
“Well, Mr. Clever, you’re as shit too, and I have more experience in getting high then you, and I’m pretty pissed with you right so SHUT UP.”  
“You never sniffed.” Robb said, his voice quiet. “It was your first time too.”  
“I told you to shut up.” He snapped, turning the car on, and beginning to drive.  
“I’m too young to die you know.” Jon smirked, but his anger wasn’t completely forgotten.  
“Carpe Diem, Stark. Carpe fucking Diem.”  
“That doesn’t really make sense.” Robb said, smiling at Jon. Jon chuckled.  
“You’re still an asshole.”  
“You still love me.”  
“I do, Stark. I fucking do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> giu: I LOVE YOU TOO SDOIGJSD  
> bea: yes very beautiful  
> briancap: thank you so much!! <3  
> abbymaie: yes, I thought a lot about it, but since Arya and Jon looks alike, I thought of making her a Snow this time. thank you!  
> apple: thank you sodigdsjkgds omg yes sirens you got it!!  
> i saw thank you a lot  
> but thank you again for all the kudos and the hits and the comments and really thank you i appreciate it so much


	6. Two wolves in the dark, running in the wind

“Are you mad?” Robb let the words slip out, while Jon tried to focus on the road.  
“No.”  
“You sound mad.”  
“I’m not mad.” Jon snapped. “I’m just high as fuck and I’m trying not to get us fucking killed okay?”  
“Stop swearing then, if you’re not mad.”  
“I’m not mad.”  
“You are.”  
“I’m not.”  
“Do you want me to blow you?”  
“For fuck’s sake, I’m not… What?”  
“You heard me.” Robb said, smiling triumphantly and moving himself on his sit, getting closer.  
“I’m driving here.” Robb smelled like his perfume and like alcohol and smoke. His pupils were wide, the drug still on his organism. His red hair was messy. “You’re distracting me. We’re going to hit something and die and it’s going to be your entire fault.”  
“C’mon, I know you want it.”  
“Stop it, Stark.” Jon said, his body tensing up. Robb’s heavy breath tickled his neck’s skin. Robb chuckled. Snow gave up, pulling the car apart. They were in an empty street, the lighting was weak and most houses had their lights out. “We have to go home, okay?” He said, very slowly, like Robb was some kind of a child.  
“Where the hell are we?” Stark asked.  
“If you’re implying we’re lost, I’m just going to let you know we’re not.”  
“I’m not implying anything.” Robb said, as his hands moved to Jon’s crotch. “I’m just curious.”  
“Get your hands off me, Stark.” Jon said. “You’re still an asshole.”  
“It’s quite lovely how you try to act like you don’t want this.”  
“I don’t want this. I hate you.” Jon mumbled, his eyes gazing down at Robb’s lips. A cocky smile appeared on Stark’s lips, while Jon carefully passed his tongue on his own. Robb groaned like an animal as his leaned forward and pressed their lips together, his hands moving quickly to unbutton Jon’s pants. His fingers played with his erection, a hungry smile appearing in his lips. Jon forced his teeth into his lower lip keeping his gasp inside his mouth. Robb’s kiss went lower, his unshaved beard scratching in Jon’s cheek as he moved his face. His mouth touched him everywhere, his cheek, his ear. After biting slightly on his earlobe, Robb kissed his neck, marking his path as he made his way to his shoulder. His hand playing with Jon over the underwear. His lips were slow, torturing, almost making Jon want to let out a please. Robb started to undo Jon’s shirt, one button at a time, his lips kissing every inch of bare skin he would find. Finally, his tongue played with Jon’s crotch, the thin fabric still stopping the contact that Jon already longed for. “Asshole.” Snow whispered, his breath already raggedy. Jon closed his eyes and threw his head, meeting the backboard, when Robb put his lips around him. He moved away, but not enough. The position wasn’t comfortable, but neither of them could bring the urge to care.  
“Do you want me to stop?” Robb asked, his eyebrow twitching up.  
“No. Fuck, no, Stark.” Jon said, opening his eyes to stare into Stark’s. The deep blue was filled with lust, as he was sure his own were. Robb smiled again, his hands moving to Jon’s waistband, pulling it down as Jon raised his hips to help him. He moaned as Robb breathed on him, his cock hard and desesperate for contact. Robb chuckled, not even bothering to take his eyes off it.  
“Fuck my throat, Snow.” Robb whispered. A request, an order, he wasn’t even sure.  
Jon didn’t need him to ask twice. He rolled his hips, as Robb took him in his mouth. Just the feeling of Robb’s mouth already made a moan come out. Snow moved his hands to meet Robb’s red curls, and pull on them, more aggressively than usual, but he couldn’t help. Robb was faster too, his tongue twirling and moving and twisting around him, his throat stretching every time he took him deeper into his mouth. They were both hungry for each other, craving in despair for the other’s touch. Jon moaned extremely low, sounding more like an animal’s snarl than anything else. Robb’s mouth made sopping sounds, and he didn’t mind to stop. It made Jon feel obscene. Sucked off in an empty street inside a car that wasn’t even his.  
Robb curled his lips carefully before taking him again, sucking Jon fiercely. The other could feel his orgasm building up. Robb didn’t need much to do to throw him off his edge. Just his words a few minutes before made Jon want to explode. Jon’s bit nails scratched into Robb’s scalp, and he moved himself forward, trying to get more of Robb around his cock. They both needed air, but neither was willing to stop. Jon moved his hips a couple more times, finally releasing himself inside the other’s mouth. Robb swallowed, finishing the job by playfully licking his lips clean. He opened up a smirk, his lips red and swollen, sitting back on his sit. Jon still had his eyes closed and his breath short.  
“Well…” Robb said, pressing the button to turn the radio on. “That was fun.” A song was already playing, and Jon smirked, slowly began to hum it to himself. “This song doesn’t make any fucking sense.” Robb pointed out.  
“You don’t make any fucking sense. And I still l-… I still like you.” Jon said, the soberness taking over his body for a second.  
It would be a good story to tell their grandchildren. Of course they wouldn’t, because it was inappropriate for children. But it was funny how they both loved each other so intensely this few months they had the opportunity of spending together, before fate or God’s cruelty took Robb away from Jon. It was funny how they loved each other like this but never had the courage to say it out loud. They would risk their lives every weekend, but they couldn’t have the guts to say those three little words that weighted a thousand skies on their shoulders and made their hearts feel swollen and hurt for all the amount of feeling they had within them. They would never say it. They were, after all, reckless lost and stupid kids looking for their place in this fucked up world.  
Robb however, noticed it. They would always notice the almost-but-not-quite ‘I love yous’ that almost left their lips but were quickly corrected. It was the first of many.  
“Let’s go home.” Robb said to break out the silence.  
“Okay.”  
Jon headed to his own home, and Robb didn’t complain. Anywhere was home when they were together.  
Eventually, they found their way through the streets. Jon's house wasn't as big as Robb's, and all the lights were out.  
"C'mon." Jon said, turning the car off and getting himself out. Robb fought with the door for a couple seconds until he was able to open the door.  
"Nice house." Robb said, even though he couldn't really see it. He tumbled over his own feet while the both of them walked towards the house. "Where's Arya?"  
"At the party, probably." Jon said, putting his hand on his pocket and getting his key out.  
"Your dad and mom?"  
"They're out."  
"They were traveling a few days ago."  
"Yes, and they're out again."  
"When am I meeting them?"  
"Why- why would you meet them?" Jon asked, rising his eyes from the doorknob so he could look at Robb.  
"Well, you met mine."  
"So?" Jon returned on working with the doorknob.  
"It's only fair."  
"It's not fair. It doesn't have to be fair. And I met yours when I was dating your sister."  
"Was? You're not anymore?"  
Jon blushed and pushed the door open.  
"Let's go inside, shall we?"  
"You two weren't together at the party. What happened?" Robb said, ignoring Jon's request.  
"Nothing happened."  
"Jon, please." Robb rolled his eyes.  
"Look, you can't laugh."  
"Okay."  
"Or use it against me anytime in the future."  
"Okay."  
"And remember, in this relationship, you're the asshole."  
"God, Jon, okay."  
Jon took a deep breath and Robb raised one eyebrow.  
"I moaned your name when we were..."  
"Oh my God." Robb wasn't sure if he got angry with Jon, or laughed at him, or both.  
"We didn't fuck! We were almost there, but then I..."  
Laughing. Laughing sounded good enough. At first it was a chuckle. But then it was a true laughter, making him bend over. He tried to have some decency and stop laughing, but it washed over him again soon enough.  
"It's not funny." Jon said, but his lips were twitching upwards.  
"It is!"  
“It’s not!”  
But the sound of Robb’s joyful laughter was too much for him. Soon enough, both of them were laughing like mad men in Snow’s doorstep. Robb calmed himself down, getting his body near Jon’s. Snow’s back was against the doorstep and Robb had him pressed against the wood. His lips cracked into a smirk, while he breathed next to Jon’s lips.  
“Can’t stop thinking about me, Snow?”  
“You’re still a fucking asshole.”  
Robb chuckled while he leaned formed and they kissed. He moved his hand to hold gently the other’s face. The kiss was gentle and passionate, and Jon moved his face to the left in order to make the contact easier. Jon felt warm every time Robb kissed him. He felt like he belonged. In the end, he did. He belonged with Robb Stark. Robb bit down on Jon’s lips and smiled again, pulling him inside by the hand, and Jon followed, a foolish laugh escaping his mouth. They fell on Jon’s couch and soon their mouths were together again. The couch was too small to bare the both of them, so eventually they rolled to the floor, Robb over Jon and their kiss urgent and deep. But they stopped. The kisses soften and Jon stared into the blueness of Robb’s eyes, the smile once again appearing on his lips. Robb rolled over and closed his eyes, while Jon searched for his fingers. He tangled their fingers together.  
“And these bright blue eyes can only meet mine.” Jon whispered, as he turned on his side to look at Robb. Stark did the same, and once again, grey and blue were connected.  
“That’s how the song goes.” He murmured, and Jon laughed.  
“Let’s sleep here.” Jon said, closing his eyes and shifting on the floor, ready to fall asleep.  
“Are you insane? I wanna see your bedroom.”  
Jon moaned against the cold floor, but sat down.  
“Why do you have a sudden interest in my home life?”  
“It’s not sudden. And I don’t feel like sleeping on the floor. C’mon.” Robb said, getting up. He held Jon’s hand and pulled him.  
“Oh, I forgot our little royalty can’t sleep on the floor.”  
“Shut up. C’mon.”  
“Don’t feel like it.”  
“Jon, get the fuck up.”  
“Dear God, Stark, no need to swear.” Jon said, getting up and guiding Robb to his room. He went up the stairs, and Robb noticed how there wasn't any family portraits. His house was full of them. His first soccer game. His first day at school. Sansa’s, Bran’s. Rickon’s first steps. Catelyn and Eddard sure loved to record every precious moment of their children’s life. But apparently, the Snow’s parents didn’t care much for it. Arya’s room was open and looked like a mess. Robb couldn’t help but throw a quick glance at it. There wasn’t too much stuff, except for a bed, her cupboard, and a table with some books on it. Next to the lamp, there was a picture of her and Gendry together. Not kissing. He was hugging her by the waist, his eyes full of light and a smile on his lips, while she had the usual smirk in her face, but she seemed happy enough. A few clothes were scattered around the floor, and her school’s bag was in the middle of the bed. He followed Jon through the hallway, and soon entered the room. It was Jon. Jon was everywhere. He felt like he could, for the very first time, understand the boy. For the first time, he didn’t feel like he was in love with the idea of Jon, but yes with Jon himself. In the wall, next to the bed, there were thousands of movie posters of things that Robb didn’t even think it was possible for Jon to like it. Near the desk, where the computer rested closed, there were tons of drawings in the wall. In the middle of the sea of paper, there was a painted quote in black. It read ‘No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world.’ Jon could even make words look artistic. The drawings were countless, but there also pictures of him and Arya. He could see a drawing of his favorite band, and how he captured his little sister in a perfect drawing. Jon drew wolves and crowns and he had the biggest pile of books Robb could think it was possible. And eventually, he found a drawing of him. There was around three of four, but only one had his whole face in the paper. The other ones were a boy sitting far away, but the curly red hair made Robb think it was him. His face was next to a big and strong castle.  
“That’s the lord.” Jon said, pointing at a man that was as strong as his castle. “And his wife, and his children.”  
“They’re redheads.” Robb mumbled.  
“Except these two.” He said, pointing at the two kids that were different from the rest.  
“Outcasts.” Jon nodded, and then moved away from Robb, throwing himself on the bed. He kicked his shoes off, and began to take off his jeans. Robb sat on the chair and did the same, unlacing his shoe-laces and getting his feet free. He opened the button of his pants and took them off. He got off the chair and into the bed, getting the blanket on top of his body. Jon moved his head so he could look into his eyes.  
“Goodnight, Snow.”  
“Goodnight, Stark.” 

As the sun made its way through Jon’s curtains and into the bed, Robb woke up. Jon was still peacefully sleeping. He groaned and shifted himself in bed. Robb threw the blanket over Snow, not caring if it was going to wake him up.  
“Asshole.” Jon mumbled, moving his hand to get the blanket out of his face.  
“You’re quite fond of this word, aren’t you?” Robb asked, curving his eyebrow upwards and looking at Jon.  
“You’re just the perfect example of it.” He opened his eyes and smiled cockily. “I have a paper to make.” He said, but before Robb could answer, his phone rang. “Hello?”  
“Who is it?” Robb asked, getting up and going after his pants.  
“Arya.” Jon said, making no sound with his lips. “Where are you?”  
“I slept at Gendry’s.” Arya answered, in the other end of the line. “Is dad home?”  
“No, he’s off for the weekend.” Jon explained, and Arya relaxed.  
“Good. I’m having lunch with Gendry and spending the day with him.”  
“I want you home by eight.” Jon said, half joking, half meaning it.  
“Shut up.” She ended the call.  
“A paper, then?” Robb said, getting one book from Jon’s piles and getting a book. He opened and passed his fingers through the pages. It was an old one, and Jon obviously had read it thousands of times. Robb could see a few quotes that were underlined, in pencil. Jon possibly wanted to save the quote, but didn’t have the courage to highlight it and ruin the page. “Do you want some help?”  
“Do you take English?”  
“Of course.”  
“So you probably have to do the paper too.”  
“Oh.” Robb said. Jon rolled his eyes and got up, sitting on the chair in front of his desk. “Pants, please?”  
“I don’t use pants at home.” Jon replied, turning on the computer and moving to reach his school bag. Robb pushed Jon’s leg to the left and sat on the corner of the chair. “Well, that’s not very comfortable.” Jon pointed out, while he straightened his body.  
“You are going to survive.” Robb said. “What’s the paper about?”  
“Dead Poets Society.”  
“I never watched it.”  
“You’re a fucking disgrace, you know that Robb? A fucking disgrace.”  
“Yeah, whatever.” Robb said, pulling Jon’s computer closer to him.  
“You never watched it? Are you for real?”  
“Yes, Jon, for real. I never watched this dead guys’ movie and you don’t have a Facebook. We’re even.”  
“You can’t compare Dead Poets Society to Facebook, Stark.” Robb smiled when he found what he was searching. The pictures folder. He clicked it. “What are you doing? Stop it, Robb. Robb. That’s not cute. You have a psycho smile in your face.”  
“Tell me more about this movie.”  
“Oh, Robb, you have no idea. It’s the best movie to ever exist. And the quotes!” He said, excited. Robb smiled, looking at a particular funny picture of Jon when he was eleven.  
“You do love quotes.” He said.  
“Carpe diem!” Jon began to recite, moving himself in the chair, pushing Robb slightly off it. Robb chuckled slightly, getting his eyes off the computer screen to look at the other boy. “Seize the day, boys, make your life extraordinary! Carpe diem, Stark. Carpe fucking diem.” Jon said again the words he had last night, when they were both too high to care, and Jon’s eyes shone with excitement as Robb smiled like it was the best gift he could receive. Jon Snow, letting his mask drop and just being himself. Jon leaned forward and kissed Robb’s lips gently, but before Robb couldn’t kiss him back, he was gone. Robb rolled his eyes and turned his stare back at the screen, passing by the photos carelessly. “But only in their dreams can men be truly free.” Jon began to quote again, without tumbling, the words coming out as easily as it was words of his own. “Twas always thus, and always thus will be.”  
“Give me another.” Robb said, intrigued how Jon could remember the exact words of the lines. Jon smiled, and got up, sitting on his desk. Robb shifted, finally being able to sit fully at the chair. He then stared at Robb, a serious expression on his face.  
“I stand upon my desk to remind myself that we must constantly look at things in a different way.” He got on his feet, and Robb chuckled, delighted. “Oh captain, my captain!” Jon exclaimed. He smiled down at the red head, and sat again on the desk. Robb pulled the chair closer to Jon. He rested his hands on Jon’s thigh.  
“I don’t feel like doing the paper anymore.”  
“Me neither.”  
Robb smiled like a hungry wolf before getting up and kissing Jon fiercely, evolving his waist with his arm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so guys im sorry it's shorter than usual, i just didn't want to take even longer to update. i just got really sick and couldn't do nothing but sleep for two days.  
> carolis: i HATE RAMSAY TOO but iwan he's so cute i wanna die  
> abbymaie: Theon is my baby, which is funny because i fuck him up big time in this fic. but i still love him, i promise. "bathroom incident" that's a great title for what happened sgijdsgsdg  
> thank you!  
> milla: ILY TOO  
> briancap: please sansa was always a lesbian in my mind, and thank youu  
> bea: will you still love when i dont write long chapters  
> the song they listened in the car was Of Moons, Birds & Monsters by MGMT and the one Jon sings to Robb is Love, Love, Love by Of Monsters and Men  
> so thank you for the comments and for the kudos!!  
> (im thanking them every fucking time like for real thank you sosoosos much)


	7. You got that medicine I need

Robb kissed Jon passionately, one arm around his waist and the other hand caressing the surface of Jon's cheek gently. Jon was still sitting on his desk, and he pulled Robb closer, his legs around his waist, urging for some friction. But their contact was abruptly stopped when Robb's cell phone rang.  
"Crap." He murmured inside Jon's mouth, before pulling the kiss apart. Jon moved his legs so Robb could get his mobile out of his back pocket. "Hello?" He asked, in the best fake-sleepy voice he could master.  
"Robb!" Ned's voice echoed. "Your sister let us know she stayed at that girl's house. But how about you? You had the car."  
"I'm... I'm at Jon's."  
"Oh, Jon." Ned said, and his stern tone was gone. Robb rolled his eyes, the old feeling of still not understanding what Eddard liked so much about Jon. Of course, he just didn't want to admit that he wasn't the only Stark that was fond of Jon. Actually, they all were, even Rickon, with his childish sounds that couldn't even form a proper word. His mother, though, didn't seem to appreciate the boy so much. "Let me talk to him."  
"What the hell dad? No!" Robb said, controlling his tongue to not spill the word 'fuck'. "I'll stay for dinner, okay?" He asked, throwing a glance of Jon. The other shrugged, agreeing with the request. "See you later."Robb said, urgent to end the call.  
"Bye, Robb." Ned replied, chuckling slightly at the hurry of his oldest child to turn off. Robb pulled the cell phone away from his ear and pressed the button, finishing the call and putting his phone next to Jon's computer.  
"Sansa slept at Margaery's." He said, casually, the heat that was between them now gone because of Robb's dad.  
"Sansa slept with Margaery." Jon said, grinning.  
"Watch your mouth, she's my sister!"Robb protested.  
"Well, technically, she's my girlfriend."  
"Okay, A. I still have more rights because brothers are more important that stupid boyfriends. B. Girls have sleepovers. That's normal. C. You moaned my name when you were almost fucking her and trust me, bud, no girl would like that."  
"We didn't officially break up, so..."  
"Do you want me to ignore you for another week, then?"  
"Asshole."  
Robb couldn't help but smile.  
"That's my job."  
Jon reached forward and found his computer, opening it.  
“It is time you listen to some decent music.”  
“You’re going to make me hear those monkeys guys, aren’t you?”  
“Did I already tell you are a disgrace?”  
“Yes.” Robb said, moving across the room with the chair to get to Jon’s school bag.  
“Good. Because it’s true. Don’t worry, I’m going to fix you.”  
Robb got Jon’s bag and found a pack, proceeding to get a cigarette out and place it in his mouth. He held it there while he searched for his lighter. “Maybe I’m too broken to be fixed, Snow.” Robb said, smiling to himself. He got the lighter out and moved near Jon’s desk. He covered the left side of his cigarette like he always did to lighten it up. Robb didn’t remember why did he begin to smoke, or when. He just tried it on and liked it, and now he couldn’t bring himself to stop. He finally got it, and he blew the smoke off slowly.  
“Who the hell is singing?” Robb asked when the song began. He received a slap in the ear in response. “Jon!”  
“It’s Alex fucking Turner, Robb!” Jon exclaimed.  
“It’s not like he’s a god or something.”  
“I’m going to show you the video.”  
“I don’t wanna see the video…”  
“You are so watching this video.” He said, finding the video on his files and handing the notebook to Robb and taking his cigarette from his mouth.  
“Oi!” Robb protested.  
“You can’t do anything while watching Alex Turner being Alex Turner.”  
“Oh, dear lord.” He murmured, but he pressed play anyway. Jon smoked Robb’s cigarette for a few seconds, but he soon tossed it out, his eyes observing Robb curiously. Stark bit his lips unconsciously, shifting on the chair, his eyes watching the screen focused.  
“Fuck.” Robb whispered, his voice low. Jon smiled wisely.  
“I told you.” Robb put the computer on the desk again, and this time he didn’t even took his time. He got to his feet and kissed Jon, his tongue invading the other’s mouth, his kiss urgent and claiming for more. Jon kissed him back, while Robb moved his both hands to hold Jon’s face, the gentle touch being the opposite of the strength he attacked Jon’s mouth. The song was still playing, on repeat, as Jon, who was only wearing his underwear, began the work of undressing Robb. His hands were on Robb’s shoulder, and he pulled the shirt by it, his nails scratching slightly at his back. He groaned inside his mouth, moving apart so the shirt could be taken off and threw away, being soon forgotten. Jon smiled hungrily, and his hands wandered on Robb’s skin, caressing it, making chills go up his spine. Jon’s hands played with his waistband, his fingers threatening to pull it down. Robb moved his body, and Jon could feel his erection against his thigh and he smirked between the wet kisses. The sound of skin against skin and their both short breaths combined with the song that was playing in the background kept them going. Jon finally tugged the pants down, proceeding to embrace Robb’s waist with his leg, pulling him closer and pushing his pants lower. He shifted to the edge of the desk, and moved his hips eagerly, the both of them hard and wanting. Robb’s mouth moved away from his and straight to his right ear, kissing it gently just to bite it down. He could feel his unshaved beard against his skin, and it didn’t even bother him. Robb’s traced a line with his lips down to his neck, the quick contact of mouth against skin almost unbearable to Jon. He kissed and bit and licked and sucked into Jon’s skin, never touching the same spot twice, his hips moving to meet Jon’s. Jon could feel the pressure of his cock even through the thin fabric of Robb’s underwear. Robb’s hand wandered until it was touching Jon right where he needed to. A mute gasp came out of his half parted lips when he finally felt the warm touch of Robb’s hand. His eyes closed while Stark caressed him gently, but gentle was not enough. He moved his hips once again, desesperate for more friction, and Robb’s lips curved into a smile against his neck’s skin. His tongue flickered, licking him while his hand made him feel like he was in heaven and hell at the same time. Robb freed him, pulling his underwear down. The cold air made a moan escape Jon’s mouth, and Robb finally began to move the way Jon needed to. His hand moved just in the right way, this time quicker, the moans and groans escaping his mouth.  
“Please Jon.” Robb said, his voice husky against Jon’s ear, biting down in his lobe again. Jon left out a low moan in response. “It’s not fair that only you get to have all the fun.”  
His hands were tremble and clumsy, but he finally found a way to take Robb out of his underwear, and noticed that Robb was just as hard as himself. He moved his hand to touch him, give him the same pleasure. Robb groaned like an animal, rolling his hips to meet Jon’s hand, glad to finally have some contact. They stayed like this, a mess of sweat and kisses, his hands moving and their hips urging forward for more. They were both at the breaking point, Jon biting down his lips to keep his moans inside and Robb’s mouth marking Jon’s skin to keep himself from gasping and groaning. Jon was the first to go, cumming in Robb’s hand while he emitted one low moan. Jon breathed deeply, his chest going up and down. He lunched forward, taking Robb’s lips between his, biting and pulling them gently, his hand moving faster than before. Jon didn’t hear Robb’s last moan, but felt it against his own lips. Robb opened his eyes, blinking a couple times, and his mouth’s corner twitched up in a corny smile.  
“Well, that was fun.” Jon remarked.  
Sansa could see everything clearer now that she had a nice night of sleep and was sober. She didn’t have a boyfriend anymore. And neither was she gay. It was just the alcohol playing with her brain. After all, Margaery was a pretty girl. But only that. Sansa wasn’t a lesbian, and just that made her day better. And the fact that she found a friend. Jeyne Poole wasn’t a good friend, or maybe Margaery was cooler than Jeyne. She woke up late, and it was still nice and dark in Margaery’s room. She slept in her bed, since it could fit both of them, but Tyrell wasn’t there anymore. She figured she probably was already up. Sansa was wearing one of Margaery’s pajamas. She couldn’t sleep in her party dress. Of course she wasn’t expecting to sleep over. But she texted her parents and they were quite alright with the idea of Sansa sleeping in her friend’s house. Of course, they had no idea of what kind of party that she was going to. She got up and searched for a hair brush, finding one in the first drawer in Margaery’s desk. Sansa carefully made her hair look pretty, then replaced the brush where she found it, moving herself to the door and proceeding to go downstairs. The essence of the party was still there. Some cups that the Tyrell siblings were too lazy to pick up and some things were still looked like they were out of place. She made her way to the kitchen, and stopped dead at the door step. Loras, Margaery and Renly were there. That was not a big deal, of course. Renly was wearing normal clothing, because he didn’t come to the party. He liked Loras. He really did. But he couldn’t miss a jock party so he could go to a Tyrell’s one. He woke up earlier this morning, just so he could come and see his boyfriend-ish. And Loras had found it amazing. His face was shining with joy. Margaery was smiling kindly at the both of them, not even bothering to act like she was Renly’s girlfriend. When it was only the three of them, there was no need to pretend. Sansa didn’t notice. Or perhaps she did, and was just lying to herself that she didn’t. Sansa lied to herself quite a lot. She focused her eyes on Loras. He was shirtless, the only piece of clothing on him being a pair of sweater pants. He was focused in Renly, paying attention to whatever story he was telling.  
“There’s another party tonight.” Loras said, after hearing the end of Renly’s story. Renly looked at him, and raised an eyebrow, inviting him to keep going. “Not here. At Targaryen’s. You should go.”  
“With you guys?” Renly asked.  
“Yeah, it’s going to be fun.” Loras said. Sansa sat on the table, expecting to get a invite to the party too. But she didn’t have to wait long.  
“Sansa will be there too.” Margaery said, smiling kindly at the girl. Sansa smiled back at her, and looked at Loras. He smiled at her, blinking with one of his eyes.  
“I can try.” Renly said, slowly. “Who else is coming?”  
“Theon, probably. And Jon and his… And Robb. Sansa’s brother.”  
“Jon is coming?” Sansa asked, not even sure why she thought he wouldn’t. It was his group of friends, after all.  
“Yeah, he’s always there.”  
“Why is Robb coming?” Renly asked.  
“They’re friends now.” Margaery answered, while Loras bit his lips uncomfortably, remembering last night.  
“Yeah, friends.” Sansa murmured, but no one listened to her. Except Margaery, who frowned. Loras knew about Jon and Robb, but he kept quiet about it, just like everyone did about him and Renly. “I can’t really go. My parents won’t let me out two nights in a row.” She wouldn’t bother asking, either. She didn’t feel like seeing Jon after what he did. The embarrassment was too huge for her to ignore, and she strongly believed that once Robb knew, he wouldn’t be able to be friends with Jon too. Maybe they both could get over the month they had spent in the company of Jon Snow.  
“Oh, Sansa.” Loras said, pouting slightly. “That’s too bad. You’re great at parties!”  
Sansa smiled happily, for once forgetting about her silly almost crush on the brunette beside her. Loras was so much more interesting.

“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and show love in return.” Jon said. They were sitting in Jon’s floor, Robb wearing only a Jon’s shirt and his underwear and Jon in his jeans.  
“Moulin Rouge.” Robb replied. “That one was easy.” They had been like this for at least thirty minutes. They didn’t even remember how it started. Jon quoted and Robb guessed. He got some rights, but most of them were wrong. Whenever he didn’t know what movie the quote came from, he would just say Dead Poets Society, because that was apparently Jon’s favorite movie.  
“You do what you love and fuck the rest.” Jon said, his mouth forming an unconscious smile.  
“Hm… Dead Poets Society?” Robb asked.  
“That’s not the only movie in the world you know.”  
“This game is hard.”  
“My dick is hard.” Jon mumbled, making Robb laugh, throwing his head back. “It’s not funny! You never watched Little Miss Sunshine! That’s a disgrace!”  
“Okay, Snow.” Robb said, chuckling. His eyes were once again on Jon, a smile on his lips. “Give me another. Wait. Are you really hard?”  
“It was a figure of speech, Stark.”  
“I was just asking.” He said, putting his hands on the air to prove his innocence.  
“You’re hopeless.” Jon said, shaking his head. He bit his lips thoughtfully, trying to pick a quote in his mind. “Music’s the only that makes sense anymore, man. Play it loud enough, it keeps the demons at bay.”  
“Nowhere Boy?”  
“It’s Across The Universe!” Jon exclaimed.  
“Well, at least Nowhere Boy is about the Beatles, right? I almost got it right.” Jon rolled his eyes.  
“I’m a cross-dressing homosexual pacifist with a spot on my lung.”  
“Is this porn?”  
“Robb!” He exclaimed, but laughed at his response. Robb could always say the stupidest things and make it sound lovely. “Learn French or die.”  
“Across The Universe?”  
“I could bloody kiss you for getting it right, but I do think you cheated.”  
“I can’t cheat in this game!” Robb exclaimed, rolling his eyes.  
“When I was a kid wanted to be John Lennon.”  
“Nowhere Boy?” Robb asked, making his lost puppy face. Jon’s lips curved into a smile, but he didn’t say anything. “Crap. Okay, another.”  
“We’re all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that’s all.”  
“I know this one!” Robb said, his face lighten up like a child in Christmas day. “The Breakfast Club!”  
Robb didn’t even remember the names of the characters of the movie or the whole story, but he sure did remember this quote. Probably the only quote he could remember.  
“You couldn’t ignore me if you tried.” Jon said. He curved one of his eyebrow and smiled a sly smile to Robb, that made a chill went down his spine.  
“I- Dead Poets Society?” He mumbled.  
“God Robb!” The other exclaimed, returning to his normal expression. “It’s The Breakfast Club!”  
“I am really a disgrace.”  
“Yes you are.”  
“Okay, whatever, I’m going to shower.” Robb said, getting up. “Can you borrow me some clothes?”  
“I already am.” Said Jon, pointing with his head to the shirt Robb was wearing.  
“I mean some pants.”  
“I don’t want you to wear pants.”  
“Control your boner, Jon.” Robb said, starting to search for a towel.  
“Can you take this shirt off? I want to wear in the party.”  
“There’s a party tonight? Again?”  
“Do you want me to say carpe diem to you again, Stark?”  
“Okay, party. But you’re the one telling my father.” Robb said, pointing a finger at Jon. He took the shirt off and threw it at him.  
“You know I can’t deny you anything when you’re only in your underwear.” Jon smirked maliciously.  
“You’re a pervert.” Robb said. Jon couldn’t see the smirk in his face, since he was with his back turned to him.  
“You’re the one that’s almost naked.” Jon remarked, still on the floor. “There’s a towel inside the door in your left.”  
“Here?” He asked, opening the wrong door.  
“That’s right you moron.”  
“Oh, yeah.” Robb said, finally getting what he was looking for. “I knew it.”  
“Of course you did.”  
“Shut up.”  
“You can’t really tell right from left?”  
“Goodbye Jon!” Robb said, leaving the room and entering the bathroom.  
“Can’t I join you, honey?” Jon asked, making his voice sound like a girl’s. Robb laughed, but closed the door anyway.  
“JON SNOW, YOU WHORE.” A familiar voice screamed. Jon smiled, forgetting to get some clothes for Robb. He left the room and went down the stairs while putting the shirt Robb threw at him.  
“Theon! I was starting to think you were fucking dead.”  
“You’re not getting rid of me so easily, Snow. And we saw each other yesterday.”  
“Too high to remember.” Jon said. “But I do remember it was your stuff.”  
“Speaking of which, is Robb or your sister? I brought us something.” He said, getting the package from his pocket. He got his money this morning and went straight to Ramsay’s. He stole some bucks from his father but he was sure he wouldn’t get caught. It was just a tiny bit. And he needed it so bad. It was almost hard to function without it.  
“I don’t know if Arya should do this.” Jon said, getting it from his hand. “I mean, she’s fifteen. She shouldn’t do coke or something like that.”  
“Don’t be so protective on her, for God’s sake Jon. She’ll be alright. She’s strong. And it’s not like you’re the best role model.”  
“I’ll text her. Do you have enough for Gendry too?”  
“Yeah, I got loads.”  
Most people wouldn’t share it, but Theon wasn’t addicted. No, he could handle it. He told himself every day. ‘I can stop when I want to’ was the thought he kept in his mind. But he didn’t want to stop, not now. And whenever he had some drugs to give his friends, they would actually appreciate him. That was the best feeling in the world.  
“And Robb?” Theon asked.  
“He’s showering.” He wasn’t anymore. He was in the end of the stairs, with his towel around his waist, the water still visible in some parts of his chest. His eyes were locked on Theon like he was terrified. He wasn’t high right now, and he remembered that night almost a month ago. Theon saw him naked. He was almost naked again.  
“Jon.” Robb said, his voice quick. The two boys looked at Robb, and as Jon licked his lips without even noticed, Theon opened his so known grin. “I need your help. Now.”  
“Hello, Stark.” Theon said. “I don’t know about you, but from here you look pretty wet.”  
“Hi, Theon.” Robb replied, without looking at him. “Lovely to see you again.”  
“You have no idea.”  
“What do you need?” Jon said, typing the text without throwing one glance at the cell phone.  
“Clothes.”  
“I don’t think you do, Stark.” Theon said.  
“Jon. Clothes. Now.”  
Jon smiled, dropping his phone on the couch and moving to the stairs.  
“You hair look like a wet puppy.” He remarked.  
“Just get me some clothes.” Jon went up the stairs, slightly brushing his body against Robb’s. He followed, while Theon got the drugs ready. Once they were upstairs, Robb finally felt comfortable again. “What did Theon bring?”  
“Coke.”  
“That’s awesome!” Robb exclaimed.  
If you asked him a few months ago, he would never think of doing drugs, but now it felt like the greatest thing in the world. He wanted to try them all, the fear no longer something he felt. The feeling of getting out of his tiny little world was the better feeling he had ever felt. But Robb could try all the drugs that existed in the world. He could smoke all of them, or sniff or take pills without even bothering to know their names, but he was sure he would never find a drug more addictive than Jon Snow. Jon sat on the bed while he waited for Robb to dress. He dropped his towel, forgetting to feel embarrassed, but put the underwear Jon gave him after. They wouldn’t risk a quick one, not with Theon downstairs and not with the possibility of having some fun before the party present. Robb put his pants on and grabbed the grey shirt Jon handed him.  
“Save Ferris? Is that from a movie or something? You have movie t-shirts?”  
“Yes, yes I do.”  
“Okay then…” Robb said, shrugging while he put it on.  
By the time they were back in the living room, Gendry and Arya were already there. Of course, it was too much to except they would be sober. The redness in the eyes of both of them showed exactly what they were doing before they came home. Arya was in the phone, while Gendry helped Theon with the packages.  
“What are you doing?” Jon asked to Arya, sitting beside her.  
“Ordering some pizza.” She said, lazily. “I’m fucking hungry. I could eat a zebra.”  
“I want pepperoni.” Jon said.  
“Pepperoni sucks, I’m ordering one with mushrooms.” Gendry laughed.  
“Mushrooms.” He said. Jon rolled his eyes.  
“Pepperoni.”  
“No, mushrooms. Why don’t they pick the hell up?”  
“Pepperoni.” Jon said, trying to get the phone from her.  
“You’re not even hungry!” She said, protecting it from his grip.  
“I’m always hungry for pizza!”  
“But guys, the pizza place isn’t open yet. It’s lunch time.”  
“Who the hell invited Stark?” Asked Arya, angrily, but turning the phone off.  
“Yeah, who the hell invited Stark?” Said Jon, smiling slightly. Robb rolled his eyes.  
“I’m so offended I would leave, but unfortunately, Theon has some interesting stuff going on there.”  
“I certainly do. Who wants to be the first?”  
“I never tried it, let me try.” Said Arya, sitting closer to Gendry. Jon scowled at her, but didn’t say anything. It wasn’t like he had the right. He couldn’t tell her not to do it when last night he had tried it for the first time. Arya got the straw from Theon’s hand and pressed one of her nostrils closed. Theon was preparing another line, but one was already enough for her. She sniffed, slowly, and once she had finished it, she raised her head, sniffing deeply again, getting the whole thing inside her system. Her back rested against the couch. “I said goddamn. Goddman.” She quoted, closing her eyes.  
“That’s my girl.” Jon said, smiling, for one moment forgetting his scowl.  
“This is fucking awesome.” She said. “Fucking awesome. Dear God, fuck me.”  
Gendry chuckled, while he moved himself to snort the line he made.  
“C’mon, Jon.” Robb said, kissing his lips quickly, before sitting next to Theon, who smiled. He had a credit card in his hand, which he used to form the lines.  
“Is this my dad’s?” Jon asked.  
“Yeah, I needed something and I don’t have one of my own.” Theon answered, while he handed the straw to Robb. “Serve yourself, Stark.”  
“Gladly.” He said, smiling hungrily.  
“C’mon here, Snow.” Theon said, pulling Jon by the sleeve.  
“How did you get all this?”  
“I have my ways.”  
“Did Ramsay sell you this?”  
“Of course Ramsay sold me this. Who do you want me to buy from? Targaryen? His drug is shit, kiddo.”  
“Where did you get the money from?”  
“I just did, okay? Ramsay makes it cheaper for me.” Theon said.  
“Why?” He asked.  
“Just enjoy the damn thing already, Jon.” Said Arya.  
“Yes, Theon got us the stuff we needed!” Gendry agreed, resting his head on Arya’s lap.  
“I just think Ramsay is a fucking bastard, that’s all.” Jon murmured, but sat on the floor next to table, taking the card out of Theon’s hand so he could straighten up his line, carefully. Robb bit down his lips, thinking that he should tell Jon what he had seen yesterday. Theon and Ramsay. He threw a glance at Theon, which was finally getting his turn, and wondered if he remembered or even noticed Robb there. But Jon probably knew about that, after all, he was best friends with Theon. However, Robb never heard about them before, and all the sick rumors he always listened about Bolton. The boy was sick, he surely knew that. Then why did Theon put himself through that kind of relationship?  
But it was hard to care after a sniff. He wanted to. To ask Theon or Jon about Ramsay and to question Theon why. All the same, he couldn’t. He just sat there and watched while Jon snorted his line, smiling softly at the boy. Jon moved, and put his head next to Robb’s knee, closing his eyes and letting the drug cause its effect.  
“One day…” Gendry said. “I’m going to be the biggest builder that ever existed.”  
“I wanna write a book.” Arya said, her fingers playing gently with his hair. “I wanna write a book and let the whole world see my view of the world. And you, Jon?” She asked.  
“I wanna make movies. Life changing movies. Movies with quotes that people will paint in their walls and characters that people will say they want to be like. Movies that last years, and not only a couple hours.” He said it without opening his eyes, a knowing smile appearing on his face.  
“I want... I wanna be a president." Robb said, thoughtfully. "To make people’s life better, you know. Put some justice in this goddamn cold world.”  
Theon however, kept his mouth closed, chewing his own thoughts.  
“How about you, Greyjoy?” Asked Jon, opening his eyes to look at him. “What’s your life goal?”  
“To fuck every human being in the world and to get high every night.”  
However, that was not what Theon wished.  
He just wished to be happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so hi!! idk even know why i said hi but okay  
> bea: oh well yeah  
> milla: don't talk to me about the red wedding i'll get sensitive and cry THANK YOU  
> abbymaie: yes gays sdoigkjdsgo very much i would say. theon is my baby but i promise you it'll take a while. i'm actually thinking of doing chapter 9 all about theon! and you just had to wait for this chapter for sansaxmargaery and jonxarya fighting i hope you like it! and i'm much bettter thank you  
> fay: thank you sososososo much it means lot! i'll tell you about it: i never thought of jonobb until i went and wrote a one shot about them for my friend and then bam! ship it. it was so fast it's not even funny. 
> 
> and if you guys have the curiosity they are fucking to the sound of R U Mine? by Arctic Monkeys  
> thank you guys for the kudos and the comments and <3333 hope you guys like it


	8. There's no crime in being kind

“What the fucking hell is that, Jon?” Theon asked, looking at what Jon had in his head.  
“It’s a fedora. Fedoras are great.”  
“Fedoras are gay.” Robb said, opening the door of the car and getting in.  
“You’re gay.” Gendry remarked.  
“Who said you’re driving, Stark?” Jon said.  
“It’s my car, isn’t it?”  
“Well, I drove it yesterday.”  
“You were mad at me yesterday, Jon. You could do anything.” Robb said, searching for the keys. “Did you talk to my dad?”  
“I texted him.”  
“You have my father’s number?” Robb stopped his search just to look at Jon incredulous. “What for?”  
“Don’t worry, Robb, we don’t talk about you.”  
“Can we leave for the party already or I will have to walk?” Arya snapped, sitting on the back sit. “And take off this goddamn hat.”  
“It’s a fedora, sweet sister.”  
“It’s a hat.” Arya said.  
“It’s a fedora. Fedoras are great. Just like Justin Timberlake and blowjobs.”  
“And here was I thinking Jon Snow couldn’t get any gayer.” Said Theon.  
“Oh shut up, Theon.” Robb said, laughing. “You’re like the gayest gay that ever gayed in the whole world.”  
“I like girls too!” Theon defended himself.  
“You like anything that breathe, that’s it.” Jon said. He moved his arm to turn on the radio. He immediately smiled, and turned the volume up.  
“Is that Bruno Mars?” Arya asked, chuckling.  
“You make me feel like…” Jon started singing, passing his hand on his fedora.  
“Oh my God fuck me.” She said, closing her eyes.  
“I’ve been locked out of heaven!” He closed his hand and put it near Theon’s mouth. The other laughed, along with Gendry and Arya, who kept her laughter quiet. Robb chuckled, shaking his head.  
“For so long?” Theon said, half singing and half questioning his friend’s act.  
“C’mon guys!” Jon said, moving his arm to hit the car’s horn. Robb rolled his eyes, but he could get the smile off his face.  
“Carpe Diem, Snow?” Robb said.  
“Carpe fucking Diem!” Jon replied, smiling. It has become their thing, and they didn’t even notice it. Just like their relationship. It had just happened. They didn’t need to ask for it or think about it, it wasn’t even planned. Just like when friends do something together and they just quite enjoy it, and they start doing it all the time, without bothering to ask, because both of them knew it was good and right.  
Arya laughed, resting her head on Gendry’s shoulder, closing her eyes, enjoying the moment. She was the youngest in the group, but she was already used to it. And most of the times, they seemed to forget it. Even Jon did it, when he smoked too much weed to remember she was only fifteen. Most people would say she was ruining her life. But how could it be, if she felt so fucking great? She wasn’t ruining her life. No one knew anything about it. She was so different from the other girls. She didn’t care to have any friends of her age. She was much better hanging out with her brother and his friends, not caring about anything and just living life like it was supposed to. Beautifully fun, scarily fast. But Arya was not afraid. She grew up being raised by threats and screams, and she slowly learned to keep her fear inside her. But sometimes is wise to have fear, but she was too young to see it.  
They stood quiet for a moment, each of them lost in their own thoughts. Theon was looking outside the window, watching as the houses and trees went by, asking to himself if there were people like him inside those walls. People who had the greatest group of friends in the world, but still felt lonely. That was Theon Greyjoy, lonely and lovely. Nobody saw him as lovely, of course, the mask of cockiness he wore being way too perfect for people to really see him. Sometimes, he even though Jon didn’t know him properly. He looked over to Jon, and saw how the sunset’s light on his face, and he wondered if he knew how beautiful he was. Robb obviously did, because his eyes diverted from the street to Jon’s face more times than it would be safe. It was the saddest feeling in the world. Watching everyone to have someone of theirs. Arya had Gendry. Jon had Robb now. Renly and Loras had each other, in some way. And Margaery found herself lost in a certain red head. ‘What have I got?’ Theon thought to himself, bitter. He didn’t have Ramsay. He didn’t have Jon. He didn’t even have himself anymore.  
Gendry looked at Arya, sitting between him and Greyjoy. She was so tiny, and looked so fragile. But he knew better. She was just as fierce as a wolf. She snapped at people quicker than a snake, and she was the most fearless person he had ever met. He felt lucky to have her, he really did. Arya was the right in every wrong. They argued quite a lot, but their fights never lasted more than a couple hours. He moved while he rested his lips on her forehead, and she smiled slightly, her eyes still closed.  
Jon had a grin on his lips and his fedora on his head, still happily humming the song. He thought of Robb and Arya and Theon. Even Gendry, the guy he knew it was shagging the hell out of his little sister. And Loras and Margaery and Renly and even Sansa. He loved them all. He fucking loved them all. It was his group, his family, everything that was good about his life in that small group of people. And Robb. Robb filled his heart like no one ever had. They didn’t know each other for long, but they knew each other so much. Jon knew how drinking a bottle of water would calm Robb down and Robb knew how brushing his teeth even though he didn’t need to would make Jon happier. Little useless things like those, which made Jon happy just because Robb cared enough to know and remember. He closed his eyes, just like his sister on the back sit, and enjoyed the whole moment.  
Stark, however, just kept his eyes on the street, sometimes gazing at Jon with the sun on his face and the smile on his lips. He drove to Targaryen’s house with no rush, enjoying the peacefulness of it. Robb was a jock before. He had friends. He rarely saw them outside school, and he didn’t really like them that much, and most of them never stopped calling him Stark. He laughed with them but never like this. He kept his jokes to himself because he didn’t feel comfortable. He would never share a car with four of them, or even really want to go to a party. He finally felt like he belonged somewhere. A smile appeared on his face, when he finally stopped the car in front of the house. “C’mon kids, we’re here.”  
"About damn time." Theon said, getting out of the car.  
"I love the Targaryen's parties." Arya smiled, happily following.  
"Why?" Asked Robb, who had experienced only a Bolton's party and a Tyrell's one.  
"They're fucking insane." Explained Gendry.  
"Oh, that's a surprise." Robb said.  
"Daenerys has like three tattoos, and she's Arya's age." Jon said.  
"I'm not that young!" She protested.  
"You're still the youngest."  
"And the straightest."  
"Are you saying your boyfriend is gay?"  
"Well, okay. Straighter than you."  
"That's not very hard, Arya." Said Robb, laughing. He climbed out the car and put his hand inside Jon's back pocket, dropping his keys there. "Don't lose them, please." Whispered Robb, with a cocky smile on his lips.  
"Get your hand off my ass, will you?"  
"Please, boys, leave for the bedroom. I can even join you." Theon said, winking at both of them. The other two chuckled, while Gendry and Arya entered the house.  
"I'm sorry, Greyjoy." Said Robb. "But he's mine for the night."  
Theon raised both of his hands to prove his innocence, and made his way to the party, expecting for them to follow him.  
"I'm not a whore, you know." Jon remarked, pulling Robb's hand out of his pocket.  
"I'll remember this next time we're fucking."  
"Let's go inside, Robb." Jon said, pulling him by his hand.  
"Did you know that Targaryen girl has a crush on you?"  
"Doesn't she have an boyfriend?"  
"Well, she does. But she has a crush on you. It must be your pretty lips."  
"They really are pretty." Jon smiled, finally walking inside the party. The house was full, and he could see Viserys screaming at someone, while his sister sat beside him, looking quite bored. Margaery was sharing a bottle of vodka with Loras, and Renly was sitting near them, his eyes focused on the boy. Gendry and Arya were dancing together, her eyes closed, her hips moving gently, Gendry's hands in her hips, his fingers caressing it.  
"C'mon, there must be some food around here." Jon said, still holding Robb's hand. He didn't complain, and Jon didn't stopped. Robb could never understand why people liked holding hands so much. It felt sweaty and awkward with most girls he had done it. He felt trapped, not able to go where he wanted to, but not with Jon... He didn't feel like going anywhere Jon wouldn't go. He followed Snow through the crowd, the other being already used to the format of the house. Robb's eyes wandered, and he found Theon, who was not alone. Bolton was talking to him, but Robb didn't get worried. His friend was even smiling slightly, and Ramsay didn't look so intimidating. However, he remembered what he saw. He tugged on Jon's sleeves gently, and he stopped, looking at Robb curiously. Stark wondered if he shouldn't tell. But Jon should know, he was Theon's best friend. And everybody always said how sick and cruel Ramsay was. Even if Theon seemed relaxed today, most of the time he didn't. "Is Theon dating... someone?"He asked, deciding not to tell Jon the name.  
"What?" He replied, laughing. "No! Not that I'm aware of. Why?"  
"I saw him with someone. Yesterday." Robb bit his lips, measuring his words.  
Jon's eyes got darker, and his grip on Robb's fingers got firmer.  
"Who?"  
"That boy. The one with the drugs."  
"Fucking hell..." Jon said, letting go of Robb. His eyes scanned the room, and he finally found Theon. He made his way through the room, almost running to find the two of them.  
"Jon!" Robb called, following him. They passed in front of Renly and the Tyrells.  
"Fuck." Said Margaery, getting the bottle out of Loras' hand.  
"What?" Asked Loras. "Give it back, it's my turn!"  
"Shut up!" Said Margaery, while Jon stopped in front of Ramsay. Bolton moved away from Theon and raised an eyebrow, but not before throwing an inquiring glance at Greyjoy, which relaxed postured had slipped away. He was looking at both of them, a worried expression forming on his face.  
"Listen to me, you little fucker..." Jon started saying, and a dangerous look played on Ramsay's eyes.  
"Jon..." Begged Theon, quietly.  
"Let's play truth or dare!" Screamed Margaery, her both arms hugging Theon's and Jon's shoulders, an empty bottle in her right hand and a half-hearted smile on her lips. She threw a worried glance at Ramsay, but she quickly hid it, giving Jon a wet kiss on the cheek, having the decency to not do the same to Theon. Jon, however, still scowled at Bolton.  
"Am I invited, Tyrell?" Asked Ramsay, not moving his cold eyes from Jon.  
"Oh... Well, of course. Everyone... Everyone's invited." Ramsay smiled slyly.  
"That's adorable. I always wanted to meet Reek's friends."  
"Who's Reek?" Jon growled.  
"He's Reek, of course." Ramsay snapped, pointing at Theon.  
"What kind of nickname is..." Jon started asking.  
"Reek, Reek." Ramsay said, licking his lips slightly. "It rhymes with freak." The madness was shining inside his eyes, flirting with them, almost begging for someone to step closer and tease him. But no one dared. Only Jon didn't seem bothered.  
"So, truth or dare, eh?" Theon said, his voice weak.  
"Yes." Said Margaery, taking her eyes out Ramsay. "Let's play. It will be fun."  
"I really do love games. Right, Reek?"  
Theon nodded quickly, taking Margaery's arm off his shoulder.  
"C'mon Jon!" Said Margaery, pulling him. "You can be the first to spin!" She threw a glance at Robb, pointing at Arya and Gendry. He understood and pulled Arya from Gendry's arms and she opened her eyes, looking at him quite angrily.  
"What?"  
"We're trying to get your brother's ass out of trouble and we're playing truth or dare."  
"That doesn't make sense." Arya said.  
"Truth or dare, now, both of you."  
"I fucking love truth or dare!" Exclaimed Gendry, smiling.  
"You love everything when you're high."  
Robb sat quietly beside Jon, who was still staring angrily at Ramsay, who was talking to Theon. On the other side of Jon, Margaery sat, throwing a careful glance at him. Gendry sat between her and Loras, and Arya found her place in the middle of the Targaryen's siblings, and she didn't seem pleased about it. Sitting across Loras was Renly and they kept sharing shy smiles, oblivious to the situation around them.  
"You don't have to play if you don't want to." Theon whispered, completely aware of Jon's stare.  
"But I want to, Reek." Ramsay said, his face getting closer to his favorite victim's. "Tonight's is a good night, okay?" He asked, his voice kind and gentle. It was a game to him. Life was a game, and he was the winner. To make Theon trust him to then break him down. The other's eyes were always filled with a calculated fear, hesitation, placed there months ago by Bolton himself. But he could see love there too. His Reek loved him, even if he didn't want to. Theon nodded, his shoulders relaxing. Ramsay could be kind when he wanted to. He smiled, and then took his lips between his, possessively.  
"Oi, drug boy!" Yelled Jon. "Aren't you coming?"  
"Jon." Warned Margaery.  
"Did you hit your fucking head in the wall, yeah?" Arya questioned, exasperated.  
"You shouldn't provoke him like this, Jon." Whispered Robb.  
"I'm fine, Robb. I promise. I know when to stop." Jon said, taking his eyes of them for a moment to stare into Robb's blueness.  
"C'mon, just stop looking." And Jon did, turning on his back hesitantly.  
Ramsay broke the contact, like he always did. It was never Theon to stop. Even though he felt uncomfortable with his friends looking at the both of them, he didn't pull away. He knew better than to deny Ramsay. His lips brushed against Greyjoy's, his eyes closed, his eyebrows furrowed.  
"I don't like your friend."  
"He's just worried." Theon assured.  
"I don't like when he's worried." Ramsay bit down on the other's lower lip, pulling it before letting it go completely. "Let's have some fun, shall we?"  
Theon nodded, and then made their way to the circle that was forming on the living room's floor. Some people Theon didn't even know were there, and Ramsay passed by Jon and sat across him, a smile on his face, like everything was just a big joke. Theon tried to move to sit beside him, but Jon was quicker, tugging his sleeve a little harder than it was necessary, making a clear request for him to sit by his side. Theon stopped, and Jon pulled again, slightly pushing Margaery to the side to make room for him. He carefully sat down, noticing how Ramsay’s smile became a grimace.  
“So…” Said Bolton, his tongue flickering in his lips again. “Who’s spinning first?” His eyes burned through Theon, who had his eyes focused on the floor. He was terrified that Ramsay would get angry and do something, but that was not what he had in mind for the night. When Theon finally raised his eyes to meet the other’s, Ramsay softened his expression, curving his lips into a kind, but false, smile. Jon hated him. Jon loathed him, and how he made Theon, that was full of spite, look so small and weak. It was like he needed permission to relax when he was near Ramsay. Theon waited for a smile or a nod so he would relax and act like himself again, and that made Jon’s stomach twist with anger.  
“I am.” Replied Jon, moving his hand to find the bottle, and they making it spin. It revolved, slowing down after a few seconds to then stop pointing at Loras. Jon smirked, forgetting about Theon for one second. Robb got the joint from Renly’s hand, already guessing whatever he had in mind, it would involve Renly. He smoked it slowly, enjoying the feeling of calmness that took control of his body. “Truth or dare, friend of mine?”  
“Dare, Snow. A good one.” Loras said, a grin appearing on his lips.  
“Kiss the Baratheon kid.”  
“But that’s extremely hard!” He replied, laughing, as the people in the circle started to chuckle and roll their eyes. “And he’s not even that pretty!”  
“Don’t be such a pussy, Tyrell.” Said Renly, smiling.  
“You’re in for a treat, Baratheon.” He moved, rising slightly from his place on the floor and using his hands as support. His head tilted to the side, his lips founding their way to Renly’s. The kiss felt familiar, and Loras took one of the hands from the floor to hold Renly’s head, their tongues playing with each other, both of them longing for more contact. Their heads shifted, making the kiss deeper by ever movement.  
“Okay, okay, don’t make me puke.” Said Theon, grinning. His eyes, for one second, moved to Ramsay, but it was too quick to someone to see. Loras bit Renly’s lower lip before pulling away and returning to his seat.  
“You’re only jealous, Greyjoy.” He said.  
“I don’t do jealously, kiddo.” Theon replied, defending his honor.  
“Okay, my house, my turn.” Said Viserys, making Arya roll her eyes. Luckily for her, he didn’t notice. However, the Targaryen boy did sure talked a lot, and never really did anything, so she would be alright. Once again, the bottle took a few seconds to stop, more than before, since Viserys used more strength. “Truth or dare, little flower?” He questioned, his purple eyes focused on Margaery.  
“Truth.” She replied, with no hesitation.  
“Is it truth you have a thing for girls?” Margaery’s eyes darkened and she bit the corner of her lower lip nervously.  
“I have a boyfriend, Viserys.” She snapped. Renly was her boyfriend. Fake boyfriend, and everybody in that circle knew that.  
“That didn’t answer my question.” The rest of the group was silent. No one ever questioned Margaery. Why would they? She was beautiful, and kind and loveable. No one asked if she liked girls or boys, no one even wondered about it.  
“Yes. Yes, it is true. Are you happy?”  
“Very much, thank you.” He said, smirking.  
“So, may I?” Said Loras quickly, getting his hand on the bottle, urging to change the subject to something that wasn’t about his sister. Robb had already handed the joint he was smoking to Jon, and his head rested on his shoulder, his attention shared between the game and the boy beside him.  
“Dare.” Said Gendry, even before the other asked.  
“Smoke two joints at once.”  
“If you find me two…”  
“That’s not even a challenge, he does this all the time!” Arya pointed out.  
“You just envy my incredible abilities, Arya.” Replied Gendry, as someone handed him the first joint. Theon grabbed the other one from Jon’s hand, who protests were ignored. He gave it to Gendry, who smoked them carefully.  
"Dear God, I feel like Jesus." He said, exhaling all the smoke from his mouth. Loras pretended to cough, and their friends laughed as Gendry smiled in reply.  
"That doesn't even make sense, Gendry." Mumbled Robb, closing his eyes. "Jesus is in Heaven."  
"I would like to thank not only God but also Jesus." Quoted Jon, which made Robb laugh, his cheek pressed on his shoulder.  
"Justin Bieber." He whispered to Snow. "I got this right, didn't I?"  
Jon smiled and nodded, his hand finding Robb's, their fingers playing together carelessly.  
Ramsay, who was apparently the only person in the game that was not drunk or high, seemed to be enjoying to watch everyone being so vulnerable and stupid. He didn't ask to spin the bottle, neither did anyone protest. It pointed at Robb when it stopped, and after a few seconds and a scream from Viserys, he got his head off Jon's shoulder and looked at Ramsay. Jon blinked a few times, his expression turning into a worried frown when he saw who was the one that was questioning.  
"Truth or dare?"  
"Hm... Yes?" Robb said with his voice low and uncertain, wanting to rest his head again.  
"You have to answer, dumbass." Said Viserys, rudely.  
"Oh, dare. No, wait."  
"You can't change it." Snapped Daenerys.  
"Yes, it's a rule. Everybody knows it." Said Doreah, one of Dany's friends.  
"Okay, Jesus, dare."  
Ramsay smirked and looked at Jon. The words were directed to Robb, but the cold stare was meant to Snow.  
"Take off your shirt, Stark. It's not only Snow that deserves to see your pretty body." Jon's eyes flickered with jealously, and Theon shifted uncomfortably on his place. Robb shrugged and moved to remove the piece of clothing, pulling it over his head. Loras whistled as Margaery laughed and clapped. Robb's cheek turned slightly red as he smiled embarrassed, a small chuckle escaping from his mouth. Ramsay's smile grew bigger. As he bit his lower lip instead of licking it. However, Jon wasn't paying attention to him. He had his eyes on Robb, a smile appearing in the corner of his lips, as he tried to suppress it.  
"Lemme do it, I didn't do it yet." Said Arya, moving a few inches closer so she could get the bottle and do the same thing everyone had before her. It pointed, at last, to the blonde girl by her side. Arya looked at Daenerys, raising one eyebrow instead of verbalizing the already known question.  
"Dare. I'll do anything sexual." Said Daenerys, excited. A few chuckles went around the group, some of them being polite to cover with fake coughs. Margaery could even imagine Sansa covering her mouth with her hand to be discreet.  
"You and Reek should hang out." Pointed Ramsay, with a cunning smile. Jon tried to get up, but Robb held him by the arm. Theon focused his eyes on the floor, and didn't dare to raise them again. Ramsay was tired of playing nice, apparently.  
"Okay, so Dany's challenge. Arya?" Pressed Margaery, quickly. Arya opened her mouth, but Gendry leaned over Daenerys' lap to get to her ear and whisper something.  
"That's cheating!" Exclaimed Viserys horrified.  
"Kiss Margaery." Said Arya, smiling.  
"I'm going to murder you." Warned Margaery, but she let Daenerys lock their lips together. The blonde was ferocious, taking Margaery's lips as if they were hers, kissing and sucking on them. Margaery didn't waste any second, her tongue moving furiously. But she broke the kiss, stepping away and sitting back in her place. Daenerys sat down slowly back in her place.  
"Maybe if you were ginger she would kiss you for a longer time, Dany." Said Gendry.  
"Shut up, Waters."  
Robb shivered from the cold air against his bare skin, but he knew he should stay shirtless until the game was over. Jon, however, noticed, and took his old leather jacket off, handing it to him. Robb raised one eyebrow carefully, but took the coat, putting it on. Ramsay didn’t look pleasant with the result, but Robb kept the jacket open, so he was, technically, shirtless.  
"Who's now?" Asked Arya. Robb would give it a try, but he was a disaster in these games. His challenges and questions were never good or funny enough. He enjoyed sitting and watching. Jon nudged him with his elbow, but he shook his head.  
"You can spin it for me." He offered. So Jon did it. And it was Ramsay. For one second, everyone in the group stopped. Of course, they knew Ramsay was playing and that this would eventually happen. But they were just politely ignoring the fact.  
"Truth or dare?" Jon spat out.  
"Truth." Ramsay said, calmly.  
"Why do you call Theon Reek?"  
"Jon, let it go." Murmured Theon.  
"Boyfriends can call each other whatever they want to."  
Theon, and the rest, threw a shocked glance at Ramsay. This couldn't be happening. They weren't a couple. Theon didn't understand why Ramsay was saying this. But he wouldn't question it. He even felt a hopeful, warm feeling in his chest, and a shy smile made its way to surface.  
"You're not dating him." Jon said, his voice slow.  
"That's not up to you to decide. It's not up to him either." Ramsay finished with a perfect smirk.  
"Okay, that's fucking enough." Jon said, getting on his feet and holding Ramsay by the shirt, yanking him up. The game atmosphere was gone, just like Ramsay's joy. His eyes were blue, but not like Robb's, Jon noticed. While Robb's were warm like the ocean touched by the sun, Ramsay's were cold as ice that burned when you touched it. The dangerous look was back there. The fury, the wish to inflict pain. It was all there, shining the clearest now.  
"If you know what's good for you..." Ramsay said, the threat present in his voice. Theon got up and tried to put his hand on Jon's shoulder, terrified. "You will let go of me in this second."  
"Jon." He called. "Let him go. Jon, please, stop it."  
"Shut the fuck up, Theon." Snapped Jon. Ramsay moved his attention to Greyjoy.  
"This friend of yours has put you into big trouble, Reek." He warned. Jon's hand moved faster than he thought possible, but Ramsay was smarter. His fist didn't meet his chin just because he was quick enough to avert it. Theon pulled Jon, who finally let Ramsay go.  
“C’mon, Theon.” Said Jon, taking a step back. Ramsay stared at Theon, but he didn’t need it. He already knew what he should say.  
“I’m staying with Ramsay, Jon.” He murmured. Jon blinked once or twice, in disbelief.  
“Yeah. Okay. Whatever.” He said, taking a step back. “Bye, Reek.” Jon’s voice was a mix of hurt and disgust. He made his way to the door, as Robb followed him.  
“Fucking hell, my brother is a stupid moron.” Arya murmured. She got up and left, searching for Jon.  
“I guess game’s over.” Said Gendry, his smile not reaching his eyes. He went after Arya, leaving Margaery to deal with the chaos. Ramsay was whispering things in a small voice that only Theon was able to hear. He left Greyjoy alone after a few minutes, getting into his car and going home. Theon sank into the floor, his expression blank, his eyes focused on the carpet. Margaery sat beside him, and handed him a glass of water.  
“What the heck is this?” He asked.  
“Water. You like water, right?”  
“I like the ocean, but I guess the sentiment is the same…” Theon said, making the class move in circles, the water forming small waves. Margaery took a deep breath and crossed her legs.  
“What kind of relationship do you have with Ramsay?”  
“I really don’t wanna talk about it, Margaery.” He mumbled.  
“Okay, let’s talk about something else.” She said. “Let’s suppose a really great guy I know is kinda dating an asshole. A dangerous asshole. That does not deserve him. What should I tell him?”  
“Stop being a fucking moron and get back the control of your life.” Theon suggested.  
“But what if he doesn’t want the control back?”  
“Why wouldn’t he?”  
“Because he doesn’t know what to do with it.” Theon took his eyes off the water and looked into Margaery’s.  
“You’re a smart kid.” He allowed. “I bet you can read minds.” She chuckled.  
“You’re a nice guy, Theon. Remember this, okay?”  
“I’ll try.”

 

Jon stopped at a dead end and punched a wall, his anger building up inside of him. Robb stood a few steps away from him, and supported his back on the wall, watching as Jon ranted about it. But his words were cut by Arya’s screams.  
“What the fuck did you think you were doing back there?” She said, hitting him in the arm. “Do you wanna get yourself fucking killed?” She hit again, this time with a slap in the ear. She was so small and yet so full of fury that Jon would laugh if he wasn’t so angry.  
“Did you hear how he was talking about Theon?”  
“Of course I heard. Everybody heard. It’s Theon’s fucking business if he’s meddling with Bolton, you don’t have to save him, Jon.”  
“Yeah, Ramsay has guns and he knows dangerous people. You can’t just punch him.” Said Gendry. Robb kept quiet, his eyes carefully focused on Jon.  
“You’re all a bunch of cowards.”  
“I’m not a coward you asshole!” Arya screamed at him, pushing his chest with both of her hands. “I’m just smart enough to get with someone like Ramsay. He isn’t like Viserys. He’s not all talk.”  
“Lemme talk to him.” Said Robb.  
“He’s my bro-…”  
“C’mon, Arya.” Called Gendry. “Let’s go to my place.”  
“I- Fuck all of you.” She said, but left with Gendry anyway.  
“Why does he allow it?” Jon asked, his voice breaking at the end. “You know him, Robb. He’s not like this. He’s nothing like that. He’s better.”  
“I don’t know, Jon.” Robb said, his voice was calm and comforting. Jon sat on the floor and looked at his hands. “You hurt your hand.” He pointed out, and sat beside Jon. “You shouldn’t punch walls, you know.”  
“I got mad.” Jon mumbled.  
“Yeah…” Robb said, putting his hand inside the jacket’s pocket. He took a cigarette out and placed it in Jon’s lips. “Theon will be fine, Jon.” He assured as he searched for the lighter. “We’ll be fine. Everyone is going to be fine.”  
He lit the cigarette up, and Jon finally moved his hand to hold it properly, blowing the smoke out slowly. Robb’s lips curved into a smile, and Jon returned it with his usual smirk.  
“The jacket looks so much better in me.” Jon pointed out.  
“Too bad I’m not giving it back to you. It smells really nice.”  
Jon laughed, accidently dropping the cigarette in the floor. Robb’s laughter soon echoed his, and they stayed there for more time that it was normal, laughing together. They said love makes you act like a fool. So they were happy being fools.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bea: fedoras!!11!!  
> vivian and giu: ...yes??  
> abbymaie: jonxarya are great! thank you <3  
> fay: it's okay, I understand. I'm pretty sure all my friends, even the ones that don't watch game of thrones already now what is the red wedding and how Robb died. I can't stop going on about it. Still not over it, never over it. " You are writing an awfuly sad story." Yes, I am but if it's any comfort I get sad about it too so at least we're not suffering alone!
> 
> I'm sorry it took me some time again, but I got sick again. I really need to stop getting sick, don't I?  
> hope you guys like it, thank you for all the love and comments and kudos


	9. It's better to feel pain than nothing at all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it is. Full of Theon angst.

You could call it a home, if you really wanted to. You could imagine a kid playing on the living room’s floor, or a mom and a dad sitting on the couch. If you tried really hard. Because it was a fantasy. The dishes were piled up in the sink, almost falling from it. It was in the last bedroom of the hallway that Theon usually found himself. He kept the door closed most of the time, but he could never lock it, because the doorknob was broken. The floor was full of clothes, and he had a bong inside his closet. His wall had posters of girls in bikinis, and he even had an empty aquarium. There was some cigarettes butt on the floor, even though an ashtray rested on his desk. Empty packages were carelessly tossed under his bed, but not before Theon completely licked the cocaine off them. It was ten in the morning and Theon was deeply asleep, his arm hanging from the right side of his bed, his fingers brushing the floor. He always slept past ten o’clock. He felt so damn tired the whole time he was sober. And sleeping was good. It scared the bad thoughts away. But he had to wake up, eventually.  
He moved his bed, hiding his face in the pillow even before opening his eyes. “What a joy it is to be alive.” He mumbled to himself, his voice filled with sarcasm. However, there wasn’t anyone there to hear his sad joke. Not even Jon. No, Jon was with Robb at school, and Theon was sure the thought of him didn’t even cross his mind. School. The word sounded bitter in his lips. He remembered how his father yelled and cursed at him when the principal called, saying he had been expelled. Theon promised he would find his way into a new school, that his father did not have to worry. But he didn’t even search, and the government didn’t really care for one more dropout. And his father was always working, so there wasn’t any problem. His sister was at college. He wouldn’t find out.  
He slowly sat up, wearing nothing but his underwear and lazily scratched the right side of his face. His mouth opened in a yawn, and finally started to get dressed. Theon used his foot to grasp a t-shirt, reaching to it after with his hands. He sniffed and since it was bearable, put it on. Finally, he put his pants on and reached for his cell phone. There was only one text, from Robb. Asking for some cocaine, probably. Theon didn’t even bother to read it. What was he thinking? That Jon would text him, worrying about him? He was brave and reckless enough to try and punch Ramsay, but Theon was sure he didn’t even remembered it by now. His hand held the doorknob stronger than he should have, because it fell, leaving the usual hole in the wood.  
“Fuck you.” He said, leaving the door open and the object on the floor. He passed by the closed door of his sister’s bedroom, that was now empty. Asha was no longer living there. She was trying to make it big at some stupid thing that Theon wouldn’t remember even if his brain wasn’t fucked up by all the coke he sniffed. The kitchen reeked. He shook his head, brushing Ramsay out of it. It was sick how everything made Theon’s thoughts wander to him. He opened the refrigerator and found it almost empty. He searched for something to eat, but all he could find was a bottle of milk. Using his right hand while holding the bottle with the other, he opened the cupboard and got the cereal box. He got some for himself and leaned against the table, filling the spoon completely before putting it inside his mouth. His bare feet were against the cold floor, but he didn’t mind. But he heard steps, and all his relaxed posture vanished. He was supposed to be alone, completely alone. His father showed up in the kitchen’s doorstep, and Theon’s spoon stopped in the way to his mouth. His mind raced searching for an excuse, but there were none.  
“Why aren’t you a school?” His father snapped, as Theon inhaled deeply. He was going to tell the truth. He could bare it.  
“I don’t go to school anymore.” Theon replied, his voice calm.  
“What?”  
“I got expelled, and I… I didn’t search for a new one.”  
“The school year started almost two months ago and you didn’t go since it began?”  
“Yeah, I kinda don’t wanna do it anymore.”  
“You can’t just not do it!” He screamed, and Theon sighed.  
“It’s no fucking use, y’know?”  
“You’ve got to grow to be somebody in life! I’m not going to support you your whole fucking life, Theon. Look at your sister!”  
“Oh yeah. Perfect Asha. Smart Asha. Saint Asha. She’s in college, it’s no big deal. I don’t have to go to college to be someone. I don’t wanna go to fucking college.”  
“You don’t have a choice.”  
“Of course I do!” Theon exclaimed, dropping his bowl at the sink. “It’s my life. I get to choose what I fucking do with it.”  
“And what’s your choice? You don’t think I see what you do, Theon? Stealing all the fucking money I bring into this house? I’m not stupid. You’re a fucking disgrace, you know that?”  
“Stop that.” Theon said. He stole more money than he would admit to himself, always trying to pay all the debts he had with Ramsay. “Stop it, I was planning to pay it back to you when I got the money, it just taking some time.”  
“How the fuck were going to get the money? Stealing from other people, eh? You don’t work, you don’t study, all you do is lock yourself up in your fucking room being miserable all day long.”  
“Stop.” Theon murmured.  
“You’re just a walking disaster, aren’t you?” His father’s words sting, but he knew that showing his pain wouldn’t make it any easier. The cold look in his eyes would not go away, neither would the complete disgust that was in his face.  
“I said stop.”  
“What are you going to do about it, Theon? Get high? Cry? I can hear your sobs in the middle of the night.” He cried, he cried alone and in the dark where no one could see him because he was ashamed. He cried for Jon and for Ramsay and above all from himself and the downhill that his life was becoming. His best friend found someone better, someone worthy, someone loveable. It crushed his heart and it ripped his soul apart, and what has left of him was killed by Ramsay over and over again. Theon allowed it, because he had nothing more. The numbness of his life was choked out by Ramsay. He didn’t ask for it, but it happened anyway. Ramsay crawled under his skin, and he became Reek. And of course, there was the fact that all his waking hours were spent searching for some money to get what he needed, and the amount of cocaine to get the same effect was getting bigger every week. He could see his future and happiness escaping from his hands and he wasn’t able to make it stop. He was probably going to die alone in a public bathroom, because he would take way too much coke for his body to support. He already got used to the idea, and he knew he wouldn’t be saved. He couldn’t be saved, and there wasn’t anyone who cared enough for him to do something about it. There was, of course, Ramsay. But Ramsay didn’t want Theon happy and healthy. He didn’t even want Theon. Reek was good for him. And he had called him his boyfriend. Theon shook the thought away. It wasn’t the time.  
Theon didn’t answer. All he did was stare back into his father’s eyes. Theon felt a sob beginning to rise up in his throat, but he kept it inside. He wanted to cry for help, to be hugged, he wanted his father to show some kindness towards him. However, he knew it was a hopeless wish. He swallowed and blank repeatedly to brush away the tears that were almost daring to fall.  
“Out.” His father said. Theon felt a twinge in his heart.  
“Dad…” He murmured, not even sure of what he wanted. “Please.”  
“Out.” He repeated, not even throwing a second glance of him. “I want you to leave this house, forever.”  
“Fuck it.” Theon said, ignoring the pain that was filling his chest. It hurt in a way that made it hard to breathe. “Fuck you. Fuck Asha. Fuck the whole goddamn world.” He put his shoes on and went outside, closing the door with all his strength. He started to walk, without even thinking about it. He had no money for a bus ride, or a hotel room. But he kept walking, his short nails pressed against the skin of his pale arm, his lower lip being brutally bitten. It hurt, but he didn’t stop. If he did, he would probably start crying.  
He heard the doorbell and his eyebrows furrowed. It was Monday. No one was supposed to go to his house on Mondays. His eyes glanced at the clock on the wall, and he knew that most of his clients were in school or college. And they never really bought anything in the beginning of the week. They didn’t want to look so pathetic, they wanted to act like they could survive without the drugs for the whole week. They were all pathetic to him, though. They were all his toys, and they all needed him. He could do anything he wanted with his life, his father made sure of it. But Ramsay didn’t want to be a lawyer or a doctor or anything like that. He wanted to control people. And he did. There were a few that were in just for the fun. A bit of weed there, maybe try some pills for a night. They partied on the weekends, and even though they didn’t need him on a daily basis, they needed him to have fun. But he didn’t worry about them. He knew that in a matter of time they would be breathing for his pills and his powder. And of course, there were the ones that would do anything for it. That called him up at 3a.m begging for some. Some of them would dare to demand it. To scream and to be violent and to threaten him with punches and kicks. But they would all end up crying, saying they will pay, their voices full of despair and promises. Like he said, pathetic. But he didn’t answer on Mondays. It was his day-off. Everybody knew that, and no one would dare to disobey his orders.  
He got off his couch and walked to the door, opening it. A cruel smirk showed up in his face before he could hold it in. The boy looked miserable, as usual. His eyes were puffy, and he imagined it was not from the weed. He remembered last night, and the rage towards the Snow kid came back. He didn’t like how Reek changed near him.  
“What are you doing here, Reek?” He asked. Suddenly, the other seemed to remember who he was. Ramsay was curious, he could give the boy that. He never went after him, always trying to avoid him, to keep some of the dignity inside. Poor fucker, Bolton would think. He chose him, and he wouldn’t let him go.  
“I…” His voice was weak and tremble, his eyes focused on the floor. Submission. Ramsay’s eyes shined with a sick delight. “I need a place… To stay.”  
A snort made its way through Ramsay’s lips, and it soon became a laugh. He threw his head back and laughed for some time before stopping, chuckling slightly and wiping the fake tears from his eyes.  
“And why did you come here?”  
“I don’t have anyone else. And you said… You called me your-…”  
“Of course I did! What did you want me to do?” He asked, getting closer to Theon. “Tell them the truth? That you’re my whore?”  
The light escaped Theon’s eyes quickly. Ramsay could even feel it as it vanished, the other retreating to the personality of Reek completely once again. He was no fool, he knew how Theon acted around his friends. How he smiled, laughed and even flirted when Ramsay wasn’t around. Pretending he was someone worthy, like he had any right. Reek was his. And anyone that didn’t agree made Ramsay’s stomach twist with rage.  
“I don’t know what I thought.” He murmured, honesty filling his voice.  
“It’s because you don’t really think.” Ramsay replied.  
“Yeah. Of course.” Theon agreed.  
“Don’t you have a home or something?” He questioned, still not allowing Theon to come in.  
“I do… Did.” A smile spread in Ramsay’s lips. Oh, it was too good for him to believe it. Reek not only needed him, but needed his help. Truly needed it. He depended on Ramsay’s kindness, now more than ever. He knew that his chances were short, but still he went there. He went after him, just like he always did.  
“Did?” He repeated, his right eyebrow raising slightly, a mocked concern expressed on his face.  
“I…” Theon stopped, his old pride returning to his chest. It was useless, and he knew it, so he pushed it aside. He had no pride, no joy, no glory. Nothing, he had nothing. There was no point in pretending. “My father kicked me out.” Ramsay’s smile grew bigger.  
“Poor Reek.” He cooed, his tongue passing quickly in his lower lip. The idea of Theon living with him excited him more than he would admit. It would be quite pleasant to have his pet near him all the time. He saw him a lot during the week. Theon couldn’t stand being without his daily shot anymore, but he always bought enough for a couple days. And the weekends there were the parties, and while Ramsay still had the control, Reek was never truly his when they were there. “What do you expect me to do?”  
“I-…” He didn’t know. He didn’t even know what he was doing there. He could have gone to Jon or the Tyrells. He didn’t need to put himself through this, but he did anyway. Perhaps it was the knowledge that once Ramsay knew he didn’t go to him for help, he would be mad. He hated making Ramsay angry. It was the worst thing that could ever happen, and he did everything he could to stop it. “I just… I really need a place to stay.”  
“Yeah, so what?” He asked. “What the fuck do I have to do with it?” Of course, Ramsay had already understood. But he liked when Theon begged. For a sniff, for him to stop, for a favor, and sometimes, for Ramsay to fuck him. It was his favorite. He liked to pretend he hated it, and Ramsay was sure most of the times he did, but there were those moments. Those rare and delightful moments when Theon kissed back with almost as much fierceness as him and moaned his name softly. And then the bliss of the moment was gone and Theon remembered who he was and what he did. His eyes would turn cold and he could see the disgust he felt, not for Ramsay, but for himself.  
“I wanna… I want to stay here.” Theon said, slowly, measuring his words. Ramsay’s eyes flicked dangerous. Theon couldn’t want anything. “If it… pleases you.” He completed, correcting his mistake. Ramsay chuckled, crossing his arms and shaking his head.  
“What’s the magical word, Reek?”  
“Please. I’m begging you, I really need you.”  
“You have your friends. That boy, Snow.” Ramsay said, almost spitting the name at Theon, who shrank slightly, unconsciously making himself smaller. “You looked so very fond of him last night.” Of course Ramsay wouldn’t let that pass.  
“I don’t want him.” Theon lied. He did, but he was not Robb Stark. He was Theon Greyjoy, or even worse than that, he was Reek. No one wanted Reek, except Ramsay. He was beginning to learn it. “I want you.”  
“I don’t want you fooling around with him again.”  
“Never. I wouldn’t dare…”  
“I know you wouldn’t dare. You wouldn’t dare to do anything. You don’t have the balls.”  
Theon only nodded, throwing a hopeful glance at Ramsay. He was still standing on the doorstep, waiting for the permission to come in.  
“C’mon, Reek.” Ramsay said, stepping out of the way, walking to the couch and sitting again. He looked relaxed, and Theon felt weird standing there. He closed the door behind him, his movements careful and slow, afraid of doing something wrong. If he really was going to stay there for a longer time, he would have to get used to live with fear. “Did you bring my money?” He asked, searching for the cigarette pack on his pockets. He didn’t need to look up to see Theon’s expression fall even more. Theon gaped, trying to invent one excuse.  
“I didn’t, I’m sorry, I won’t do it a…”  
“You will do it again. And again, and again. Sorry, sorry, sorry. What the fuck is that good for, Reek? Sorry won’t bring my money back to me.” Ramsay said, abandoning his search and getting up from the couch, to stop in front of Theon. His cold blue eyes made Theon feel so fragile. “I’m really kind to you.” Theon nodded, eager to agree. “I always give you some for free. I let you pay in… other ways. But I can’t ignore everything, you know I can’t.” He murmured, his fingers carefully brushing on Theon’s cheek. “You know what happens to people that don’t pay me.” His voice was no louder than a whisper, but it would be better if he was screaming at Theon. His tone was dangerous, the threat always so present.  
“I will get a job.” Theon whispered. “I will pay everything.”  
“And you expect me to sustain you?” Ramsay asked, moving his hand away from Theon’s skin. “To pay your bills, your food, your clothes? Oh, Reek, I’m kind, but I’m not dumb.”  
“I’ll do anything.”  
“You already do everything. You already turned all your stupid friends into pot heads, you already let me fuck you like the whore you are, you already sold your stuff and you already stole from your family. You don’t have anything to give to me, Reek. You’re pathetic.” He said.  
“I am.” Theon agreed. “I am, yes, that’s why I need you. I can’t look out for myself. I need you.” If Ramsay knew compassion, he would feel sorry for the boy. He really had nothing, except for him. Broken from the start. It didn’t need much to finish the job. Theon probably would be as miserable as he is now, Ramsay in his life or not.  
“Yes, you do.” He whispered. He leaned forward, kissing Theon. It was not gentle, and Theon parted his lips, allowing Ramsay’s entrance even before he demanded. Ramsay, of course, took control, his hands moving to hold down Theon’s face. His eyes were closed, and his tongue was claiming what was his inside Theon’s mouth. As the other moved smoothly, Ramsay attacked, his tongue exploring every corner, passing by Theon’s teeth. Greyjoy moved his hands to Ramsay’s hips, and followed the other’s rhythm. It was the only moment that he could fight back without fear. His tongue now moved truly, occasionally meeting Ramsay’s. It was a battle, and Ramsay hated losing. His kiss became rougher, more demanding. He took a few steps forward, guiding Theon to the couch, his hands finally releasing his face to wander through his body. His hands were quick, his fingers already knowing every bit of Theon. Comparing to Ramsay, he was a child. He was thinner than ever before, since he barely ate, and his bones were fragile. Ramsay was strong. Not only physically, but in every other matter, he was stronger than Theon. Even after being around drugs for so long, he never got addicted. He already sniffed a few times, but he liked power better than the feeling of being high. His drug was power, and he was quite good in managing it. He would never allow himself to depend on something like Theon did.  
Theon found the couch, and carelessly sat on it, as Ramsay hungrily sprang forward. Their mouths found each other again, Theon even rising his head to meet Ramsay’s faster. Ramsay bit down on the other’s lips roughly, and Theon moaned slightly, the sound muffed by Ramsay’s mouth. He licked the blood off. The kiss became gentle for a second, Ramsay touching him repeatedly, brushing away the pain he had just caused. Theon’s shoulders relaxed, and Ramsay’s kindness didn’t last for long. His hands scratched his back while he pulled Theon’s shirt over his head, and Theon moved away from his mouth to help him. The shirt was tossed on the floor and soon forgotten. Ramsay kissed and bit, as his hands marked Theon’s skin. Every time they slept together, Theon would be left with bruises. Ramsay stopped, like he always did, to appreciate the scars Theon had. Bolton pushed him, and Theon fell on his back, the cushions pressed against his body. He closed his eyes as the other kissed his ear, biting down on it. He took his earlobe between his teeth and tugged on it, before letting it go again, the kisses marking his way lower. He stopped at the first scar he had burned into his skin. Pale and small, almost invisible. His lips touched the place, and he did the same in all the scars he had left in Theon’s chest. He wanted to move his hands, to feel the dark hair of the man, but his mind was unsure and Ramsay’s mouth felt too good for him to risk him stopping it. A gasp came out of his mouth when he felt teeth on his nipple, but he was soon gone. Ramsay was too quick, and the touch was over as soon as Theon felt it. His hands found his waistband, and he made a path with his mouth. Theon’s back arched and his hands flew to Ramsay’s hair, ignoring the plan he had made before. Fortunately, the other didn’t seem to mind. He pulled Theon’s pants down.  
“You’re such a whore, Reek.” Ramsay murmured, smiling wickedly. “Just a few kisses and you’re already so fucking hard.” He was, though. Theon felt the throbbing ache, longing for some release he knew he wasn’t getting any time soon. He didn’t understand what Ramsay was truly doing. They never did it like this. Theon never really thought about it, never even considered it. But now that Ramsay was almost there, he wasn’t even sure there was anything he wanted more. He caressed him, but the contact was not enough. He was still on his underwear, his pants halfway down his knees, and Ramsay was fully clothed.  
“I am, yes, a whore.” He managed to form the words, his voice raggedy. He finally moved, pulling the underwear down, in a slow pace that could be considered torture. He looked at Theon’s cock, his head tilting to the left, just like he was curious about it. Ramsay breathed on it, and Theon shut his eyes closed even more. “Please, Ramsay.” He whimpered, not even waiting for him to ask. A cruel smirk appeared on Ramsay’s face, but Theon was way too distracted to notice. He licked the whole extension of it. It was way too fast for Theon to actually dwell on it, but a moan came from the depths of his throat anyway. But Ramsay didn’t keep going. He was gone, his warm tongue and breath moved away from where Theon most needed them. “Fucking bast-…” He swore, his eyes still closed, but he regretted it once he had started. He felt a pressure against his whole body, and he knew Ramsay was on top of him. His hands held firmly in Theon’s throat.  
“Don’t you dare.” He whispered, moving his hand away. Theon ached for some release, for Ramsay’s soft tongue against his cock again, but he was a fool to think that he would bow so low. They were not equals in this relationship, and he hated himself when he forgot about this. He held himself down, not allowing his hips to thrust up. Ramsay was delighted, the grin still on his face. Theon’s grunt turned into a soft moan when he felt that Ramsay was perhaps as hard as him. The friction was almost unnoticeable at first, and it drove Theon off the edge. He wanted roughness for the first time. He wanted it quick and he didn’t even bother that it would hurt. He was needy. He longed for touch like never before. With Ramsay it wasn’t kind, and most times it wasn’t even good, but it was something. And Theon had finally learned that was all he had. Loneliness was worse than this. Ramsay kissed him again, rolling his hips forward with more strength this time, making a guttural moan escape from Theon’s mouth. The moan was more felt than heard by Ramsay. Just like him, he was longing for more. He was, however, controlled. His movements were slow, but growing stronger. The sounds coming out of Theon’s mouth were obscene, gasping and moaning when Ramsay would get closer, and whimpering softly when he moved away. It wasn’t enough.  
“Please, Ramsay.” Theon begged. “Please, please, fuck me.”  
Reek got what he wanted. Ramsay broke the kiss, supporting his knees on the couch on both sides of Theon, his fingers clumsy opening the buttons of his pants. He didn’t bother to look at them, his gaze burning through Theon. When he finally got it done, Theon helped him, tugging his pants down. Using his elbows a support, he lunged forward as Ramsay leaned to find his mouth again. He made himself sit again, his hands touching Ramsay’s cheek just like he did to him before. Even their ways of holding faces were completely different. Ramsay was demanding, hiding Theon from the world, and his nails even hurt the other’s face. Theon was gentle and fearful, almost not touching it. Ramsay shrugged him off, moving his head to make him take his hands away from his face. Theon tried to place his hands on Ramsay’s hips again, but he didn’t have the time. In a matter of seconds, he could feel the pressure of his body against his back. His breath was short, his chest rising quickly. He nibbled at Theon earlobe, his hand wandering way too close to Theon’s crotch, but of course, not quite there. Now he couldn’t see what he planned. Ramsay always went almost too close and moved away. Theon used his shoulder as a support, his head falling back and his eyes closing. He moved his hips to meet Ramsay, but he held him down. Theon grunted, unhappy, but did not try to do it again. Ramsay smiled, when he saw that he had finally stopped still. He thrust, deep and strong, with no warning. As a satisfied moan escaped Ramsay’s lips, Theon’s throat created a sound that was a mix of a moan and a whimper. Bolton, however, didn’t bother to check if he was alright, moving away only to roll his hips once more. He made his pace faster, both of his hands holding on his hips. The skin was becoming red, and he knew that a bruise would be there for a few days. Ramsay got too distracted by how Theon felt incredibly tight to notice the other’s hand moving to his cock. He did, after a few seconds, and allowed one single stroke, before releasing Theon’s hip to hold his wrist and twist it. Theon grimaced from the pain, but Ramsay did not let him go.  
“Do you want me to touch you, Reek?” He whispered against his ear, with a particular harsh thrust that made Theon gasp.  
“Fuck.” Theon managed to get out.  
“Don’t swear.” Ramsay replied, twisting the fist he still held even more, making Theon whimper. “I asked…” He said, pushing even deeper inside of him. “Do you want me to touch you?”  
“Yes.” Theon whispered. “Please, yes.” Ramsay finally let go of his wrist, to then take him with his hands. While his hips rolled forward, his hand would move up and down, the strokes and the thrusts making Theon go to heaven and come back. Ramsay moaned against Theon’s ear, his tongue playing with it. One last thrust and he came, all inside and over Theon’s thighs. He felt his knees growing weaker, but he stood in his position.  
“Reek.” Ramsay moaned, his voice so low that Theon couldn’t even believe he had heard. But it was good enough for him. It was what made him spend, making a mess in Ramsay’s hand, using his whole body as a support. He closed his eyes, trying to get his breath, and as though Ramsay wouldn’t admit it, he was doing the same. He dropped a few kisses on Theon’s neck. “Look at the mess you made.” He whispered. “You really can’t control yourself, can you?”  
“I- I’m sorry.” Theon said, not sure if Ramsay was actually mad at him or only pretending. He didn’t have any time to wonder, though, because soon he found Ramsay’s fist inch close to his face. All dirty and covered in his cum. Even before hearing the command, he already had his tongue stuck out, licking it clean. His tongue flickered through his knuckles, and he even dared to tease a little bit for a few seconds. Ramsay took his hand away once it was clean, and they stood quiet. But it was soon over, and Theon felt a push on his back. He had pushed him away before getting out the couch. Bolton pulled his pants up and left for the bathroom without another word. Theon, however, didn’t bother to follow. He cleaned himself in the best way he could and searched the room for his clothes. His pants were easy to find, and he put it without his underwear; he felt better that way. His shirt was on the floor and he put it too, finally resting on the couch. A sudden urge took control of his body when the thought that Ramsay would probably have some powder hidden in his house. He felt his throat dry and unconsciously looked around. Theon really could search for it. In the drawers or in the cupboard, even in Ramsay’s bedroom, but he lacked of courage. Ramsay would see him, and kick him out or even worse. The need ignored his rational track of thought. He needed some, he didn’t even sniff it today. Ramsay could see him, and just the thought of his anger made Theon stay where he was. But the memory of when he tried to steal from Ramsay for the first time played in his brain. It had been a long time ago, when Theon was still Theon, when he was full of life and he still preferred drinking to getting high, and it was just a stupid bet he made with his friends. Ramsay didn't do like his father. Theon thought he knew how anger was like. His father used to scream all the time and he even got hit more than a couple times. He wasn't scared of anything. But Ramsay didn't scream, or stick his finger to Theon face, he didn't even formed a fist to punch him. He held Theon by the throat, almost cutting his circulation. His voice was soft, not louder than a whisper, and his eyes didn't shine with rage, but with madness. Ramsay only broke his finger, but it was enough for Theon to know he shouldn't fool around, not with him. He learned his lesson, and the idea of breaking Ramsay's rules never crossed his mind. When it did, he ignored it. It was safer that way. His fingers were nervous and his anxiety didn't leave his body. He waited for a longer time than he thought he would, but he stayed sitting there. His eyes still wandered, but they stopped at Ramsay on the bathroom's doorstep. His hair was wet and he was wearing only his pants.  
"Do you want some, Reek?" He asked, getting a package out of his pocket.  
"I- I can't pay for it."  
Ramsay smiled humorlessly, his eyes flickering.  
"Are you denying my kindness?"  
"You mean I won't have to pay for it?"  
"Of course you will have to pay, you little piece of shit." Ramsay snapped, sitting on the couch. While he prepared the lines, he kept talking. "I could refuse to give you anything. But you're such a nice little whore. I pay my debts." Theon gaped, but decided against asking anymore questions. He watched, licking his lips wishfully while Ramsay got it done. Just the thought of a good sniff made him calm down. Bolton got his wallet and got a twenty dollars note from it, forming a small tube with it.  
"Are you sniffing too?" The words were out before he could held it in, and he chewed on the inside of his cheek, his eyes lowering to the floor. Ramsay threw a warning glare at him.  
"Yes. I am. Do you know why?" Theon shook his head. "Because I'm not some worthless worm like someone, and I can fucking control myself and don't get fucking addicted."  
"Yeah, you're right." He mumbled.  
"Glad we're understood."Theon eyed the money and the cocaine, longing for some of both. Ramsay took his time, sniffing most part of it. Theon felt a twinge in his stomach. It wasn't fair. It was him who needed it the most. Ramsay didn't even like it that much. It felt awful. It was so close, and he could not touch it. He couldn't sniff it or lick it, and the need was growing stronger. The thought of finally getting what he needed filled his brain and he couldn't take his eyes off that sweet white powder. His stomach began to hurt and he felt the urge to cry. Ramsay was over to it and Theon lunged forward, his hands trembling slightly. There was barely anything left. Ramsay sniffed half the line that was meant for Theon. Ramsay's lips curved into a smile. He was obviously having a blast.  
"Are you alright, Reek?"  
"Perfect." Theon replied, trying to reach for the paper.  
"That's not very polite of you. Do you want me to give up being good for you?"  
"No, of course not. I- Thank you." Theon said.  
"I think it's not enough for you... Oh, I'm terribly sorry. I completely forgot you need a big dose now." The cruelty was present on Ramsay's voice. Theon didn't believe in his apologies not even for a second.  
"It's alright. It's good like this. It's perfect. I just need the..."  
"You don't see one of those in years, do you, Reek? You don't even know the color of money anymore."  
"Please, Ramsay." He said. If it took any longer he would probably lick it off the goddamn table. The other pretended he was considering it. "Please." Theon repeated. Ramsay smiled more and gave him the bill, relaxing on the couch. He hurried to sniff what he had left, and it didn't feel like it was enough. His fingers tried to find the residues on the table, but he needed more. He licked his fingers clean, desperately searching for something that wasn't there.  
"Reek, stop, it's over." Ramsay said, his voice harsh.  
"There's got to be more."  
"You own me a hundred bucks."  
"Another one? But you said you were paying me for..."  
"Do not question me." He warned. "Now stop moving. You're annoying me."  
Theon obeyed, his hands still tremble and the agonizing need for more clinging through his whole body. A sudden fear took over him. What if the cops came here? It was full of drugs. They would lock them away. He wouldn't be able to have his coke. Ramsay would be angry. Ramsay would want to murder him.  
"Did you lock the door?" He blunt out.  
"Who the fuck cares?"  
"I care."  
"You don't matter." Ramsay replied, his eyes closed.  
"I just want to know if you locked the door."  
"I swear to God I'll punch you." He warned.  
"But they can come and..." Ramsay kicked him hard on the leg, and Theon stopped talking.  
"C'mon here." He said, pulling Greyjoy closer and attacking his mouth again. Theon did not kiss back this time. His eyes were open, and Ramsay's fingers hurt his scalp while pulling his hair, but he didn't complain. Ramsay broke apart, biting slightly on his lips.  
"I really need another sniff, Ramsay." Theon mumbled, gathering his courage. He rolled his eyes, but got off the couch, going to his bedroom. It didn't take long, and Theon finally had a whole package to himself. His lips curved into a smile while he babbled thanks, preparing the lines. Even though he was in a hurry, he did it neatly, not wanting to waste any of it. Of course he wouldn't. He didn't waste anything anymore. His father tried for years to teach him the value of the money, but no one did it so perfectly as Ramsay. He used the bill again, closing his eyes as the feeling filled his body. Theon felt the warm, unusual feeling of blood. He was supposed to feel worried, but couldn't bring himself to do so. He cleaned the blood off his nose. Ramsay's hand touched his thigh and he couldn't do anything but smile.  
"Why are you smiling?" Ramsay asked.  
"Because." Theon replied, in a half-voice. He heard the shift of the sofa and felt the pressure of Ramsay's body next to his. He was closer and wanted more. Theon opened his eyes, and found the gaze of that cold blue in return. "Ramsay fucking Bolton." He whispered, asking himself how someone could  
be so beautiful and so horrible. Ramsay smirked and leaned forward, kissing him roughly. Theon closed his eyes, allowing himself to go to a world where Ramsay loved him. After all, it only existed when his eyes were shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the whole Theon chapter, i was just having a lot of feelings about him lately. Anyway, thank you for the comments and the kudos!  
> milla: thank you!! yes i love viserys too  
> bea: i love references isodgjds i love you??


	10. Maybe I’m too busy being yours to fall for somebody new

“Where’s dad?” Arya asked, sitting on the table. They were meant to leave for school in twenty minutes, and she was still wearing Jon’s sweater. It was too big for her, but she liked sleeping on it.   
“Working.” Her brother answered.  
“How will we get to school then? He took the car, didn’t he?”  
“Yeah, he did. Robb is driving us.” He said, opening the refrigerator. “Don’t we have milk?”  
“Hm, no. I did a bet with Gendry.”  
“What? No. Wait. Forget it. Go get dressed.”  
“I think I’ll go like this.” Arya replied. “Be a good brother and pour me some juice, will you?”  
“I think it’s kinda old.”  
“Water then.”  
“Why don’t you just eat something?”  
“I’m not hungry.”  
“Of course you’re not.” He scoffed, getting a slice of bread and passing jam on it. “Sniffing all that fucking coke, it will take all your appetite away.”   
“Oh, yeah, because with you is all that no drugs policy right? Is that a joint in your pocket, by the way?”  
Jon stuck out his tongue for her, and she grimaced at him.  
“It’s not a joint. It’s a cigarette.” He said.  
“Yeah” She laughed. “With weed on it.”  
“Eat.” He said, putting the bread by her side. His face turned slowly disgusted when he saw the dirty on the table, but he had no time to clean it now. Robb was already in front of their house. His car's honk sounded loud and clear. Jon made his way to the window, opening the curtain only to wave at him, showing him he had heard.   
"C'mon. You can go with my shirt."  
"That was what I was planning to do."  
"Get your breakfast." Jon said, throwing his backpack over his shoulder carelessly as Arya got her bag. She rolled her eyes in response, but got the slice of bread in her hands. She liked Mondays, which was unusual. She couldn't help it. She liked Geography and History and both subjects were on Monday. But after all, Arya just liked getting out of home. She couldn't just sleep over Gendry's every day, but she wish she could. It wasn't bad when it was only her and Jon, but her father was always there during the night. Drunk and angry all the time. She didn't like people drinking. It was awful. The drugs were so much better. They called them the 'potheads' and she felt like screaming at them. It was better to be a pothead than be an alcoholic. At least she wasn't angry all the time. She grabbed the key from Jon's hand and locked the door, proceeding to put the key inside her jeans pocket. She turned to walk towards the car, but she bumped into her brother's back.  
"You're supposed to walk, you know."  
"Sansa is there."  
"Well of course she's there. She's his sister."  
"We didn't break up." He said, not quite moving his lips.  
"You're still seeing her while you shagging the life out of her brother?" Arya exclaimed, but still were able to keep her voice down. Jon shushed her as she glared at him.  
"I kinda forgot about her."  
"Stupid asshole. Man up." She finished, before getting into the backseat of the car.  
"Hi, Starks."  
"Good morning." Robb said, relaxed. He obviously hasn’t noticed yet the awkward situation he had put himself into. "Sansa, go to the back seat."  
"Why?" She asked, her red hair carefully braided. Sansa was the kind of girl that would wake up early to apply makeup.   
"Jon's sitting there." Sansa rolled her eyes. Arya wondered if Sansa knew what was happening. Jon and Robb were pretty obvious. Snow had his hand on the car's back door, but he stopped dead on his feet when Sansa got out the car.   
"I-, hi..." Jon said.  
"Sansa. My name is Sansa. I don't know if you remember. You seemed to have forgotten it on Saturday."  
"I-..."  
"And my brother, Robb, who you are so very fond of, wants you to sit on the front seat." She didn't give Jon the opportunity to babble some more. She got into the car again, slamming the door hard.  
"Oi!" Robb exclaimed, offended. "Be careful with him." Jon climbed into the car, throwing a reluctant smile at Robb.   
"It's not him. It's an it." Sansa snapped.   
"His name is Grey Wind." Robb said, proudly tapping the wheel.  
"It's not grey." Arya remarked.   
"It's Robb's favorite color." Jon explained.   
"Of course you would know that." Sansa said, grumpy.   
Robb's relaxed posture left his body as fast as he understood. He looked at Jon in disbelief, and the other shrugged. Robb continued to stare at him, gaping slightly. "I think we're late, Robb." Said Jon. "Yeah. Okay. School." Robb said, his voice short. He turned the engine on and drove off. Sansa stared at the street, angrily as Arya chewed on her slice of bread. Robb bit down his lower lip, his eyes shifting from Sansa to the road and to Sansa again. He took only ten minutes to get to the building and park his car, but it felt like so much more.   
"I need to talk to you, Jon. In private." Sansa said, while opening her door. Her boots found the ground, but she was still sitting in the car. "Now."  
"Hmm, later kid."  
"Don't you 'kid' me, Snow." She said, getting up. She looked at Robb. "Are you driving him home?"  
"Yeah." Robb replied.   
"So I'm walking home today."  
"Sansa..." She ignored his plead, turning on her heels and moving away from the car.   
"So that was good." Arya said, finishing her bread. "I'm off to find Gendry."  
"You have class now." Jon pointed out.  
"Like I said, I'll find Gendry." She messed Jon's hair and left the car. Robb kept staring ahead while she closed the door and walked away. He didn't break the silence for a couple seconds.  
"So... Are we going to class or..." Jon began saying.  
"You didn't break up with her." Robb said, his voice calm, his hands still holding his car's wheel.  
"Yeah, I kinda..."  
"What the fuck, Jon?!" He exclaimed, finally looking at him. "We fucked a million times and you're still dating her?"   
"I kinda forgot."  
"You forgot that we fucked?"  
"Oh, you know I could never forget that." Jon smirked, winking with his left eye. Robb suppressed a smile, trying to stay serious.  
"Asshole." Jon chuckled. "Seriously, though, Jon. You gotta break up with her."   
"Yeah, I know... I just... Forgot about her."  
"You know she's still my sister, right?"  
"Yeah."  
"And if you weren't so good in bed I would punch you."  
"Thanks God I am good then."  
"Well, lucky you.” Robb said. "I would kick your ass."  
"At least I'm not the one that gets his ass fucked."  
"Asshole." Robb repeated.   
"Yeah, exactly." Robb left a snort out.   
"Let's go to class, shall we?" Stark asked, his voice gentle just like he was talking to a child.  
"I don't wanna go to class." Jon moaned, resting his head on the seat. "Let's just stay and get high and then you can blow me."  
"I'm not sucking you again, Snow."  
"Why not? You seemed pretty fond of my..."  
"Because we're in school ground! And you're dating my sister!"  
"Okay, that never stopped you before." Jon said.  
"Well I didn't know that before."  
"If I break with Sansa, will you blow me?"  
"Jon, class."  
"You'll blow me in class? Robb, I didn't know you where such an attention whore."  
"You're a charmer. C'mon." He said, opening his door and leaving the car. "Are you staying there?" Jon pouted. "We can get high on the break." Robb allowed.   
"Weed?" He asked. Robb bit his lower lip, thoughtfully.   
"Yeah, if it's all you have." He shrugged. "We have Physics now, I can't miss it."   
"Okay, okay." Jon agreed, getting out of the car. "You convinced me."   
______________________________________________________________________  
Loras walked down the hallways alone. His sister was already off to talk to her friends, and Jon was late, apparently. He didn't mind. He was used to being alone. All the girls would think he was pretty and cool but somewhat they never found their way to him. Of course it wouldn't matter. He didn't want any more friends and he surely wasn't interested in a girlfriend. But he didn't need to stay alone for so long. Arya soon appeared, smiling broadly.   
"Loras!" She exclaimed.  
"Snowflake." He greeted. "What are you so happy about? Did Gendry give you flowers or whatever?"  
"He gave me a letter. He wrote a poem."  
Loras curved his lips upward.  
"He did now? Where is he?"  
"He went to class." She said, grimacing. "It's on the other side of the building, he didn't want to get late."  
"So, the poem. Is it any good?"  
"It's pretty shitty. He must've written this when he was high."  
"Oh, when is your boyfriend not high, Arya?"  
"Good point. It was a nice gesture, though."  
"Well..." Loras said, supporting his shoulder on a random locker. "Nicer than any gesture my boyfriend would make."  
"Speaking of the devil." Arya said, taking a few steps back. Loras looked back and saw Renly walking towards them. She raised her eyes, chuckling slightly. "See you on break?"  
"Try not to get into trouble." He said.  
"Once a really smart boy said: I don't go looking for trouble, trouble usually finds me."  
"I can stand Jon and his quotes, but not you too."  
She winked at him and left running for her class. Loras' smile disappeared as he felt Renly pass by his side without even considering stopping.   
"Renly." He called, as he followed the other boy. Renly stopped and looked at him.  
"Hi."  
"Can we talk?" He asked.   
"Talk about what?" The other answered, throwing a glance around the hallway.   
"Just... Talk. Just until we get in the classroom."  
"Loras, you know I like you, but..." He started.  
"But your friends can't know."  
"They can't see us together. You know it."  
"Yeah." Loras nodded. "Yes, I understand." He gave him a half-hearted smile. Renly smiled quickly back, and moved away from him. He observed the open door, but didn’t enter the classroom. “Fuck it.” He murmured, turning away and going through the hallways. His grades were good enough, and one skipped class wouldn’t change it. This time, he was truly alone. Everyone was already inside their classrooms, and he doubted that anyone would choose to skip the first class of the day on the school. Whoever planned to do so, was happily sleeping at home at this moment. He wondered if he could just go home, or maybe even stop by at Theon’s. Loras quickly shook the thought out of his mind. He was being silly. It wasn’t a big deal. Renly had his friends, and Loras had his own. Sometimes they kissed and other times they fucked too. He told Arya he was his boyfriend, but that wasn’t quite true. He could drown himself in self-pity for the next hour, but something got his attention. Robb’s sister was standing in front of him. She, however, didn’t notice him until he coughed quietly. Her head raised and he met her puffy eyes. He then understood. She had just stopped crying, probably about some stupid boy. A stupid boy, in reality, that Loras knew very well. He felt bad for her. Everyone could see she really liked Jon, or at least did. Or maybe just the idea of Jon, but still liked. She was a nice girl, he knew it. His sister had a big crush on her, but of course she would deny it completely when he tried to start a conversation about it. Sansa was pretty, her long hair perfect as ever, her blue eyes filled with tears. Her make-up must have been waterproof, because it was still intact. She quickly dried her eyes, looking quite embarrassed. Loras considered moving away. Letting her cry alone, but that wasn’t nice of him. He couldn’t help but be nice to girls.   
“Jon is an asshole, isn’t he?” Loras tried out. Sansa tried to laugh, but it came out as a sob.  
“He is.” She agreed.  
“Stupid boys.” She smiled kindly, finding his joke funny. Little did she know it wasn’t a joke.   
“Yeah. Stupid boys.” Loras smiled. If he was miserable, the best he could do was make someone’s day better. He hooked his arm with Sansa’s.   
“So, why is Sansa Stark crying?” He asked.  
“You will laugh.” She said, her cheeks turning red while she threw a unsure glance at the floor.  
“I won’t.” Loras promised.  
“Oh, no, you will.” She assured, her face serious.  
“So let’s get high first and then you tell me. I can blame the laughter on the weed and everything will be fine.”  
“But I don’t really get…”  
"Oh, yeah. I forgot. Saint Sansa." Loras said, a cocky smile appearing on his lips. "Your brother is not like this, you know."  
"He wouldn't do drugs." She stated, but her certain soon faded. She chewed on her cheek, looking worried. "Would he?" Sansa asked, turning her head to face Loras, who was looking for a joint in his pockets.  
"No." Said Loras slowly. "I was only kidding." He gave up finding it, realizing he had none. "He's an angel. Adorable. Never put a joint in his mouth." Loras raised a hand to his chest as in a promise.  
"I don't want him to get into this stuff." She said, thoughtfully. "No offense."  
"None taken."  
"Don't let him, Loras." Sansa murmured. "I know one day he'll feel the need to try it. He always does stupid things."  
"We all do stupid things. I know I do. I bet even you do."  
"Well, of course I do. But that doesn't mean I want him to get hurt."  
"I'll tell you what..." Loras started. They were still on school ground, but outside the building. He sat on the bench and Sansa sat beside him. "I'll protect him, yeah? I won't let him do anything stupid."  
"Promise?" She asked.   
"Yes, promise."  
Sansa wondered why she hadn't noticed Loras before. She always wanted to get to Jon. Because he looked cooler, perhaps. But Loras was better. Kinder and sweeter. Jon wasn't bad as Joffrey, for example, but she knew he didn't care much for her. And for that moment, she didn't care either. She didn't need Jon, and she surely didn't feel like dating him anymore after what he did. She smiled, this time truly.   
"Thank you."   
Loras smiled back at her, his hands in his pockets. 

"Robb!" Jon half exclaimed, half whispered when another paper ball hit his head.   
"I'm bored." He replied. Jon was sitting beside him, and his desk and the floor around him was filled with paper.   
"You were the one that didn't want to miss class." Jon said, focusing again on the teacher.  
"The first class. Now it's History. C'mon Jon, talk to me." Robb asked, poking Jon in the arm.  
"I like History, you moron."  
"Well I like you." Jon smirked, but kept his eyes on the board.   
"I like you too, Robb. I'll like you even more if you shut up."  
"C'mon let's skip."  
"Next one." Jon allowed.  
"You wanted to skip it so badly."  
"Yes, because I was too lazy to get off the car. But now we're already here."  
"Jon." Robb moaned, lying his head on his table. Jon smirked.   
"Oh, I love when you say my name."  
"Please. Let's do something."  
"Let's shut up." He suggested. Robb pouted, but gave up. He crossed his arms, supporting his chin on it. His eyes went through the room, and he didn't bother to pay attention for more than a few seconds. He glanced at his cell phone, that was resting on top of his desk. A low groan escaped his mouth when he saw that the class had started only ten minutes ago.   
"Fuck me." Robb said, hiding his face on his arms.  
"Later." Jon replied.  
"Fuck off, Snow." Jon laughed, shaking his head. Margaery, who was sitting in front of Jon, threw a burning glare at both of them.   
"Can you guys stop being so fucking gay and shut the hell up?" She said.   
"I'm paying attention!" Jon defended himself.  
"I'm sleeping." Robb said, his voice muffed by his own arms.   
"Assholes." She murmured, but neither had the time to reply. Loras was in the doorstep, and he knocked slightly. Luwin, the teacher stopped his lecture to look at him. He was a sweet old man. He could be quite stern when he wanted to, but he always seemed to ignore when the Stark children were talking in class. He was quite fond of them.  
"Yes?"  
"Well... I'm kinda late." Loras said, smiling his playful smile and messing his own hair. Renly was sitting across the room, in the background, with his bunch of stupid friends, but Loras couldn't help but notice his chuckle.   
"I can see that." The teacher replied.  
"Can I come in?" Luwin sighed.  
“Well, you’re already there, aren’t you?”  
“Is that a yes?”  
“Yes, Mr. Tyrell. It’s a yes.” Loras’ smile grew bigger.   
“Thank you, sir.” He said, as he walked inside the classroom and found a sit beside his sister. Margaery finished copying the sentence that the teacher was saying to then turn to Loras.  
“Where were you?” She asked, letting go of her pen.  
“Is Robb asleep?” Loras asked, turning so he could see the ginger hair of the boy.   
“Yes. Don’t ignore me.”  
“I was skipping class. Not a big deal.” He replied, shrugging.   
“Why?”  
“Because I felt like it! Jesus.”  
“Guys, I’m really trying to sleep here.” Robb mumbled. Jon rolled his eyes at him, and Margaery put her hand on Loras’ arm.  
“I have something to tell you.” She whispered, low enough for Jon not to hear it. Her face was serious and Loras smiled uncomfortably.   
“Did grandma die?” He asked. Margaery punched him.  
“This is serious.” She pleaded.  
“Tell me, then.” Margaery’s eyes searched for Jon for a second, but he was too focused to pay any attention to both of them. Robb was already sleeping, his breathing slow and calm.  
“I have a crush.” She said, looking embarrassed.  
“Who’s the lucky bastard?” He asked.  
“I have a crush on a girl.”  
“Is it Sansa?” She gaped at her brother.   
“I… It’s… No!”   
“It is.” Loras whispered. “You have a girl crush. Well, that’s something I’ll never have.”  
“Loras.” Margaery said, rolling her eyes. “How did you know?”  
“It’s pretty obvious, sis.”  
“It’s…” She started, and then leaned closer to her brother. “It’s not that obvious, is it?”  
“It’s pretty obvious.” Jon replied, making Margaery jump. She stared at him, a deadly look in her eyes. Jon didn’t even bother looking sorry. “She’s a good kisser, if you wanna know.” He pointed out.  
“I don’t wanna know anything that involves your tongue and her throat, thank you.” She replied, turning her back to him.  
Margaery was sitting near her group, but she wasn’t quite there. Her mind replayed the encounter she just had with the Stark girl. Everyone rushed out of the class and she didn’t feel like running to find her friends. She was planning walking in her own pace and then meting them in the same place as usual. However, Sansa found her before that. She sounded excited, which made Margaery happy. At least she wasn’t miserable about Jon. Everybody knew they would soon break up. Their relationship wasn’t really happy for long. And Sansa was apparently over it. Over Jon. Margaery felt great about it, but she also felt terrible. Because she was into someone else.   
Her eyes searched for her brother. Of course, all the girls had a tiny crush on him. He was kind and beautiful, and he wasn’t a douche bag like most guys could be. All the girls had something for him. Not everyone knew that he was gay. She never had a problem with stupid girls in her class freaking out about him. But Margaery felt a twinge in her stomach when Sansa told her that. She was confused. She didn’t like admitting it, but she was. She never gave it too much of a thought. She never had true feelings about anyone. Of course, she kissed whoever she wanted in parties, girl or boy, it didn’t matter. Margaery got what she wanted, she always did. But Sansa… She wanted Sansa. She could’ve kissed her in the last party. Yet she didn’t. And now she had a crush on her brother. She passed her eyes through her group of friends. Loras was relaxing on the grass, his lunch untouched and a book in his hands. He was lied down and he held the book over his face. His eyes were almost closed because of the sunlight. She suddenly remember last year, and how Theon would sit between him and Jon, and just smoke his joint and say really meaningless things, and everyone would just smile and agree because that was Theon. But now Theon was gone, kicked out, and there was an empty spot between the two of them. Arya was laughing as Gendry recited a poem that he had written in a piece of paper. He did funny faces and a deep voice, and Arya had a smile on her face no one could wipe off. Margaery saw her a few weeks ago, being pushed by a bunch of boys from her class, and she went in defense of her. They cowered away, because for all the effects, she was Renly Baratheon’s girlfriend. Arya didn’t seem too upset about it. She didn’t seem too upset about anything. And her thoughts finally met Jon and Robb. They were talking. Robb was really excited about something. Jon got up, and she decided to move out of her own thoughts and listen to what was going around.  
“Where are you guys going?” She asked, protecting her eyes from the sun with her hand.  
“Burger King. We’re skipping the rest of the day.” Robb answered.  
“But you’re my ride!” Arya exclaimed.  
“Walk home.” Jon replied.   
“Gendry, do you wanna come over later?” Arya asked, looking at him. He nodded, not rising his eyes from the paper. He had spent the last minute trying to understand a word he wrote.  
“If I find one used condom on the floor I swear to God I will make you go there and lick it clean, Waters.” Jon said, pointing a finger at the boy.  
“At least we don’t fuck in school bathrooms.” Arya snapped.  
“C’mon Jon, stop being the annoying brother.” Robb said, pulling him by the arm. He waved goodbye at the rest of them and left their place.  
“Why are we going to Burger King, anyway?” Jon asked, while they carefully made their way to the car.   
“Because they have crowns.”  
“And you like crowns? Robb Stark likes crowns?” Jon said, a laugh escaping his lips.  
“They’re really cool, okay?” Robb said, opening the car door.  
“No, wait, I’m driving.” Jon took the car key out of Robb’s hand.  
“It’s my car!” Robb exclaimed, trying to get the key from him. Jon, however, just raised his arm up in the air.  
“If I drive, you can smoke until we get there.” Jon offered.  
“Don’t you have cocaine?”  
“It’s too expensive. And I don’t really like it.”  
Robb grimaced, but shrugged nonetheless. He walked to the other side of the car and sat on the passenger sit, opening Jon’s backpack to find the weed.   
“Do you want some?” Robb asked when he found it. He carefully rolled it, looking up at Jon expecting an answer.  
“There’s only enough for one, we can share it.” Jon said, turning the engine on and starting to leave the parking lot. “Do you think they’ll catch us?”  
“We’ll just say I’m sick of the stomach. Where’s the lighter?”  
“Here, I have one.” Jon replied, shifting on his seat to get the lighter out of his back pocket. He handed it to Robb, who lit the joint up. Robb smoked it slowly, closing his eyes and relaxing his body.  
“Yes. This is good.” Robb murmured, smiling slightly. “This is fucking great.”  
Jon stumbled out the building, followed by Robb, who had a crown in his head. They ran for a few meters, until they stopped at an empty alley.  
“What the fuck, Jon?” Robb laughed. Jon laughed too, using a wall as a support, leaning forward. “Did you really have to do this?”   
Jon stopped for one second to answer. “I just wanted to know where the nearest Mc Donald’s was!” Robb laughed again, slowly sliding until he met the ground. He closed his eyes as Jon imitated his movement. Jon pointed at the crown, smiling. “You look very good in a crown, my king.” Robb smirked, opening one of his eyes to look at Jon.  
“Thank you, peasant.”  
“No, really. I could even picture fucking you with you wearing this crown.”  
“You shouldn’t say such dirty things to your majesty.” Robb pointed out, closing his eyes again.  
“Oh, yeah?” Jon asked, moving until he was in front of Robb, pressing him against the wall. Robb once again opened only one eye.  
“Should I call the king’s guard?” Robb said, opening the other eye now, and rising one of his eyebrows.  
“I’ll take your fucking kingdom away, Stark.”  
“I’d like to see you try, Snow.” Robb said, smiling. He remembered how he said the exact same words a few weeks before, daring Jon to punch him. Now he was high and happiness ran through his body, and Jon’s eyes stared into his. He felt his hot breath on his cheek, and no matter how much he tried, the smile didn’t left his lips. Robb didn’t give Jon the time to try. He urged his head forward and kissed him, softly. Jon kissed him back, eagerly. Jon spent all his life thinking he didn’t belong. He always tried, and he never acted like it hurt him. He never really thought he would find his place, his home. But he did. His place was near Robb. And he would make sure he never left it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 70 kudos! thank you so much, it means a lot to me, i mean it <3  
> bea: yes ramsay fucking bolton  
> milla: thanks!1 isodgklçds  
> joana: thank you so much!   
> theladynim: thankss soidgksdl i really feel bad for theon, honestly ):


	11. Forever is a long time but I wouldn't mind spending it by your side

Robb loved the weekends. He always spent his days doing something, because the guilt of doing nothing always seemed to weight on his shoulder. However, on the weekends, he allowed himself to relax. And that what he was doing. It was about four in the afternoon, and he was under his blankets, his eyes closed and his breath quiet. His door was half closed, which made it possible to him to hear his little brother, Bran, running around and screaming. Robb didn’t wake up because of this. He was used to it. The thing that disturbed Robb’s sleep was his own cell phone. The usual bip that it did when a text had arrived made him wake up. He decided to ignore it, shifting himself in his bed, turning to the other side and pulling the blanket over his head. He was almost dazing off to sleep again when the cell phone biped again. Robb groaned, and searched for the object. He knew it was under his pillow, but it seemed impossible to find it. It biped more times than he could keep track.  
“Dear God.” Robb murmured, giving up on finding the cell phone without sitting up. He raised the pillow and found it. He blinked his sleepy eyes a few times before unblocking it and reading the texts. It was no surprise when he found out it was all Jon’s. They started quite alright with some being “Robb, help” and “Robb!”, but then they decayed into lack of punctuation, being somewhat like “Robb”, “Robb i’m dying here”, “robb robb robb robb”, and at last, they became almost unreadable. “robb wake thfeUK up” and “robbbgofdkljio fklfhndf RBOB” were Robb’s particular favorite. Robb typed a quick “Do you want me to come over?” in response and got off his bed, since he already knew the answer. He took his shirt off and searched for another one. When he was close to the bed again, he checked his phone, and his suspects were confirmed with Jon’s reply. Robb placed his phone on his back pocket and getting his wallet, he left his room, going down the stairs. His parents were in the living room, watching some old movie, and Sansa was sitting on the floor, reading fairytales to Rickon.  
“I’m off.”  
“Where are you going?” His mother asked, turning her gaze away from the TV only to look at him. “You’re never home anymore.”  
“I’m going to…” He thought of saying Jon’s, but his mother hated Jon. “Baratheon’s.” Sansa scoffed in the middle of her story, but kept going after it.  
“Say hello to Robert for me.” Said Eddard.  
“I will.” Robb promised.  
“I want you home for dinner.” Catelyn demanded. Robb grimaced, but nodded.  
“Can I take the car?” He asked, already reaching for the keys on the table.  
“Home for dinner.” His father remarked, but smiled kindly. Robb smiled back and took the keys, opening the front door and getting out.  
“Bran.” He said, when he spotted his brother hanging on the tree, his arms wrapped around a branch, as he struggled to get higher. “Want some help?”  
“I’m… Okay.” Bran replied, breathless.  
"Don't fall." Robb said, getting into the car.  
"I never do."  
"Yeah, you don't." He said, turning the engine on and driving to Jon's house. When he got there, he saw that Jon's father wasn't home. Robb furrowed his eyebrows. He was never home, always leaving his children completely alone. However, the boy shook his head, brushing the thought away. He never met Jon's father, but he doubted he would let Robb come over all the time. Perhaps it was better like this. He ringed the doorbell, and Arya opened it.  
"There's no party this weekend." She stated, crossing her arms. She had shorts on, and a T-shirt way too big for her body.  
"So nice." Robb remarked, getting inside the house. "I'm here to see Jon. Hi, Gendry."  
The living room was a proper mess, blankets on the floor and Gendry had a bowl of popcorn on his hands.  
"What are you guys watching?" Robb questioned, while he tried to make his way to the stairs.  
"America’s Next Top Model." Arya replied, closing the door and locking it. Robb had to stop walking to look at the both of them.  
"Why the hell..."  
"Nothing good was on." Arya shrugged.  
"These girls really have potential!" Gendry exclaimed. She rolled her eyes.  
"Jon's upstairs." Arya said, after sitting again in her place beside Gendry, wrapping herself in the blankets. Robb nodded and went to Jon’s room, but he found the door closed. He knocked, and Jon opened. His shirt was half unbuttoned, and his hair was messy. His feet were bare and his eyes were filled with sparkles.  
“…Hello?” Robb tried, giving him a half-smile. “What happened?”  
“Alex Turner.” Jon gasped out.  
“Oh, him. What did he do now? You know, except from… Breathing and all.”  
“New song.”  
“Did I really wake up in the middle of Saturday afternoon just because Arctic Monkeys released a new song?” Robb asked, while Jon stepped away from the door, allowing him in. Robb sat on the bed, eyeing Jon’s computer, which showed a Youtube page.  
“It’s a big deal!” Jon exclaimed.  
“Yeah…” Robb said, remembering what happened last time they heard that band together. A mischievous smile made its way to his lips. Jon started to babble about the song, and Robb didn’t really listen, the memories taking hold of his mind. “Jon?” He called, pressing the play button.  
“Yes, Robb?” Jon asked, his eyes going from the computer to the ginger boy.  
“Kiss me.” A smile appeared on Jon’s face, and he seemed to have forgotten the song for that moment. He leaned forward, kissing Robb deeply. Robb kissed him back, his hand reaching for his face, gently caressing his check, his tongue twirling, exploring every corner of Jon’s mouth. Robb pulled Jon nearer, lying on the bed, the computer still next to both of them. Jon followed the silent request, not daring to move their lips too far from each other. Robb took his hand away from Jon’s face and moved it down to his shoulders, scratching Jon’s back gently. He heard a low moan come out from the back of the other’s throat and his lips smiled against Snow’s. Jon tilted his head to the side, his tongue tracing over Robb’s lips gently, only to bite down on them later. Robb made his movements rougher, trying to get control of the kiss, as Jon did the same, his hips making a deep thrust, making Robb moan this time. Stark shifted, finding his position on top of Jon. His lips that were once on Jon’s mouth were now kissing his chin, his neck, his shoulder. Licking, and biting and sucking, Robb marked Snow’s skin with his love. Jon’s hands played with Robb’s curls, and he moved then down to his shoulders. He could feel how Robb moved from side to side, trying to kiss every existing bit of his body. His fingers held tightly on Robb’s shirt, and the redhead broke apart for a few seconds, allowing the shirt to get rip off. He lunched forward hungrily, the sweet touch of his lips wasn’t so sweet anymore, but desesperate. Robb’s hands finished the job of opening Jon’s shirt completely, and he arched his back as Robb took the fabric off and tossed it away. Jon used his elbows as a support on the mattress, raising his head so he could meet Robb’s lips again. His tongue passed by Stark’s lower lip before putting it inside his mouth. He kissed him back, his hands scratching slightly on Jon’s hips as he tugged his pants down. Jon didn’t move his hands to get Robb out of his pants, because he didn’t want to lose his support. However, there was no problem in with, as the boy himself began to undress after he found Jon only on his underwear. A smirk appeared on Jon’s lips as Robb fought his way with the buttons of his pants, his hands clumsy and hurried. He could already see how hard he was, aching for some release. Jon licked his lips, just for the sake of teasing. Robb groaned, getting free of his underwear before leaning forward. Jon relaxed his arms, lying on bed again, as Robb pressed his chest against Jon’s. A soft moan became guttural when he felt Robb moving his hips to press his cock against Jon’s crotch. Robb, however, kept going, his movements because harsher by the minute, as Jon sighed and moaned.  
“Fuck… Robb…” Jon gasped out, not being able to form a whole sentence. He closed his eyes with pleasure when he felt Robb’s gentle lips on his neck. His cock was already throbbing, and when he felt Robb playing with his waistband, he moved his hips upwards, anxious for more contact. Robb chuckled in response. His lips found the place where Jon's neck met his shoulder, and Robb sucked gently on it. As he slowly kissed downwards, his hands went inside Jon's underwear and caressed him. Even though the moan was low, Robb heard it perfectly. When he was finally close enough, he took the waistband between his teeth, and pulled it down, in such a slow pace that Jon wondered if he couldn't press charges for torture. But then it was off and Jon sighed with the feel of cold air against his cock. Of course it didn't last long, because he soon felt Robb's warm breath. His hands shoot to the red curl, and he felt the need to tug on them, to feel Robb's lips his cock, the delicious feeling of his throat. But that wasn't Robb's plan. He let out a frustrated groan and barely noticed when Robb kneeled to the floor, pulling Jon gently. He pushed Jon's legs until it could give him a complete sight, and then his head was there. Jon gripped the blanket with his hands, closing his eyes when he felt Robb's tongue. He had felt Robb's cock against his tight hole before, but never his tongue. Robb licked it reluctantly, as if he was not sure if Jon liked. But he heard Jon moaning his name and that was enough for him. He now moved with more confident, his tongue flickering and licking, almost treating to enter him. And then he did, his tongue even swirling inside of him. Jon's knuckles had turned white from holding on too strong and all he could master to do was whisper Robb's name in a frenetic mantra. When Robb took his tongue out, a whimper escaped from Jon's lips, but the feeling of emptiness didn't last for long, because Robb's finger soon took the place where his tongue was. He moved in and out and Jon gasped when he hit that perfect spot. Jon finally felt like he could hold in his moans, but Robb added another finger, making him bite his lips and move his hips. Jon started to search for his drawer, not daring to move away from Robb. Not without difficulty, he was able to open it and take off a condom. He tried to tear it up with his mouth, but his teeth failed the task when a third finger joined the other two. He tried again, and handed the condom to Robb, who smirked at him. His fingers were out, but Jon didn't complain this time. He kept his eyes focused on Stark while he stood up. What a whore he was for him, spread out and longing for Robb to fuck him. Perhaps it would matter later, but right now it didn't. All it mattered was Robb. Snow asked himself if there was any time where anything mattered but Robb. Probably not. How despicable he was. He used to make fun of Arya and Loras, for being so goddamn vulnerable. And now here was he. Completely vulnerable, not only physically, but mentally. He was Robb's. He was too young or perhaps too dumb to know what that meant by then, but he knew it was true.  
"You're so fucking beautiful." Jon whispered, and Robb furrowed his eyebrows, before smiling at the compliment. He didn't answer, though. He moved his hips, and as he felt Jon around his cock, an animal moan left his lips, as Jon's were parted in a silent one. Robb's thrusts built up to a rhythm. He was desperate for some relief, and his movements were getting stronger, deeper, Robb was hitting spots Jon didn't even know it existed. The position allowed them both to look at each other, but Jon couldn't keep his eyes opened because of the pleasure, and Robb had his almost closed. But the blue eyes opened when Robb was almost there, and he kept his gaze locked on Jon as he came, Snow's name coming out of his mouth when he found his release. Jon didn't know if it was the sound of his name on those lips or if it was from every sensation Robb made him feel this day, but he came shortly afterwards, getting the whole mess on Robb's stomach. He breathed deeply for a few seconds, as his legs settled down and his feet found the ground. His head, however, was still on the clouds, and he didn't plan on leaving. He sat on the bed, holding Robb's hips gently, pulling him closer. He licked Robb's soft skin clean, as Robb closed his eyes and played with his dark hair. When he was done with it, he lied on his bed, shifting is head to meet Robb's eyes. Stark smiled and climbed onto the bed, lying beside him. "You're beautiful too." Robb said. He could say it. 'I love you, Jon.' He experimented in his head. 'I fucking love you, Snow.' He tried again. 'I really fucking love you, Jon Snow.' He could do it. He would do it "I..." He started, but something made his mouth close. "I really like you, Jon." Robb finished in a murmur. Jon chuckled.  
"Don't be such a pussy, Stark." He replied. However, he kissed his lips, trying to show him he liked him too. 'I love you. I love you. I love you.' Jon wanted to say. He should be brave. They should be brave enough to say it. Look at the things they did. They weren't scared of pills or powder or anything. But then Jon realized. He wasn't brave. He was just reckless.  
Jon didn’t know if they spent ten seconds or ten minutes just looking at each other, and he didn’t care either. The song had ended a few minutes ago, but neither had noticed. “Let’s get high.” Robb suggested, smiling slightly.  
“Robb, do you ever think about anything else?”  
“I think about you.” He replied, and Jon smiled too.  
“Did you bring any?” Robb shook his head. “Well, I don’t have any.” Stark stared at the ceiling, thinking. He then looked at Jon again.  
“I bet your sister does.”  
“You’re not really considering…” Jon said, his eyes widening but a mischievous smile appearing on his lips.  
“She’s in the living room with Gendry. She won’t notice.”  
“She’s going to flip if she sees us in her room.”  
“Then we should make sure she doesn’t, right?” Robb said, getting up. He searched for his pants, but they had apparently disappeared. He put Jon’s on instead.  
“Those are my pants.” Jon pointed out.  
“What are you going to do?” Robb challenged. “Rip them off?”  
“I don’t need to rip them off to get you out of your pants for me, Stark.” Robb let his eyes wander until they met Jon, who was still naked on his bed. A blush crept up on Robb’s cheek, as he felt a warm feeling between his legs. He moved his hands and opened Jon’s closet, getting a pair of pants out and tossing it at Jon.  
“Just get dressed.” Jon laughed, but reached for his underwear and followed Robb’s request.  
“Is she still downstairs?” He asked, while Robb put his head outside Jon’s bedroom and tried to see downstairs.  
“Well, I think so.” Robb answered, as he walked towards Arya’s closed bedroom. “I can hear the TV.”  
“She’s going to kill us.” Jon said, while he observed Robb turn the doorknob and enter the room.  
“For God’s sake, Jon, she’s your little sister. I have one too.”  
“But Sansa is like a flower.”  
“Oh, she can be quite mean.” Robb assured him, as he opened the drawers, searching for the weed. “Do you know where she keeps it?”  
“She never told me, she’s afraid I’ll steal it.”  
“Can’t imagine why.” Robb murmured, getting a card out of her drawer. It was the Mother’s Day kind, that kids get when they’re in grade two and all they can do is fill the blank places with colored pencils and mothers find it so beautiful. This, however, was not painted. It was completely blank, and it was obviously not new. He put it back, closing the drawer and pushing the thought away. “Any luck?”  
“No, but I found fifty bucks.” Jon replied, his eyebrow furrowed.  
“What’s the big deal?”  
“I lost fifty bucks.”  
“Your dad must have given it to her.” Robb suggested, but Jon knew his own father better. He didn’t give money to his children. However, he wouldn’t tell Robb that. Not when Robb had a father like Eddard. Jon placed the money on Arya’s desk again, and went back to searching. He opened the second drawer and found something that Robb would certainly love. A big amount of cocaine was there, badly hidden beneath a school test where she got a D. Jon could show it to Robb, and they could sniff it, but Jon didn’t like the idea of that. Robb was already sniffing so much powder, sometimes skipping school so he could meet Theon outside. Jon even did it with them, one day, and he got surprised with the amount of drug his friends were using in only one shot. And it was Arya’s. She would get mad about the weed. But she would get fucking pissed about the cocaine.  
“Found it.” Robb said, and Jon closed the drawer, letting out his breath, which he didn’t even notice he had been holding. A small doubt crept up inside of his mind. Where did Arya get all that powder? Theon always got them some, for a sniff or two, but never that much. “Let’s get out of here.” Robb made Jon snap into reality but holding his hand and pulling him outside. Jon shook his head and breathed deeply, smiling as he watched Robb enter his room. Arya probably got some money from Gendry, or whoever. He wouldn’t worry. Not for now. He could always ask her later. Jon locked the door as Robb already rolled the joints. He sat on the bed, shirtless and barefoot, wearing Jon’s clothing with no underwear. Jon sat in front of him, crossing his legs as he waited.  
“I wish we had some coke.” Robb murmured to himself, and Jon almost ran to Arya’s bedroom to get what he wanted, but he just sat there. He handed the joint to Jon, a smile on his lips. “Don’t be so grumpy, Snow. You’re allowed to smile sometimes, you know.”  
“Fuck off, Stark.” Jon replied, but he smiled anyway. Robb got the lighter from Jon’s desk and clicked it, as Jon put the joint on his mouth. The flame was small and fragile as Robb lit Jon’s cigarette for him. A few smoke floated out and Jon closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling. Robb smirked, as he shared his attention on the joint he was preparing and Jon.  
“Let’s watch one of your movies.” Robb suggested, finally finishing it and putting it on his mouth. Jon blew the smoke out and looked at Robb.  
“Gingers are funny.” He said.  
“Thanks.” Stark replied, lighting his joint up this time.  
“Your hair is not even like Sansa’s. Yours is brighter and… shorter.”  
“That’s good, considering I’m a boy.” Robb remarked, slightly hitting on Jon’s pillow so it got more comfortable and resting his back.  
“I’m not that stupid to actually mistake her from you. I was pretty high that night.”  
“You’re pretty high right now.”  
“And like… Do you reckon she knows we’re fucking?” Jon asked, taking it out of his mouth, looking sincerely worried. Robb shook his head, staring at Jon’s drawings.  
“She just thinks you’re gay.”  
“I’m not gay.” Jon defended himself. “I’m just quite fond of kissing boys, that’s all.”  
“And that’s not gay.” Robb laughed. “You ignored my suggestion.” He accused, pushing Jon’s knee with his foot.  
“You said something? I was too busy staring at your pretty lips.”  
“I don’t want to kiss you.” Robb said. Jon shifted on the bed, supporting himself on his knees and still smoking. His face was so close to Robb’s that if he blew the smoke out it could enter Robb’s mouth if it was open.  
“I think you do.” Robb laughed again, pressing their lips together before pushing Jon off.  
“Movies.”  
“That was not even a real kiss!” Jon exclaimed, chuckling. He pulled his notebook and began clicking through the folders. “What movie do you want to watch?”  
“I don’t know, that one with the Beatles kids.”  
“Have I told you you’re a disgrace, Stark?”  
“Quite a few times, yes.” Robb replied, lying on Jon’s bed again, his head next to the computer and his feet on Jon’s pillow. Jon moved his hands and pulled Robb’s legs out of the bed, and it was not a comfortable position, however, Robb didn’t shift. “Jon, I’m hungry.” Robb said, looking quite upset at his finished joint.  
“I thought you wanted to watch Across The Universe.”  
“Well, I do, but I’m hungry too.”  
“We’re getting food later.”  
“Now.”  
“Later.”  
“Now…” Robb said, sitting up and pouting.  
“Later.” Jon replied, a smile forming itself on his lips, even though he tried to hold it down.  
“Jon…” Robb pleaded. Jon sighed and put the computer on the bed again.  
“The things I do for love.” He said, in a dramatic voice, getting up and leaving the room. Robb smiled and followed.  
“All you need is food, Jon!” Robb yelled, and laughed at his own joke.  
“Robb!” Jon gaped, torn between laughing and scolding. The laughter, of course, won. And Arya did the scolding, shushing them as they tried to laugh in a lower tone. Already in the kitchen, Jon put popcorn on the microwave and pulled a chair for him to sit. Robb opened the refrigerator.  
“Don’t you guys have coke? I mean… The drinking kind.”  
“No, we have water.”  
“Everyone has water.” Robb said, almost hitting his head on the freezer door. Jon laughed. Robb laughed.  
“Don’t be so spoiled and drink water, Stark.” He said, getting the popcorn out and opening the package. “Can you get me a bowl?”  
“Where is it?” Robb asked, looking around as if the bowls were going to jump in front of him.  
“In the cupboard…” Jon replied, smiling slightly.  
“Well, of course, Jon.” Robb said, searching for it. “Of course I knew, I was just testing you and all.” He handed it to Jon, who put the popcorn in it. After a few minutes, because Robb forgot that he was thirsty and they had to go back, they were settled in Jon’s bed. The movie went out as expected. Robb didn’t get a few things and his comments in the middle of the movie, that would normally piss Jon off, just made him laugh. They even lost a few scenes of the movie, because Robb insisted in kissing, and as much as Jon tried to stay focused, he couldn’t resist. Jon pointed out his favorite characters and Robb noticed the smile that appeared when he heard his favorite quotes, and as soon as Robb left the bowl on the floor, his head fell to rest on Jon’s shoulder.  
“The movie is over.” Jon said, and Robb smiled, his nose caressing Jon’s neck. “What now?”  
“I’m sleepy.” Robb pointed out, resting his head again.  
“Stark, you’re always sleepy.” Jon shifted his shoulder, making Robb’s head lie on his pillow.  
“Let’s sleep.” He asked, closing his eyes. However, Jon didn’t let him, poking his arm.  
“Don’t you have to go home or something?”  
“Only for dinner… Or breakfast… I don’t know, who cares?” He opened his eyes, just like he had the most brilliant idea. “Can we have breakfast for dinner?”  
“No, you have to go home.” Jon replied, taking a stubborn curl off Robb’s eyes. “I don’t want your parents to hate me.”  
“My dad doesn’t hate you…” He yawned. “He thinks of you like his…”  
Robb did not finish the sentence, his breath soon becoming slow and calm, and his hands holding firmly on the blanket. He looked peaceful, and Jon smiled, moving closer to him. He could spend all the time in the world like this. The presence of Robb was starting to become a constant in his life. Something he knew that would not be taken away from him, and that he couldn’t imagine how he would cope without it. Hopefully, Jon thought, he wouldn’t have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took so long, I'm fighting against a writer's block  
> and thank you for all the kudos!  
> vivian: yes???  
> Joana: thank you!  
> bea: dont cry smile im gay sorry


	12. You're not as brave as you were at the start

Robb was a heavy sleeper. Jon never noticed it. He was too busy sleeping to try to wake him up. But this time he needed Robb to wake up. He poked his arm, slowly, his finger sinking into the skin before pulling away. Robb moaned in his sleep and shifted, turning his back to Jon.  
"Robb." Jon said.  
"No..." He complained, covering his head.  
"Robb, you have to go home."  
"No, let's stay here forever." Jon chuckled.  
"It's morning. You had to go home for dinner."  
"I'll just tell them I forgot, it's okay." He said, covering his head. "Lemme sleep." Robb murmured, his voice proving that he was already falling asleep again.  
"It's kinda weird, isn't it? Your parents didn't call." Robb kept quiet. "Robb, I know you're awake."  
"I turned my phone off." He admitted, turning to face Jon again.  
"You turned your pho..." Jon began, but was interrupted by the phone ringing. He started to scream his sister's name but she was faster.  
"I'm busy!" She screamed from across the hallway, her voice still sleepy. Jon got up and left the room. Robb sat on the bed, rubbing his eyes and followed, yawing. Jon found the phone downstairs and answered it.  
"Hello?" His face turned white in a matter of seconds.  
"What? Who is it?" Robb asked.  
"Hello, Mrs. Stark." Robb's eyes widened, but an amused smile appeared on his lips. Jon stared at him. "Yes, he's here. He's asleep. How did you get my phone number? No, no, there's... Absolutely no problem with you calling." Robb left his worries by the side, sitting on a chair and observing Jon's struggle with a smirk. "Yeah, I know. I know. Sorry. It won't happen again. Of course. Yeah, I'm an asshole. Yes, terrible influence. Sorry for breathing." He hanged up. "So your mother called." Jon said, a smirk appearing on his lips. Robb laughed, sitting on the couch. The mess Arya and Gendry made were still there, which made Jon twist his nose in response.  
"I've noticed." Robb replied.  
"She's quite mad." He stated.  
"I'll give her a flower."  
"She's fucking pissed."  
"I'll give her a bouquet."  
It was Jon's turn to laugh. He started to fix the room up, as Robb looked around.  
"Jon?" He said, his voice sounded uncertain.  
"Yes, Robb?" Jon replied, too busy getting the room pretty to look at him.  
"Can I ask you something?"  
"You already did." Robb rolled his eyes, and Jon looked at him. "Sure, go ahead."  
"Where is your dad?" Robb asked, slowly. He looked at Jon carefully, not wanting to upset him.  
"He's out." Jon replied, shrugging. The answer was not enough, and he sighed when he saw the look in Robb's eyes. "He never stays home. Goes out for drinking or whatever he gets into when he's there. Me and Arya are used to it. It's no big deal."  
"But he's never home. How about your mother?"  
"Let's not talk about it." Jon murmured. Robb took a deep breath, but bit down his tongue.  
"What did my mother call you again?"  
Jon smirked, not quite as truly as before. However, Robb wasn't going to push him.  
"A sick bastard. And she said that I'm a terrible influence."  
"Well, that's kinda true." Robb remarked, as Jon sat beside him.  
"Shut up, Stark. And that if one day you appeared dead in a dark alley, she would get me in jail."  
"Oh, that's nice. Don't worry. I'm not dying." Robb assured.  
"Of course you're not dying!" Jon laughed. "And she also said you should get away from me." Robb smiled, kissing Jon's mouth before answering.  
"Good thing I never listen to my mother." He whispered, his lips brushing slightly against Jon's. Jon smiled back, biting Robb's lower lip, before flickering his tongue to the inside of Robb's mouth.

Arya's bed was way too small to fit her and Gendry and still be comfortable. But they found their way. Arya's head against his shoulder, her body almost completely on top of him, their legs tangled. A blanket barely covering the both of them. She was the first to wake up, with the phone ringing through the house. Her sleepy brain still remembered that she had to do something about.  
"I'm busy!" She shouted, startling Gendry awake. "Sorry." Arya said, later. She supported her chin on his chest, a playful smile on her lips. Gendry smiled back, blinking a few times.  
"Good morning."  
"Indeed." She heard the footsteps of her brother and his boyfriend going downstairs, and the perfect plan formed up in her mind. "Have you ever heard of Bonnie and Clyde?" Arya asked.  
"Are they like Romeo and Juliet?" Gendry asked, closing his eyes.  
"Sweet, sweet Gendry." She said, shaking her head. A giggle escaped her lips. Gendry Waters. The only person in the world that could make a girl like Arya giggle. "Is the weed fucking up your brain?  
"You can't really say anything, cokehead." Gendry replied, the corner of his lips curving upwards. She hit his shoulder, laughing.  
"They're thieves." Arya whispered, in secrecy.  
"A couple of thieves or a thief of couples?"  
"Gendry, are you high already?"  
"Okay, sorry." He said, sitting up on the bed suddenly, causing Arya to yelp surprised. Gendry chuckled. "I'm focused now."  
"Good." She snapped. "They were a couple and they stole things."  
"Let me guess. They died."  
"No! Well, yes. That's not the point, Gendry!"  
"Your lips are pretty."  
"Gendry..." She moaned, hiding her face on the place where his shoulder met his neck. He laughed, his whole body shaking.  
"What's your point, Arya?"  
"The point is I need your help to steal something."  
"Oh, that was it?" He said, and he looked like he was wondering why she took so long. Then understanding appeared on his face. "Wait, you wanna do what?"  
"I don't want to rob a bank, for God's sake. I just need to get some money from Jon."  
"Ask him!" Gendry suggested.  
"He won't give it to me!" Arya exclaimed. "It's just fifty. I already got the other half." Of course, she had the other half because she also got it from Jon. But she wasn't going to tell him that. The need of a sniff had been growing quite urgent, and Theon wasn't picking up his phone. It didn't even seem like it had only past three days since she used the last time. She would have to go to Ramsay's. But she wasn't stupid to show up there without the money. "Look, what's the point? He'll spend it on drugs one way or another."  
"Won't he be mad?"  
"Only if he sees us." She replied, glad that she had finally convinced him. Arya got out of the bed, taking out the Jon's shirt she used to wear to sleep. Gendry's eyes focused on her while she opened her closet and pulled a shirt of her own and put it on. She wiggled her butt while putting the shorts on, whether because she needed to, or because she was just teasing, Gendry didn't know. However, with Arya, it was always teasing. She threw a glance at him.  
"You're in your underwear."  
"Where are my clothes?"  
"I have no idea." She replied. "Go on, get dressed. We've got a job to do." He nodded a few times, sitting up. Once he found his clothes and started getting dressed, he gathered the courage to ask.  
"Where are you going to buy it? You're not going to Bolton, are you?" Arya looked at him for a few seconds, and then focused her stare on her feet.  
"Theon goes to him." She said.  
"And that turned up so well for him. Just give him the money, he'll get it for you."  
That was what she wanted to do. But Theon disappeared and she couldn't wait much longer. An argument started to build up on her throat, and she swallowed it. If Gendry even doubted that she was actually planning to go there, he wouldn't help her. He would tell Jon, or even want to go with her.  
"Theon didn't pick up the phone. I'll go to the Targaryens. They're not dangerous. The worst that can happen is one of Daenerys' crazy dogs biting me." Gendry relaxed, a chuckled escaping after hearing her joke. At last, he nodded.  
"Jon is going to cut my balls off if he catches us." Gendry murmured, his steps careful as Arya opened the door.  
"For fucking's sake, Gendry. Jon is downstairs being gay with his gay fluffy boyfriend. And he doesn't even know how to castrate someone."  
"Robb is fluffy?" Gendry asked, getting one book from the pile and looking at the cover of it. Arya slapped his hand for him to drop it. "Why did you do that for?"  
"I mean, look at those curls. He's like a puppy. And Jon's a fucking psycho about his things. We can't move too much or he'll notice."  
"Oh." Gendry said, putting the book back into place as if it was going to explode. "Where does he keep the money?"  
"How the hell will I know?" She replied, already opening drawers.  
"Two weeks ago you said he was boring you showing where he kept everything in his room."  
"I didn't pay attention!" Arya replied.  
"Why not?"  
"Because I was texting you." Gendry didn't reply, a smile covering his face.  
"Here it is. He has one hundred." Arya bit her lip, considering. But she had already nicked some from Jon before. She wasn't doing it because she liked it. She needed it. Jon would understand. Arya got the fifty she needed and left the room, slipping the note into her pocket. Now, she had other problem. Gendry couldn't come with her.  
"So, you're going home?" Arya asked, going inside her room and getting the rest of the money. She looked at Gendry only to see the suspicious look in his eyes. "If we go together, Viserys is going to flip thinking we're trying to trick him. He's mental."  
"Okay, I'm going home." Gendry replied, while going down the stairs. Jon and Robb were apparently too busy kissing to notice any of them, and only if Arya didn't just steal his brother, she would have teased him. She held Gendry's hand gently and pulled him to the door.  
"Oi!" Her brother said, stopping the snog session just to throw a pillow at her. "I'll make you dinner..." His voice broke off into a chuckle, when Robb tried to get him into kissing again. "You better be home."  
"I'll see what I can do." Arya replied, leaving and closing the door. She got on tip of her toes to kiss Gendry. "Bye."  
"Don't let the dogs bite you." He whispered at her. "And get me some weed." She laughed.  
"Such a gentleman."

Theon knew a lot of things that Ramsay had. He had a knife, he was sure of it. He also had a gun, and an enormous collection of bullets. He had the guts to kill anyone who got in his way, and Theon was pretty sure he had no feelings. But out of all things that Theon imagined Ramsay to have, the last of them would be a dog. A bitch, more precisely. Her name was Kyra, and she was big and gentle and seemed to have a big affection for Theon. It had been around a week that Theon had been living there. When Ramsay was in a good mood, he was allowed the couch, but most of the time, he slept on the floor, a blanket on top of him and a pillow beneath his head, Kyra snuggling next to him. He was starting to forget the feeling of a warm comfortable bed. Ramsay was barely home. He worked in clubs and parties, and the lack of food on the refrigerator proved that he wasn't fond of cooking. Of course that Theon would never get something without asking, but when Ramsay was near he wasn't able to build up the courage to ask. The hunger didn't even bother him anymore. The happiest moment of his day was when Ramsay gave him a little powder, not when he tossed a sandwich at him. Sometimes it was not near enough to get him out of his craving, but sometimes he would get so high that he believed he would never need another shot. Of course, in the next morning, he would be desperate for another one. Jon worried a little bit about him, texting and asking if he could come over, in the beginning of the week. Theon denied, saying that his father was mad at him. He wouldn't tell Jon that he was living at Bolton's. The memory of the party where he decided to confront Ramsay still made him cringe. He was wondering how long Ramsay would take to come home and how much coke he could steal without the other noticing. Theon brushed the thought away. Or perhaps it was Reek. Theon would not hesitate before stealing. He was not afraid, after all, he was still a Greyjoy. Reek, by the other hand, could not even think to disobey Ramsay. The thin line between Theon and Reek was getting thinner. It was hard to keep your true personality when you spend the whole time pretending to be someone else. He didn't understand where the nickname came from, but he honestly didn't care about it. Theon was settling. Ramsay took everything from him, he might as well take his name.  
He couldn't help to look around worried when he heard the door shifting, trying to see if it was something wrong that Ramsay could blame him for. A girlish giggle made his search stop and his eyebrow furrow. The girl was pretty, and something clicked in his head. Jeyne Poole. She used to study with him. Or the correct form would be he used to study with her. She was not the one that got expelled. Ramsay was being a charmer. The madness in his look was not apparent, but Theon knew him well enough to know it was still here. His lips curved into a smirk that would make girls sigh. His voice was soft, that it didn't matter if he was whispering fake promises or dirty words, it would still make the girl giggle. His kisses on her neck were softer than they were when he kissed Theon, but he knew it wouldn't last for long. The girl had no idea of the trouble she was getting into. Theon was sitting on the floor, a book in his hands. He lowered his eyes to the paper before Ramsay got angry at him for staring. His ears captured a sound of Ramsay dropping something on the table, but he didn't look right away.  
"Is that Greyjoy?" Jeyne asked, her voice in a whisper, but Theon heard anyway.  
"Yeah, you could call him that." Ramsay replied, biting down in her ear and pulling her towards to the bedroom. She tried to give Theon a look, to mock or to say hello, but wasn't able to. Ramsay's fingers held her chin stronger than she expected, a dangerous look on his face, and fear flickered in her eyes. "He's not important. Pretend he doesn't exist." He said, in a command. Jeyne nodded, and Ramsay let go of her chin, entering the room. Theon didn't not respond the scared look Jeyne threw at him, and soon the door was closed.  
He scratched behind Kyra's ear, his eyes trying to figure out what was inside the bag Ramsay left on the table. A small vision of white powder made Theon's pupils dilate and he felt his heart beating faster. He needed all his self control to go and get it the minute he found out. It was becoming harder and harder to resist the urge. His whole body and organism craved for it in a way that made impossible for Theon to think of anything else. However, he brushed the thought away once more. His eyes raced to Ramsay's door, where small moans and whimpers were beginning to be escape. He immediately shifted his look, avoiding it. There was nothing he could do for the girl, not now. Someone knocked on the front door, and Theon was pretty sure Ramsay didn't even hear it. He got up from his place of the floor, Kyra wiggling her tail and jumping to reach the door before him. When he opened the door, his eyes widened. He stepped outside, stopping Kyra from escaping with his foot, and left the door half-closed.  
"What on Earth are you fucking doing here?" He whispered to the little girl in front of him. Of course he knew what she was doing here. His phone had died a few days ago, and Ramsay didn't let him charge it. Theon would see Robb and Jon when he decided to visit them at school, but they never invited Arya to skip classes with them. She usually texted him when she needed her dose.  
"You look like shit." She said, simply. He did, though. Bags under his eyes, skinnier than he had ever been. His clothes were beginning to smell, his arms covered with scratches and there was a bunch of hickeys on his neck. His eyes were bloodshot from all the cocaine he had used. Just by thinking of the drug, Arya sniffled, passing quickly the back of her hand on her nose.  
"You shouldn't have come here." He said, looking at the door behind them.  
"What are you doing here, then? You're not safer than I am."  
"It doesn't matter. Whatever you want, you can't get it here. Go to Targaryen's, or I'll bring you at school."  
"Targaryen is shit. I want Ramsay's. And I need it now, Theon, you know what is like. And what the fuck are you doing here in the morning? Are you his little bitch now?" She asked, spitting out the words in disgust. It would have hurt his feelings, if he wasn't so worried.  
"I live here now, you spoiled little brat." He whispered back at her, a spark of Theon coming alive. Now that got her surprised.  
"You're living with Ramsay fucking Bolton?" She asked. He thought she was worried with him, but it proved otherwise. Her expression turned into outrage. "You're living with him and I can't even get near here?"  
"You don't know what he's capable of." Theon warned.  
"I'm not afraid." Arya said. Theon gave her a tiny smirk. Of course she was not afraid. She didn't know. Ignorance was really a bliss. She moved forward to enter the place, but Theon pushed her slightly.  
"How much have you got?"  
"You can't deal for him." She complained, even though she was searching for the money in her pocket. "I have one hundred." Theon was going to take it, but he retreated his hand.  
"Where did you get this money from?" He asked.  
"Jon." Arya replied, way too quickly.  
"Oh, no, you're not buying drugs with Jon's stolen money."  
"I didn't say I stole it!"  
"I know you, snow flake. It's not happening." Arya's fierce look turned into a pleading.  
"C'mon, Theon. You know what is like. I just really need some. Please. Jon won't even notice." That was a lie. The both of them knew it. Theon sighed, passing his hands on his face. He took a deep breath, trying to see if he swallowed some courage up with it. He had considering stealing at least ten times a day, and all the times, his Reek side won. Obey. That was the smartest thing to do. Obey him, and you won't get hurt. But Arya needed it. The girl was basically his little sister. And he couldn't use Jon's stolen money for this.  
"Stay here." He said, entering the room again. His steps were slow and he couldn't stop looking at the bedroom's door, fear filling his guts, almost making him change his mind. Ramsay was going to know. Ramsay was going to know and break a finger or two, or even break his nose or something worse. Ramsay always knew, just by a look into Reek's eyes and he knew everything. He opened the rest of the zipper of the bag and wondered if it wasn't just a trick. Ramsay liked games. And to leave a half-open bag full of cocaine on the table seemed like a trap. Theon brushed the thought away. It didn't matter, not now. He took a package, and closed the zipper again. He expected Ramsay to leave his room and get him, but nothing happened. Theon could hear now Ramsay's grunts as he thrust probably rather harshly inside the poor girl. He went back to the front door and handed the package to Arya. She looked at him in disbelief.  
"You're stealing from Ramsay." Arya whispered, wonder filling her eyes. The words made him want to cringe and hide, hearing it only making it sound truer.  
"I am. Give back the money to Jon." Arya nodded.  
"And here was I mistaking you for a coward."  
"Ramsay won't even notice." Theon mumbled. Another lie, and again they both knew it.  
"Thanks." She said, and ran off. Theon entered the room again, his eyes going straight to the bag. Ramsay was going to notice. Theon already regretted stealing. What was he thinking? He sat near the bedroom door that was half open, and his short nails scratched his wrist without even noticing. He should tell him. It wouldn't be so bad if he told. Or at least he hoped so. His head turned to peek inside the bedroom. Ramsay was on top of her, each thrust making a whimper come out of her lips. And Ramsay saw him. Theon jerked awake, moving away from the door. He got up, and he heard Ramsay getting out of the bed and probably putting his pants on.  
"What were you doing?" He asked, his voice way too calm to be good, his hair all messy. His pants were open, since he had put them on hurriedly. He was, however, wearing boots. Theon asked himself if Ramsay ever took them off to fuck. He was usually too busy to notice.  
"I... I wasn't doing..." Theon said, sitting on a chair.  
"Don't you fucking lie to me, Reek." Ramsay warned, getting closer. His eyes shone with something between rage and excitement. Theon cringed as the distance between them got smaller. "I can tell when you're lying. I know everything about you." Ramsay's words made Theon regret sitting. The bag, which he stole from a few minutes ago were next to them. It took all of Theon's strength not to glance in that direction. If he thought about telling Ramsay before, he had surely changed his mind. Ramsay put a hand on the table, his face next to Theon's, so close that if he breathed strongly the other would be able to feel it. However, Theon almost didn't breathe at all, his face gone pale and his gaze not focusing in anywhere in particular, not daring to look into Ramsay's cold eyes. "Were you enjoying it? Did you like watching me fuck the little bitch?" He said, slowly. Theon didn't answer, and that earned him a tug on his hair. Ramsay didn't let go, forcing Theon to look into his eyes. The grasp was firm and painful and Theon choke out the word.  
"No." He whispered, hoping that Ramsay would release him. He didn't. A smile, an awful, sadist smile crept up on Ramsay's face.  
"So you were jealous?" Theon opened his mouth, but closed it quickly. He didn't know what answer Ramsay wanted. However, he didn't have the space to speak. "You don't have to worry, Reek. You're my favorite whore." Ramsay said, his mouth against his ear. "And when I get tired of fucking that girl, you'll still be here. You'll always be here. Do you know why?" Theon shook his head weakly. "Because you don't have anyone else to go to." Ramsay said, cracking up in a laugh after finishing the sentence. "No one wants you. No one loves you. You're lucky to have me."  
"I'm lucky." Theon mumbled, and he felt an instant relief when Ramsay let go of his hair. "I'm Reek." He said, and his messed up brain tried to remember what Ramsay used to chant when he was happy. "Reek, it rhymes with... Freak." Ramsay smiled, getting a grip on his hair again. Theon held the whimper in, knowing that Ramsay didn't want him crying out. At least, not yet. He made Theon stand, only to push him to the ground. Theon felt a sharp pain on his side where he hit the floor.  
"I thought..." Theon murmured. He thought that Ramsay would be too busy with that girl to punish him now. That he was free, at least for a couple hours. It was hopeless, of course. A desperate hope. There was nothing that made Ramsay happier than to torture his pet.  
"You were wrong." He said, giving a harsh kick on Theon's ribs, making him gasp for air. "Do you wanna fuck her too?" Theon shook his head. He tried to stand, but Ramsay kicked him again, making him fall on his arm. A moan came from Theon's lips, as he rolled to his side to take the weight off it. "You couldn't, right? Theon might. But not you, no, not Reek." Ramsay lowered himself, until he was by Theon's head. There were tears of pain forming in the corner of his eyes, but he tried to hold them it. Ramsay reached for his face, and Theon flinched. However, he didn't hit him. His finger traced Theon's cheekbone, which was becoming more and more prominent, probably by the lack of food. "Do you know what else Reek rhymes with?" Theon shook his head again, miserable. "Weak. It rhymes with weak." Ramsay said, getting up. He was going to leave, and that only made Theon breathe out with relief. But apparently, this made him change his mind. He stepped on Theon's fingers with all his strength, and a scream came out of his mouth before he could control it, as he felt some bones definitely breaking. Ramsay didn't even throw him a second glance, just kicked his hands out of his way and went to the bedroom again, as if nothing had happened. As the door closed, Theon sat up, looking carefully at his fingers. One of them was bent in a way that was not natural, and the pain was almost unbearable. 

Loras bit down his straw, rising one eyebrow. His sister was sitting in front of him, her milkshake untouched. Her gaze was far away, somewhere not even Loras could reach. "What are you thinking?"  
"What?" She said, looking at him.  
"Are you thinking about the Stark girl?" Loras suggested.  
"Are you thinking about the Baratheon kid?" Margaery snapped back at him.  
"Don't need to be so rude." Loras replied.  
"She's into you." Margaery mumbled, putting her chin on her arm. Loras laughed, and she chuckled slightly.  
"Her gaydar is really bad." He said, finishing his milkshake.  
"What do you mean?"  
"Well, at first her brother is like really gay, and she doesn't even notice. And then she's into me? For God's sakes, she must think you're straight."  
"I am straight!" Margaery exclaimed.  
"Shut up, Margaery, I know you since you were born."  
"Asshole." She murmured. "Okay, but she's into you. What will I do about it?"  
"Well, I can guarantee you I won't shag her."  
"I'm not worried about that! You're not a fucker. You're a fucked." Margaery said, brushing out the subject.  
"What are you worried about then?"  
"She... She stared at my boobs, Loras! She has to have the tiniest gay inside of her, doesn't she?"  
"She's straight, sweetheart. Can I have your milkshake?" He asked, already reaching for it.  
"I could make her smoke some weed, or get her a little drunk, after the first kiss it won't be that hard."  
"Margaery, what did I tell you about manipulating?" Loras said, rising one eyebrow.  
"These are desperate times, my dear. And how about Renly?" She asked, getting her phone out of her bag. "Do we have a party this weekend?"  
"We're all meeting at a club tonight." Loras said, avoiding the Renly's question.  
"What club?"  
"Night's Watch."  
"I bet Jon picked it." Margaery mumbled, grumpily, but she typed the text anyway, and sent it to Sansa. "Okay, Renly."  
"He's your boyfriend." He replied.  
"Don't give me this crap. I'm not the one fucking with him."  
"He's alright."  
"Let's invite him!" She exclaimed, getting Loras' phone.  
"Wait, what? No!" He complained.  
"Shut up."  
"He's not going to show up!"  
"If he doesn't show up, I'll kiss the Targaryens."  
"The both of them?" Loras asked, his eyes widening.  
"Yeah."  
"Go ahead, text him."  
Margaery smiled, and focused her eyes on the phone. 

It was starting to become ridiculous. She couldn't even wait to get home. She had sniffed in a public bathroom, because the wait was killing her. The place was dirty and ugly, but she couldn't care less. When she finally got home, Jon was almost falling asleep on Robb's lap. She had her coke on her coat's pocket, and the money on her back pocket. Of course, the thought of telling crossed her mind, but she wouldn't. Jon didn't even notice, and he wouldn't know and she was going to give the money back. No harm, whatsoever. But when she was stepping on the first step, she heard Stark's voice.  
"Arya, you dropped some money." He had said carelessly, with no doubt in his voice. He obviously believed it was her own money. But her brother knew better. He got off the couch and got the one hundred bucks before she could.  
"Where did you get this?" Jon asked, serious. She tried to reach from it.  
"Father gave me." Arya replied, quickly.  
"You can lie to the whole fucking world, Arya. But you can't lie to me." They stared at each other, until she broke.  
"I'm sorry." She said, sounding like the little girl she was. "I really needed it, I didn't have any way to buy it and Theon didn't pick up the phone..."  
"You little shit!" Jon said, putting the money in his pockets. "Look at me, you won't steal from me anymore, do you get that? Or I will tell father."  
"You can't tell dad, he'll be fucking pissed!"  
"Do I look like I give a fuck?"  
"I didn't spend it! I was going to give it back!" She screamed.  
"I don't care what you were going to do with it!" He screamed back, louder. Robb seemed to snap up, getting out of the couch. "I'm getting really tired of your crap, Arya."  
Robb rested his hand on Jon's shoulder.  
"C'mon, Jon." He said, his voice low. "She gave it back. She won't do it again." Arya made a mental note to thank God later for Robb Stark's way with words. She saw her brother relax under his touch. "We're going out in a few hours, don't let this ruin the night."  
"I need a smoke." He murmured, finally taking his eyes off Arya, his stern look turning into a soft one. Robb smiled.  
"Of course you do."  
"Hm... I've got some weed." Arya said, trying to make up with her brother. She knew that Robb would rather have cocaine, but if she showed what she got to Jon, he would flip. And she didn't feel any wish to share it with anyone.  
"Go get it, then." Her brother said, his voice showing that he was still mad with her. She wondered if he knew where Theon was living. And she wondered if she should tell. Arya bit her tongue and went up the stairs, doing more noise than necessary. After all, Jon could be pissed, but she wouldn't allow him to treat her like crap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for any grammar mistakes. I usually write some part in my computer and the other one in my cellphone, but this chapter was completely cellphone-written, so I may have messed up some parts.  
> bea: thank you i love you too??  
> Serena: thank you! Theon is one of my favorite characters, so yes, you'll be getting more about him. I have more feelings than it is considered healthy.  
> Joana: thank you too siodgjks 
> 
> and also thanks for all the kudos. Unfortunately, I am travelling next weekend, I'll try to update the next chapter before I travel, but I may not be able to. Then I'll only post it on Monday afternoon, but I will really try to get it on by Friday.


	13. You'll never sink when you are with me

Jon had calmed down. With a bit of weed and Robb doing bad impersonations of famous people, anyone would.  
"How can that be Mick Jagger?" Arya asked, taking the joint of her lips only to ask. She blew the smoke out with the corner of her mouth.  
"C'mon guys. The fedora?" Robb pleaded, pointing to the hat on his head.  
"That's Michael Jackson, you moron." Jon replied, laughing. "But you do look pretty hot with a fedora."  
"Guys, I'm in the room." Arya complained.  
"Well, close your eyes." She moaned, but closed her eyes as Robb leaned forward to kiss Jon's lips.  
"When are we going out?"  
"Well, you're not going." Jon replied.  
"We're going out?" Robb asked, fixing the hat on his head.  
"Of course I'm going, you can't ground me." Jon ignored her, and looked at Robb.  
"Are you going?" Robb raised an eyebrow. Jon rolled his eyes. " I mean, can you go?"  
"Well, my mom is already pissed. It won't make much difference if I come back home at eight pm or at four in the morning, so..."  
"What will you give her then? A box of chocolates?" Jon asked, getting up. Arya stared at him, her eyes following him as he crossed the room to the stairs, going up.  
"Where did you get it from?" Robb said, the moment Jon was too far away to hear it.  
"Excuse me?" Arya replied, moving her gaze from the stairs to the redhead in front of her.  
"The coke. You sniffed some."  
"I didn't..." She said, defending herself, even sitting up.  
"There's a bit around your nostrils." Robb pointed, and as if he remembered, he sniffed. Arya felt a brush creeping up in her face and she rubbed the back of her hand against her nose, suddenly feeling extremely self-conscious.  
"Theon gave it to me." She murmured. It was not a lie. And thankfully, Robb didn't ask where did she meet him. Jon was back, his wallet on his jacket's pocket and Robb's on his hand. He tossed it and Stark put it on his jeans' back pocket.  
"Can I drive?" Jon asked, already with Robb's keys in hands.  
"I don't know, you're kinda high." Robb pointed out.  
"So are you!" Jon replied, a smirk on his face.  
"Well, yeah, but... Weed doesn't affect me that much anymore."  
"Oh, you are such a badass." Jon whispered, handing him the key.  
"I'm going." Arya said, putting her shoes back on.  
"You are so not leaving this house." Jon replied, pointing a finger at her face.  
"What in earth makes you think you can stop me?"  
"I'm your older brother!"  
"Jon, don't be such a bastard, let the kid have some fun." Robb said, opening the door and going outside.  
"Yes. Let the kid have some fucking fun." She repeated, leaving after Robb. "Can we pick Gendry in the way?"  
Jon sat grumpily on the passenger's seat, his arms crossed.  
"You look adorable when you're angry." Robb said.  
"Fuck off." Jon mumbled. Arya laughed, and Robb looked at Jon, smiling tentatively. Eventually, Jon lost the long face, smiling back at him. 

Theon had finally got a chance to charge his phone. His finger hurt like hell, definitely broken, but he was trying to ignore it. At least, it made him forget the pain on his ribs. He was quite shocked at the number of missed calls and unread texts. Theon read through them, standing next to the wall. However, his reading was interrupted by a phone call from Margaery. His brow furrowed, and he raised his eyes to the bedroom's door. Still closed. He answered, still uncertain of if he should.  
"Hm... Hello?" Theon murmured, his voice sounding way too fragile to his liking. He coughed, and said the word again, louder.  
"Theon!" Margaery's voice sounded worried. "Where the hell were you?"  
"My phone died." He replied.  
"You didn't think of charging it?" Theon ran through his mind in search for an answer that wasn't 'Ramsay didn't let me.'  
"I didn't think you guys would care."  
"Of course we would!" She exclaimed. "So we're going to the Night's Watch tonight. Do you wanna go?" Theon was opening his mouth to reply her, but the bedroom's floor kicked open, and Jeyne flew out of it, pulling the strap of her bra on her shoulder and closing the buttons of the Ramsay's shirt she was wearing. Ramsay appeared on the doorstep, observing her with a smug look in his eyes. She left the place, and Ramsay chuckled.  
"She'll be back." He said, to no one in particular. Theon gaped.  
"I-..."  
"Who are you talking to?" Ramsay asked. Theon tried to form the words, but his guts seemed to have frozen.  
"Theon? Are you alright?" Margaery asked from the other side of the line, but he barely listened to her.  
"Give me the fucking phone." Ramsay said, and Theon extended his hand immediately, handing it to him. "Who is this?"  
"Oh. You." Margaery said, with disgust clear on her voice. Ramsay smirked, throwing a look at Theon, who focused his eyes on his feet.  
"Yes. Me."  
"I was talking to Theon."  
"Now you're talking to me."  
"She... was inviting me... To a club." Theon murmured, uncertain.  
"I didn't let you talk, Reek." Ramsay snapped and Margaery bit her lower lip to control her anger. However, he seemed to find the information useful. "What club?"  
"I was not inviting you, Bolton." Margaery snapped.  
"Oh, Tyrell. I don't think you properly understood. Where Reek goes, I go."  
"His name is not Reek."  
"Look, you little bitch, you don't wanna piss me off." He warned. Theon opened his mouth to calm him down, but a cold stare from Ramsay made him change his mind. Margaery scoffed.  
"I'm not afraid of you." She said. "Whatever. Go if you want to. Theon," Margaery made sure she put some emphasis on the name. "Knows the club." Ramsay turned off the phone, and shoved it back into Theon's hands.  
"I didn't tell you could charge it."  
"I wanted to talk to my friends." Theon murmured, and Ramsay raised one eyebrow.  
"Is that so?"  
"They're... They are into drugs too." He quickly completed. "They... are afraid of you. I used to get drugs for them. You would sell more if you let me... talk to them."  
"That bitch didn't sound so afraid."  
Theon felt the urge to defend her, but Reek knew better.  
"She's just pretending." He murmured. "It's Night's Watch."  
"What now?" Ramsay snapped.  
"The club. Night's Watch." Ramsay's anger was quickly replaced by amusement.  
"Oh, you actually think we'll go?"  
"I-..."  
"You want to go. You want to see your little friends. Am I not good enough for you, Reek?"  
"You are, of course you are." Theon mumbled, already giving up on the idea of leaving. Ramsay held his chin, his finger caressing his face with an unusual kindness. His grip, however, was strong and Theon didn't try to get away. He focused his eyes on Ramsay's lips, not daring to stare into those freezing blue eyes. Ramsay smiled, lurching forward, taking Theon's lips and invading his mouth with his tongue. Theon didn't move away, but didn't reciprocate the kiss either. Until he felt the painful bite of Ramsay's teeth against his lips, and he started to kiss him back.  
"If you wanna go, we'll go." He whispered, with a cruel smirk, letting go of his face and moving away from him. Theon blinked a few times, but didn't complain, following Ramsay outside. 

Sansa felt out of place. She didn't belong there, that was something she was certain of it. But Margaery had texted her, and a swell feeling filled her chest. She wasn't inviting her because she had to, or because Sansa was Jon's girlfriend. She invited her because she wanted Sansa there. And the fact that she had a friend that cared enough to invite her out was incredible. She was friends, of course, with Jeyne Poole. But they were put together since they were tiny children, and Jeyne had a new boyfriend, apparently. She was coming over tomorrow, and Sansa hoped she could get at least a name. However, right now, she had bigger problems. The Night's Watch was... something, definitely. It was near her neighborhood, Winterfell, but it was more to the North side of the town. She even had to take the train there, because her stupid old brother was with her ex boyfriend. Brothers shouldn't become best friends with their sister's exes, should they? She even saw them in school, always together. Robb hated Jon. Always saying he was just a bastard, an asshole and that he would punch him if he ever talked to him. Sansa wondered if she should tell her brother about the name Jon moaned when they were together. But then she would have to tell him that they were almost there, and Robb wouldn't be too happy about it.  
"Sansa?" She heard a familiar voice calling her, and she looked around searching for the source. She spotted that brown curls and a smile spread on her lips.  
"Loras!" His eyes were slightly red, and she figured they were already there for some time. Her stomach gave a twirl, and she felt as such butterflies were flying around inside of it when she saw the beautiful smile on his lips. It made her think of Margaery, but she quickly took the thought out of her mind.  
"C'mon, then!" He said, holding her hand and pulling her through the crowd. "Everyone is already here." Loras said, shooting a look at her over his shoulder. He asked for someone to get out of their way, and went back to talking. "I mean, Jon and Robb went out for a smoke but they'll be back soon."  
"Robb... Robb is smoking?" She asked, trying to keep up the pace.  
"Well, of..." Loras seemed to remember who he was talking to and gave her an half-hearted smile. "Course not. He just went with Jon."  
"Oh." Sansa said, not buying it for a second. They have found a table for them. Arya sat on Gendry's lap, and she was too busy laughing to notice Sansa. Gendry, with a joint in his hand, made an impression of the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland. Margaery had almost completely empty bottle in her hand and she was leaning over the Targaryen girl like she would kiss her any second.  
"I really like dragons and stuff." Daenerys said, looking quite uncomfortable with Margaery's proximity. "You do know I have a boyfriend, don't you, Tyrell?"  
Loras sat down, and Sansa did too, her eyes focusing on Margaery.  
"Hey, Dany, where's your brother?" Loras asked, smirking.  
"He's home. He said he didn't want to meddle with kids."  
"Your bet is off, Margaery." Loras said.  
"You made a bet?" Daenerys asked, her eyes going wide.  
"It's no big deal." Margaery replied, but she already moved away from Daenerys. "You can go back to your creepy boyfriend or whatever." Sansa looked around, and saw a group of boys that looked quite strange.  
"Who are they?" Sansa asked.  
"The brotherhood without banners." Gendry answered in his fake deep voice.  
"More like brotherhood without boners." Arya mumbled.  
"They are pretty cool, okay?" Gendry exclaimed.  
"Sansa!" Margaery called, smiling, causing Gendry and Arya to shut up. "You okay?"  
Sansa didn't feel okay at all. The smell of weed was making her feel dizzy, and the amount of people in the place was starting to suffocate her. But she gave the girl a smile.  
"Never been better."

"Fuck." Robb let out, his voice raggedy and his breath shallow. He threw his head back, and a low thump was heard when he hit the wall, but he didn't care. The bathroom's cabin was small and the cleanness of the place was certainly questionable. Jon was kneeling on the floor, his hands on both of Robb's thigh for support and his head bobbed forward and backward, the obscene wet noises his lips were making around Robb's cock making Robb groan like an animal. Robb had one hand on the wall, and another on Jon's hair, occasionally tugging and pulling on it. He bucked his hips to thrust more inside of Jon's throat, and the feeling of his moan against his hard cock made Robb's mouth form something that sounded like a whimper and a moan. And then he heard a familiar tune. His brow furrowed, trying to place the sound but his brain had probably taken a vacation, because he couldn't think properly. Jon decided it was the perfect moment to give a hard suck on him. "No... Wait... Phone..." He said between moans, pretty sure he didn't make much sense. Jon didn't stop completely, only taking Robb out of his mouth to kiss and bite gently at the inner part of his thigh. Robb took a deep breath before reaching for his phone, his hands shaking while he pressed the button and answered it. "H-hello?"  
"So you're alive!" Robb froze when he heard his father's voice, and tugged on Jon's hair for him to stop. In response, Jon licked the whole extension of his length. Robb used all his self control to hold the moan inside his mouth, pressing his lips together, his eyes rolling to the back of his head.  
"Dad!" He left out, in a high-pitched voice that surely didn't belong to him. Robb prayed to God that Jon got the message. He didn't.  
"Robb, you were always a responsible kid." Eddard said, as Robb breathed through gritted teeth. Jon teased him merciless, and Robb was torn between punching him and idolizing him.  
"I... I am. Dad, I'm kinda busy." Robb pleaded, and he took his hand off the wall to bite down the back of it. He saw the smirk on Jon's lips and tried to stare down at him angrily, but Jon licked him way too softly, and his gaze broke down.  
"I don't care what the hell you are doing. Look, I get it. I was young once too."  
"Dad..." Robb's moan sounded a lot more sexual than it should.  
"But when you say you will come back for dinner, you have to come back to dinner. It's Saturday, and it's dinner time and you said you would come back on Friday."  
"Yeah, yeah." Robb brushed off, fighting really hard to get a hold of himself. Jon, however, didn't plan on letting Robb win this battle. He took him as fully as he could, and began to suck him, long and deep. "Yes..." Robb hissed, unconsciously. He heard nothing but silence from the other side of the line. This time, he prayed for the whole fucking greek pantheon of gods and goddesses that Jon would stop, or at least that his father wouldn't connect the dots.  
"Oh, Robb." He heard his father chuckling, and he felt like he should care, but he couldn't bring himself to understand. "You really are busy."  
"I-... What?" Robb asked, and a mute gasp came out of his mouth when Jon twirled his tongue around him.  
"Be home soon. I'll talk to your mother. Have fun." Ned turned off immediately after this. Robb felt the whole tension leave his body, and a low moan left his throat when Jon decided to slow down the pace. Robb moaned a complain, and Jon smirked.  
"Assho... Oh, fuck." Jon sucked him off as if it was his only purpose in life, and Robb felt as if he should care about other people in the bathroom, but he couldn't hold down the moans that escaped his lips every time Jon moved. He was building up, and knew that wouldn't last much longer. Robb opened his eyes to meet Jon's. The color grey, for many people, wouldn't mean passion, lust and life, but for Robb it did. And those eyes drove Robb over the edge. Snow's name escaped his lips and he didn't even notice. Jon swallowed all he could, and licked his lips, grinning obscenely. He got up and Robb leaned forward to kiss him. It tasted as himself, but perhaps more than anything, it tasted as Jon. Robb adored this taste.  
"Robb?" Jon said, murmuring against his lips.  
"Yes?"  
"You moan like a whore." He remarked, and Robb pushed his shoulder, smiling. A blush crept onto his face, even his neck turning red.  
"Shut up, Snow. Let's go back." Robb replied, pulling his zipper up. 

Theon felt anything but comfortable. Ramsay was sitting beside him, showing Arya some pills he had. He couldn't help but feel the need to stop the conversation right there. Theon had already risked himself to give Arya what she wanted, but that apparently wasn't enough.  
"Do you have any money?" Ramsay asked. The question made Theon's heart to stop beating for a few seconds, but it was not directed to him. He should've known, of course. Ramsay's voice was completely different when he was talking to other people.  
"No." Ramsay laughed, already turning away from her.  
"Then don't bother talking to me."  
"I can pay you later!" She exclaimed.  
"I don't work like that."  
"You do with Theon."  
"What I do or don't do with your little friend doesn't matter to you, does it?" Ramsay snapped.  
"I can pay you later." Theon said, slowly. He was already in doubt with him. A few bucks wouldn't make much difference. It wasn't like he was going to let him go anyway. Ramsay looked at him, and grinned maniacally. He slipped the pills to Arya's hands.  
"You're luckly you have such a good friend, girl."  
Arya was clever enough to move a few chairs away to sit next to her boyfriend again. She put three pills into her mouth, while Gendry took only one. Ramsay turned back to Theon, and when he opened his mouth to say something, Theon felt a poke on his arm. He saw Ramsay's eyes narrowing, but he couldn't ignore the girl calling his name.  
"Margaery... Hi." He tried to smile, but it came out as a grimace.  
"Tyrell." Ramsay greeted, scolding angrily. If Margaery was bothered, she didn't seem to show. She smiled grandly.  
"So, you guys are boyfriends, right?"  
Theon gaped, and looked at Ramsay.  
"Yes." The other replied, his voice so cold that Theon just desperately wanted Margaery to stop. He could smell the alcohol on her breath, and his eyes searched around the room. He found the Stark girl kissing some guy that was probably way too old for her, a scar covering up half his face. They bodies moved to the sound of the music in the middle of the dance floor, and their kiss was deep and his strong arm was circled around her waist. He looked back at Margaery and sighed. Theon could already imagine her face when she saw Sansa kissing another person and how she drank more glasses than she should.  
"So, Bolton." She said, supporting her elbow on the table and her chin on her hand. "Is Theon still good at fucking?" Theon's eyes widened. They had never fucked. Well, they both slept around a lot, but Theon was almost sure they didn't. "Because I can tell you this, he was one of the best I ever had." Ramsay smirked, his head shifting slowly to the side.  
"What do you mean?"  
"I mean that your boyfriend here is fucking awesome in bed. But I think you already know this."  
"I do." He agreed.  
"Because you're surely the one in the bottom." Margaery remarked, smiling kindly.  
"What?" Ramsay asked, holding his cup with more strength than necessary. Theon moved his hands to Ramsay's thigh without properly thinking first. He cursed himself after it, but now he had already done it. Hoping that Margaery wouldn't notice it, he started to move his hands, gently caressing him. Theon just wished Margaery would take a hint and stop messing around with someone like Ramsay.  
"Well, you look like it." She said, with all innocence she could bring to her face. Theon was sure he was going to regret it later. He leaned forward and kissed Ramsay before he could answer. Fortunately, he kissed him back. Margaery grimaced, but moved away, as Ramsay slipped his hand to the back of Theon's neck and took his mouth possessively. Arya and Grendry went to get a drink a few minutes ago, and Robb and Jon found the group like this. Margaery scolding at Sansa, like the man would stop kissing her if she stared long enough. Loras stared at the club's door, waiting for someone to show up. Robb sat down, and Jon found his place beside him.  
"Theon!" Jon exclaimed, and he pulled away from Ramsay's kiss, looking quite surprised.  
"Jon! You're... You're here." He said, his voice sounding everything but happy.  
"Of course I'm here! You know, night out. Just us." Jon said, throwing a glance at Ramsay.  
"You're Snow, aren't you? I've heard this before." Ramsay said, visibly angry.  
"Well, it's also a noun, you know." Ramsay's eyes narrowed even more, and his hand closed into a fist over the table.  
"Hm... Jon?" Theon murmured, his eyes shooting from him to Ramsay. Snow looked at him. "Is... Is that Arya... shagging her boyfriend?"  
"They shag all the time." Jon said, brushing off. He obviously thought that Theon was trying to distract him from Ramsay.  
"Yes, but they're... doing it in front of everyone." He finished.  
"What do you m..." Jon said, looking for his sister. He stopped in the middle of his sentence. She was in a couch a few meters from them, her shirt on the floor and her legs were enlaced around Gendry's waist, his fly open. The way his hips were moving and the sounds that came of his little sister's mouth told him that it was definitely more than dry humping. "The little..." He murmured, getting on his feet and going after her. Robb scolded at Theon like it was his fault and sighed, following Snow just after it. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" He exclaimed. She broke their desperate kiss apart, and looked at him. She was far gone, her pupils huge and she apparently didn't care that about twenty people stopped what they were doing to look at her. Gendry didn't stop at first, still kissing her neck. He finally did when he heard Arya laughing.  
"What? Are you jealous?" She asked. Jon picked the shirt and tossed it at her.  
"Get dressed." He was trying to control his anger, and Robb stood beside him, eyeing him careful. Arya laughed again, an exaggerate, loud laughter.  
"What will you do? Are you going to call daddy?" She asked, pouting. "Or mommy? Will you call mommy?" Robb thought that Jon's expression soften a bit, but it was over so quickly that he wasn't sure.  
"Is this what this is about?" He asked. Once again, she laughed.  
"You can't call mom, can you?" Arya screamed, tears starting to form in her eyes. "Because I killed her. It's my fault she's not here."  
"Just get fucking dressed and let's leave." Jon snapped. People were feeling too uncomfortable to keep looking, slowly going back to their glasses and songs and pills. Nobody wanted their night ruined.  
"Dad hates me because of this. If I wasn't here you would have a mom. I'm useless. I'm no good, not for me, for anyone."  
"It was not your fault, Arya." He said, taking off his jacket and throwing it around her shoulders. Gendry had already zipped up his pants and the realization seemed to sink into him.  
"My fucking fault." Arya whispered.  
"Arya... Let's go for a bit of fresh air, yeah?" Gendry said, getting up. She didn't move. Jon scolded at both of them, and left. Robb went after him.  
"You've to stop storming out of places." Robb said, trying to break the mood, as Jon finally stopped walking. The club was a few meters away, the music almost disappearing. He tried to smile and placed a hand on Jon's shoulder, who shrugged him off. "Jon, you never told me about your mom."  
"Don't go there." He murmured. Robb ignored it.  
"You should've told me. I mean, we're... boyfriends!" Robb exclaimed, letting his feelings over flood his senses. "Aren't we? I should know stuff like this."  
"I said don't go there." Jon warned.  
"I already did. You can't just shut me out of such a big part of your life and then expect me to believe that you give a fuck about me." Jon turned, and stared at him. Robb raised an eyebrow, inquiring. Snow closed his hand into a fist and threw a punch on Stark's cheek. The impact made Robb take a step back. He didn't bother about the pain. Jon had punched him before, they had struggled on the floor like two wild animals. But now it was different.  
"Fuck you, Snow." He said coldly, taking a few more steps before turning on his back and entering the club. He sat by Loras side, since he was the only one left on the table. Theon was probably somewhere with Ramsay, Arya was curled up on the couch, Gendry sitting beside her with a arm around her shoulder and Margaery playing with her hair and probably saying loads of nice things.  
"So Renly didn't come, uh?" Robb murmured.  
"Renly never comes." Loras said, the sadness palpable in his voice. He looked at Stark. "You're bleeding." As he pointed out, he licked his thumb and passed it on Robb's cheek, cleaning the blood from the cut. "Jon has a little anger issue."  
"How did you kno..."  
"I saw you guys leaving." Robb nodded, looking at the door. "Sorry you boyfriend punched you." Loras said. Robb chuckled and took his eyes out of the door to look into the boy's golden eyes.  
"Sorry your boyfriend didn't come."  
Loras leaned closer. He was needy and sad, and so, so alone.  
"This is bullshit, isn't it?" Loras asked. Robb nodded. "And I'm going to regret it in the morning."  
"Most likely."  
"You know what? I'm high, and I couldn't give a fuck." He took Robb's lips, and the first thought that crossed Robb's mind was 'This isn't right'. It didn't taste like Jon. It was good. Loras was a good kisser. His lips were way too big for Robb's, they didn't quite fit like his did to Jon's, but his tongue was warm and soft. It wasn't right. His hands weren't on his face or hair, but on the inner part of his thigh. Robb tried to move away, already regretting his foolish decision. But Loras followed his movement, kissing him deeply. Or perhaps desperate. Yes, this was probably the word that described Loras. Desperate for friendship, for love, for being important. 

"Why are you here alone?" He heard a voice and raised his head, taking his hands off his ears. Jon was crouched to the floor, in the exact place where Robb left him. Little did he know that his sister was in the same position that he was.  
"I... Do I know you?" Jon asked to the girl in front of him. Her red hair was long and beautiful, and she wore a winter jacket.  
"We saw each other once or twice. Why are you here alone?"  
"I think I fucked things up." He mumbled.  
"People do that all the time."  
"How do people know if they didn't fuck up for real?"  
"They don't." She replied, smirking.  
"This fucking sucks."  
"You sitting alone outside a club? Yes, it does."  
"You're outside the club too." Jon snapped.  
"Well, I don't go to clubs."  
"Why the fuck not?"  
"Do I look like I want to meddle with people from the Night's Watch?" Jon opened his mouth, but closed it again.  
"I'm Jon Snow."  
"I'm Ygritte."  
"What sort of name is Ygritte?" Jon asked, grimacing.  
"What sort of last name is Snow?" She replied.  
"What is your last name anyway?"  
"It's just Ygritte."  
"That's a lie." He whispered, looking at her. She smiled.  
"You know nothing, Jon Snow."  
"I know I fucked it up."  
"Stop with the whole self pity thing. Do you want some?" Jon furrowed his eyebrow.  
"Some... Weed?" She laughed, and Jon grimaced. Ygritte made him feel stupid, like he truly did know nothing.  
"I forgot you're a crow."  
"A... Crow? Are you high already?"  
"It's how my friends and I call people from the Night's Watch."  
"I'm not from there, I just go there sometimes and..."  
"A crow to the bone." Jon rolled his eyes, sighing heavily.  
"What were you talking about before the whole bird thing?"  
"LSD." She said, taking it out of her pocket.  
"Oh, I don't I..."  
"You really are a crow." She said, smiling just like she won a battle.  
"For fuck's sake, you're an annoying little shit, aren't you?"  
"People always say that to me before I punch them."  
"Just give me the goddamn thing."  
"Touchy." She replied, taking her own dose and giving him some. He looked at it with a bit of doubt, a weird feeling in his stomach. He had smoked weed earlier that day, and Robb wasn't there with him. He shouldn't try something that strong with only a strange girl as company. Jon usually tried to do the right thing, but the judgmental look that Ygritte held made him slip it into his mouth.

Renly spend half his night wondering if he should go. Most of his friends didn't go near the north side. They were probably at the King's Landing, drinking their brains off and fondling girl's asses. It was around eleven when he finally decided to go. Loras deserved it. And he missed him. They could slip into the bathroom, and spend the night together. Renly remembered the first time he spent a night with a girl and how it felt so damn wrong and how they cuddled after. He never cuddled with Loras, always in a hurry for no one to notice what they both did. He felt a weird sadness when he thought about it. Renly drove faster than considered safe to the place, wondering if Loras had been waiting for him all night. He was such a stupid asshole. Why didn't he go sooner? They could have a nice night. As he walked into the club, his eyes searched for those golden locks he liked, no, loved, so much. And when he found them, he noticed that red curls were a bit too close to them. He also noticed that the heads shifted in a way that couldn't mean they were just talking. Loras was kissing someone. Loras was kissing someone that wasn't him. He could storm off. He could scream and be angry and tell Loras he was an asshole. But what right did he had? None. At all. Loras had all the right to be done with him, to try with other people, because Renly was a fucking asshole that couldn't look him in the eye for more than a few seconds when they were in public. They stopped kissing, and when Robb opened his eyes, he had the decency to feel embarrassed.  
"I'll just go... Well... Do something... Somewhere." He let out, getting up and leaving as quick as a lighting.  
Renly shifted his weight to another foot. Loras looked at him, and stared down at his hands. He felt the sudden urge to laugh. Renly wore his jock jacket, and he looked so damn hot on it.  
"Hi." Renly said.  
"Look, you gotta stop being an asshole." Loras let out. "I know I shouldn't say this, but you really should. I want you. I don't want Robb, or any other person, for fuck's sake. But... It's exhausting, you know?" Renly started talking, but Loras cut him. "I want to be with you. I want to mean something to you. It's all I want. You don't need to buy my a fucking ring, I just want to... Matter."  
"You matter." Renly mumbled. "You're the thing that matters the most."  
"Then you better fucking prove it then." Loras said, laughing slightly. The end of his laughter came out as a muffled sob.  
"No, no, don't cry." Renly whispered, sitting beside him. "I'm an asshole, I'm sorry. It's not you. You're perfect. I'm not ashamed of you, or being with you. I'm ashamed of me. Of who I am. I can't accept myself."  
"You should." Loras murmured, staring into his eyes. "Just give us a chance, Renly. Fuck them." He said, and gave Renly's lips a gentle press with his own. "Fuck the Lannisters, fuck your brothers, fuck your friends. Fuck the world." He gave a quick kiss after every people, and Renly was smiling at the end of it.  
"Yes. Yes, fuck the world." Baratheon closed his eyes, and breathed deeply. When he opened them again, all he could see was the beautiful golden eyes, their noses pressed together. "I don't wanna lose you." He didn't whisper. It wasn't a secret. Not anymore. "Let's go out. The two of us. Go to the movies, hold hands, kiss. Whatever you want."  
"I would like that." Loras allowed.  
"I would love that." Renly admitted.

Robb left the club. He should be heading home, he was even starting to see things. Stark could swear he saw his sister inside, but that didn't make sense. She was probably home by now. Robb didn't even know what time it was. He was about to get into his car when he saw Jon standing alone in the same place he left him. Robb could turn his back and enter his car and leave. But he looked so disturbed, and it was Jon. He sighed and closed his car's door.  
"Fucking prick." Robb murmured, and went to Jon's direction. "C'mon, Snow, I'll take you home."  
"They'll kill me, Robb." Jon whispered.  
"What?"  
"The whitewalkers." Robb furrowed his eyebrow, and helped Jon to stand.  
"There is a crazy shit going around with your pupils."  
"They're everywhere, God, everywhere, they will come and kill everything and everyone and everything." Robb wondered if Jon knew he said everything twice.  
"Jon, what did you take?" Jon whimpered, and closed his eyes, putting his finger in his temple. He kept murmuring about shadows and crows and lions and climbing.  
"And wolves. Wolves, big wolves, giant wolves, dire wolves. The wolves will come again, they will." All the anger Robb had felt before had disappeared. He just felt a urgent need to protect him and make him feel better.  
"Come here." He said, gently, half dragging, half carrying Jon to his car. He put him on the back seat, taking of his own jacket and covering his body with it. Robb put his hand Jon's forehead, and worried even more when felt it feverish. "What the fuck did you do, Snow?" He murmured.  
As Robb drove to his house, his head was always turning back to check on Jon. He now slept, not calmly. Jon shifted in his sleep, sometimes babbling nonsense. Every time Robb said something as "It'll be okay." or "Just breathe, Jon." he seemed to drift off again. Robb decided on telling him useless stories about his childhood. It worked. Or at least, Jon didn't seem in such despair in his troubled sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god so it's 4 in the morning and I'm a terrible mess so any grammar mistake I blame the time. also oh my god almost 100 kudos let me cry  
> sorry its 4am i'm kinda emotional i'm not drunk okay  
> Joana: yes, Arya is a real mess now ): you will definetely see more of Jeyne! thanks, love  
> bea: writing theon/ramsay is the worst and the best its really confusing  
> DoubleBit: thank you! it means a lot  
> MarJan: oh my god this comment made me laugh in the middle of the night sdoigjsdgs thank you so much but it is quite true


	14. This is your sweet downfall

Jon shifted in the bed, burying his face in Robb's chest. He heard a distant chuckle as he slowly woke up. His eyelids opened and he saw the sunlight that entered Robb's room. Jon closed his eyes against, trying to feel all of Robb's smell.  
"You smell like soap." Jon mumbled, his voice muffed by Robb's body.  
"Yes, it's that thing you use in the shower." Robb replied.  
"You took a shower?" Jon asked, furrowing his eyebrow. He finally took his face out of Robb's chest and looked at him. He had the shirt Jon lent to him on, and his curls were wet and some were falling in front of his eyes.  
"Well, yes." Robb said, cocking one eyebrow.  
"Did you wank while thinking of me?" Jon tried, smirking.  
"No, Jon." Robb rolled his eyes and Jon sighed, giving up.  
"I'm sorry."  
"It's alright." He replied. "But only if you tell me I look hot with a cut in my face."  
"You do look hot, though." Robb smiled half-heartedly, as if he was wondering how to put his thoughts into words. "What?" Jon asked, supporting his elbow on the bed to look better at Robb.  
"You... shouldn't take such strong stuff when you're alone." He said slowly.  
"I wasn't alone!" Jon defended himself. "I was with Ygritte."  
"Who?" "Robb asked.  
"A girl."  
"Why were you with a random girl?"  
"Are you... Are you jealous?" Jon asked, looking surprised.  
"Jon, why would I be jealous of a girl? You don't even like them."  
"Well, that's..." Jon tried to find a good enough argument. "That's true, yes."  
Robb laughed, but he wasn't going to let go. He opened his mouth to lecture Jon, but the voice of his mother's echoed through the house, calling him for lunch. Jon suddenly sit up, looking alarmed at Robb. "Your parents are home?"  
"It's Sunday." He said, calmly. Robb got out of the bed and looked at Jon.  
"Do they know I'm here?" Jon asked, not making a move to get up.  
"Not really. They were asleep. And you wouldn't make a good impression while having a bad trip."  
"God." Jon moaned, throwing himself on the bed again. "Your mom will have my head on a stick."  
"Don't be such a pussy." Robb said, holding his arm and pulling Jon. He moaned a complain again.  
"Your mother is definitely making an Anti-Jon Snow club."  
"C'mon, Jon." Robb said, laughing slightly.  
"I'm serious!" He exclaimed, his body moving slowly towards the edge of the bed. "And Sansa is going to be co-owner and they will reunite on Saturdays and make plans to kill me." Robb stopped pulling him when he was almost falling off the bed.  
"Jon?" Robb called, looking down on him, a smile playing on his lips.  
"Yes?"  
"This week, Bran asked to go to the movies." He said, like it was the greatest thing ever.  
"This week, Arya said she wanted a dog." Jon replied, sounding as sarcastic as he could with his head hanging upside down. "Your point is...?"  
"That whenever my parents take Bran to the movies, they take Rickon with them."  
"Okay..."  
"That means it will be just you and me and Sansa, but she'll probably leave. We'll be alone." Jon smirked. "But only if you have lunch with me."  
"And your family?"  
"Yes."  
"God, okay." Jon said, getting up. He looked himself in the mirror and fixed his hair quickly. Robb rolled his eyes and left his room, followed closely by Jon. However, before they could reach the kitchen, Eddard appeared.  
"Jon?" He obviously had other plans, but the presence of the other boy surprised him.  
"Hello, Mr. Stark." Jon said, smiling uncomfortably. He was obviously more embarrassed now that he didn't date Sansa anymore, and was fucking Robb. But Ned only knew one of the two things, so Jon tried to relax.  
"What are you doing here?"  
"I... I couldn't go home. Robb invited me over."  
"Is that alright, dad?" Robb said, his voice low and a blush creeping on his face.  
"Yes, of course." He said, smiling at Jon. His face turned serious when he looked at Robb. "I need to talk to you"  
"Okay." He said, his face showing that the last thing he wanted to do was to have a private conversation with his father. When they were inside Ned's bedroom, Robb felt the idea of being swallowed up by the ground a extremely nice one.  
"Look, I'm not going to be around forever..." Eddard started, and Robb closed his eyes.  
"Dad, I so do not need to hear this."  
"And I know you're not a baby anymore, and that must've had a few girlfriends..."  
"Dad. Seriously."  
"But honestly, Robb, you have to use protection."  
"I- What?" Robb asked, opening his eyes just to see the condom in Ned's hands. "Dad!"  
"We don't want another baby around here, Robb. God knows Rickon is enough."  
"You don't really have to worry about that." Robb was all red again, his cheeks and his neck, showing how embarrassed he was with the whole situation.  
"Well, I thought that too, until you appeared."  
"I was a mistake?" Robb asked, outraged.  
"I didn't mean that, but it wasn't like you were completely planned."  
"Dad. Okay. Thanks." Robb said shortly. "Can we please, please, have lunch now?" He begged, just desperate to end this talk.  
"Promise me you will be careful."  
"I will, dad, for God's sake, I promise I won't show up with a pregnant girl here."  
"Are you dating her?"  
"Who?" Robb said.  
"The girl."  
"Oh. Well... I mean... Yes. Dad, please, mom will get mad."  
"Will we get to meet her?"  
"I don't think it will last."  
"Oh, Robb, you have to settle down. All these parties you've being going. You haven't been drinking, have you?"  
"No, I don't drink." It wasn't a lie. He didn't drink, most of the times. He just sniffed cocaine, but his father didn't need to know about it.  
"Great. You're old enough to care of yourself." Glad the awkward conversation was over, Robb smirked.  
"I'm not going to get myself killed, dad."

Theon looked peaceful. It was certainly something Ramsay didn't see everyday. He was in his bed. They got home, and Theon was way too high and needy. Ramsay had just learned that when Reek spent some time next to his friends, especially Snow, who formed a happy couple with Stark, he would crave for physical contact. Theon's lips searched Ramsay's last night, not the other way around. His hands and tremble fingers didn't wait for a command to undress them both. Ramsay had kissed the salty tears of Theon's face when he was done, whispering to his Reek how he didn't need anyone but him. He then fell asleep, clutching tightly to the blanket, as if it would protect him from the world. But his monster wasn't under his bed anymore. It was sharing it. It was morning already, and Ramsay let Theon sleep a little more. He wouldn't have a nice day. Or a nice week, for that matter. He checked his bag. Some cocaine was gone, and he was sure he didn't sell it to anyone. Bolton wasn't surprised. A cokehead not stealing a drug dealer when they live together it's hard. He knew it on the moment he took the broken boy in. It wasn't a matter of if, but when would he do it. Theon's little smile proved Ramsay that whatever he was dreaming, it was far away from here. Or him. This thought made Bolton stop observing his prey and shake him awake. Theon didn't look to startled. His eyes found Ramsay's and quickly flickered to the mattress.  
"Do you know what day is today, Reek?"  
"Sunday?" He tried, his voice weak and kind of slow from the sleep. Ramsay gave him a sharp slap on the face, and Theon raised his head.  
"Do you think this is a joke?" Theon shook his head, eager to please. The slap had awoken him at last. "Good." He held Theon's chin between his fingers, caressing it gently. "Because it's not. It's a game." Theon had learned, with time, to hate this word. The first time Theon had laughed and said he was not afraid. Ramsay didn't use his boys to hit Theon. He did himself. And he beat him bloody, worse than his own father had ever done. Since then, he learned to fear the word 'game'. "So, what day is it today?"  
"A good day for playing?" Theon said, uncertain filling his tone. Ramsay smiled. It was his sick, disturbing smile, but nonetheless, a smile. Theon let the air of his lungs, and he hasn't even noticed he was holding it. However, his worry didn't leave him. That smile meant one thing only. The worst was yet to come.  
"Yes." He got up and left the bedroom, going to the living room. Theon followed, not daring to wait for him to call his name. Name. Another word that had never bothered him before. What was his name? Was him Theon pretending to be Reek, or was him Reek pretending to be Theon? Ramsay was, however, in the kitchen. He looked around, uncertain, and found the bag that he stole the powder from. It was open and his eyes took a long time to move away from the drug. Theon felt he should be worried by the way the packages were revolved inside the bag, as if Ramsay was checking if there was something missing. But all he could think was that he was already craving for it. The idea of Ramsay giving him some was far from reality, but the blind hope filled his body. He was back in a few seconds, a knife in his hands. Theon took a step back.  
"What is that for?" He murmured.  
"I told you. We'll play a game." Ramsay said, smiling wickedly.  
"What sort of game?" Theon asked, his voice growing smaller and weaker.  
"Oh, Reek, it won't be hard... You'll just have to tell me the truth." He felt the cold blade against his neck. There was no pressure enough to cut it, but Theon didn't have the courage to breathe. "You can do that, don't you?"  
"I'll do anything you ask." He whispered, and those words weren't empty. Ramsay chuckled against his ear.  
"You know what I do for living. You know why I do it, don't you?"  
"I... I do?" Theon tried out.  
"I could be a lawyer or a doctor or a fireman. But no. I chose to give people like you and your stupid little friends some fun."  
"That's... That's very kind of you."  
"I am, right? So kind. Especially to you." Theon felt the knife close to his hip, and took a sharp intake of breath. 'Not there.' He thought. 'Please, not there.' He nodded urgently. "No one would accept you in their homes. Do you think your sweet Snow would? Do you think he would take you?" Theon shook his head, almost imperceptibly. "Answer me!" He hissed, and Theon felt the blade's bite against his skin, and his mouth opened to form a complain, but Theon kept it silent. If Ramsay wanted him to cry out, he would have used more force.  
"He is... He was... My best friend." Theon murmured. Ramsay's hand closed into a fist and it hit Theon's stomach. The air failed to reach his lungs for an instant, and he took a few steps back, trying to regain control of his body.  
"I told you not to lie."  
"He wouldn't. I know he wouldn't. Only... You."  
"So you know you should obey me." Ramsay said, tentatively. His face closed to Theon's. He nodded. "But Reek..." He whispered against his ear again. "I don't think you do. Not all the time. Actually, I think you have something to tell me." Ramsay's teeth carved into Theon's earlobe. "Don't you?" He knew. Of course he did. He knew Theon better than anyone, even himself. Ramsay kissed his neck gently on one side, and held the knife tightly on the other. Theon mastered all the courage he had inside of him.  
"I stole from you." He murmured and Ramsay grasped his neck roughly, making him release a soft whimper.  
"How much?"  
"Not much." Theon whispered weakly, but Ramsay increased the pressure. "A lot. A lot." He choked out.  
"You don't want to lie to me, Reek."  
"I won't." He promised, moving his hand to where Ramsay's fingers met his neck, trying to pull them away.  
"Did you sniff all of it? Perhaps I should let you without coke for a few days."  
"I didn't!" Theon exclaimed, the loudest he could manage. He felt tears starting to form in his eyes just with the thought of not having for more than a day. "Please, Ramsay, please, I didn't use any of it. Please. I'll pay everything..." His begging stopped when he saw Ramsay's eyes spark with rage.  
"Do you think you can trick me, Reek? What the fuck did you want it for?"  
"It wasn't for me. It was for Arya. I didn't sniff it. Please, please, don't leave me without it." Ramsay's grip became softer and Theon breathed deeply. The knife didn't even bother him anymore. Ramsay could do far worse than kill him.  
"Arya? Snow's sister? Is she addicted?"  
"She must be. Please, Ramsay..."  
"Shut up." Theon did. Ramsay was thinking, and then a smile crept up on his face, like he just had an idea.  
"You will let me have it, won't you?" He whispered.  
"Look here, you little shit." Ramsay said, the knife finally cutting the soft skin in his neck. Theon's eyes closed with the pain, and he felt the warm blood spilling slightly from the cut and running down his throat. "I said look at me." He forced himself to open them and looked at Ramsay, his eyes filled with tears. "Next time you steal from me, for any reason, I am going to kill you. Do you understand?"  
"I do." His voice was almost nothing, just like him. Ramsay moved the knife away, and Theon relaxed. His hand moved to press against the small cut, but before he could reach it, Ramsay was licking it. Theon's stomach twisted, but he didn't dare to move away. When he stared into those cold eyes, he noticed a sick smile in Ramsay's blood covered lips. His blood.  
"Come here." Ramsay said, holding his wrist and pulling him to the bedroom. Theon prepared himself for what was to come, and he still wondered if he was going to get some cocaine today. However, Ramsay didn't begin to undress. Instead, he opened the drawer and took out of it a small package, a lighter and a syringe.  
"What's that?" Theon asked.  
"This? Oh, Reek. This is your downfall." 

Snow didn't even know someone could get have so much sex in one day.  
"Fuck." Jon said, looking at Robb's ceiling. He heard the noise of Robb putting on his underwear and the chuckle that escaped from his lips. Jon noticed that Robb was supporting his elbow on the mattress, and he knew Stark would kiss him before he did. The kiss was soft and gentle, and it surely didn't look like they were doing it desperately a few minutes ago. Robb moved away, a cocky smile on his lips.  
"Was this a plan so I wouldn't be mad at you?" He asked.  
"Perhaps. Did it work?" Jon tried out, smirking.  
"Kind of."  
"So it was not a plan. I just like fucking you." Robb raised his eyebrows.  
"Such a gentleman." He murmured tentatively, his fingers wandering on Jon's hipbone. "Did you know you're naked?" Robb asked, faking a surprised look. Snow's lips twitched upwards.  
"I did, yeah." He replied, as he felt himself hardening again. The sight of Robb with sweat on his body and the deepest of his blue eyes staring deep into him didn't help it either. And of course, his fingers, almost touching but not fucking quite. Robb chuckled, his nose caressing Jon's neck. "Robb." He breathed when he felt his hand around his cock. Robb shushed him with a kiss on his shoulder. He moved, slowly at first, up and down in a steady pace. Jon opened his mouth in a mute moan, closing his eyes while Robb worked him harder. Robb's other hand moved to grab his balls, and a low moan escaped from Jon's throat.  
"Quiet, Jon." Robb whispered gently, nipping at his earlobe. "My sister is home, you know. Your ex girlfriend and all." However, Robb began to move faster, and Jon's breath became raggedy. "What was it what you said last night?" Robb wondered. "Oh, yeah." He stopped moving, but kept his hand there, his fingers around Jon's already aching cock. Jon moaned in discontent. "You shouldn't moan like a whore."  
"Look who's talki... Oh God, fuck." He tried to snap at Robb, but Stark went back to moving just went Jon had settled down with his warm hand around him. But Robb did moan quite loudly a few minutes ago, and he surely didn't care about his sister hearing it before. He even tried, biting down on his hand, trying to keep the moans inside, but it didn't work completely. Jon imitated his idea, biting the back of his hand while Robb kept going. His moans and gasps were muffled, his chest rising and falling quickly. The noise of a moan came out when he spent, all over Robb's hand. He lowered his hand, noticing the small bite marks he had formed. Robb licked his fingers clean, as casual as if he did it everyday. Jon coughed a few times, trying to look as casual as Robb. The way his whole body still felt like jelly didn't help.  
"I'm kinda hungry." Jon said the first thing that came into his mind. He wasn't really hungry, but the way Robb was looking at him, completely calm and almost bored, made him want desperately just to say something. Robb laughed at his attempt, and Jon scolded. "What? I really am."  
"Well, you know where the things are in the kitchen."  
"It's your house! And I'm naked."  
"I just got you off!"  
"If you're going there, I blew you."  
"Yesterday." Robb remarked.  
"It still counts."  
"No, it doesn't."  
"Well, Robb, Al Qaeda exploded the Twin Towers years ago and it still counts."  
"Are you comparing me not getting you food to an act of terrorism?"  
"It is, against me." Robb rolled his eyes as he got off the bed.  
"Get some clothes on." He said, leaving and closing the door behind him.  
"You're the one in your underwear!" Jon accused. 

Sansa heard the moans. She was no fool and knew her brother wasn't a virgin anymore. However, she had no idea of who he was with. She slept through all the morning, and when she woke up her parents were out with her younger brothers. Only Robb, and his constant moans proved that she wasn't alone at home. The constant pain in her head remembered her of all the shots she took last night. Sansa couldn't even remember who the man she kissed was. She felt embarrassed. It wasn't supposed to go like this. She needed a friend. A nice girl's talk, with ice cream and cheesy movies. Jeyne, she remembered. As Sansa got her phone out of her bag and texted the girl, inviting her over, she recalled that Jeyne mentioned a new boyfriend. She grimaced thinking of all the comments she would have to listen, but Sansa couldn't call Margaery. She didn't trust herself around the girl anymore. Her feelings were mixed. Most times she convinced herself that she just found her pretty and smart and just wanted to be like her. But then she wished she could be with her. Sansa believed that if she pushed the thought away for enough time, it would go away. The Poole's house was close, and they were almost neighbors. She opened the door as soon she heard the doorbell.  
"Guess who I'm dating," Jeyne said immediately, a big smile on her face. She wore a scarf, even though she had told Sansa a thousand times she felt suffocated when she wore them. People change, she figured.  
"I don't know." She said, not in the mood to guess all the boys from her school.  
"Ramsay Bolton." Jeyne replied, proudly.  
"Didn't he graduate a couple years ago?" Sansa asked, searching for the name in her mind. She was pretty sure she went to a party that he threw. He wasn't exactly the best person you could meet, and most people were afraid of him. Of course, it was because of that that Jeyne went after him.  
"He did. He's in college." She said.  
"My brother will be in college next year." Sansa replied, instantly. Jeyne rolled her eyes, making her way inside.  
"Well, but Ramsay already is."  
"Isn't him dangerous?" Sansa didn't notice the change in Jeyne's eyes. Poole quickly corrected herself, smiling grandly.  
"Of course not. He doesn't even drink. He just can be quite... Aggressive when he's horny."  
"You had sex with him? Already?" Sansa asked. She felt a small twinge in her stomach when she realized that Jeyne was winning. Sansa always did. She had the first kiss, the first heartbreak, the first crush, the first date. Even the first boyfriend. All the boys chased Sansa, not Jeyne. And suddenly Jeyne wasn't a virgin anymore.  
"On the first date." She had the decency to sound embarrassed. Sansa wouldn't know that the first date, if she could call that a date, was yesterday. Their relationship wasn't even official. Jeyne remembered that when she fled from Bolton's place, she didn't feel like coming back. But then again, he was older and handsome. And possibly rich. People knew him. People would know her. Jeyne wasn't weak. She could endure a few bruises. And the thought that Sansa would just walk away made her decide that she would stay.  
"Have you got no shame?" Sansa asked, grimacing. She felt so more superficial when she was with her. It was weird how she changed around her brother's friends and her own friend. "Did it hurt?"  
"Well, the first time is always painful." Jeyne lied to herself. Sansa brushed the subject off. She knew that if she told Jeyne to back off from the boy, it would only make her want him more.  
"What do you think about the Tyrells?" Sansa asked, innocently. She opened the fridge, searching for something to eat.  
"Boy or girl?"  
"Both."  
"Potheads." Jeyne replied simply, sitting down. "Ramsay told me." Sansa felt the need to roll her eyes at the name.  
"And how does he know that?" She asked, defensive. Even though she knew Loras smoked, she felt the urgent need to protect them from Jeyne's words.  
"He knows stuff. And Theon Greyjoy is living there." Sansa didn't have time to answer. Her brother had just walked inside the kitchen. His messy hair and the fact that he was in his underwear proved her that he was, indeed, having sex. As if she needed more proof.  
"Who's the lucky one?" Sansa asked, raising one eyebrow suggestively.  
"Robb, I was thinking, can we make some brownies? Because I found some we..." Jon entered the kitchen just after her brother. Same messy hair, wearing only his pants. He stopped talking when he saw Sansa and Jeyne, hiding the suspicious package behind his back. Realization spread through Sansa's face. Robb was fucking. He was fucking Jon. Her brother was fucking her ex. Her brother was gay. Her ex was gay.  
"No." Sansa said, in a reflex of her thoughts. Jeyne, eager for attention again, stepped forward.  
"No, Theon is really living with Ramsay."  
Jon forgot the awkwardness of the situation.  
"Theon is living where?" He almost screamed.  
“Is that weed?” Sansa asked, shooting an angry look at Jeyne, demanding her to shut up. Robb closed his eyes, thinking of what to do. He then opened them again.  
“Please, please don’t tell mom and dad.” Robb begged. Sansa gaped, her body filling with anger.  
“How could you? He was my boyfriend!” Robb looked at Jon, in search for help. However, he was too pissed about Theon to pay attention.  
“Since when is he living there?” He said, turning to Jeyne.  
“I don’t know, he was just there. He looks quite miserable, honestly.” Jeyne said, her eyes taking way too long in his bare chest. Sansa scolded at Jon.  
“You’re fucking my brother and you worry about your stupid friend?” Sansa screamed.  
“Don’t talk about him like that!” Jon snapped in his defense. “Yes, I’m fucking your brother. I actually fucked him while we were dating. Happy?”  
“Jon!” Robb complained.  
“He’s fucking living with Ramsay, Robb!”  
“You cheated on me with my brother!” Sansa yelled at his face.  
“Theon is living with a psycho drug dealer, can we not think about your teenage drama now?”  
“And you made Robb use drugs!” Jon let go of his anger for a second to roll his eyes. “If he fucking dies I swear to God I won’t let you go blameless.”  
“For God’s sake, I won’t die.”  
“Shut up, Robb.” Jon and Sansa snapped. Robb sat down beside Jeyne. Jon and Sansa snapped at each other just like they were brother and sister.  
“Is Theon alright?” Robb whispered, not wanting to attract the attention.  
“He looks pretty skinny.” She said, looking serious for the first time in the conversation. “And sad. I mean, it can’t be easy. Living with Ramsay.” Jeyne murmured, showing the fear she really felt of the boy. Robb shook his head, and looked at his sister and boyfriend. The shouting had stopped, but the mean words were still being spilled. Jon was obviously angry because of the Theon situation, and Sansa was hurt and humiliated. Robb sighed, knowing he shouldn’t put himself in the middle. He would have to pick a side, and he didn’t think he could do that.  
“I should’ve known you were gay when I first met you.” She said. “My brother? Really? Couldn’t you fuck any other person in the whole goddamn world?” Jon was ready to answer, with possibly a really rude reply, but she turned away from him. “And you!”  
“In my defense, I was kinda high on the first time.” Robb said, knowing that he couldn’t deny any longer that he did use drugs. “And I felt guilty for at least two weeks.”  
“What will mother say when she knows you’re smoking weed?”  
“You won’t tell her, right?” Robb said worried.  
“Of course I will! I have to.” She sighed in frustration, and didn’t look so angry anymore. “Even though you’re an asshole to me, I don’t want you dead.”  
“I won’t die. I’m safe.”  
“It’s not like he does coke or something worse.” Jeyne said. Robb looked away, and since he didn’t want to raise doubts in his little sister’s mind, he looked at Jon, who sat away from them, his fingers on his temples, staring angrily at the table.  
“Jon?” Robb called.  
“Fuck it. I’m going after Theon.” He said, getting up and leaving the house. Robb sighed again. He followed, ignoring his sister’s voice calling him back.

Loras didn’t actually believe that Renly really meant what he had said the night before. He thought it was just an empty promise, and that on Monday he would just ignore him like he always did. He had even settled with it, accepted like he always did. He had kissed Robb last night. Out of anger, most likely. He used the Stark boy without thinking for one second about his feelings, or Jon’s. He just wanted to prove to himself that he didn’t need Renly. That was a lie, of course. Robb’s kiss was good, but it wasn’t Renly’s. Of course the boy was pretty. Most people would say he was even prettier than Renly, but Loras couldn’t see it. Baratheon was meant for him. It would take a long time until he belonged to him completely, with no shame whatsoever. But Loras would wait. The moment his lips touched Stark’s, he felt absolutely wrong. He didn’t love boys. He loved Renly. And trying to trick himself into believing he didn’t would not help.  
Margaery was out with their grandmother, and tried to convince Loras to go with them, but he didn’t feel like it. He would spend his Sunday afternoon on his couch, watching whatever was on the TV, completely oblivious to the rest of the world. Or at least, that was what he planned. He heard the doorbell, and closed his eyes, grunting unhappy. Margaery probably forgot her keys, or it was some charity group raising money to buy Christmas gifts for poor children, or whatever.  
“Loras, the door.” His father called from upstairs. He got up lazily, taking more time than necessary and moved to the door.  
“Look, we don’t have any money…” Loras said, opening the door. He blinked a few times not believing what he was seeing. “Renly?” He said. Baratheon smiled his greatest smile and Loras couldn’t help but grin back at him.  
“I told you we would go out.”  
“Now?” He asked. Of course, what he meant was on a Sunday, were most likely all students from their school were outside their homes.  
“Yes. Now. Fancy a movie?” Renly suggested. Loras’ smile grew bigger.  
“Yes, of course.” He said, stepping outside the doorstep. He shouted a warning at his parents, telling them he was going to the movies. “Renly, about yesterday…” He wanted to apologize for cheating on him. But were they boyfriends? “I’m… Sorry. Really, I didn’t think…” Renly leaned forward and kissed him softly. Loras gaped at him in surprise.  
"And I'm sorry about these couple years."  
"Okay." He murmured. Renly smiled.  
"Okay."  
They took the bus to the Riverrun mall, and even though the ride was long, it went away quickly. They talked through all of it, and Loras felt light and happy. Renly felt slightly uncomfortable with the looks that some people threw them, but he was trying really hard not to show. Loras did him a favor, moving his hand away from his, not wanting to push him too far. Renly gave him a small smile, and went back to narrating excitedly the end of the match that happened last week. He slowly stopped paying attention to the people around them and focusing on him. Loras didn't even care about the hand holding and the kissing. Just Renly looking at him like that, for once not ashamed of being seen talking to him already made his month.  
The line for the movies was huge, and Loras tried to pick a movie for them to watch.  
“Do you even like horror movies?” He asked, looking at Renly. He rolled his eyes.  
“Just pick the worst movie.” Renly suggested.  
“Why?” He asked, smirking.  
“Because then it will be empty, and we can kiss all we want.”  
“I like this plan.”  
“I know you do.”

It really was a great plan. Their kiss was desperate and there were a few people in the room, and most of them still were looking annoyed, and even shocked. The movie was about sharks, or whatever. Loras knew it involved the ocean. He wasn’t sure what sea creature it was, but a lot of people screamed and there was a lot of blood, so he just jumped to the shark conclusion. Renly’s lips were perfect around his, and their tongues moved in a way that made it look like it was the last kiss they would ever share. Loras was pretty sure that if there was no one in the room they would be fucking by now.  
“What will you do about your friends?” Loras asked, breaking the kiss for a moment. Renly didn’t agree with it, and kept delivering kisses on Loras’ face and neck, causing him to smile slightly.  
“Like you told me yesterday. Fuck them.”  
“But you worried…” Renly sighed.  
“I know what I did. But I worry more about losing you. I can’t afford that. I’ve changed.”  
“ But why?” Renly gave up, pulling away only enough to look into Loras’ golden eyes.  
“Because I saw you with someone else. And what I felt was beyond jealously or heartbreak.” He blushed, redness creeping onto his cheeks. “It was like… It was like someone was stealing my sun, if that makes any sense.” Loras smiled, caressing Renly’s face gently.  
“It does. And it won’t happen again. I promise.”  
He meant it. He really did. Once one has met the sun, one cannot candle can replace it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, school's back. So I'll take a little longer to update, but I don't think it will change so much. Perhaps some chapters will be up on Mondays and Tuesdays instead of Saturdays and Sundays, but I will do my best to keep up in the usual pace  
> Joana: thank you! And yes, happeniss for Renloras, I can guarantee you thats oidjgsk  
> giu: yes, okay, you'll be my reek I promise I'll be kind... or not that much. And ramsay loves his reek, in his own way so i love you too!!  
> John: oh my god thank you! sduigjds its really far from ending!  
> supernaturalsun: oh god big comments are the best sduoigksdlg writing Theon parts are particularly hard, cause I want him to be happy, but unfortunately, I can't make Ramsay kind. Well, one of your guesses is right, I just won't tell you which one disogjsk. Yes, I make a few mistakes, but I really try to avoid them. Thank you so much!
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos too, I really really appreciate them <3


	15. You thought the wolves would be impressed

Theon watched as Ramsay used the lemon juice and a lighter to prepare the shot.  
"Come here." He called. Theon got closer to him, standing right by his side. "Sit down for God's sake." He obeyed, the bed barely moving with his light weight. "I'm going to give you this one free, but the next one you're paying."  
"Why are you doing this?" Theon asked, before he could control himself. His eyes followed the syringe suspiciously. He didn't feel the need to try any new drug, especially heroin. He just wanted his sniff, but he doubted he would get any. Perhaps he should be thankful he would get high. Ramsay cocked one eyebrow.  
"Are you questioning me?" Theon shook his head. "Good." He pulled Theon's arm quite roughly, turning it. His grip made Theon grimace slightly, but he chose not to move. Ramsay passed his finger on the extension of Theon's arm, before finding a good enough vein. Theon dreaded and waited for the moment where the needle would penetrate his skin. Ramsay wouldn't be giving him a free dose if he didn't think Theon would get addicted.  
Theon felt the sting of the needle on his skin, and he watched as the blood appeared inside the syringe. A warm feeling spread through his arm, and a feeling of bliss and euphoria filled his body. He smiled slightly, feeling his heartbeats go slower, but he couldn't give a damn. He was happy. Happy. Yes, he didn't even remember properly how that felt. Was he ever happy before? Not at home, he was sure of it. With Jon? Perhaps, he was only lying to himself. Jon didn't care. His father didn't care. His sister didn't care. Ramsay surely didn't care. He was all alone in the world. That made a laughter escape his lips, he wasn't completely sure why was it funny, but it really was. Theon learned he didn't care. At least, not anymore. He didn't mind at all. He felt warm, like he was at home. But did he know home? It was stupid of him, a part of his mind knew, to think he belonged. However, sitting there beside the man who abused him, he felt safe.  
His stomach twisted, and he felt like he would throw up. Theon didn't bother. He felt so calm and protected. Nothing bad would happen to him. He wasn't even sure if something bad had ever happened to him. Perhaps his whole life was a dream, and he had finally woken up. There was no Snow, or Stark, or even Greyjoys and Bolton. There was only him and the needle and the heroin. He couldn't believe that he didn't want it before. He should thank Ramsay later. (Ramsay, was he even real? His downfall, he had called, but it was so good).  
"I think I'm going to throw up." Theon murmured, and ran towards the bathroom, spilling his guts into the toilet. Usually, the feeling of the acid vomit on his throat would bother him, but this time, it didn't. He wiped the back of his hand on his mouth and glanced at Ramsay at the door. Theon's cellphone was in his hands and he typed a text. He felt that he should worry, but that was too hard. He would worry later.  
"I'm leaving. You stay here." Ramsay said. Theon nodded. He turned on his back and left him on his own. 

Jeyne had left a couple minutes later. She felt uncomfortable, and Sansa was stupid to think that she was going to stay and comfort her. And she sure wouldn't stand being home much longer. Apparently, her brother convinced Jon I-fuck-your-brother Snow to come back home, and now they were talking in whispers and with such secrecy that made Sansa want to scream. She got up from her chair so abruptly that Robb looked at her from the couch. He looked guilty. Good, she thought. She wanted him to miserable. He had no right to do such thing to her. And of course, he was a pothead. But Robb was perfect. Robb was the oldest. Robb got the car keys, Robb didn't need to do the dishes if he was tired. Sansa never really bothered before now.  
"I'm leaving." She stated.  
"Where are you going?" Robb asked, still asking as if he had the right to know. Sansa could tell him the truth. Or just be nice. But for once, she didn't care about being nice.  
"Fuck off." Sansa said, leaving the house angrily.  
Her feet led her to the Tyrell's. She couldn't go to Jeyne, and she had nowhere else to go. And right now, she didn't give a damn about her mixed feelings. If her brother was gay, she might as well be too. Her fingers found the doorbell while she tapped her foot impatiently on the floor. Margaery answered. She was wearing a flower dress and her hair was braided. She looked as if she had just gotten home.  
"Sansa!" Margaery exclaimed, putting a lock of her hair behind her ear. Her smiled quickly faded from her lips when Sansa's eyes filled with tears.  
"Is Robb doing drugs?" The question was not the one she expected to be the first, but it was out of her mouth before she could hold it. Margaery sighed. "Jon offered him weed, Margaery. And he was so casual about it. I know Snow smokes, but what about Robb?"  
"Come in." Margaery said, holding her hand gently. She would have to tell the truth. She would not be able to lie to Sansa's innocent eyes.  
"Is he?" Sansa demanded, without leaving her place in the doorstep.  
"Yes" She sighed.  
"He's fucking Snow." Sansa murmured, letting go of her strong posture.  
"C'mon, Stark." Margaery said, trying to smile. "You don't do drugs, but I'm pretty sure you can do vodka." She followed the girl inside, and she noticed a few bags on top of the table. "C'mon, before my grandma sees you."  
"Are your parents home?" Sansa asked, watching as Margaery opened the door and entered the bedroom. She did the same soon after. Margaery closed the door and looked at her.  
"They don't really care if I have friends over. They won't kick you out. Probably they won't even notice." The brunette opened her closet and pushed away a few coats and dresses and getting out a bottle of vodka. Sansa nodded, and sat on the bed. Her eyes moved through the room, observing it. It wasn't really successful, since her eyes always lingered back to Margaery, who unbraided her hair.  
"You like flowers." Sansa pointed out, noticing the floral pattern in her bed and the flowers she had in her desk.  
"Don't you?"  
"Well, I love flowers. But I don't have any in my bedroom."  
Margaery drank first, taking a gulp before getting one flower out of the vase. She put it behind Sansa's ear.  
"You take this one. Give her water and a place in the sun, and she'll grow strong." Sansa smiled, and Margaery handed her the bottle. She then moved and sat on her chair, as Sansa experimented a gulp. Unlike Tyrell, she grimaced at the burning feeling in her throat.

Jon left Robb's house with a promise that he had to go home. He had gotten a text from Theon a few minutes before he left with the poor excuse, and his mind was still filled with its contempt. It asked him to go to a small, and quite suspicious, club, near King's Landing. Jon was pretty sure Baelish owned the place, and only that made Jon want to be extremely far away from the place. But Theon had texted him, and after what he found out, he couldn't deny to meet him. He just hoped that Theon wasn't with Ramsay. Jon wasn't really scared of Bolton, however, he knew that the only way of getting Theon to listen to him was without Ramsay around. He didn't completely understand why his friend was so vulnerable near the man.  
A train ride was required for him to get there, and he sat staring grumpily outside. The weather was beginning to become colder, and in about a month or more it would be Christmas. Jon loathed the holiday. Perhaps it was because he never truly celebrated. His mind went to Robb quickly, wondering what he would get here, but it shifted back to Theon. They always celebrated it in the same way. Arya and him watching some movie that didn't involve Santa Claus or Jesus and that the main lesson wasn't about how Christmas makes people better. They pretended it wasn't happening, and ate a sandwich as Christmas' dinner, their father out, God knows where. And Theon passed his holiday at home, all miserable about his sister and brothers, and especially his dad.  
The train finally stopped, and he jumped out of it. The place was definitely somewhere that, however Jon didn't want it, he could picture Theon there. The lighting of the street was miserable, and he could see some whores on the corners, short skirts and a cigarette on their hands, leaning over car windows. Jon made his way towards the bar, doing his best to ignore the girls, but one stopped him.  
"Hey, pretty boy." Jon looked at her. Her autumn locks were beautifully arranged and she smirked tentatively. Snow almost jumped out of her reach when he realized who she was. He gaped at her, recognizing her as Ros, the girl who dropped high school a few years ago.  
"I'm not interested." Jon said, looking at around. The girl realized who he was a few seconds later, her eyes widening as she moved away.  
"Snow." He heard the voice he hoped he wouldn't have to. Jon sighed and turned on his back, to look at him.  
"Bolton." Jon said, viciously. "I didn't come here to see you. Or your friends." He completed, glancing over the four men that were behind him. They were definitely older than both of them, and Jon felt as if they could break him in half without effort. He moved his eyes quickly to Ramsay again, his guts twisting inside of him.  
"You came to see little Reek?" Ramsay mocked, and Jon felt the rage running through his veins once again. "You'll have to forgive him. He stayed at home, shooting up some heroin." He said, casually. Ramsay smiled as if Jon was his favorite new toy.  
"You're a fucking piece of shit." Snow said. Anger flickered in the cold blue of Ramsay's eyes, and one of the men stepped forward. However, Ramsay raised one hand to stop.  
"You're no better than I am, Snow."  
"I don't have fun ruining other people's life."  
"Oh, no. Not other people's. Just Reek's."  
"That is not his-" Jon raised his tone of voice, but Ramsay cut him out.  
"He told me himself. That's his name. It was so, so easy to break him, Snow."  
"Shut up." He said shortly.  
"And after you traded him for your Stark boy, it only made it easier."  
"I said shut up." Jon warned.  
"Poor Reek." Ramsay cooed. "All alone. No wonder why he's so eager to get fucked." Jon didn't bother to answer. He closed his hands into fists, ready to punch Ramsay wherever was easier. However, Bolton noticed, arching one eyebrow. "Get him, boys." He ordered, stepping back. 

Theon had been able to stop throwing up after an hour or so. The warm feeling had not gone away, and he still wasn't strong enough to care. He got up when he heard the doorbell. His hand held on the sink border weakly, since it was trembling. His whole arm was shaking, and his knees made him feel as if he was about to tumble. He moved slowly, or perhaps quickly, he couldn't tell, to the door. Ramsay didn't tell him not to answer the door, and he was sure he wouldn't do nothing to hurt him. Nothing could hurt him.  
"Jeyne." He said, surprised.  
"Hello." Jeyne replied, smiling confused. "Is Ramsay home?" Theon shook his head.  
"He went out..." Theon struggled to remember where did he go. "Somewhere." She looked quite relieved at the answer, and walked inside. This required Theon to shift to the side so she could enter the place, which made him feel dizzy.  
"Are you okay, Theon?" He smiled at her.  
"You called me Theon!"  
"Yes..." She said, biting down on her lower lip gently. There was a small cut there, probably made by Ramsay. "It's your name."  
"Yes." He nodded. "Yes. Of course it is."  
Jeyne moved across the room, and Theon wondered why she was with Ramsay. He guessed that she was wondering the same thing about him. She took her scarf and Theon realized that her neck was not full of hickeys, but of bruises.  
"Ramsay... Ramsay thinks I'm pretty, right?" She murmured, folding her scarf and putting it over the chair. Jeyne didn't turn to look at him, and kept staring at her nails.  
"Yes, he told me so." He lied.  
"It's hard you know." She said, more to herself than to Theon, who decided to sit down on the couch. "Being Sansa's friend. She's prettier. She's smarter. All the boys love her. All the girls want to be her. No one cares about me."  
"It's hard competing with a Stark." Theon mumbled, and for one moment he hated the girl for making him sad. He was fine before. And happy and safe. Why did she have to ruin it, making him think of such things?  
Jeyne nodded, and she looked at Theon, and he noticed the fear in her eyes.  
"I bragged about him to her. I said I was dating a college boy. I told her how he was older and had a place of his own. I told her how I gave my virginity to him, and I said it was the best thing of my life."  
"It wasn't." Theon tried out, his voice was nothing about a whisper.  
"It hurt so much." She said, sitting down on the chair. Theon could agree with her. Tell her that he should know it hurts. He knew it hurt. He heard they both fucking, and he felt sorry for her. But the part that was sorry was no bigger than the part that felt thankful for not being him there. And this part made him disgusted. He did nothing to save her, because he didn't really wish to. And even if he did, what could Reek do against Ramsay? Nothing. Nothing at all. "He hits you, doesn't he?"  
"Only when I deserve it." Theon replied, not daring to look into her eyes. "He's kind. He took me in when... When no one did. He only hurts me when I'm not good enough. And he will only hurt you if you're not good enough too."  
"Am I?" She asked, sounding terrified. Theon looked up. His old Theon's smirk appeared on his lips.  
"You'll have to be, kiddo."

"Fuck, Jon. What did you do?" Robb asked in the moment he opened the door and saw the state of him. He had a cut on his mouth and his cheek had an unnatural coloring, and Robb was sure he had other bruises under his shirt.  
"I didn't do anything!" He defended himself, and immediately regretted being so brusque. Robb gave him space to enter, and Jon moved slowly inside.  
"My parents are already in the bedroom." Robb assured, when he noticed that Jon was looking around, probably searching for Catelyn. "Who did this to you?" He asked, as he helped Jon towards the kitchen.  
"Bolton. That fucking... Asshole." He said, his voice failing him when he sat on chair. Robb's look became stern when he heard that, but he didn't stop from getting ice from the fridge and putting it into a bag.  
"You're a fucking asshole. I told you not to go after him." Robb replied, handing him the bag, and Jon raised his hand to press it against his face. He grimaced, and Robb's look went from angry to worried. "Do you need another?"  
"Ribs." He breathed out. "And I didn't go after him." Robb rolled his eyes, obviously didn't believing it for a second. He prepared another bag, and when he got near Jon, his hands went straight to his shirt, pulling it up. "Really, Robb. Now?" Jon teased, however, he dropped the bag he was holding on the table. Robb stared at him, and Jon was smart enough to shut his mouth. His vision was covered by a moment by the fabric of the shirt, and his shoulders and torso hurt when he moved to help Robb. "I really didn't go after him. Well, not exactly."  
"Oh yeah?" He said, leaning forward to look how bad the situation was. His fingers touched gently on his side, and Jon breathed in sharply.  
"Crap." He said, almost whimpering.  
"Yes, Jon, crap." Robb replied, holding the second bag next to the bruise gently. "If you weren't after him, how did this happen?"  
"Theon texted me. At least I thought it was him. Whatever, someone texted me from Theon's phone telling me to go one of Baelish's clubs. So I did. I thought I could put some sense into his mind, convince him to move out from Bolton's."  
"Were you able to talk to him?" Robb said, putting Jon's hand over the bag. Jon got the request and held it in place, the ice already making his skin go numb.  
"He wasn't even there. Some friends of Bolton, if a man like that can even have friends, beat me up." Robb opened a box and searched inside of it.  
"Want some painkillers?" He suggested, already getting him a cup of a water.  
"God, I need some weed."  
"Yeah, we don't have that. And my parents would smell it."  
Jon put the pills on his mouth and took a great gulp from the cup. Robb smiled kindly, but his eyes were still filled with worry.  
"Please don't go and get yourself killed, yeah?" Robb pleaded.  
"I'm fine, Robb." Jon replied, smirking. "God, are you so terrified of living without me?" He joked.  
"I am, actually. I..." His voice was low when he said it.  
"What?" Robb breathed deeply, as if he was building up courage.  
"I love you." He said, his voice stronger now. Jon smiled.  
"I love you too." Robb looked as if Jon had just taken a weight off his shoulders. He leaned forward and kissed him, being careful not to touch him and cause Snow any pain. The bags fell to the floor while Jon kissed him back. He fought to lean forward too, get closer to Robb, but his whole body hurt so much he wasn't able to.  
Robb broke the kiss, but didn't move away.  
"Does it hurt?" He asked.  
"Only when I breath." Jon replied in a strangled voice, but the smile on his voice remained. 

Sansa jumped up and down on Margaery's bed, laughing. Margaery was sitting on the mattress on the floor, that was going to be Sansa's bed for the night. She had called a few hours later, when the alcohol wasn't the fluid that filled most of her body, and asked to stay over. Sansa invited some bullshit that Margaery had just broken up with her boyfriend and that she needed some support. Ned, always uncertain of how to deal with his daughter, agreed before asking Catelyn what were her thoughts on Sansa sleeping over somewhere when she had class the next morning.  
Sansa jumped a couple times and finally lied on the bed, closing her eyes and giggling.  
"I think there's too much blood in my alcohol." She said, and Margaery laughed.  
"Okay, Stark." Margaery tried to sound stern, but she was chuckling between her attempts. "It's time to sleep."  
"No..." Sansa mumbled, hiding her face in her hands. Margaery moved closer, supporting her chin on her own bed, and pulling Sansa's hand.  
"Come on, it's late." Margaery said. "We have class tomorrow." Sansa opened her eyes and pouted.  
"Okay then, mom." She mocked, and slipped to the mattress below, sitting beside Margaery. Her mind was so slow, and she wasn't quite sure what she was saying, or doing, for instance.  
She took off her shorts, and didn't notice when Margaery stopped laughing to stare at her interested. Sansa lied down, her head on Margaery's lap.  
"I don't think you brought any pajamas, do you want me to borrow one?" She asked, cleaning her throat and looking up. Margaery didn't trust herself, especially after so many shots.  
"I can sleep without them." Sansa shrugged the subject off. She sat again, and put her hand inside her shirt, opening the bra. "Margaery, you're really pretty, you know?"  
Margaery took her eyes from the ceiling to look at the redhead girl. Fuck it. She wouldn't get any other opportunity like this one. Good people don't get what they want. She smiled tentatively, leaning closer to Sansa.  
"Am I?"  
"You are. So pretty I kinda avoid thinking about it." Margaery knew the right thing was to stop. She couldn't manipulate her. Not sweet, innocent Sansa. But she wanted her so bad it almost hurt.  
"You shouldn't." She whispered, going against her instinct. "You're pretty too, Sansa." Her lips where almost touching, and Sansa smelled of alcohol and Margaery's roses fragrance that Sansa put on earlier.  
"I'm not a lesbian." Sansa murmured, trying to convince both of them.  
"It's just an experiment." Margaery promised, and before Sansa could answer, she locked her lips together. After the initial shock, Stark kissed back, her hands moving to Margaery's shoulders. The brunette's hands were gripping firmly on Sansa's hips, kissing her desperate and urgently. Margaery never felt like this before. She might be exploding, or perhaps imploding. She didn't know. She didn't care. Sansa was there. Sansa's tongue was inside her mouth and she was kissing her back. In the back of her mind, she felt a twinge of guilt for pressing her into it. But someone had to take the first step. Or perhaps that was she was going to keep repeating to herself when these thoughts worried her at night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's shorter than usual, but it's here on time!  
> I just learned the replying button on comments so I'll just be a pain in the ass to you guys down there now  
> and thank you for the kudos!


	16. You ran into the night; you can't be found

"Jon, what are you doing?" Robb asked, frowning at his boyfriend. The last week had been a mess. Christmas holidays were close, and the finals were even closer. Jon had almost killed himself studying; his honor - and pride - didn't allow him to consider cheating, and Robb made a huge effort to study, but he just couldn't focus. His whole body craved for some cocaine. Jon only smoked one joint, and he certainly didn't feel like going to see Theon, not after he had declined all his calls and ignored all his texts. So Robb had to search for Greyjoy all alone. It wasn't that hard to find him, neither to convince the other to sniff with him. They had spent an awful lot of time together that week. The boy was terrible, skinner than before and the bags under his eyes were huge. Robb had thought of asking, but he knew what happened. And he couldn't do anything about it. Theon looked decided in not moving out from Bolton's. It was easier for both of them just to enjoy their high. It didn't matter how much Theon insisted that he was doing only cocaine, the marks on his arms showed Robb otherwise. And there was, obviously, the Sansa problem. The looks his sister kept throwing at him made him more than uncomfortable. He knew that she probably hated him. So he didn't like being home for so long.   
"I'm cooking." Jon replied, getting Robb out of his daydream. Robb felt the need to get out of this small talk and just tell him. Tell him everything. That he thought he was falling in love with him. That he already had. But he already said that and he didn't want to sound so cheesy. Tell him he couldn't go past a day without sniffing and if he did, we would feel like he was going insane. Tell him he felt like he was going to fail everything because his brain was messed up. Tell him that he didn't even put the white powder inside himself because of the high anymore, but just not to feel so freaking lost. Ask Jon why he was cooking. He's not hungry. He's never hungry. Coke didn't make people hungry, weed did. Yes, weed did. Robb asked himself who was the strongest one. Was it him, because he did n't settle for the weak stuff, or was it Jon, for not falling into the trap? Robb had fallen into the trap, and in love with Jon. Into Jon and in love with cocaine. It was Snow and white as snow. When one was a uphill, the other was a downfall. The mountain and the cliff and Robb honestly couldn't tell which side to choose. Was the love of his life a what or a who? His mind divided, making him so damn confused and the fact that he didn't have his sniff today just made everything so fucking worse. It was hard to think and sometimes hard to breathe. He blinked a few times, trying to focus. He breathed in and out, trying to expel the bad thoughts while he expelled the air.   
"You don't even know how to cook." Robb remarked, getting the package from the inner pocket of his jacket and placing it on the table. From the back of his pants he took out his wallet, separating his school card. "Do you want a sniff?" Jon shook his head, taking his eyes off the food he was making to reach for the package. He opened it and dipped his finger inside, covering the tip of it with white powder and sucking it clean again. Robb shrugged and started to prepare his line.   
"It's a date, Robb. Don't question my abilities." Jon handed Robb a straw he rolled his eyes.   
"We fuck thousands of times." He started, leaning forward and sniffing it up. "And now you want a romantic date?"  
"It's not my fault you're a whore."  
"I'm no whore." Robb defended himself, passing the back of his hand on his nose. It came down bloody. "Oh, crap." He complained, getting himself a napkin. Jon looked worried at him. "Nosebleed." He explained.   
"Oh. Arya's getting a lot of these." Jon said. "It's from all the fucking coke you two can't get enough of." Robb pouted, tossing the dirty napkin into the garbage. His mind felt clearer now, like he could at least think properly. He hugged Jon's waist and kissed the place where his shoulder and neck met.   
"Don't be such a prick." Robb whispered.   
"You're a prick." Jon answered, trying to shrug Robb off. "Stop distracting me, I'm going to burn our dinner."  
"Jon, I'm sorry, but this thing is kinda fucked up."  
"Shut up, Robb. You're going to eat it."  
"It will kill me from inside out. Can't we just order a pizza?"  
"We are not ordering a pizza, Stark."  
"I want pizza, not this alien you're cooking."  
"I am going to kick your dick."   
"I doubt you would want to do that." Robb kissed Jon's neck again and moved away from him. "Do your thing. I'll give this food of yours a chance."  
"Good. No pizza." Robb raised his both hands to prove his innocence.   
"No pizza."   
Robb didn't bother Jon for the next minutes. He chewed on a pen and tried to drawn a wolf in a piece of paper he found, but he was useless. He tried to hum to a song but it also got him bored. He even played the knife game with the straw, until it hit him really hard on the finger and he gave up.   
"I quit." Jon said, turning the stove off. "Let's order some pizza."  
"Pepperoni, please."  
"You were just waiting for me to give up, weren't you?" Jon accused, getting the phone and dialing the number. Robb pouted once more. He felt so much better with a bit of white powder inside his system.   
"Was that supposed to be spaghetti?" Robb asked, holding the pan by the handle and looking suspicious at the inside of it. "God, it really does look like an alien."   
"Last time we ate spaghetti you were calling me Snow and touching the inner part of my thigh." Jon said as he waited for someone on the other side to pick up. Robb smirked, remembering that night and how Jon looked when he was only on his underwear.  
"I do that a lot." He murmured. Jon smiled as he did the order, tapping his fingers distractedly on the table. He turned the phone off and made a move to go to the living room.  
"I'll pay." Robb assured, and Jon stopped walking to look at him while he got his wallet from the table and looked for some money. He only found a few coins.   
"There's no need, Robb." Jon said, and left the room. Robb barely noticed, trying to find more money. The package he bought from Theon who got it from Ramsay still had enough for a line or two, but Robb had no money to get another one. He wouldn't be able to do his tests if he was craving cocaine. Damn, he probably wouldn't be able to breathe. The paranoia was starting to linger back into its place on Robb's mind. He tried to control himself, and not ruin their night.   
The living room was warm and comfortable, and he let his bad thoughts go away, at least for now. He sat on the couch and turned the TV on. Jon raised one eyebrow as in a question, scolding slightly, and Robb tapped the place beside him.  
"Come here. And stop scolding. You are allowed to smile, you know." Jon rolled his eyes, but crossed the room, dropping the money on the table and tossing himself at the couch. He crossed his arms and stared grumpily ahead. Robb poked his arm.   
"Don't poke me."  
"Your spaghetti wasn't that bad." He lied. Robb rested his head on Jon's shoulder and caressed his neck with his nose. "What are you doing tomorrow?"   
"Studying."  
"Tomorrow is fucking Saturday!" Robb exclaimed, and then kissed Jon's chin. He kept kissing as he talked. "Stay with me." Jon's lips twitched upward, but he controlled himself. "Is that a smile?"   
"No." Jon answered, exasperated.   
"I think it is..."  
"It is not." He said, looking at him. Robb smirked and took his lips, kissing him eagerly. Jon didn't even have time to react, Robb's tongue was already entering his mouth. Stark moved forward, pressing Jon's back against the couch. Jon raised his hips to find some contact with Robb's, and moved his hands to his large shoulders. Robb tilted his head, trying to unravel every inch of Jon's mouth, as if he didn't already. For the first time in this week, he didn't feel worried at all. And for the first time since this whole thing have started, he didn't worry about what Sansa would think. There were times that the guilty him weighted on him so much that he felt like he couldn't breathe. The hands on his shoulder should weight, but it only made him feel lighter. His sister didn't matter, neither did his craving or his money or his grades. Jon moved his hand to the back of his neck and Robb felt chills down his spine. He used the hand to pull Stark closer, tugging on Robb's curls with his fingers. A soft moan escaped Robb's lips and was captured and muffed by Jon's. He groaned and climbed even more on top of Jon. One of his hands was supported on the back of the couch and the other above Jon's head. They both were, at the same time, urgent to get the control of the kiss back and desperate to let it go and just lose themselves. Robb's hips lunged forward unconsciously, and Jon's hand didn't leave his hair. Their tongue collapsed and twirled around, their breath short, raggedy and warm. It wasn't exactly comfortable, the position they were in, but neither of them cared for that. They kept kissing as if the rest of the world didn't matter. And for a moment, it didn't.   
They almost failed to hear the doorbell. Robb moaned, complaining. Jon laughed, turning his head to the side.   
"It is your pizza." He remarked.   
"You burned our dinner!" Robb exclaimed. Jon pushed his shoulder.  
"Be a good boy and go get it." He asked, smirking. Robb scolded, but got up. His hand grabbed the money on the table as the other was passed carelessly on his hair, attempting to fix it but only making it worse. The delivery boy seemed bored of his mind, and almost forgot to get the change. Robb mumbled a quick thank you while he got the box, and he placed it on the table. Jon pointed at the kitchen, and Robb rolled his eyes, murmuring something about not being a maid. He got what they needed for have a decent dinner and sat close to Jon again, opening the box and getting the first slice. They ate quietly at first, their eyes on the television. Robb broke the silence after he was halfway done with his second slice.   
“Will I sleep here tonight?” He asked, placing his plate on the floor next to the couch, too lazy to take it to the sink. His head fell to Jon’s lap and he looked up to him, the blueness of his eyes being hidden by the stubborn eyelids who insisted on closing.   
“You can, I don’t think my dad is coming home tonight.” Jon frowned, and looked slightly worried at Robb, who didn’t notice. “Why don’t you want to go home?”  
“I just wanna stay here.” He replied in an attempt to shrug it off, but Jon wouldn’t let go so easily.  
“That’s not true.” Snow murmured. Robb rolled his eyes and shifted his body, looking for a more comfortable position.   
“My mom is kind of freaking out.” He confessed. She’s worried would be the correct sentence, but Robb was a teenager, and teenagers always feel like they are the one that are being mistreated. “She thinks I’m sick or something.”´ Robb played with his fingers distractedly, trying not to sound as serious as the subject actually was. Jon bit down on his lower lip, holding the urge to tell Robb that he, too, was worried about him.  
“You’re doing drugs.” Jon tried to smirk. Robb didn’t notice his smile turn into a grimace, because his eyes were closed. “She should be worried.”  
“Yes, but she doesn’t know that.” Robb murmured, the sleepiness already making his voice groggy. It didn’t surprise Jon that Catelyn found Robb sick. His skin was growing paler, and his nose was becoming to look sore. And of course, the time Robb spent staring blankly ahead was troubling to anyone. Jon couldn’t be an hypocrite and make Robb tell his mother, when not even his own father knew what the Snow kids did to have fun, not that he cared that much.  
“You’ll have to be careful for her not to find out.”  
“She won’t.” Robb promised, passing his hands in front of his eyes.  
“You don’t want to wake up to a dead Jon Snow, do you?” Robb chuckled at the joke, but it was true. If Catelyn Stark ever found out her golden boy was shooting up cocaine into his body, she would immediately blame Snow. She just had a natural dislike for the boy.   
“She won’t find out, Jon.” He assured. “I don’t sniff at home, at least not when I’m alone.”  
“I barely saw you this week.” Jon noticed. “You didn’t sniff every day, did you?” Robb shook his head. A lie he did not dare to mouth, because his voice would most likely fail him.  
“I was studying.”   
“Even if you do sleep here tonight, I will study tomorrow, you know that, right?” Robb pouted, opening his eyes again. “Stop with the pouting.” Jon said, rolling his eyes at the ginger. Robb tried to keep the pout on his lips, but a yawn overcame its power. “You should sleep.” He suggested.  
“I wish.” Robb breathed, his hand scratching his eyes with more force than necessary. “I’m just so tired. I feel like I’m going to faint all the time.”  
“Have you been sleeping?” Jon asked quietly, as he moved uncomfortably. However, what made him uncomfortable wasn’t the position he was in, or Robb’s head on his lap. It was his words. Stark shook his head as in an answer. He felt exhausted, his brain almost making through the day awake, but when he finally rested in his bed at night, he couldn’t possibly sleep. His eyes and mind failed him when he wanted so desperately to fall asleep, and he had no idea of how just to stop thinking for one freaking second. The only moment he felt at peace was when he was high. He had lied. He sniffed at home, but not when his mother or anyone from his family could notice how high he was. Two in the morning, sometimes three, when he had just given up into falling asleep and his mind was killing him with all those thoughts and worries. Before everything, before the joints and the powder, when Robb still acted as if Jon Snow was a prick and that the jocks were his best friends, the hours he spent sleeping was the only moment where he would find peace. Where he would just stop thinking. He had given it up when cocaine became more important. Cocaine made him stop thinking such bad things too. So he would get out of bed, on that time of the day that is neither morning nor night, and the only people awake were the lonely ones. He would open his backpack and search slowly, afraid to make a sound, and use an old two bucks bill to sniff it up. He wouldn’t rest. He would feel tired once the goddamn thing was over with messing up with his system, but for some glorious moments, he wouldn’t think. That was good enough.  
“Three days, or more, I’m not sure.” He replied the unsaid question that Jon was about to make. Jon reached for Robb’s phone on his jacket and wrote a text in a language similar to Robb’s. “What was that?”  
“Your mom thinks you’re sleeping at Renly’s. Now sleep.”  
“It’s not that easy.” Robb complained. Jon lowered the television sound and dropped the remote to his side. His fingers tangled in Robb’s hair, gently this time, and caressed it. Robb smirked, looking up to Jon again. “What are you doing?”  
“Don’t be an asshole and close your eyes, Stark.”  
“You are so romantic.” He provoked.  
“Don’t make me change my mind.”  
Robb rolled his eyes, but after that, he allowed his eyelids to fall completely, filling his world with darkness. He knew it wouldn’t work. He was certain of it. But Jon’s fingers felt reassuring and comforting, and he was starting to feel sleepy, not only tired. He wasn’t sure how that happened, but Jon’s hand on his hair made him doze off. Robb never remembered what he dreamed. He didn’t remember it the next morning, but he dreamed in three colors. Black and grey, and white. White as snow.

It was final’s week, and Robb was on the verge of breaking down. It had no point. He wouldn’t use that crap. He didn’t even know what he wanted to do with his life anymore. His future was a big blur, and the only thing he knew for certain it would involve Jon and coke. Robb wasn’t going to fool himself. Recovery was out of the question, because he simply didn’t want to get better. The small difficulties he had to endure were nothing compared to the feeling of being high. He didn’t care. He didn’t remember most of his answers, and he wished he could be like Theon, who was probably having a shot, completely relaxed, when he had to be there answering stupid questions which he didn’t have the answer to. And he was sure he was following Theon’s path. The need was getting stronger with all the stress, and sometimes he really considered sniffing it on the school’s bathroom.   
Robb tried to focus on what test it was, but his brain didn’t seem to agree with him. Jon wasn’t in the room. He was one level above, or he didn’t take this class, or whatever. Point is, Jon wasn’t there, and it made Robb feel a little bit more lost than usual. His eyes kept searching for him when he raised his eyes from the paper in front of him, but he failed to find him. He looked down to his test again, and it was completely blank, except for his name on the top of the paper. His eyes closed and he just didn’t want to open them again. His hand held into the pen so strongly it was beginning to hurt, and when he fell conscious of the fact that he was there doing a test which he could not possibly know one answer, he gave up. Robb dropped the pen on the table and got up, pushing the chair with more strength that he thought he would, and making more noise than he wished for. Everyone on the room looked at him in surprise or annoyance, or maybe both. None of them were Jon, so it didn’t fucking matter. He walked towards the door, but he felt a hand on his shoulder.  
“I need some air.” Robb hissed before the teacher could ask anything, and he left the room before anyone could stop him. He would most likely get into trouble, and learned a few seconds later that he didn’t care. It took only a few minutes to reach his favorite place and finally stop to take a deep breath and try to clear his head. Everyone was doing their tests now, so no one would see him. He moved to reach his backpack and prepare a line, but it wasn’t there. So goddamn stupid that he had forgotten it on the classroom. Robb honestly felt like crying, or perhaps breaking something, he wasn’t sure. He chose the first option. Before he could notice, he was sitting on the floor, head between his hands, eyes closed and he could swear his whole body was trembling. The tears even formed in the corner of his eyes, but they didn’t dare to fall. Robb didn’t know how long he stayed like this. Minutes, hours or ages, he just felt so horrible and empty and the craving was so strong that he didn’t he could handle it.  
A couple years ago, Robb was sitting with his whole family on the living room, and they were watching the news. Rickon didn’t exist, and Bran still had the place of honor by the side of their mother. Sansa was doing her nails, paying more attention to making it look perfect than to what was happening on the rest of the world. Ned had his arm around Catelyn’s shoulder, and Robb was texting someone that wasn’t important about a History project. It was just after dinner, and they were spending their usual time together. It doesn’t happen anymore. Robb wondered if it was his fault.   
A drug addict appeared on the television. A completely insane and broken man, who stole from his family and friends and random strangers because he needed his shot so bad he just didn’t care about anyone. He killed his family, and then killed himself. Of all the things Robb thought that night, he certainly didn’t think he would be just like the broken man.  
His head hurt and his body hurt and his heart hurt. Breathing hurt, thinking hurt, everything hurt. He hated cocaine, and yet he craved for its touch just like an orphan craves for a mother. He loved cocaine, and yet he wished he would have never met it. Robb didn’t hear when Jon sat beside him, or his brain simply chose to ignore.  
“What happened?” He asked, softly.  
“Nothing matters.” Robb uttered. Nothing really did matter. One day, his dad would become dust, and he would follow, just like his grandfather was already dust and how everyone would be dust and dirt and no one will ever remember him, because he was not a genius to be important to the world, and the people who would remember him will be dust too. “Nothing lasts. Nothing stays.” Jon looked at him for some time. He didn’t scold, or look hurt or angry. Robb, however, didn’t know that, because he didn’t raise his eyes.  
“So we’ll be nothing together.” Jon replied. Robb raised his head, and looked into Jon’s eyes.   
“I’m losing it.” He admitted, his voice almost choked out by sobs, his eyes even brighter now they were filled with tears.   
“I know.” Jon whispered.  
“I don’t wanna go mad.”  
“You have to stop.” Jon tried out, as if he was getting closer to a wild animal, which could accept him or tear off his arm. Or even worse, walk away without a second glance.  
“I can’t. I won’t.” Robb said stubbornly.  
“Why not?”  
“It’s my oxygen.” They kept quiet. Jon considered what Robb had said, and Robb trying to breathe. Robb noticed that he spent most of his time trying to breathe.  
“Promise me you’ll be alright.” Jon asked, pleaded or begged. Robb couldn’t tell.  
“I will be alright.” He said, attending to Jon’s request without even thinking about it.  
“Should I believe you?”  
“I wouldn’t lie to you.”  
“You could lie to yourself.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so here it is, like I promised, all fluffy fluff (and angst because I have a serious problem because I don't think I can't make happy ships ever) Jonobb. Thank you for the kudos!


	17. Do you take it all more seriously?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so sorry for all the angst. I swear I didn't mean it. Or perhaps only a little bit.

Theon felt lost, or torn. He couldn’t quite make his mind on the issue. It was easy before. He was Reek, and Ramsay didn’t allow him to be anyone else, and he was almost forgetting who Theon Greyjoy truly was, or used to be. But then Jeyne came, and she clicked something inside of him. It was another person, and for once, someone who treated him like he was an actual person. He felt more like Theon when she was nearby, and that confused the shit out of him. Because he didn’t feel like he was truly allowed to be Theon near Ramsay, and he didn’t even want to be Theon near Ramsay because that meant getting hurt. He shook Jeyne out of his mind. She wasn’t important. She couldn’t be. It wasn’t Jeyne who had the drugs. It wasn’t Jeyne who he owed a shitload of money to. It wasn’t Jeyne who he should obey.  
Ramsay knew exactly what he was doing when he gave Theon heroin. It wasn’t hard for him to trade cocaine for the new drug. In fact, it was easy. It was stronger, and he seemed to forget more. He wasn’t sure if he was Theon or Reek when he was high, but for a few hours, he didn’t care, and that was good enough. However, right now, he wasn’t high. Ramsay was giving him a few free shots, and part of his brain knew that it was because he wanted him addicted, but the other part was grateful. He didn’t dare to search for Ramsay’s stock, not again. His legs shook impatiently as he sat on the couch, his teeth biting the skin of his finger, anxious running through his body. He should be back soon. He had to. Theon felt relief fill his body when he heard the doorbell, and his need was so huge he completely forgot that Ramsay wouldn’t ring it. After all, he had the keys. Of course, after the first week, Theon had got a set of keys of his own. He had gone out a few times, to see Robb – even though they didn’t exactly talk – and to go after a job so he could pay his debts, but his face and body screamed ‘drug addict’ and no one wanted to employ him.  
His legs were still tremble when he got up, but he kept his pace, crossing the living room and reaching for the door. From all of the people he expected to see when he opened the door, Jon Snow was not one of them.  
“Jon!” He exclaimed, surprise filling his tone. Theon saw that he had a black eye, and he wondered who the hell punched him. He thought of asking, but he realized he didn’t have the guts too. Ramsay had mentioned about a little surprise he had given his Snow friend, and Theon reached for the phone in the same second. He stopped himself before Bolton did. He wouldn’t call. The guilt was too much.   
His lips twitched upwards as he brushed the thought away. He was fine – and alive, a tiny voice whispered inside his head. Ramsay wouldn’t be happy to know Snow was here, but Theon couldn’t help but feel happy that his friend was there. They haven’t seen each other only for a few weeks, but it felt like years. Perhaps it had been years. It couldn’t possibly be just two months ago that they were both sitting on Theon’s bedroom, talking about how Robb Stark was a fucking asshole. They weren’t the same anymore. ‘That’s what love does to you.’ Theon thought.   
“Theon.” Jon acknowledged, and he didn’t sound half as pleased as Theon did. He opened his mouth to invite him in, but decided against it. Ramsay could get home in any moment.   
“What… What are you doing here?” He asked, uncertain. Jon scolded at him like he did something wrong, and he shifted uncomfortably on his feet. He started to look down at them, but stopped himself before. This wasn’t Ramsay. It was Jon. He knew Jon better than anyone else, it didn’t matter what Stark thought.   
“Stay away from Robb.” His voice was stern. Theon’s eyebrows furrowed.  
“What?” He tried to chuckle, to mock, like he would if it was a few months ago. However, he didn’t have the strength to laugh anymore.   
“I said,” Jon said, coldly. “Stay away from Robb. And from me.”  
“What do you mean?” Theon mumbled, trying to convince himself his voice did not break at the end. But it did. Jon didn’t care for him. Jon didn’t care if he had marks on his arms, and bags under his eyes. Jon didn’t care that he looked as if he didn’t eat for days. Jon didn’t care that he had bruises from punches and kicks. Jon didn’t care that he completely lost himself.   
Jon didn’t fucking care.   
“I mean that you’re a selfish prick.” Jon went on. “And that I want you far from me, and especially, from Robb.”  
Why is Robb so important? Theon wanted to ask. Why is it not me? Why don’t you care for me?  
“I can’t stay away from you!” He said, exasperated. I love you. “You’re my best friend.”  
“I was your best friend.” He didn’t flinch, or stutter or even sound hurt. It was just disgust, like Theon wasn’t a part of his life anymore, and he just needed some closure.  
“Kid, you’re… You’re all that I have.” Theon appealed. Jon’s expression finally changed. He looked surprised, but it was gone so soon that Theon thought he had imagined it.   
“Then you’ve got nothing.” Jon stated. Before Theon could do anything, he had left.   
He could go after him. Or just sit on the floor and cry. His whole heart ached, but the tears would not come up. It was overwhelming. He spent long without allowing himself to feel something other than fear, and now it was so much. Hurt, betrayal, sadness, even anger. Theon leaned against the door, and stood there. He didn’t care enough to move. Ramsay would get home soon, and depending on his humor, would kiss or hit or just play some of his sick games with him. Theon didn’t care. If Jon didn’t, he wasn’t going to.   
He was right. A few minutes later, Bolton appeared, raising one eyebrow to Theon’s odd behavior. He pushed him out of the way with his shoulder, and they both went inside.  
“What did you do today, Reek?” Ramsay asked, measuring him with his eyes.  
“I realized something.” He murmured.  
“Is that so?” A smile crept up on his lips as he removed his jacket and tossed it carelessly on the couch. He moved closer, walking as if he had all the time in the world, and in fact, he did. Theon wasn’t going to be the one to rush him on.  
“Yes.”   
“And what was it?” Ramsay encouraged, his fingers brushing gently on Theon’s cheek, and then holding his chin strongly.  
“I have nothing.”   
“You have me.” He whispered against his ear, his teeth biting down on his earlobe. Ramsay didn’t sound angry. Only slightly amused, as if Theon was a puppy who saw a mirror for the first time.  
“I don’t have you.” Theon pointed out, stubbornly, too heart-broken to care. “You have me. It’s not mutual.”  
Ramsay moved away from him only enough to stare at him, as Theon’s eyes automatically fell to look at the floor. He was actually considering what he was saying. After a few seconds, he decided Theon was wrong. Of course, he was wrong. Reek was always wrong. His grip became stronger, and he forced Theon to look into his eyes.   
“No, Reek.” He said, the smile still on his face, but the rage starting to show. “I’m all you have. Do you understand?” The warning on his voice was clear. Theon nodded, even though Ramsay’s hand made it hard to move his head.  
That night, Theon found out it made sense. Before, two months ago, when he still had a best friend and a – kind of shitty – dad and a home, he already had Ramsay. In this short period of time, he lost everything, except, of course, for Ramsay. He really did have him, and he would never leave him. Theon couldn’t tell if it was a comfort or a curse.

Jon didn't leave Robb's side for the rest of the week. Or at least, for most of it. He had escaped the day before, when Robb finally fell asleep for more than a couple minutes, to tell Theon to back off. It had hurt him, of course, but not as much as Robb's state. Jon didn't want to blame himself, so he blamed Theon.   
Robb was missing the tests, and it didn't matter how much Jon tried, he couldn't convince him to get out of bed. At least, he wasn't sniffing. Jon didn't know if it was because of his constant vigilance or the lack of money, at least he wasn't. And Jon had stolen the key from Robb’s emergency supply, not that he would tell him. That wasn’t an option. Robb was so confused that he just guessed he had truly lost it. Of course, how long that would last was unknown. He could see the distress in Robb's blue eyes, and how he failed to sleep and how the craving was so strong that it was almost eating him from the inside out. Jon, somehow, convinced Robb’s parents that he was helping him out with the subject he was losing from skipping school. He did study for his finals, but he couldn't help Robb at all. His afternoons were spent lying next to him, with a book open on his lap as he tried to focus, but the thoughts kept wandering to the boy beside him. Robb, however, did nothing. He stared blankly ahead, or complained or babbled nonsense, and sometimes, he slept for a few minutes. Jon was just waiting for Robb to explode.   
It was Thursday, and there was going to be one last test on the next day, but then it was over. Christmas vacations. Jon hated the holiday, but he got slightly excited about spending it with Robb. He opened the door of Robb's room and walked inside slowly. Sansa was sitting on the chair, her arms crossed and the usual full of hate and disgust look on her eyes. At least this made her forgive her brother. But not Jon, never Jon. The Starks women seemed to despise him. She wasn't sure about what was going on, but she knew something bad was happening to Robb, and she took care of him when Jon wasn't around.   
"I made him shower." She let Jon know, getting up, obviously not looking forward to be alone in the same room as Jon and Robb. Sansa left the room, closing the door behind her. He looked at the bed and found Robb under the blanket, his wet hair visible. Jon wished for one second that Robb was asleep, resting peacefully, but he was proved wrong.   
"You left yesterday." He accused, his voice dry.  
"I had to go somewhere." Jon explained himself, climbing onto the bed, his backpack and the books inside it completely forgotten on the floor.   
"You said you wouldn't leave."   
"I won't." Jon promised.  
"Okay." Robb murmured, moving closer to Jon. "I want a sniff."  
Jon sighed, and he shifted until he was lying on his side and looking into Robb's eyes.   
"It's not the weekend yet. You promised."  
"I thought I could do it, but I can't." He said, his voice no louder than a whisper.   
"You can do anything you want." Jon assured. "I'm just not sure you want it."  
Robb moved, pressing his back against the mattress and looking up to the ceiling.  
"Get out of my head." He said, and Jon felt like kissing Robb just because of the shade of a smile that appeared on his lips. Jon did exactly this, using his elbow to support his body and leaning forward, catching Robb's lips between his gently. Only for a second, though.  
"But it's so comfortable."  
"It's too messy." Robb murmured, blinking his big blue eyes a couple times.   
"I can clean it up. It's my thing."   
"That'll be quite impossible."   
"Nothing is impossible to Jon fucking Snow, Stark." Robb chuckled half-heartily.  
"Come here." He mumbled, gesturing for Jon to get under the blankets. Robb got closer, resting his head on Jon's shoulder. He felt Jon's heartbeat against his, and tried to focus on that. Not cocaine. He didn't need cocaine. He needed Jon. The pain was becoming physical. No, he needed Jon.  
Robb changed his focus to Jon's breathing, and tried to do his in the same rhythm. His arms hugged Jon as tightly as he could, and he closed his eyes. Jon, carefully, moved his hand to Robb's wet curls and played with them, trying really hard not to worry.   
Suddenly, the contact was too much for Robb.   
"You have to study." He said harshly, moving away from Jon's arms. His chest went up and down really quickly, and his eyes were filled with paranoia.  
"Robb..." Jon started, insecure. "It's okay. It's me. Jon." Robb shook his head, and tried to move further. Jon knew better than to push him into talking. "Okay." He assured, getting up, trying not to alarm him. "I'm going to your desk." Jon took a few steps back, still looking at Robb, who was staring into the mess of the blankets, his whole expression hostile.  
"Why don't you let me be?" Robb questioned.  
"I-... What?"   
"I just want one sniff. For fucking sake." His voice sounded resentful. Fuck, he was angry. Angry with Jon.  
"Robb, I'm doing this for you." Jon tried to explain, still not quite believing what was happening.  
"It's not for me.” He spit out. “It's for you. You don't want me to be happy."  
"You don't know what you're saying." Jon mumbled, trying to ignore what Robb was talking. It wasn't easy. He hated when people were unfair to him. And Robb knew he had an anger issue. It's Robb, Jon told himself. He's sick, he needs your help.  
"I do, actually. I know what's good for me. I want my coke."  
Still, he had no right.  
"You don't know what's good for you!" Jon exclaimed, almost yelled. "You've lost your freaking mind!"  
"And you know it." Robb didn’t have the same self-control, and yelled. "You can decide my life, you can decide what I fucking shoot up in my body!" He was fuming, but he was weak, physical and mentally. However, he still got up. "It's my life." Robb finished, staring straightly at him.   
"Great." Jon stated. "Fucking great, Robb." He got the key from his back pocket, and opened the drawer on Robb's desk.   
"You fucking..." Robb began, indignation filling his face.   
"Shut up." He opened it roughly and got the cocaine package from inside, tossing it at Robb. "There. Sniff it, lick it, fucking eating if you like. I don't give a shit."  
"Gladly." Robb replied, making his way to the bathroom. 

She had barely seen Jon the past days. He had been studying all day, locked up in his room. It made her pissed. Arya actually missed her brother, especially because he was the one who got in the middle of the fights she had with their father, when he finally decided to come home. Of course that in finals week, the man who was supposed to love her would stay home all the time, just to bring her over the edge. And now Jon disappeared. Fucking disappeared. He wasn't even home anymore, and he didn't give her a ride either. She even tried to search for him at school, go to his locker, to his parking space, but she couldn’t find a trace of her brother. She knew he was probably at Stark. She wished she could escape to Stark's place every time things got bad. She could go to Gendry's, of course, but his parents were beginning to hate her. Arya wasn’t exactly the kind of daughter-in-law parents wish for. And there was the fact that looking weak next to Gendry wasn't an option. It would never be an option.   
She had tried to study that afternoon. She really had. To be an example, follow her brother’s steps, all this bullshit. But everything was so hard, and she felt so fucking stupid, and all she wanted was to fuck Gendry and get high. She couldn't do the first one, but she sure could do the later. Her father was home, in the living room watching some stupid game. He could walk into her bedroom in any second, but she didn't fucking care. Let him see. Let him see and scream and hit her. At least he will be acknowledging her existence. Arya reached for her bag and for her sweet, precious powder. Theon had told her to stay away from Ramsay, but she didn't. She wasn't going to spend her money in shitty coke. It took some time until she found his point on the street, where his customers were people who sell themselves on the street, and treated Ramsay like he was a god. Sometimes, Arya wished she could be close to Ramsay like Theon was. He sure got some free shots.   
Of course, she lacked of a credit card, so she used her school card, just like she saw Robb doing once. Her money was completely over, and because of that, she couldn’t use a bill to sniff it up. However, she had a straw hidden inside her bag. She knew she might need it.   
Arya made the lines, watching the drug carefully, almost getting high just by imagining it in her system. She leaned forward, and sniffed the first line. The feeling of a burden being taken off her shoulders was instant. Her head fell back as she felt lighter and lighter.   
The door clicked open, and any regular girl would have frozen in place, attempted at explaining. Not Arya. She craved for attention almost as much she craved for cocaine. It didn’t matter if people were praising her or not. She leaned forward, finished the second line off and raised her head and gave her father a tiny, cocky smile.   
"Hi, daddy. Want some?"  
Her father was a tall man, who had no respect for his children. They were nothing alike. Appearance or personality, he was the complete opposite of Jon and Arya. His hair was silver, way too white to be called blond, and his eyes were of a purple that used to fascinate and terrify Arya. Right now, they were just boring. He bored her. The world bored her.  
"What are you doing?" He asked. His voice was cold and distant, as he looked from the last line in the table to his younger daughter.  
"I'm sniffing coke." Arya replied, the smile in her lips turning into a laugh.   
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" He repeated, his mind finally joining the dots. Arya shrugged, and leaned forward to finish her third line. She was stopped by a hand grabbing a fistful of her hair and yanking her up. "Of course it would be you." He hissed as Arya tried to kick him. Her attempt was useless. "You're such a fucking waste of space, of course you had to be a cokehead!" He screamed on her ear. She flinched, but only for a few seconds. She wouldn’t break. Not for him. Her leg kicked again.  
"Took you some time to notice." She said, almost spitting on his face. "How would you notice? You don't spend one fucking weekend at home."  
He let go of her hair and pushed her to the couch.  
"Of course I don't want to be near the monster who murdered the love of my life."  
"I didn't ask to be born." Arya hissed, sounding a lot like her father.   
"Neither did us. Do you know what you are, Arya?" He asked, bringing his face close to hers. She didn't answer. Just kept staring at him, her little shoulders trembling with her anger. She wished she could be stronger. Fiercer. That she could hit and kick and bite until she completely broke the man in front of her, fuck him up the way he did with her since the minute she was born. "A broken condom. We didn't plan you. We didn't want you. And God knows I still don't." Arya felt tears burning in her eyes, but she refused to let them go. She wasn't going to cry. Not for him. Never for him.   
"Mom wanted me." Her voice sounded weaker now. It was lie. She didn't know. She couldn’t know.  
"Yes. I tried to convince her to abort. She didn't listen to me. You killed her, Arya. You killed Jon's mother. It was your fault."  
"Shut up." It was better when he hit her. It didn't hurt so much.   
"It's no surprise you're such a failure in everything."  
"Stop it."  
"If you didn't exist, Jon's life would be so much better." His voice was calm and vicious, and she just wanted him to stop and hit her. Just hit her, make her bruised and bloody, and stop with the fucking talking.   
"Dad..." She murmured, shaking her head, pleading for some understanding. In response, he backhanded her on the face. A sob escaped her mouth. Arya wasn't strong. Not anymore. She didn't want to be strong. She wanted to stop. Herself or the world, she didn't give a damn.   
"I'm not your dad. The minute you turn eighteen, you are stepping out of this door, and never coming back."  
He won. Arya should've known he had won since he walked inside the bedroom. There were a few, glorious times, when she was the winner. But she was growing weaker and more tired. There was no point in winning battles in a war that was already lost.   
She dragged herself away from the man, feeling smaller than she actual was.   
"Give me your wallet." He ordered. Arya stared at him, nothing but pure anger in her eyes. Her father didn't even care enough to show any emotion other than disgust. She moved slowly, handing it to him. "You've got nothing. How did you buy it? Are you selling yourself on the street, you whore?"  
"I have a friend." Arya said, sharply. And I can steal, she completed in her mind. I can steal from you, you wouldn’t even notice.  
"I'm never giving you money again." He warned, moving forward to take away Arya's last line. She had to bite her tongue to keep herself from saying that he never did give her money anyway.   
Her father turned on his back and his steps took him far from her, leaving her all alone. There wasn't one fucking soul in this world that didn't leave her all alone.

Her brother's situation was troubling. Robb apparently had reached the point where he couldn't go on with whatever he was doing. Sansa didn't know how bad he really was, but she knew it was bad enough and that, somehow, she could blame Snow. She could also blame herself, for accidently introducing Jon and Robb, but no one wants to bear the guilt alone. Of course, she wasn't the only one who was worried. Jon barely left her house, getting there sometimes even before her from school, and going away only after dinner. He told her parents that he was helping Robb with the stuff he lost from the days he missed. Sansa just thanked God that she didn’t hear any suspicious moans from the room. She knew what was going on, and after she realized it, she learned how obvious they were.  
It made Sansa angry, not knowing what was going on. Jon wouldn't tell her and she refused to ask him more than once, and Robb wouldn't even open his mouth to her. She had just left her brother's room, and avoided her mind to wonder about what they were doing behind the closed door. Her mom was in the living room, attempting to make Rickon talk, and gave her an unsatisfied look. She obviously disliked Snow spending so many afternoons at home, but Eddard assured that it was what best friends do.   
"Can you get it for me, Sansa?" She requested, when the doorbell rang. Sansa turned the key and opened the door, lazily.  
"Margaery." The brunette held her breath, chewing the inside of her cheek. Sansa almost closed the door on her face, but she couldn't be so rude. She ignored the girl since they kissed, using different paths and hurried excuses. The longer she could go without thinking about, the better it was. Not that she could really stop thinking about her. Sansa kissed people before, yes. Boys. Margaery was the first girl, and her lips were soft and they tasted so much better. But Sansa liked boys. She had boyfriends. She had boy celebrity crushes. She thought men were hot. Not girls. It could not be.   
"Can we talk?" Margaery asked, looking inside and nodding a hello to her mother. The smile was soon gone the moment her eyes came back to Sansa. She was hurt. Tyrell was hurt. Because of her.   
Sansa didn't want to talk. Talking was dangerous. Everything that involved Margaery was dangerous.   
"Alright." She murmured. Her hand didn't leave the door while she turned to let her mother know she would be going outside for a few minutes. Sansa stepped forward, closing the door. She didn't start talking until they were next to Bran's tree.   
"What are you doing, Stark?" Margaery tossed away immediately, staring deeply into her. She wished that the brunette would just smile her sweet smile and don't act like she was a monster. "We kissed." She stated, as if Sansa owned her something.   
"You kissed me." Margaery's eyes flickered angrily.   
"Don't act as if you didn't want it." She said, shaking her head. "I know you did. You think I don't notice?"  
"Don't notice what?" Sansa asked, in an undertone.   
"The way you look at me."  
"I don't..." She tried to lie.   
"I noticed, Sansa. I noticed, because I do it too. Don't pretend we never caught each other staring." Stark gaped, but found no excuses. She had caught Margaery staring, but only because she was doing the same thing. The both of them usually looked away, Margaery with the decency to look embarrassed. But sometimes, she kept looking, and Sansa felt her cheeks becoming even redder.   
"I'm not gay." She said weakly.   
"Fuck, Stark!" Margaery exclaimed. She was too distraught to care for being kind. Her fingers touched her temple as she closed her eyes and Sansa leaned against the tree. "Why are you such a pussy?" Sansa almost didn't listen, since it was no louder than a whisper.   
"I'm not a pussy." She defended herself.   
"I want you, Sansa." Margaery pleaded her to listen, stepping closer. "And I know you want me to. Why can't you... Do something about it?"  
"It can go wrong." Sansa murmured.   
"It can go right." Margaery replied. "And if it doesn't, fuck it. If I hurt you, it means you loved me enough for me to matter. And vice versa."   
"Pain is not good, Margaery."   
"It's not about the pain. It's about the love. I'm not asking you to marry me. For fuck's sake, Stark, we're not even eighteen. I just want a chance."  
"But I'm a girl." Sansa said slowly, trying to convince herself. "And you're a girl." At last, Margaery smiled. More of a smirk that a smile, but still, her lips curved upwards, and that was good enough.   
"Are you afraid of going to hell now? We're all sinners. Fuck a boy or a girl, you'll still be damned."

Robb came back half an hour later. Jon could have left, but he didn't have the guts to. Neither did he want it. He sat on the desk and attempted to study, but failed miserably. Stark didn't leave his thoughts. Robb had obviously sniffed, and possibly showered again. His shirt was off and he didn't successfully dry his chest. Robb made a move to drop the empty package over the desk, but he corrected himself, guarding it on his pocket. He breathed deeply one, two, three times and passed the back of his hand on his nose.   
"Calmer now?" Jon murmured, trying not to sound so angry. Robb nodded, and leaned against the desk, looking at Jon, who didn't raise his eyes from the book. All he wanted was to feel regret because he sniffed. Because he relapsed, because he failed, not only with himself, but with Jon. He didn't. Just a few days without it and he felt as if he was dying. However, he did feel sorry about what he said, even though his brain failed to remember half of it.   
"Jon, look at me."   
"I'm busy." He replied. Of course he was. After what Robb had said, it was no surprise Jon didn't want to talk or look at him.   
"I didn't mean what I said."   
"Yeah?" Jon asked, scribbling quite aggressively over an wrong answer. "You should have thought of that before saying."  
"I couldn't think." Robb said, desperate. "All I could think of was..."  
"Coke. Yes, I know." He dropped the pen on the table and stared at the paper. "Do you ever think about anything else?"  
"I think about you." Robb murmured, sliding to the floor, sitting beside the chair. He put his hand on the seat and moved it gently, making the chair turn to one side to another. Jon looked down at him, but didn't smile.   
"I'm busy." He repeated. "Can you stop moving the chair?" Robb took his hand and stayed on the floor. A sigh escaped Robb's lips. He wished it was easier. That he could just kiss Jon and he would forgive him, and they would be happy. It wasn't going to be so simple this time.   
"I'm really sorry."   
"You'll do it again."  
"I won't say those things again." Robb promised.   
"What's your plan, Robb?"  
He didn't have one. Robb wasn't in control of his life, he was just following a vicious cycle. Get money, buy coke, sniff it. Get money, buy coke, sniff it. He tried to break it and felt like his heart decided to stop beating. He was way too small to get out. A little fish caught in the middle of a swirl.   
"I don't know." He replied, miserable. Robb hid his face on his hands for a few seconds. “Please don’t give up on me.” His voice showed his vulnerability. Jon felt of twinge of pity and guilt. The thought of abandoning Robb never crossed his mind. It would never cross him mind. He felt sick just because Robb even thought that it was what he wanted.  
Jon got up slowly, pushing the chair to the side, only to sit beside Robb on the floor.  
“Look at me, Robb.” He obeyed, raising his eyes to look into Jon’s. Blue. Before, Jon never thought about his favorite color. He always said black, because it was easier. But now, he realized, that just like Robb was his favorite person, blue was his favorite color. “It’s you and me. It will always be you and me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's ealier than the usual. I don't know what got into me, but it worked!  
> Thank you so, so much for the kudos, hope you guys like it <3  
> p.s: next chapter is Christmas. Get ready to cry


	18. Happiness feels a lot like sorrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry again soso sososo sorry oh my god i'm a terrible person  
> also tw: overdose

“Robb, you have to come downstairs.” Sansa pleaded, entering his room. He mumbled a rude reply to her, covering his head with his blanket. “It’s Christmas eve.” She said, floral dress and high heels. Robb looked at her through the blankets, and wondered how long did she stayed in the bathroom to make it look so straight.  
“I don’t wanna go down.” He replied, moodily. The last time he had his shot was a few days ago and already seemed like a lifetime ago. Robb had decided that he would be sober on Christmas. He didn’t want his mom suspecting it. Even though Robb meant well when he came up with that, by now, he already found the idea stupid and useless.  
“You have to.” She murmured, crossing the room and opening the curtains. The whole place was covered with snow, and the sun was setting. Robb moaned, turning to the other side. He didn’t properly open that window for about a week or more. He was beginning to lose track of time. Was Jon there yesterday?  
“Why?” Robb asked, while she pulled the blanket off him.  
“God, you’re still on your pajamas? Mom is going to kill you.” Sansa stated, looking at her brother’s thin body. “Have you been eating?” She sounded suspicious as she opened his wardrobe and searched for some clothes.  
“I don’t know, I’m tired.” He didn’t reach for the blanket again, though, his eyes following her as she opened drawers and pushed away coats trying to find something acceptable. In a few seconds, he got hit by a shirt.  
“Dress up.” Robb complained, but sat down, moving way too slowly to remove his pajamas’ shirt. As Sansa searched for some pants, she chew on the inner part of her cheek, worried. She didn’t want him to notice how worried she truly was, but it made her hopeless to know that it didn’t matter what she did, she couldn’t help him. He was finding with the buttons when she looked back at him. His eyebrows were furrowed in frustration as his fingers failed to complete the task.  
Sansa placed the folded pants by his side and went back to search for a pair of socks and shoes.  
“Is Snow coming?” She asked, in an attempt to initiate a conversation. The only way to get Robb talking was about Jon, these last days.  
“Later, I think. He’ll stay with his sister first.”  
“Will mom see him?”  
“God, no.” Robb answered, his eyes widening for a second. Sansa smiled kindly. He finished up the shirt and started to put on the pants. “You know I’m the older brother. I don’t need you to take care of me.”  
“Shut up.” Sansa replied, going out of the room for a moment, before coming back holding a hairbrush. “What was the last time you brushed your hair?” She asked, grimacing at the state of his curls.  
“I don’t know, years ago?” Robb tried out, as he tried to put his shoes on, while Sansa failed at making his hair acceptable. “What the fuck happened to you?”  
“You can call it Christmas spirit.” Or perhaps Margaery Tyrell.  
“Did aliens take my sister away?”  
“We have to go, Robb. Rickon is small and has short time memory, we surely don’t want him to forget you exist.”  
“Can’t I just stay here?” He tried, for one last time.  
“Do me a favor, and look alive, okay?” Sansa asked. Robb wouldn’t tell her, but he was obviously glad that the weird mood was gone. He wanted to believe it was because it was Christmas, but there was a thought in the back of his mind that didn’t stop reminding him about who took care of him when Jon wasn’t around last week.  
“I’ll do my best.”  
“That’s why you’re my third favorite brother.”

Arya had been reluctant at first. She had to have some self-respect. She wanted so bad to completely ignore Jon. But she couldn’t. Not after what their father had said to her. She just felt so sad. Her fingers were dialing Gendry’s number before she could notice, and he made her feel like there was no trouble in the whole world. For a few moments, she believed it. However, when she finally dared to come back to her house, after school in the next day, she was alone, as usual. Apparently, her father’s only objective was to completely fuck her up and then barely see her for the next couple months. Arya could deal with that. Or at least she always could. Because she had Jon. She even tried going to the Starks, just to spend one afternoon there and see what was so great about the whole place, but she didn’t wish to be a bother. Jon had a reason to be there. What did she have? She just needed someone. Only her mother had died, but she felt like a complete orphan.  
So when Jon finally decided to stay more than just a couple hours at home, she had stubbornly ignored him. For half an hour. She didn’t ask how Robb was. Jon didn’t ask how dad was. She used lack of interest as a disguise for hurt. He used lack of interest as a disguise for shame.  
It was Christmas Eve, and they were pretending it wasn’t happening.  
“Gendry is coming over later.” You can them come back to your hopeless boyfriend.  
“How later?” Can I go to Robb’s?  
“I don’t know. After Chritsmas’ dinner.”  
“Are you hungry?”  
“No.” She replied, with a half-hearted smile. If Jon even worried the tiniest about her, he would know she was never hungry.  
“I’m sorry I kinda disappeared.”  
“Yeah, whatever.” Arya mumbled, playing with her bitten nails. “It’s not like I need you or something. I know how to take care of myself.”  
“Robb was sick.” Jon said, trying to explain himself.  
“Robb isn’t sick.” She remarked, a mean chuckle escaping her lips. “He’s a fucking cokehead. That’s all.”  
“I had to take care of him.”  
“You didn’t have to do one fucking thing.” Arya murmured angrily. If Robb was sick, so was she. She needed him too. She was there first. Jon realized that something was wrong, and moved closer to his little sister.  
“Was dad home?” He asked, fearing the worst. His sister and father didn’t get along, not even when he was around to calm them down. The man’s favorite target was always the girl, and Jon would always step forward to protect her. A twinge of guilt formed in his stomach. He should have been there. He should have helped her. But how could he leave Robb?  
“No.” Arya snapped.  
“Don’t lie to me.” Jon censured her, his eyebrow furrowing in a stern look.  
“I’m not freaking lying.”  
“Was dad home, Arya?”  
She kept quiet, chewing on her lower lip. The clock was ticking, counting as the seconds passed. The TV was showing some old movie Jon put the DVD on, because they both hated Christmas shows.  
“Was da-“  
“Yes!” Arya tossed off, exasperated. “Yes, he was!”  
“What did he do?” His eyes widened, his mind jumping to the worst possibility. “Did he hit you?”  
“He didn’t hit me.” She replied. “He just said… Stuff.” Her voice sounded weaker at the end of the sentence. Jon wasn’t there. Jon wasn’t there to make him shut up.  
His face slowly feel apart when he realized that it was far worse than hitting.  
“Arya, I’m…”  
“I don’t wanna talk about it.” Arya snarled.  
“We are going to talk about it.” Jon insisted, getting a grip on her wrist. It wasn’t strong enough to hurt, but she knew he wasn’t going to let go so easily. But that didn’t stop her from trying.  
She pulled away, being rougher than necessary and stared deep into his eyes. Her own eyes were burning with rage, her father’s words ringing inside her mind and her fury about to explode on the nearest person. It wasn’t Jon’s fault, one side of her mind told her. He wasn’t home, he was with his boyfriend. But the other side was angrier and more powerful. Anger ran strong in Snow’s blood. He should have been with her. She was family. She needed him, she needed him more than she ever had done. Robb Stark wasn’t the only who needed Jon Snow. But perhaps, Stark was the only one Jon needed.  
“Don’t touch me.” Arya hissed.  
“I said I’m sorry.”  
“You’re not.” She almost spit it at him. She wasn’t strong enough to hurt her father, but she surely was to hurt her brother. “You would do it again. If Robb calls right now, you would leave. You don’t give a fucking damn about me.”  
“I wouldn’t. I care about you.”  
“No. No you don’t.”  
“Arya, stop. You know I love you.” He said, slowly. “But I love Robb too. I need him to be alright, okay? Somehow, he makes everything… Right. I can’t lose him. You know what it’s like.”  
Arya’s eyes didn’t lose its fire, neither did they leave Jon’s face. She said nothing, did nothing. Her gaze was locked into him.  
“I’m really sorry. It won’t happen again. I won’t leave you.”  
Her chest went up and down, a frown in her face and her nostrils flaring.  
“Promise?” She inquired.  
“Promise.”  
“Fine.” Arya groaned, crossing her arms and staring straight into the television. Jon opened his mouth to start a conversation, but the doorbell rang. She got up instantly, her steps longer than usual. Her fingers held the doorknob and opened it quickly, as if she was in a hurry to see who was in the other side. And indeed, she was.  
Arya couldn’t quite tell what was it with Gendry, she just knew it was there. Maybe his height. He was so much taller than Arya. When she had to tiptoe so she could see above all the goddamn heads, Gendry could see everything without a problem. Actually, she had to tiptoe so she could kiss him, most of the times. Or he had to lean down, so his lips would find hers. They didn’t fit. They weren’t meant to be. But it didn’t matter. Arya was that piece of the puzzle that didn’t fit anywhere, and that it had to be forced into a place that didn’t belong to her, and just awkwardly stood there. Not wrong, but not completely right.  
Gendry wasn’t the missing piece in her puzzle. He was the puzzle itself, and when she found him, she found her place. She wasn’t the wrong piece, the burden, the one who didn’t belong when she was with him. Nothing ever felt quite like home like Gendry did. She could be in her house, in his house, in school, in the street, in a weird bathroom in a strange club, it would be home if he was there.  
Arya could admit that. However, she despised feelings.  
Perhaps she just liked Gendry because he was a good fuck.  
“Merry Christmas.” He said, smiling. Her lips curved into a smile before she could even control herself. “I brought you something.”  
Arya heard a meow. Her expression went from pleased to confusion in seconds. She moved her eyes lower, and realized that Gendry had a cat in his hands. Not a cat. A kitty.  
“You brought me a cat?”  
“Yes. I figured you’d like it.”  
Arya looked at him again, not quite sure if she liked or not. She was always fonder of dogs, but she also liked cats. It was from Gendry’s, though. And she wouldn’t be so lonely. Her hands reached for the animal, and she patted the head gently.  
“I’ll call it Cat.”  
“That’s creative. What about my gift?” Arya bit her lip, obviously lacking of one. She didn’t do gifts. Gendry did. Even when she told him time and time again she hated it, he would always get something to her. She let go of Cat, who complained because of the sudden change, and her feet went up, getting in the tiptoe position, as she slid her hand to the back of his neck and pressed her lips against his softly. Arya could hear Jon sigh from the couch, and the sound of him standing up and his steps as he went to the kitchen. 

Jon had tried to stay longer. He really, truly did. He wanted to make it up for Arya, who was obviously not over it. He stayed for half an hour, and Arya didn’t even throw a second glance at him. Jon tried, and hard, to make a conversation, or just be part of whatever the both of them were talking about, but she would always cut him off. Eventually, he gave up. They were both short tempered, and he certainly wouldn’t sit down through all of this.  
“I’m going for a walk.” He let out, getting up from the couch. Gendry waved him goodbye, his arm around Arya’s shoulder, the stupid cat he got her in her lap. His sister, however, didn’t bother to look at him, her eyes focused on the television, her hands petting carelessly behind the cat’s ear.  
The cold air of December didn’t bother him. He was used to this weather, even liked it. He was wearing his old leather jacket over a regular one, and put his hood, stuffing his hands in the jacket’s pocket right after it. If he was a Christmas fan, like most people, he would think the street looked beautiful. His place was the only place that didn’t have a Christmas decoration, let it be lights or trees or fake Santa Claus or whatever bullshit that symbolized Christmas. He wondered if they all were the pretty happy family they pretended to be. He wondered how many husbands cheated on their wives, how many kids cried themselves to sleep. How many teenagers spend their nights on the street, smoking pot or sniffing coke. Kissing or drinking their pain away. And they still had the courage to sit around the dinner table, moms and dads, sons and daughters, grandparents, aunts and uncles and brothers, sisters, even cousins, and pretend they were all happy and complete.  
When he was just turning on the corner in Robb’s street, he remembered that Robb’s family was a happy family, and right now he was probably doing his duty of older brother. Perhaps he could escape.  
His hand reached for his phone in the inner pocket of his jacket, and dialed Robb’s number. As he waited, Jon observed how his breathing was visible in the winter’s air. It rang and it rang, until Jon believed he was not going to answer. Someone, however, picked up. But this someone wasn’t Robb.  
“What do you want, Snow?”  
“Sansa?” Jon asked, frowning. What was Sansa doing with Robb’s phone?  
“Yes. What do you want?” Her voice showed that she was obviously unhappy. Jon sighed, knowing that he had to tell the truth. Slightly awkward, but there was no other explanation.  
“To see Robb.”  
“He can’t.” Sansa replied almost too quickly. “We’re busy.”  
“Why are you with his phone anyway?”  
“He’s bad.” She whispered, as if she didn’t want anyone in her house to hear it, making Jon lean his head nearer to the phone. “I mean, he’s better now. But still.”  
“Who are you talking to?” Jon heard Robb’s voice, sounding extremely far away.  
“No one.”  
“That’s my phone. Give it to me.”  
“No, Robb!” He kept quiet while he heard the sounds of an obvious struggle between the both Starks. A few seconds later, Robb’s voice sounded breathless, but pleased.  
“Jon, hi.”  
“Robb.” Jon breathed out. They didn’t see each other for a few days, and God, it felt like a nightmare. “Merry Christmas.”  
“You hate Christmas.” He sounded playful. Relief filled his body and he felt like his lungs were finally able to function. Last week was just a bad time. A terrible, dreadful time, but it was gone.  
“Crappy Christmas, then. Look, I’m a few blocks away. Can I go there?”  
Robb took his time to answer. Jon could even picture as he moved his phone away from his ear and peeked over at the living room.  
“Yes, I’ll sneak out for a few minutes.” Jon smiled.  
“See you there.”

Arya got tired of the stupid movie. And then she got tired of all the fucking Christmas programs. She eventually gave up on television.  
“Let’s get fucking high.” She murmured, one hour after her brother left her. Again. If she wasn’t so pissed at the whole world, she would admit that she wasn’t being fair to him. But it was Christmas. It wasn’t the day to be kind. At least, not to the Snow family.  
“But it’s Christmas.” Gendry stated.  
“Yes. Let’s celebrate Jesus’ birth with some coke, shall we?” She suggested, getting Cat off her lap. “You do happen to have some, don’t you?” He started to search for it in his pockets, not completely sure if he had it. Arya looked at him anxiously, biting her lip as she waited. Gendry chuckled as he took the smashed package from his pocket.  
“Now that’s a Christmas present.”  
She got up excitedly, grabbing the drug from Gendry’s hands without asking and running to the kitchen.  
“Where did you buy it?”  
“Oh, a new guy. Varys, or something. Some people call him the Spider.”  
“Is he good?” She asked, sitting on the table as she prepared the lines beside her. Gendry shrugged, sitting on the chair next to her. Arya hummed a Christmas song to herself, swinging her legs. Gendry smiled at her, as he rolled a joint.  
“It’s a good dope.” He replied. “Actually, this is Loras’ gift to you, I never tried it. But he likes it well enough.”  
“Loras gave me this?” She asked, frowning at the powder now lined up in the table.  
“You know he loves Christmas. Do you have a lighter?”  
“Third drawer to your left.” Arya answered, pointing the so said drawer with her foot. Gendry leaned downwards without leaving the chair, pulling it open with more strength that he had too. He often forgot how strong he actually was, and always ended up breaking things.  
“Sorry.” He let out, and Arya laughed, happier than a few minutes ago. She supported her feet on the table and stood on it, being careful not to step on her precious coke. Her arms were almost not long enough to reach the cupboard, but she knew she wasn’t tall enough to reach it from the floor. Gendry raised one eyebrow at her, as he already blew the smoke from his joint out of his mouth. Her tongue stuck out in the corner of her lips as she focused to get the straw. She had a good balance, thanks to all the classes she took when she was smaller. Arya sit down on the table again, only to slip to Gendry’s lap once she had settled. Gendry let the smoke out next to the side of her face, and she smirked. Before having her way with the coke, she turned on her place, and took his lips between hers, kissing him urgently. She could even taste the weed on his mouth, one of his hands caressing her waistband, as the other held firmly on the joint. However, she couldn’t kiss him forever. They broke apart, their deep kiss becoming small pecks and then stopping completely. She shifted on his lap, reached for her straw and sniff up her lines. Each passing second made her feel better and better. The lines were over too soon. She reached out for more, already preparing the lines. “Arya, you shouldn’t use all of it.” Gendry said, his voice already calm and slow, as his lips kissed her shoulder gently.  
“It’s fine, I’m strong.” She replied, after a few seconds. Gendry nodded, smoking his joint and once again blowing off the smoke, this time away from Arya. Her head fell to his shoulder when she was done, closing her eyes and with a small smile on her lips.  
“You’re shivering.” He stated. Gendry knew he should worry. Something was off. Something was definitely off. But the weed made it hard for him to think so quickly. She moaned in response, shifting her head so her nose would meet his neck. Her eyes closed slowly.  
“My chest hurts.” Arya murmured.  
“I think we should call your brother.”  
“Don’t call him, no, he doesn’t care. No one does.”  
“He cares. I care.” Gendry replied, worried. He put his hand to her forehead. “You’re burning hot.” His brain searched up for overdose symptoms. The school had a lecture about it. He sat beside Arya. They held hands and kissed and didn’t give a damn about what the man was saying. If only he had just listened.  
She pushed her head up and stood on her feet, using the table as a support for her hand. Gendry should have moved to help her, but he just stood there, trying to think of what he could do. He had to remember something about the damn lecture. He gave up on finding out and went after Arya, his hand on her back as she puked on the sink. It was transparent, making it obvious that she didn’t eat anything.  
“Fuck.” He murmured when the vomit began to come out red. “Fucking hell. Fuck.” Gendry reached for the first telephone he could find, and dialed 911. “C’mon here.” His voice sounded exactly as he was in the moment. Lost and desperate. He held her up and placed her on top of the table. Someone picked up. “My girlfriend…” Gendry let out, brushing Arya’s hair out of her pale face. “I think she’s…” Her eyes fell closed and her body couldn’t support its weight anymore, falling forward. Gendry caught her. “Oh, fuck, open your eyes, Arya. I think… I think she’s overdosing.” He tried to make Arya stand again, holding the phone in place with his shoulder. Gendry gave the address in a rushed tone, and he tried to feel some relief when he heard the word ‘ambulance’, but he couldn’t. His finger pressed the button and dropped the phone, not even bothering to see if it fell on the floor or not.  
“Arya, look at me.” He said softly, his fingers caressing her cheeks. His eyes probably were filled of tears, but he wasn’t sure anymore. He wasn’t sure of anything. “Arya, you’ll stay with me. You won’t leave me. You won’t. I won’t let you. You hear me? You’re not leaving.” She didn’t move. He wasn’t sure if she was breathing. He wasn’t even sure if himself was breathing. Gendry pulled her into a hug, his chin supported in the top of her head. He closed his eyes too, and tangled his fingers in her hair. “You’re Arya. You’re strong. You’re a fucking badass. You’re not scared.” She wasn’t. She was just a little girl. And little girls shouldn’t sniff cocaine. “Please.” Gendry whimpered, biting down on his lips until blood came out, trying to hold in a sob. “I got you a fucking cat. You can’t leave him. You can’t leave me.” Her heartbeat was so weak that Gendry couldn’t tell if it was real or he was just imagining it so he would feel better. He moved his head, bringing her even closer, smelling her hair. He held onto her like it was the last time he would have. He tried to absorb every tiny detail of her. “You can’t leave me.” Gendry mumbled.  
He almost didn’t hear the ambulance.

Robb came out from the kitchen’s door, a smile on his face. He didn’t have a gift in his hands, and it made Jon feel slightly embarrassed. The last time he had bought a gift, he was seven years old, and he bought a plush to her. A dog. Next morning, their father had ripped it apart and thrown it away. He never really wanted to buy a Christmas gift to anyone, but it was Robb. He didn’t really buy it, though. His fingers passed slowly in the mixtape he had made, his mind working hard to decide whether he should give it or not.  
He felt Robb’s arms around him before he could even say something.  
“Okay.” Jon let out. “Hugging then.” Robb only hugged him stronger, his scent filling the whole air.  
“I have something for you.” Jon smiled, relieved. He almost let out a pathetic “You do?” but he controlled himself first.  
“A kiss?” Robb smirked, and Jon noticed how his cheeks were redder. He looked… Alive.  
“That too.”  
“What the hell happened to you?” He asked, almost laughing, his eyebrow rising in a question.  
“You’ve never experienced Christmas with Stark family. Next year you’ll be here, I promise.”  
“I don’t really like…” His voice was cut out but Robb’s lips. They didn’t break apart for a long time, their heads shifting, as both of them tried to become less of themselves and more of the other. Robb nipped at Jon’s bottom lip, before pulling away and smiling. Jon looked deep into his eyes. Blue. Not a little blue, that one that looks like it’s green but it’s blue but then it’s green again. Not the one people say it depends on the weather or their humour or if the neighbor drank tea or coffe in the morning. It wasn’t just blue. It was sky, and it was sea, and it was Robb. “So… I brought you this.” Jon said, not as confident as he wished to sound. He handed Robb the mix tape, and felt the incredible need to run away.  
“You’re literally the only person I know who knows how to make this stuff.” Robb murmured, a smile playing on his lips. “Lucky you the Stark car is so old that it actually plays this things.” He carefully observed it, reading the list of the songs that were in it. “Dreadful songs about summer. Isn’t that the Africa Monkeys’ song?”  
“Please tell me you just said that on purpose.” Jon pleaded. Robb smirked.  
“Okay, close your eyes.”  
“I’m not going to close my eyes, Stark. What are you, a girl?” He mocked.  
“Do you always have to ruin the mood?” Robb asked, pouting. Jon just couldn’t resist. A smile appeared on his lips and his eyes closed. Robb was happy. Robb seemed fine. If this was what Christmas did to him, Jon could deal with 365 Christmas a year. Robb fingers gently opened Jon’s hand, and he placed something cold in there. Jon opened his eyes slowly.  
“A key.” He stated.  
“To my car.” Robb explained. “I mean, you’re always driving it, it’s only fair that you have.” He then looked worried for a second. “You did like it, right? ‘Cause if you didn’t, it’s okay, I know you don’t like gifts and this bullshit, I just thought…”  
“Robb, shut up. I love it. I love you.”  
Robb smiled relieved.  
“I love you too.” Jon was leaning forward to kiss him again, when his phone rang. Robb snuggled against his neck, kissing it gently while he struggled to get it out of his pocket.  
“Hello?” His expression changed in a matter a second, and he took one step back. Robb stopped, and looked confused at him. “Gendry, calm down.”  
“What happened?” He asked. Jon shook his head. In a matter of seconds, as Gendry explained, Robb figured, Jon went paler and paler. His hands shook forcefully and his smile completely disappeared from his face.  
“Fuck. I’m… I’m going there.” He turned it off, and immediately began to leave Robb’s place and walk down the street.  
“What happened?” Robb asked.  
“Arya. She’s.... She’s really bad.” He could see that Jon was struggling to keep it together. Or perhaps he was too shocked to have one of his anger bursts. “I have to go, now.”  
“I’ll go with you.”  
“Robb?” Sansa called from the doorway. “Mom wants you in.”  
Robb looked from his sister to his boyfriend. Jon was already a few steps away, and shook his head.  
“I’ll call you.”  
Before Robb could do anything, Jon was already running away from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please don't hate me i love you all thank you for all the kudos!  
> i said i would write less when school came back but that lasted like a week because now i'm in the "fuck it" state for school again so yay lots of chapters  
> also its late i'm sleepy and a little bit too excited so i'm writing all dsoigjdskdslç


	19. I know we can make it if we take it slow

Jon stormed inside, his heart beating so fast inside of him he thought that everyone in the room could hear it. Some people looked at him, but most were too desperate and concerned to care. His eyes searched for Gendry, and he quickly found him. The boy was sitting on a chair, head between his hands, closed eyes and shaking legs. Jon didn’t know if he blamed himself, Gendry, or the whole fucking world.  
He tried to calm himself down while he crossed the room, breathing deeply, trying to get some oxygen running inside his body. His hands closed into fists before he could even hold himself.  
“What happened?” His voice was low. The words came out short and quick, as he tried to not spit them at the poor kid. Not his fault, Jon told himself. Not his fault, at least he was there with her. Gendry raised his head and looked at Jon, red-eyed. This time, Jon knew it wasn't the pot’s fault. His nose was runny and it was obvious he had been crying.  
“I swear I thought it would never happen.” Gendry replied, sounding desperate. “This shit, it doesn’t happen to us, it’s not meant to happen to us.”  
“Shit always happens. Just tell me, Gendry. I… I won’t be mad at you.” He promised.  
“She was sad.” He let out. “You know she was, I don’t know why, she didn’t tell me, she never does. I think…” His voice was becoming smaller. “I mean, she couldn’t want that.”  
“Gendry, what happened?”  
“She sniffed too much. But she didn’t know, right? She didn’t know this would happen.”  
Overdose. Arya overdosed. His little sister. His little sister put too much coke inside her system and she couldn’t handle it. She could die. She could have fucking died. She could die, Robb could die, god, even Theon could die. Gendry was asking something, but Jon didn’t hear it.  
How did he let this happen? She was fifteen. She didn’t even know how to drive. She would probably change her mind about college ten times, and then one time again. He not only had allowed her to ruin her own life, he had led her to that path.  
“She wouldn’t do it on purpose. She’s not like that.” He whispered, sitting beside Gendry, his eyes focused on the blank wall in front of them. Snow felt as if he was going insane. He couldn’t let this happen again. Not to her. She was a child. His sister. He watched her grow up. Hell, he almost raised her himself. It was his fault. It was his entire fault.  
“It was fucking terrifying.” Gendry mumbled, pressing his hands against his eyes strongly, looking like a broken little child, not the strong boy he was. He breathed deeply, tears forming in his eyes again. The blood, her pale face, the way she could barely stand on her feet. It was coming back to him. He wondered if it would stop haunting him. It was not likely. “I thought she was dying. I thought I was losing her.”  
“She’s not going anywhere.” Jon murmured. “She can’t. She’s Arya.” His voice grew stronger as the sentence went on. “She’ll… laugh it off, as soon as she wakes up.”  
“Tell us we shouldn’t be such fucking pussies.” Gendry chuckled, but it died soon. His eyes followed to the door, as if Arya would appear there. Healthy and happy.  
“She will be fine.” Jon said, to comfort Gendry or himself, he couldn’t tell. “I… I will tell dad.” He wasn’t even sure why. It wouldn’t help. But it was their father. He had to care. His hands searched for the phone and dialed the number clumsy, not quite seeing what he was typing. The phone rang. Once, twice. And then it stopped ringing. He started hearing the voice mail. His father’s cold voice, saying that he was busy. Jon felt the anger rise up in his body. It biped, and the silence he heard made his heart pound even stronger inside his chest. He licked his lips before beginning his message. “Your daughter is at the hospital.” His voice sounded a lot like his father’s. Emotionless, but still full of a cold rage. “I… I honestly don’t know why I thought you would give a fuck.” Jon turned it off, staring angrily at the small thing, as if it was to blame.  
He didn’t need his father. He never did. Arya never did. He assured they had a roof over their heads and that’s all. He did nothing. Jon could take care of Arya. He could protect her. He would protect her.  
“Arya is never sniffing coke again.” Jon murmured. Gendry looked at him.  
“As if anyone was able to stop her. Especially when you use it too.”  
“It’s time to grow up. I’m graduating in a few months.” Gendry was only one year younger, but he didn’t feel the pressure of his whole future depending at his own choice. Jon did. All the time, it never left him. He couldn’t help but feel that he wasn’t enough. “I can’t spend all my free time smoking pot and sniffing coke.”  
“She’s going to be fucking pissed.”  
“As long that she’s alive, I’m fine with that.” She already hated him anyway.

Robb had tried to call Jon. More than one time. More than five times, actually. He too cared about Arya, just like she was his own sister. He did have a sister. A boring, girly, too angry for her good sister, but still a sister. But he couldn’t help caring about the little girl that was more dangerous that appeared so. He just hoped she was alright. His hand touched the doorknob and he walked inside the kitchen, where he found Catelyn scolding at him.  
“Hi, mom.”  
“What were you doing outside?” She asked, her autumn hair in the usual loosen bun. Robb took his coat off and placed it over the chair. He searched for an answer, as she crossed her arms. His eyes shoot to the broken glass near the sink. The only way he found to make his mom distracted enough so he could sneak out for a few minutes was to break something. So he asked Bran, who did it with delight. Of course, Catelyn Stark was no fool, and it didn’t take her long to guess it was his older son who made the small one do it. Robb gave the smile that usual got him out of trouble.  
“Waiting for Santa Claus?” He tried out. Even though he was mocking his mother, he was happy to have her near. Robb loved Christmas. He needed some family time, the past few weeks being quite hard. The need of a shot was growing stronger, but he pushed it to the back of his mind. Not today. No, not today. Not with them. Not with Jon away.  
“Is Santa Claus here?” Bran asked, walking inside the kitchen just in time.  
“Let me do the dishes, yeah?” Robb said, walking towards the sink.  
“Santa Claus won’t come while children are awake.” Catelyn replied to Bran, her stern look melting into a loving one, a kind smile appearing on her face.  
“Rickon’s asleep.” Bran replied, frowning. She placed her hand on his hair, brushing it with her fingers.  
“I think she means you.” Sansa pointed out, walking inside the kitchen and beginning to dry the plates Robb had already washed.  
“I don’t wanna go to bed.” Catelyn sighed and Robb turned to face his little brother.  
“Oh yeah?” He asked, raising one eyebrow. Bran crossed his arms, just like his mother did a few moments ago. But right now, he was trying to look defiant. Which he couldn’t.  
“Yes.”  
“Then Santa Claus’ evil brother will come and eat you raw.” Robb whispered, his face getting closer to the boy’s, his fingers curved like claws.  
“Robb!” Catelyn exclaimed, as Sansa repressed a smile.  
“I’m not scared.” Bran said, determined.  
“You do not know what’s good for you, Bran Stark.” Robb stepped forward, and before Bran could run, he had his feet off the ground. Robb’s arms were strong and held the boy firmly, even though Bran tried with all his little force to get rid of his grip.  
“Robb, stop!” He complained, as Robb left the kitchen and made his way to Bran’s bedroom, which he shared with Rickon. “It’s not funny!”  
“Oh, I think it’s quite funny.” Eddard pointed out, the wrinkles he had looking more prominent when he smiled.  
“I am so not washing the dishes for you, Robb!” Sansa yelled from the kitchen. Robb didn’t listen, or at least pretended not to. He tossed Bran into the bed, and got a hold of his right foot, unlacing his shoes and taking them off.  
“You should go to sleep, otherwise it’s not only cookies that Santa will eat.”  
“Santa doesn’t eat children.”  
“He will probably think you’re a monkey, with all the climbing you do.”  
“Shut up, Robb.” Bran said, as Robb threw a blanket over him.  
“Goodnight, Bran.”  
“Goodnight.” Bran replied. Robb walked over to the door and placed his hand on the light switch, turning it off. “Robb?” He called out to the darkness.  
“Yes?”  
“I love you.”  
“I love you too, kid.”

It was Christmas. Or perhaps Christmas Eve. It could be New Year, for God’s sake. He didn’t leave the house for so long, Theon felt as if he couldn’t tell the difference anymore. His days weren’t made of hours and minutes anymore. He divided it depending on Ramsay’s mood. When he was pleased, and Theon was able to share the bed and have some food that wasn’t cup noodles, for a change. When he was kissed, not bitten. When he got a free shot and Ramsay would even inject it for him. He felt a little less like Reek and more like Theon. Theon wasn’t sure how long did it last, but it was never long enough.  
And then, there was the other time. When Ramsay was pissed. At his basketball team who had lost. At the television that wasn’t working. A costumer that didn’t pay. Jeyne who whimpered at night. At Reek, for being so stupid. At the whole world. Theon would end up with bruises from kicks and punches, sometimes even burns from cigarettes. It would hurt like hell, and if Theon believed that somewhere up above there was a merciful God, he would pray for it to be over.  
Right now, he was fucking angry. Drug heads couldn’t easily escape their homes with all the relatives around. The money wasn’t exactly short, but it wasn’t what Ramsay was used to, and he hated it. Theon was sure that his chest shouldn’t hurt so much when he breathed, but he didn’t dare to complain. It wasn’t like Ramsay would take him to a fucking doctor. He was probably asleep right now. Theon hoped he was. His body hurt from sitting on the floor for too long, but even with the threat of him away, he didn’t dare to sit on the couch. He stared into the television’s blank screen. He knew it was hopeless, obeying all the rules. Ramsay would hit him even if he had done everything right. It didn’t matter what he did. If Ramsay said it was wrong, it was most definitely wrong.  
Theon heard the bedroom’s door open and immediately his head turned and his body cringed. It was only Jeyne. He had no idea why she was spending Christmas Eve there, if it really was Christmas Eve. Probably because Ramsay said so. She wore a sweater that wasn’t able to cover all the bruises and hickeys Ramsay left on her neck and shoulders. Her hair was pulled up by a ponytail, and her eyes were huge with fear. Theon was not dumb. He knew his own were like this. At least, he got his shot. He had to beg, literally, on his knees for Ramsay to give him one. Whispering the same old promises of paying back next week, that both of them knew he wouldn’t keep.  
“Theon?”  
His name. It felt so good to hear it. Not even his own voice on his head called him that so often.  
He raised his head to look at her, his eyes forcing themselves to see through the darkness.  
"Yes?" Theon called, his voice no louder than a whisper. Waking Ramsay was not an option. He would be mad, so, so mad. The last thing Theon wanted to do was to piss Ramsay off. Hhe heard her steps and finally saw her completely when she lowered her body to sit beside him, hugging her knees and looking at him. Her hair fell over her shoulder, covering some of the bruises.  
"Merry Christmas." Of course Jeyne would be a Christmas girl. Theon didn't smile at her. He knew that even if he tried, it would come out as a grimace.  
"You too." He mumbled in response, focusing his eyes at the television again, pretending something good was on. Theon wasn't going to interact with her. She was danger. She knew Theon from before. Just like Jon and the others, they knew Theon from before. He couldn't help but think that Jon did a favor to him when he pushed him away. Theon had no need to be himself anymore. Theon from before got hurt. Reek almost didn't. And that was good enough.  
Jeyne poked his arm with the card. He almost jumped to get away from her, frightened by the sudden contact. His eyes focused on her again, and slowly went down to the paper in her hand. One of those Christmas card you buy in tiny stores. Theon never really got one of this. He didn't remember the last gift he got. Jon didn't do gifts, not in Christmas. Neither did his family, sometimes his sister felt bad and gave him a shirt or a pair of socks. His stomach twisted while he searched for other person that could like him enough to give him a Christmas gift. There wasn't one.  
Ramsay. He had Ramsay. He couldn't allow himself to think that he needed someone else, because Ramsay would always know.  
His hand reached for the card and he opened, forcing his eyes to read Jeyne's handwriting. It was pretty, written in a black ink, with tiny flowers she had obviously drawn. A smile crept up on his lips as he realized she had written "To: Theon".  
“Thank you.” He said, his voice so low that Jeyne almost thought she had imagined it. “Really. I never got one of these.”  
Jeyne smiled gently at him. “I figured that since you’re living here…” She didn’t need to finish the sentence. Since Theon was there, it was obvious no one cared about him.  
“Merry Christmas, Jeyne.” Theon said, his voice sounding stronger for once. He hoped, with all his heart, that Ramsay didn’t break the girl completely.

Sansa had finished the dishes a few minutes after her mom left her in the kitchen, and she knew she would have to wait for Robb to come back to dry them, otherwise he wouldn’t do anything. She sat on the chair and got her phone from the table where she left it before going to the living room a few hours before, and checked her texts. There were two from Margaery, one of them wishing her merry Christmas, to which she replied before reading the other one, with a tiny smile on her face. The other asked if she could see her tomorrow. Sansa said yes before even asking her mom about it. It was going better than she expected. Sansa thought every time Margaery interlaced her fingers with Sansa’s, or kissed her lips or even when her wandered under her shirt would be weird, but it wasn’t. It felt good. Better than anything she had ever tried. Her hands were small and gentle, her lips were soft and her mouth tasted like heaven. Sansa always liked playing with boys’ hair, but Margaery’s was even nicer. She could spend hours talking to her about hopes and dreams, without feeling judging or a burden.  
Robb walked inside the kitchen, looking slightly off.  
“Is Bran asleep?” She asked, looking at him. He nodded, sitting down beside her. “What happened?” His eyes focused on her, but they appeared to be looking right through her. His head moved the side, as if he was considering if she was real or not.  
“I need your help.” He murmured.  
“You were fine all night.” Sansa stated. Smiling and joking and being the old Robb. The Robb that was before Jon Snow. Annoying, but still Robb. “What’s happening?”  
“Don’t let me sniff.” Robb whispered. If his whole mind and body weren’t screaming at him and asking for cocaine, he wouldn’t be risking telling Sansa that. But he needed to. He just needed to.  
“Sniff?” She asked, her brow furrowing as she brought her chair closer to him. “Sniff what?” A small desperate chuckle appeared on her lips, and she tried to tell herself that no, her older brother was not a drug addict. Robb looked at her, his blue eyes filled with sadness and she could see how completely torn he was, as if two parts of him were in a constant battle inside of his mind.  
“Cocaine, Sansa. Coke.” Sansa brushed the thought off for so long. She knew something was up. She knew it was serious, and fucked up. She also knew the only reasonable explanation was drugs. But she didn’t want to believe it. She couldn’t believe. But Robb was saying the words she feared the most, and there was no way she could ignore that. “I sniff coke, every day, for a few months now. But I gotta stop. I wanna stop.” He murmured, sounding again like the broken boy.  
“You could die.” She murmured.  
“I don’t wanna die. I need your help. You can’t tell mom. Please, please, don’t tell mom.” Robb pleaded, holding Sansa’s hand between his.  
“If you use it again, I’m telling.” She needed all her strength to sound and look so cold hearted. Robb needed her, and she would be there for him. They were brother and sister. She would always be there for him, it didn’t matter what the fuck he did to her. Her whole chest ached with hate for Jon Snow, because it didn’t matter what Robb would tell her, she would always believe it was his fault.  
Robb nodded, weakly, and she gave him an awkward hug.  
“You shouldn’t have started.”  
“I know.” He whispered back at her.  
“Why did you?”  
Robb couldn’t tell. It wasn’t only Jon. It wasn’t Jon’s fault. Or Theon’s. He caused this on himself.  
He guessed he just wanted to touch the stars.

Arya woke up in the hospital ward. She didn’t get a room, probably because they couldn’t pay it. Or they could, but her father wouldn’t. The curtains were closed, and all she saw was white. She tried to move her head, but she quickly closed her eyes when the pain almost tore her head in the middle. Her eyelids lifted, slower this time, as she looked around, trying to absorb what was happening. She didn’t remember much. She remembered sniffing, and it felt good. But right now, she wasn’t really sure it was as good as she thought it was being. Jon opened the curtains and sat on the chair beside the bed.  
“What are you doing here?” She asked, trying to sound angry, but she felt too weak to do it. She was extremely resentful a few minutes ago. However, when she looked at Jon’s eyes, she felt guilty. Arya wanted to have the strength to punch him just because he was able to make her feel like that only with a look.  
“I came to see you. You overdosed.” He murmured, and Arya could swear his face was wet from tears from before.  
She couldn’t. No. This sort of stuff couldn’t happen to her. It happened to the girls who sold themselves in the street. It happened to the people in the movies. It didn’t happen to her.  
“I didn’t. I would remember.”  
“You did.”  
“But Gendry was there.” She murmured. “He…”  
“He saw it. He saved you.”  
She felt like a monster. She did this to him. She made him watch as she almost died. If she was Gendry, she would never forgive herself.  
“Where’s he? Is he alright?” Arya asked, for once doing the thing she hated when Jon did it. Putting her boyfriend in first place.  
“He’s shaken. His mom found out he was here and took him home. I just texted him saying you’re awake. I think you’ll be able to call him later.”  
Arya nodded, resting her head again, closing her eyes. She was trying to grasp what just happened, as Jon was searching the words that were stuck inside his throat.  
“I’m sorry I’ve been… distant.” Jon started, moving a few inches closer. “I’m really am.”  
“If you saw Robb overdose,” She said in a hushed tone. “What you would do?”  
“Freak the fuck out.”  
“Do you think I broke him?” Arya sounded honestly concerned, and when she looked at Jon, he realized that she really meant it. She was worried Gendry would give up on her, because if it was the other way around, she would.  
“You didn’t. He’s strong as a bull. He won’t give up on you, Arya. And I won’t either.”  
She nodded, biting her lower lip.  
“Look, the doctor will be here soon to check on you and all, and I know you don’t want anyone to hear this, but I have to ask you.”  
“Go ahead.” Arya didn’t have the strength to pull up the broken hearted sister anymore.  
“What did father tell you?” The change was sudden. Arya didn’t look small, not even in the hospital bed, with fluids entering her body through her veins. However, just the mention of her father, made her look like the child she really was.  
“The usual.” She mumbled, moving her arm uncomfortably. Her eyes looked at Jon, full of need and desperation. “You would be happier without me, wouldn’t you?”  
“Arya, no.” Jon said, surprised. He got up only to sit beside her tiny body on the bed. “No. Never. You’re my little sister. You’re the greatest.”  
“I don’t want to be the greatest. I want to be normal.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I want to go to the movies and don’t watch the stupid movie because I’m too busy kissing my boyfriend, not because I’m in the bathroom sniffing up coke. I want not to hate the girls in my class. I want to be able to worry about saving money for nail polish and high heels, and not powder and weed.” Her voice was breaking even more, as she tried to breathe more easily, her tears making it harder. Jon opened his mouth, trying helplessly to find an answer, but she wasn’t finished. “I want parents. Don’t you dare tell me I have dad. I don’t. He hates me, because I exist. Not once I participated at the events at school. Mother’s day, Father’s day. My mom is dead, and my dad blames me for it.” Arya was almost screaming by the end of it. “I just wish this fucking overdose had killed me.”  
Jon didn’t reply at first. Arya calmed down as the pain made itself present in her body, and she closed her eyes, breathing raggedly. He shifted, taking his jackknife out of his jacket. His other hand reached for Arya’s, and as he gently pulled her fingers open, she looked at what he was doing. He placed the tiny thing in the center of her hand.  
“Merry Christmas.” He said, closing her fingers around the gift.  
“What’s that?” She asked, opening her hand to look at it.  
“A jackknife. To protect you from dad.”  
Through resentment and tears, a smile appeared on her lips.  
“I’ll call it Needle.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for the kudos! <3  
> it's quite shorter, I guess, and this week I was busy the whole time, so I could only write in the weekend, but here it is, hope you guys like it


	20. Trying to make it work but man, these times are hard

It was boring. She was better already. She could go home by now. And she didn’t need the stupid therapy she was going through. Arya didn’t try to overdose. She wasn’t planning it. Of course she didn’t completely care if she died or not, but she wasn’t committing suicide, for God’s sake. And she had no one to talk to. Gendry couldn’t visit – family only, apparently – and her roommate didn’t seem too excited about socializing with a drug addict. It was her second day in the hospital, and her father had still not bothered to show up. Or at least, to see her. Arya was sure he had to sign some papers in the lobby, but he didn’t bother coming up to see her. At least, there was Jon. He was trying. Arya’s overdose had ruined him, and somehow she knew that because of her he would never touch a joint again. She wished she had the same strength, but her stupid body was already craving for a sniff. Of course, she would have to be more careful, and she knew that Jon wouldn’t just let her.  
Her hand moved in an automatic movement while she played with the knife Jon gave to her, distractedly staring at the blank wall in front of her, pretending she was alone in the room. Three days, she had to stay there. Three fucking days. What a waste of time. She was fine already. And Arya felt the need of screaming to her therapist that as soon as she was outside the hospital, her father would let her keep going with the treatment, so it was useless to even start it. Three sessions wouldn’t heal fifteen years of fuck-up. The door clicked open and she didn’t bother to look. It couldn’t be Gendry and Jon had left a few minutes ago. Her only options were her father, the doctor or a visit to her roommate. She couldn’t care less, since she would ignore all of them.  
“Arya.”  
She was not the kind of girl who would crumble at the sound of a boy’s voice, but it was Gendry, and his voice was filled with disbelief and a strangled cry of happiness and relief.  
“Hi.”  
Gendry didn’t approach, looking at her as if he was trying to grasp the conception that she was real, and that she was there and that she was fine.  
“Oh, God.” He choked out. “You’re alive.”  
“And I plan to stay this way.” Arya replied, her old smirk appearing on her face, as she tried to put all her apologies into it. Gendry hugged her, his big arms involving her, and this time, she didn’t feel the need to pretend she didn’t want it. She snuggled closer, absorbing his smell. It wasn’t hospital and medication, sadness and death. It was Gendry, and that was enough for her. That would always be enough for her. Gendry pulled her closer, his nose burying in her hair, as her face was hidden from the world using his shoulder as a barrier.  
“I thought you would die.” His mouth barely moved as he spoke, his arms not daring to let go of Arya.  
“I would never do that.”  
“God, Arya…” He broke the hug apart, only to hold her face with both of his hands, his thumb caressing gently on her cheek, as if he was worried she would disappear. She put her hand over his. Arya was a small girl, but she was Gendry’s whole world.  
She leaned forward, and upwards together, bringing all of her body up and catching his lips as if she owned them, and she did. Gendry didn't want anyone else. Their kiss wasn't passion anymore. It was hunger, and need and desperation. Gendry forgot to treat her like she was made of glass, and Arya smiled against his lips, her hand going up to his hair, her tongue invading his mouth and his own moving in the same rhythm, his grip moving from her face to her waist, as he tried to rise the end of Arya's shirt.  
"No, wait. Roommate." Arya whispered against his neck. Gendry chuckled, throwing one glance at the woman, who was obviously not pleased. "How did you even get into here?" She asked, hugging his waist and resting her head in his shoulder. Her nails scratched slightly, as she watched the beard that Gendry was allowing to grow.  
"I told them I was your cousin."  
"They bought it?"  
"Well, it has a lot of Snows in the world."  
Arya's lips spread into a smile and she kissed softly at the place where his neck met his shoulder.  
"You're impossible." She murmured. Arya thought of adding she couldn't wait to get out, just have a nice fuck and sniff some. But then she remembered that the last thing Gendry would want her to do was to use anything.  
"Don't do this to me again." Gendry murmured.  
"Never." She empty-promised. What guarantee did she have? "Did I tell you about my therapist?" Gendry shook his head, lying on the bed as Arya fit herself beside him, a arm threw carelessly over his waist. "She's old. And boring. And she says I should be more girly, because I'm too angry. Am I angry?"  
"Perhaps, sometimes."  
"I'm never fucking angry."  
"Yeah, right." Gendry said, not in the mood to argue. He pulled her closer in his embrace.  
Jon didn't have the guts to leave the hospital. He knew Arya hated to be vulnerable, so he pretended that he wasn't there the whole time, but he barely went home these couple days. He would leave the room and sit in the waiting room and just stay there long enough so Arya would believe he had done something else. He was trying, quite hard, not to feel guilty anymore. Arya had forgiven him, but he still couldn't stop blaming himself. After all, it was his fault. Jon couldn't help but think that things would suddenly go terribly wrong. Arya was getting better. According to Robb's texts and phone calls, he was better too. Since Christmas downfall, two days ago, things have been going oddly well. He should, of course, be happy. But his brain couldn't believe that it was happening. Robb was far way gone before, he could see it in his eyes. And now he wasn't anymore. Of course, he had texted Jon a few texts that had concerned him, but apparently, he hadn't relapsed. Arya, however, was a different case. She was terrified of overdosing again, but it wasn't because she was afraid to die. She was afraid of hurting him and Gendry. But Jon couldn't guarantee that she wouldn't sniff, because even before, she found money out of places Jon didn't even know. He had searched the whole house and got rid of all stupid white powder he could find, only not being strong enough to get rid of the weed.  
He was, right now, having lunch. A nasty sandwich that tasted like hospital, chewing slowly on the bread and whatever was inside, his eyes focused on the commotion of people around him. Patients and patients' relatives, even doctors that may be eating just after they cut someone open. No one noticed him. No one noticed no one. They were all closed in their disease, sadness or work. Some people cried, others read a book and others held their arm up so the medicine could go to their veins. Hospitals were so depressing.  
He heard someone sitting in the chair in front of him, and Jon closed his eyes. His anger growled inside of him, as he breathed deeply. Jon thought he could almost feel the air in his lungs and circulating the way he learned a couple years ago in Biology class. He would not make a scene in the middle of the hospital. He tried to calm down, thinking of Robb and how pigs turned grass into bacon and the fact that the human heart as four concavities. He asked himself why oranges are called oranges but apples are not called reds. Nothing helped. When he opened his eyes, they were cold as ice and the anger haven't left him.  
"Dad." Jon said, his voice was as cold as his eyes. He wasn't calling for him, he had given up a long time ago. His father never answered his pleads or calls. Jon was accusing him. It was a small word, and Jon asked himself when the word went from five letters to three. Daddy was a word that was a strange to his mouth, that sounded wrong when he thought. Daddy was no more.  
"Hello, Jon." His father answered, taking one bite at the sandwich he had offered. Jon had abandoned his own, his stare following the man's hands, his face turned into a scold. They kept silent, and Jon felt like screaming.  
"You weren't there." Jon murmured. His father raised one eyebrow in disdain.  
"You were." Jon was supposed to. But he wasn't. He was too busy with his boyfriend and his sister almost escaped from him and it didn't matter how many years he lived, he would never be able to forgive himself.  
"You're our father. You're supposed to be there."  
"I'm your father."  
"She's your daughter." He exclaimed, making an effort to keep his voice down.  
"I didn't want her." Jon shook his head, his hand closing into a fist.  
"It's not how it works." The older man rolled his eyes, obviously thinking his son was overreacting.  
"I didn't come here to argue my duties with my son, Jon. I just came to tell the doctor we're not going to keep spending more money in the little shit..."  
"Don't you dare call her that." Jon said between gritted teeth.  
"Just because she's fucked up in the head doesn't mean she deserves me spending a shit load of money per month just so she can talk to a doctor for one hour."  
"She's not fucked up." If Arya was a fucked up, Jon was too. And it was not their fault. They weren't born like this. "And she doesn't need you. We don't need you. We never did."  
"Such a big boy now, aren't you, Jon?"  
"Shut up."  
"A grown-up. Practically an adult." He teased.  
"Stop it."  
"I guess I could kick you both out and..."  
"Jon?" Robb's voice sounded beside him. He almost jumped out of his chair, and his eyes moved from his dad to Stark, completely terrified they were both meeting.  
"Robb. What... What are you doing here?"  
"I came to see you." He looked at the older Snow.  
"Why?"  
"Is this your father?" Robb ignored Jon's question.  
"And who are you?"  
"I'm Robb. Jon's... Friend."  
"Robb, why the fuck..." Stark looked from father to son, and noticed the tension, quickly jumped into action.  
"So, Mr. Snow, do you mind if I steal your son for one minute?" Before any of the Snow could answer, Robb's hand was around Jon's arm, pulling him away from his father. Robb took him through hallways and bedrooms in the hospital, finally opening the cupboard door and entering. Jon sighed and followed, closing the door behind him and turning the light on. Robb pulled the small rope to make it go off again. Snow stared at him in the dark and turned it on again.  
"Why the fuck are you here, Stark?"  
"I think you meant: Thank you, Robb, you're the love of my life." He said, embracing Jon's waist with one of his arms. Jon rolled his eyes, already relaxed from the earlier meeting with his father. God, it was good to see those red curls. "How are things?"  
"Arya's good. She'll go home tomorrow or the day after."  
"I meant with you."  
"Oh." He frowned. "Fine. I'm fine. And you?"  
"I'm good now. I wanted to use it today. Sansa hid everything, though. So I decided to see you."  
"Good choice." Jon smiled, pressing their lips together only gently.  
"Can we go out next week?" Robb murmured, catching Jon's lower lip between his and sucking on it.  
"But Arya..."  
"Arya is fine. She's better now."  
"It was my fault, Robb." Jon murmured, moving his gaze to the floor in shame.  
"It was no one's fault. Especially not yours. Don't say that again."  
"But I..." Robb cut him out with a kiss, their tongues still not touching.  
"Not your fault. Not Arya's fault. Okay?"  
"What if she had died?"  
"It doesn't matter. She didn't. It's over. Don't beat yourself over it anymore."  
"I like beating myself over it."  
"She's fine. I'm fine, or close to it. Everyone's fine."  
Jon nodded. Robb smiled again, this time hungrily, and leaned forward for a real kiss this time. 

Except that not everyone was fine. Jeyne had just experienced, for the first time, the weight of Ramsay's hand. She had known bruises for way too strong grips and scratches, but never a slap. He had never really hit her. Until now. The worst of everything was how his anger made itself present. No screaming, just a different glow in his eyes, a sick expression that took over his face. He had left her bloody and shaking, and apparently left the house. She didn't move. She couldn't bring herself enough courage to do so. Ramsay had left her on the floor, and that's was where she was at, with new cuts who bled to the floor. Her pale, small hands searched for a blanket and she secured herself in the middle of it, hiding her nudity in case of Theon walked inside, like he would care. His case was worse than hers, everyone could tell that. The way he complied to Ramsay's every request made her want to throw up, but now she understood. He didn't want to get hurt.  
Her whole body froze when she heard the door, and she made herself smaller. However, her tears didn't stop falling, the sobs still escaping her mouth. Ramsay couldn't be back, no, not so fast. The smell was the first thing that showed her that wasn't him. It was Theon. The boy didn't shower for days, and he smelled awful. Of course he could shower whenever Ramsay was working, but he wouldn't. Ramsay liked him this way, and that was the way he would stay.  
Jeyne had no idea of the inner battle Theon had been on for the last minutes. He had heard her yelps and cries, and he had else heard Ramsay's intakes of air, which he had heard before, when Ramsay was beating him. The thought of getting inside to save her didn't cross Reek's mind, but he wasn't even sure it would cross Theon's. While Reek wouldn't dare to meddle with Ramsay's affair, Theon probably wouldn't care. He didn't know which side he should be angrier with. He had closed his eyes and covered his ears, trying not to hear. Ramsay got out only a few minutes later, pulling Theon into a deep kiss, that was more teeth than tongue. After he was left with only Jeyne in the house, he decided that couldn't ignore her any longer.  
"Jeyne?" Theon called, his voice full of insecurity. The silence was filled by her whimpers, the lights off. He could only tell where she was by the movement of her small body shaking. His fingers searched for the switch.  
"It hurts." She mumbled, as Theon sat slowly beside her, trying not to alarm the girl. He didn't reach to comfort her. His head leaning to the side, considering her. Of course it hurt. The automatic response that it was her fault and that Ramsay was way too kind was in the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't say it.  
"I know." Theon pulled the sleeve of his shirt, that was too thin to keep the cold out, until it was covering half his hand. He leaned forward, so slow someone could think he was treating an wounded animal, and cleaned off the blood from the cut in her cheek. Jeyne looked at him, brown eyes full of tears and fear. "You're... You're bleeding." He felt the need to explain.  
"So are you. I mean... Your lips. They're bleeding. Your lips are bleeding." She fought to form the sentences, as if the words were escaping for her. "The... The lower one."  
"Oh." Theon barely even felt when Ramsay's teeth cut his lip open. Perhaps he was getting used to the pain. He passed his finger on his lip and stared at the drop of blood in the tip of it, cleaning it on his already dirty jeans. "The pain will pass." Yes, it would. And a new one would follow. They both knew, and they preferred to pretend they didn't. Jeyne nodded, pulling the blanket up again, when it fell from her shoulder. Her face was tear-stained and she had some trouble breathing. Theon's brain worked very hard trying to find a way to make the girl forget about it. Of course, he knew how. But he didn't want to fuck up no one else. He did with Jon, and with probably with all of his friends. Theon was really tired of ruining lives. But the girl was Ramsay's girlfriend. Without one jump to the sky from now and then, she would collapse.

Robb put one finger inside one of Jon's belt loops and pulled him closer. He missed him. He missed his lips, his touch, his moans, his cock. Robb missed all of it. It had been so long, and he couldn't blame Jon.  
"Robb." Jon warned, craving for Robb almost as much as Robb as craving for him. But the thought of having a quick one in a hospital cupboard didn't please him.  
"I miss you." He murmured, his lips tracing a path on his throat. Robb's hand circulated his waist, pushing Jon against the wall.  
"I miss you too, but..." Robb thrusted against him, kissing him urgently. "Robb." Jon breathed, as he kissed his chin and his ear and everywhere. "Robb, I can't really think."  
"That's the point."  
Jon placed both of his hands on Robb's chest and pushed him slightly away, breathing deeply. Robb pouted but didn't make any move to kiss him again.  
"Personal space, yeah?" Stark rolled his eyes, kissing Jon on the lips only for a second.  
"Let's go somewhere. Watch a movie or whatever." Jon shook his head almost instantly, his arms falling to his side.  
"No. I can't." Robb frowned, his blue eyes looking genuinely curious.  
"Why?"  
"I can't leave Arya. Something bad can happen."  
"Nothing bad will happen to her, Jon." Robb murmured, pressing his forehead against his. "You know that."  
"But what if it does?"  
"What if it doesn't?"  
Jon bit his lip, obviously considering.  
"It will be fun. I'll let you pick the movie. We'll be back in a few hours." He tried out a smile and Robb grinned. "That's my boy."  
"Shut up, Stark."  
Jon played with the keys Robb gave him while he turned the engine on with the original one. Robb pressed one button on the radio and Jon smiled, looking at him with one eyebrow raised in a question.  
"Is that my mix tape?"  
"A thousand times better than the usual shit that's on." He replied, driving away from the hospital. His answer, as simple that he made it sound, made Jon feel good, better than he was the last few days. He felt peaceful. Robb's nose wasn't runny, which showed that, at least for a few days, he was clean. Jon wasn't some hopeful fucker to think that it was over, but perhaps they were walking towards it. Almost losing Arya was the worst moment of his life, and he was sure the fear of losing her or Robb would never leave him, until both of them had recovered. However, it was easier to feel as if nothing bad would happen when they were both in his car, one of Jon's favorite song playing on the background as Robb hummed to it carelessly, tapping on the wheel according to the rhythm.  
Robb however, was desperate for Jon. It may had something to do with having to give Sansa a ride to Margaery's house, and the fact they kissed with such passion that Robb could swear that they would fuck on the doorstep. And for once, it was good that his head wasn't completely by the need of coke. And Jon had to wear such stupid tight pants, it just wasn't fair. It almost reminded him of Jon in the beginning of the year, when he wore sunglasses even when it was cloudy and Robb had put a fist in his face. Snow picked the movie, Robb just nodding at whatever he wanted.  
Robb didn't even wait the trailers to be over to lock their lips together. He kissed desperately, the arm of the chair barely making a difference, and Jon kissed him back, a mess of lips and teeth and tongues, moving together as if Robb was Jon and Jon was Robb. The sounds that came out of the speakers wasn't completely heard anymore, only a background sound, one more song or talk being the soundtrack of their kiss. However, as Robb almost changed seats to be nearer Jon, he broke apart. Jon, of course, didn't pull of immediately, holding Robb's lower lip between his, sucking on it. His eyes moved from Robb to the screen and he finally let him go.  
"No..." Robb breathed, touching Jon's neck with his lips.  
"Lemme watch the movie." Jon asked, half-heartedly. He missed Robb too. He missed Robb a lot. However, the idea of having a go at the movies didn't look any better than fucking in the hospital. His cock, apparently, disagreed deeply with it. If it could talk, it would probably say that fucking Robb was fucking Robb, and wasting an opportunity twice a day was a horrible idea. It was saying that, pressing against his pants, already hard. God, how Jon hated that kid.  
Robb sighed in a fake exasperation and crossed his arms, pouting and staring at the screen. Jon chuckled, pulling Robb's hand away from his body, forcing him to uncross his arms and interlacing their fingers. Jon was honestly trying to understand the beginning of the movie, but his eyes traveled to Robb's crotch, which made him even harder. Robb had given up, at least for now, a lot calmer than Jon was.  
Jon didn't know how he went from 'Keep it together' to 'Fuck it', but it happened pretty fast.  
"Robb." He called.  
"Watch the movie."  
"Robb." This time, it was a plead.  
"I thought you said you wanted to watch the movie." Robb was obviously having fun. The stupid asshole.  
"Stark." It would sound like a threat, if Jon's voice didn't end up as a whimper. Robb looked at him, and a sly smile appeared on his lips when his eyes fell to Jon's crotch.  
"Since you want it so bad, Jon..." Robb moved slightly, his hands opening the zipper of Jon's pants. He struggled for a few seconds with the piece of fabric, Jon gasping and biting his lips, and when Robb finally got his hand inside his underwear, Jon felt as if he died and went to heaven for a few seconds. The feeling of Robb warm hand against him was overwhelming, and Jon decided that he would not accept to go so long without it anymore. "Why do you have to wear such tight stupid pants?" Robb asked after he finally got it out.  
"You're the one giving me a..." He couldn't finish the sentence, and he had a feeling that Robb already knew, because his hand became to go up and down, and even with the movie rolling in front of them, Jon found the noises way too high. He looked around, noticing for the first time that Robb had picked an empty row. Jon was already panting shamelessly, and he was happy to notice that Robb was at least a little hard too. His eyes widened when he realized what Robb was about to do. He couldn't possibly do it. No, he would never do that. In a bathroom, yes. In the car, okay. Even in the goddamn hospital. But not there, not where everyone could see.  
He did. The fucking bastard. Before Jon could do anything to stop it, Robb had lowered his head and licked his whole extension. Jon had to bit down on his hand to stop himself from yelping. He was back up in one second, pretending nothing had happened, while Snow breathed deeply, trying to control himself. After a moment, he realized he still had his hand on his mouth, and slowly took it out.  
"Don't you ever do that ag- Fuck." The last word came out as a moan, way too loud for the place they were in. However, it didn't bother Robb, that when finished licking for the second time, he put his mouth around his head and sucked on it. Jon whimpered pitiful, his eyes closing for a second. When he opened, he noticed a few people were looking at them. "Robb, Robb, people are looking." He murmured, touching Robb's arm so he would stop. Stark grinned while Jon pulled his pants up, and kissed his cheek. "You are such an asshole." Jon breathed out. Robb stared back at the movie, lacing their fingers together again.  
"I know." He whispered back at him. 

Theon had found a bit of weed for Jeyne, and it took him some time. Not because he didn't know where it was, but because he had to decide whether or not get a shot for him. Ramsay and him had a deal. Twice a day, he could have a shot. It would go to his debt, trade a meal for a shot, or Ramsay would be in a good day and decide he could get one for free, or he just fuck him merciless and then mock him because he sold his body for heroin. Theon had even searched for money so he could pay at least for the weed, but all he found inside his pockets were ten cents and a teared open package with all the coke licked from it, which was pretty much all he owned. He brushed the thought away quickly. A few bucks would no make much difference when added up to the thousands Theon already owned. When he entered the room again, Jeyne had put some clothes on, a sweater that was obviously Ramsay's. Theon wondered when he would dare to use Ramsay's clothes without asking, but he then realized that it didn't matter what he thought a few weeks ago; He wasn't Ramsay's boyfriend. She was sitting on the bed, but Theon didn't follow, almost automatically sitting on the floor, rolling up the joint for her. It was a messy job, but it was good enough. He used Jeyne's sadness as an excuse for himself to get high and by now he didn't really care about what she did. The thought of heroin pumping inside of him almost made his hands shake with excitement. He clicked his lighter and light up the joint, handing it to her. His eyes didn't look at her while he prepared his own dope, not even caring when she started coughing. It was small and girlish, exactly as he thought she would cough after having her first try. Theon pulled his sleeve up, searching for his veins. His arm was full of tiny dots, from times where he had waited too long to use it, and his hands were tremble and weak, and the vein just didn't appear. One time, he almost put the syringe on his neck, because he needed it so bad and just wasn't visible. Ramsay had stopped him, murmuring "You don't wanna hurt yourself" and doing it for him. At the moment, Theon didn't realize that Ramsay didn't want him to hurt himself because only Ramsay could hurt Reek, but that was probably it. Jeyne almost dropped the joint while she looked at the various marks on his arm. A relieved smile appeared on his lips when he found it, and he pressed it against his skin. He looked up and gave her his crooked smile.  
"Smoke it up, Jeyne." And she did, still coughing but not so much anymore. As the time passed, she smiled more and seemed less sad. Theon lay down on the floor, looking at the ceiling. "Why?" He asked, when the silence was too much.  
"What?" Jeyne asked, giggling.  
"Why did you pick him?"  
"I could ask you the same damn thing."  
"I asked you first." He remarked, feeling a little more like himself, if he could even call himself Theon.  
"He's older and... And pretty."  
"Good enough reasons." He mocked, more cruelly than he should.  
"How about you, Greyjoy?" Jeyne questioned, putting one hand on the floor beside his head, and covering his sight of the ceiling. Her hair fell like a curtain, making his whole world become Jeyne. For that minute, he pretended that he wasn't Reek and that Ramsay wasn't real. He pretended he wasn't in Ramsay's room, but on his own, in his bed. That Ramsay was just a really bad dream.  
"I guess I'm just fucking stupid."  
"Your lips are pretty." She murmured, an Theon felt scanned by her eyes. They weren't. Cut and dry, they were once beautiful but right now they weren't.  
"They really aren't..."  
Jeyne leaned forward and kissed him, soft and gentle and Theon almost sighed. He had forgotten that kind gestures even existed, and he always thought it had something behind it. Even in the state he was, his mind couldn't help but think that it was a trick. Ramsay's trick. One of his sick little game, and he would walk him and hit Theon or break a finger or even take the heroin from him. He pushed her away and got on his feet, shaking slightly.  
"You don't wanna do that." Theon murmured, and left to the living room. His timing was perfect. The exact moment he closed the door and tried to control himself, Theon heard the key turning. Ramsay looked happy, as if he just had a marvelous idea of how breaking Theon deeper.  
"Reek!" He greeted.  
"Hi." Theon said weakly. Ramsay crossed the room in long steps and held Theon's face between his hands, kissing him deeply. Theon didn't kiss him back, but didn't pull away either. Ramsay would taste Jeyne in his mouth and he would know, he would know, he would know. It took some time before Ramsay spoke again. He pulled on Theon's lower lip and then licked his neck.  
"I have a surprise for you. Do you want it?" Theon nodded, and then remembered Ramsay hated the lack of words.  
"Yes. Yes, I do."  
He traced the line of Theon's jaw with one finger, his face - and body - extremely thin.  
"I didn't even tell you what it is, Reek. Are you sure?"  
"I know it will be good to me." He murmured. "Even... Even if it hurts."  
"And why is that?" Ramsay asked, his light blue eyes almost burning into him.  
"You only hurt me when I deserve it."  
It took some time and a lot of bruises and cuts for Theon to learn the right answers, but he did. Ramsay smirked.  
"Good boy." Ramsay slapped Theon's face and he did his best not to grimace. "Do you remember Snow? I think I know someone that was his friend..." He wondered idly. Theon opened his mouth to answer, but then he realized. It wasn't him who used to be friends to Jon. It was Theon. Not Reek.  
"It wasn't me."  
"Yeah, it wasn't you." Ramsay smiled. "He has a boyfriend who he loves very much, apparently. And I need your help."  
"What do you want me to do?" He mumbled.  
"I want you to make pretty little Stark like heroin." Theon could do it. He had sniffed with Robb for more than a few days, and that was probably the closest of friendship that Theon was able to manage. Of course, Jon had told him to back off. It would hurt Jon if he did that. Theon would never want to hurt Jon. But Reek would never want to disobey Ramsay. "If you get this right, I'll let you sell some dope for me." More than anything, he wanted to ask why, but asking why was never a good decision. Theon nodded, urgently. "The money you get will pay off your debt, but I won't give you any free shot, not anymore." He caressed his hair, his hand pausing in the back of his neck, his grip too strong to be a kindness. "If the heroin missing doesn't match the money, I'll fucking kill you. Do you understand?"  
"Yes."  
Ramsay grinned again and tugged at Theon's hair, making his head fall slightly back. He leaned forward to kiss his neck, nipping on it.  
"Good boy, Reek. Such a good boy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The movies part is dedicated especially to Giu  
> thank you for the kudos!  
> and a kiss to my cousin who helped me escape the relatives so I could post it <3


	21. Summertime made me promises it knew it couldn't keep

It was weird, Robb thought, to see Theon. It seemed like ages ago, when Jon was studying and Robb was lonely. It seemed like ages ago because Robb had gone through hell on earth, up and down and up and down again, always trying to get away from that stupid powder and always driving himself back to it. He had got out. He had. He didn’t know if it was Jon’s effort, or Arya almost dying, or his family on Christmas, or perhaps the fact that he was almost going to college, he couldn’t tell. Robb just knew he did, and that was good enough for him. He wouldn’t argue with his organism. But apparently, Theon didn’t have the same luck as him. Miserable, to be kind. However, what he offered to Robb wasn’t cocaine. It was something worse. More dangerous, and a thousand times more destructive. Robb had asked him what was he doing, and Theon almost broke down into tears, but held himself. Greyjoy seemed determinate in his task, whatever it was.  
Now, Stark regretted accepting Theon’s offer. He had a new drug in front of him. The adrenaline already running through his veins just to imagine trying it. Something different, something new. Theon told him it was great. He didn’t look great, but perhaps he felt great. Robb wouldn’t tell anyone, but he was searching for excuses, his thoughts moving as comets inside his head, too fast for him to follow, desperate for a good enough reason for using it and not feeling so damn guilty about it. He thought about going downstairs and talking to someone. That would distract him. However, he was alone at home. Bran was at a friend’s house, Jojen something, or whatever the boy’s name was. Sansa was doing whatever lesbians do with her so new girlfriend, which was still weird in his opinion, since a few months ago she was dating his boyfriend, and his father was working and his mom was out with baby Rickon doing whatever moms do. So he was left all alone. He could give Jon a call, ask him to come over. But apparently he was dealing with some Arya crisis, and Robb really, really didn’t want to bother. (Or perhaps he wanted to try it, it would be good to try it).  
His dilemma was interrupted when he heard the doorbell. At first, he wished it was Jon. Then he realized it couldn’t be Jon. He wished it was the mail man, or the guy who sells cakes around the neighborhood, or even Sansa because she forgot her keys. Anyone he could strike a conversation. He might even buy a cake to help the man with his children or wife or whoever he had at home. Maybe he had a sick mother, and sold cakes to help pay her surgery, and Robb was slowly killing off the poor old woman every time he denied the cake. Or perhaps Robb was just talking nonsense to himself so he would take his mind off the heroin that rested in his bedroom.   
He went down the stairs and unlocked the door, and frowned when he saw Theon. It was weird seeing him before, and even more weird to see him twice in one day. The poor kid looked terrified. There was a new cut on his cheek.  
“Theon. What… What are you doing here?” However, he didn’t answer. Theon just walked in, stopping a few steps away from Robb, his eyes closed and his hands closed into fits, as he breathed deeply. He didn’t want to do it. But he had to. Theon didn’t want to hurt Robb, he would never want such thing. If he hurt Robb, he would be hurting Jon, and even though Jon had turned his back on him, he wouldn’t be able to stand causing any pain to Snow. But Ramsay told him, and he wanted to obey Ramsay, that was all he ever wanted to do.   
Robb bit his lower lip, considering. The smart thing to do would be hand back Theon his heroin, and say he was determined at getting better, for real. The curiosity didn’t let him. How did it feel? He didn’t want to be a coward and don’t try it. He was in recovery, yes, but he had recovered already, hadn’t he? He was better now, and stronger. He would fall down into addiction again just because he would try it just once.  
But Jon. Jon would never approve it. And that decided it for him, at least for now.  
“You can take your dope back, Theon, I don’t really…”   
“No!” He said, crossing the room to hold his shoulders, his eyes wide. Robb winced at the smell, but didn’t move his feet. “You can’t do that.”  
“Why not?” Theon removed his hands and then rubbed them together.  
“I… Just keep it. You won’t regret it.” Theon. Robb had called him Theon. That was who he was supposed to be. It was all an act. Theon had always been good at lying, he could do it again. Act as if he was Theon, as if he was still whole. A smirk appeared on his lips, and it felt wrong. It felt so wrong and misplaced. This time, he wasn’t high, he was sober. It was harder. It was harder to be.   
“Why did you come here anyway?” He asked again.   
“Ramsay was out.” It was a murmur, as his brain searched for a good excuse. Robb almost confronted him about the new cut on his face, but he then realized he couldn’t. They both knew what it had been, no words were needed. “I didn’t have my key.” It was guarded in his pocket, but he wouldn’t tell Robb that.  
“You could’ve gone to Jon’s.” Theon’s hands stopped moving when he looked at Robb.  
“Yeah.” He said, between gritted teeth. “I could have.” And then it was gone and the smirk was back. “Anyway, I need a shot, and you don’t want me doing it in a public bathroom, do you?”  
Robb shook his head. In the depth of his hearth, he knew it would end up badly, but suddenly all he could think about was how good it would feel to just give it a go.

Margaery got on the tip of her feet to find her dad’s whisky.   
“Won’t they see us?” Sansa asked, opening the cupboard and getting out a popcorn. She was already used to the placing of stuff in Margaery’s place, but her fear of not being approved by her parents never left her. Which was, after all, useless. They didn’t know about the two of us. They thought they were friends – best friends – but only that. Probably thought that then when their daughter and friend closed the bedroom’s door, they were talking about boys, and not kissing passionately.   
“Our parents don’t see anything, birdie.” Loras said, walking inside the kitchen. Sansa blushed at the memory of her not-so-successful crush on the boy. She was glad that he acted as if nothing happened, after all, she didn’t even know if it was real. That time of the year was perhaps the most confusing of her life. “And besides, dad’s working.”  
“God fucking dammit.” Margaery swore, when it seemed impossible to her to reach the highest shelf. Loras got some cookies from the cupboard Sansa had just opened and left, not before wishing them both ‘good luck’. While the remaining Tyrell pulled over a chair so she could climb onto it, she put the package in the microwave, pressing a few buttons before looking at her.  
“Do we really need whisky?” Sansa asked, sitting on the top of the table. “I mean, we could just drink the Coke.”  
“You never had coke and whisky before, my dear. You still haven’t lived.” Stark laughed, her hands in the edge of the desk and leaning her body forward.  
“I was such a good girl before I started seeing you.”  
“Ha, got it!” She exclaimed when she finally put her hand on the bottle. “What is that supposed to mean, Stark?” Margaery placed the bottle on the table after she went down.  
“It’s supposed to mean,” Sansa said, a playful smile appearing on her lips. “You’re a terrible influence.”  
“I am not!” Margaery defended herself.  
“Oh, yes you are.”  
“I’m not the one who strips when I get drunk.”   
“That was one time!” Sansa rolled her eyes.  
“Twice.”  
“Well you asked for it the second one.”  
Margaery lips parted into a smile. She leaned forward and kissed Sansa quickly, before pulling away, reaching out for the whisky with one hand and for the Coke bottle with the other. Sansa got up too, to get the popcorn ready. The Stark family was united and even though they argued a lot, they were happy. But Sansa needed a break from time to time. After Robb’s confession, her already huge despise for Snow got even bigger, and her mind couldn’t stop but wonder in what rooms of the house Robb had risked his life, over and over and over. She knew Margaery used drugs too, and she was glad that she never offered it to her. Of course, she wanted her to stop, but she just couldn’t form a sentence. Sansa worried that Margaery would think of her concern as meddling and push her away.  
“Okay, done.” Margaery said, with two cups in her hand. “What movie do you even want to watch?”  
Sansa got the bowl and followed Margaery to her room, and since one of her hands was free, she was the one to close the door.   
“Can we watch Gossip Girl?” She asked, sitting down and throwing the blankets on top of them both, the cold air from outside already forgotten in their little world. Margaery’s room was simple; she had books, some of them in the desk or even on the floor. She was extremely passionate about medicine, and had books with diseases Sansa never heard of and things way too complicated for her to try to understand. Margaery would get into a good college and be an amazing doctor, Sansa knew it in her heart, she just hoped she was beside her to see it. She owned more dresses than anything else, as if it was even a surprise, and had a few flowers scattered around. Sansa didn’t know if it was the room or Margaery’s arm around her that made her feel safe, but she knew she had never felt like this before.  
“You’re such a girl.” Margaery said, while rolling her eyes.  
“I let you put whisky on my coke.” Sansa pouted.  
“Fine. Gossip Girl. But after this we’re watching House.”  
“Can it be Grey’s Anatomy?”  
Margaery stick a finger to Sansa’s face, trying to look stern and failing miserably.  
“House.”  
“Jesus, okay.”

“Robb, you can’t sleep in Physics class, the teacher will kill you.” Jon whispered.  
“I’m not sleeping.”  
“What are you doing then?”  
“Pretending I’m dead.”  
“It’s not working.”  
“I don’t care.”  
“Sweet dreams, Stark.” Robb didn’t dream. He didn’t even sleep. His eyes were open behind his crossed arms, and he stared at his table. Suddenly, the package, that was in his pocket because he couldn’t bring himself to leave it at home, felt heavier. Jon wouldn’t be mad if he used it. Well, of course he would. But he only know if Robb told him, which wasn’t going to happen. It wasn’t lying. It was omitting. And it wasn’t like it would be like it used to be with cocaine. Robb was stronger now, better. He wasn’t going to ruin himself like Theon did, he wouldn’t let this become an addiction, something that he couldn’t control. He just wanted to try it. Once, and only once, and he would never touch it again.  
“Robb?” Jon called, his voice insecure, and Robb figured it wasn’t because of the teacher’s scold.   
“What?” He murmured, reluctantly getting his head up.   
“Valentine’s day is coming.” He played with his pencil, almost dropping it once or twice. “I mean, are we… are we something?”  
“Of course we are!” Robb exclaimed, getting a shush from the teacher. “Sorry. Of course we are.” He repeated, in a lower tone. “We should do something. Go out. Or stay at my place, whatever you want.” He wondered if Jon liked Valentine’s day, or he just hated all the holidays on Earth. Apparently, he didn’t, because the smile that appeared on his lips was the most genuine Robb had ever seen.  
“Alright.” 

He had to do it. Robb wasn’t sure if it was during Chemistry, when the teacher was talking about elements or whatever, or during English, when they were learning about a shit load of writers and Robb just wondered if they had used something back in the days. Or perhaps it happened when he was taking Jon home – Arya stayed at home, sleeping – and Sansa to the mall, because she wanted to buy a TV show box to Margaery, and the song in the station was definitely about drugs. Or perhaps it was the tiny voice in his head telling him that he was a coward and weak, and the part of himself that wanted to prove to someone, he wasn’t sure who, that he could manage it. Before he even knew, he had texted Theon telling him to come over.  
Once, and only once, he repeated to himself over and over, trying to convince that it wasn’t just a big mistake. By the time Theon had arrived, Robb had changed his mind perhaps three times. The doorbell seemed to bring him back to his earlier decision of going with it.  
“I want to try it.” He said, even before greeting his guest or inviting him in. A relieved smile made its way on Theon’s lip, and it seemed like the world had just got off his shoulders.  
“Of course you do.”  
Robb avoided thinking. He avoided it while Theon walked inside and went to the kitchen. He avoided it when he lied to his mom that they were going to study. He avoided thinking when they went upstairs and when they locked his bedroom’s door. However, the moment he sat on the edge of the bed, his mind rushed back to the week that it was a living hell. He didn’t want that again. At least he thought he didn’t.   
“Maybe I shouldn’t do it.” Robb said, quickly. Confusion was a son of a bitch, he realized. He wanted it so bad, but he also didn’t want it to be bad. Theon looked up from the spoon where he was preparing it.   
“What? Why? No, I’ll shot too, it will be great.” He tried to hide the fear in his voice. Robb had to do it. It was taking too long. Ramsay wasn’t pleased. “Best feeling in the world.”  
“But… Won’t I get addicted?”  
Theon stopped working, frowning slightly. He searched for the right answer in his mind. Yes, of course he would. Heroin is not child’s play. Is not ‘try once and then forget it’, but he couldn’t tell that to Robb, because then he wouldn’t do it. “Isn’t it worth it?” He asked, while he pulled his sleeve up. “I’ll go first, yeah?” Before Robb even answered, he was already pressing down the syringe down his own arm, sighing briefly. When he was done, he looked better. Paler, perhaps, but calmer. As if nothing could ever take him down. He moved, filling up the syringe for Robb. “You’ll need one of this, if you wanna keep going.”   
He sat on the bed beside Robb and pulled his arm closer to him. There was no sleeve to pull up, and no holes or marks in his skin. Robb had nothing to hide, at least for now. “It won’t hurt.” Theon reassured. “It’s only a pinch.”  
Robb felt his heart pumping so hard inside of him that it looked like it wanted out. Then the syringe was in his skin and Theon was pressing down the heroin into his veins, and Robb’s world was filled with stardust. He fell on his back, half of his body outside the mattress. His chest went up and down slowly and a goofy smile appeared on his lips. How did he dare to take so long to use it? God, Jon would love it. Jon had to love it. It was great, so great. Better than anything he had ever tasted.   
“You did better than me.” Theon’s voice sounded extremely far away, and it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. Robb wasn’t sure why did he even worry so much about stuff. It was useless. It was great. So great, he couldn’t believe it.  
“It’s worth it.” Robb breathed, a chuckle escaping with his voice. “It’s fucking worth it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, I'm sorry for the ridiculous short chapter, but this week was completely insane. I had 4, 5 tests? And I really realized I have to study more because I'm basically failing a lot of stuff and it's the end of the school year here ):  
> And I've finally decided. It's going to be 25 chapters long, so it is almost ending, unfortunately
> 
> thank you all for the kudos!


	22. The roses came but he took you away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: abuse

Robb sighed to the empty bedroom. They were on Jon's place, and he was getting ready, since Robb appeared thirty minutes before planned. He was showering, so Arya opened the door. And now he was waiting for him, laying in bed over the blanket, his head hanging on the edge of bed, so the whole world was literally upside down.   
Arya entered the room, her eyes covered by Gendry's hand, a playful smile on her lips. She was better. Her father had put her on boxing classes, after her therapist had asked more than once and he couldn't ignore anymore, and now she had other way to get her mind out of it. Punching her way out of it, of course, but still a way.   
"Are you guys decent?" She asked. Robb rolled his eyes.   
"Yes. Your brother is still showering." Arya pushed Gendry's hand from her face, but didn't let it go, her tiny fingers holding his hand.   
"We're going out. Don't wait up."   
"Have fun." Arya smirked at him, and pulled Gendry, while he waved at Robb with his free hand.   
Robb looked at the gift he had brought Jon, and at the bathroom door across the hallway, and closed his eyes, waiting. Even though the day was quite warm, he could still wear a sweater and not be asked why. His teeth bit the interior of his mouth as he ran his fingers over the hidden marks on his skin. Tiny dots, more than he had expected, but finding the vein by himself was hard. He had pinched himself more times that he needed to, and even drawn blood once or twice. His money was all gone, and he had to search through all his pants and coats to find enough to buy Jon's gift. When he tried the first time, he didn't think it would be so good. Of course, he wasn't addicted. Only three, four times a week. It wasn't like Theon, which needed three shots a day, or otherwise he would start freaking out. He felt guilty for not telling Jon, but it wasn't a big deal. It wouldn't be a big deal; Robb wouldn't let it become a big deal.   
The bathroom door opened and Robb looked at it. Jon was wearing only a towel around his waist, a toothbrush on his hand. Even though he was in the middle of brushing, he smiled. Robb chuckled at the sight.   
"Happy Valentine's Day."   
"Happy Valentine's Day." Jon repeated before entering the bathroom again, spitting in the sink. He came back a few seconds later, cleaning his mouth with a towel. “Can I ask you something?” Robb shifted uncomfortably in the bed, already sitting up and reaching for the gift he had brought.  
“Yes, of course.” He replied, worrying about how serious Jon looked.  
“Do I look like a bottom?”  
Robb smiled, partly because he was relieved, but also because Jon looked funny – and cute – asking this question as if it was such a serious matter wearing only a towel and with toothpaste in his cheek.  
“What? No! You don’t look like a bottom.”  
“Arya said I look like a bottom.”  
“Well, I think it’s the hair.” Robb tried out, smirking.  
“Funny.” He remarked, as he put on his underwear and tossed the towel at Robb.  
“I try.” Luckily to Jon, his smile was covered by the fabric of the T-shirt he was putting on, so he could scold at Robb with some dignity after he got dressed. “I got you something.” Robb said, crossing his legs and patting the place on the bed beside him. Jon sat and opened the gift carefully, trying not to tear it up. It was a book about King Arthur, not a big one, because Robb couldn’t afford it, but Jon smiled genuinely.  
“Thanks.” He said, leaning in for a kiss. Soft and gentle. So soft and gentle that Robb felt the weight of the guilt almost burying him. He wondered if Lucifer ever regretted his fall, or if he appreciated it. Robb, most of the time, didn’t know which one he chose. Before he knew it, the kiss was over and Jon was handing him a gift. He whispered a thank you before even opening, and unlike Jon, tore the whole paper fast, like he always did since he was a child. His worry was replaced by a feeling of happiness that no drug could give him. It was a movie. Robb’s favorite out of Jon’s favorites. He forced himself not to think of anything else but Jon today. He forced himself not to think that he definitely needed a shot today and all the marks on his arms. No, instead, he thought of Jon. And his lips. His lips were pretty. His lips tasted good. He needed Snow, not heroin. Only Snow. This time, he leaned in, and kissed him with no hurry. But it was meaningful. Through the contact of their lips, Robb tried to prove that he was a good person, that he was worthy. As Jon tugged on his lower lip, Robb breathed out.  
“Take me away. Take me away.” He rushed forward, falling over Jon and making the kiss deeper. “Away, away, away.” He whispered against Jon’s lips, feeling his warm breath. In that moment, all that matter in the whole world was Snow and Stark.  
Theon Greyjoy, apparently, didn’t agree with it.  
The ringtone never sound louder and more annoying than it did in that moment.   
“For Christ’s sake.” He complained, answering the call before Jon could even see who it was. “Hello?”   
“Robb, I need your money.” Theon said, his voice lower than a whisper. It took him a long time to build up the courage to call Robb.  
“Oh.” He held a finger up and got out of the room. “I don’t have it, Theon. I’m sorry.”  
“I need it.” Please.” It was a more desperate tone now, and his voice broke down in a strangled cry on the last word.  
“Calm down. Let’s make a deal, okay?” Robb whispered, worried that Jon might be listening. Theon nodded, and then remember that Robb couldn’t see him.  
“Okay.”  
“You forget this debt, and I’ll ask Jon to forgive you.”  
Silence. Robb could almost hear Theon’s gears clicking and moving as he thought about the proposal.  
“Would you do that?” There was hope in Theon’s voice, and he felt extremely guilty for lying to him.  
“Of course I would.”  
“Okay. I’ll… I’ll deal with it.”  
“Thank you, Theon. For real.”  
Robb turned it off, trying to push all the blame away. He had spent all his money, and searching for more now was useless. He knew that, technically, he owed money to Ramsay, and not Theon, and this thought was everything but comforting. However, he trusted Theon to keep his mouth shut. After all, he was the only one who could deal with him. He chewed on this lie that he told himself, that Greyjoy was only fucked up because of all the drugs he took, but deep down he knew that it wasn’t just that. However, he could manage. Or at least that was what Robb thought to make him asleep at night.  
“Who was it?” It almost made Robb’s heart come out of his chest.  
“Dear God!” He exclaimed, guarding his phone. “My mom.”  
“You said Theon.” Jon said, suspiciously. Robb could panic and tell him the truth. But he didn’t want to tell him anything. So he smirked and stepped closer, evolving his waist, while he cursed himself for being such a liar son of a bitch.  
“Were you spying on me, Jon Snow?”  
“You were right beside the door.” He murmured, beginning to sound hurt.  
“Well, maybe you’re hearing things.” Robb tried out, smiling half-heartily. Now Jon was really hurt, he could see it on his eyes, but he still tried for a kiss. Jon’s response was to pull away, staring at him. Robb bit his lips, hating himself for it. He leaned forward, kissing Jon’s neck. “C’mon, Jon… It’s Valentine’s Day… Let’s not do this.”  
He pushed him. Robb sighed.  
“It was Theon.” He admitted.  
“Why?”   
"What do you mean?" Robb murmured, embarrassment spreading through his body.   
"Why are you talking to him? Why is he talking to you, actually? I told him..." He looked at Jon, curious. "Forget it. You're not back into coke, are you?" Jon was truly worried, Robb could tell. The way his shoulders were tense and how his eyes were locked into his, searching for some reason behind Robb's blueness. He wouldn't find anything, of course, because there was no reason. There wasn't a because. There wasn't an explanation. Robb just did it, and he fell too fast down the rabbit hole that he hit Wonderland's floor before he noticed he was falling, and now was too late to climb it up. Through dirty nails from holding onto the walls of the hole and a failed attempt of reaching out, Robb had tried to escape, but he was far gone when he realized that the path that drove him home had been erased.   
And now it was worse. The worst. Even coke heads knew that heroin was dumb. Everyone knew it, that was the whole fucking point. 'Don't do heroin, it gets you killed.' Rule number one. The first thing Robb learned when he put a joint to his mouth for the first time and started killing some part of his brain or maybe just having fun, was that someone had to be really stupid to do heroin. Instead of being with the happy bunch that shared their bongs, Robb was now in the heroin group. If he was invited to a party, the first one after the holidays, he would sit with the group of kids that were sad and weak. They would have shivers and shake and they would stick needles into his arms without one second of hesitation. Robb knew what it was like. He saw Theon on a crisis. He was in pain, physical pain, and he tried so many times to get the vein, because he needed it done, and he needed it now. There was blood everywhere. Blood on the sink, on the syringe, on the walls and dripping onto the floor. It didn't make Theon stop with his desperate attempts, and when Robb tried to help him, he got yelled at because he would steal it.   
"I'm not back into coke." Robb mumbled. Jon looked as relieved as a fish that was just thrown back into water. "I'm... Theon gave me heroin."  
Snow could have done a lot of things that would break Robb's heart into tiny pieces. Tell him he was an asshole. Yell at him. Even punch him. Tell him that he was disappointed. Robb would say that yes, that he should be. Robb would promise that he wouldn't do it again. Robb wouldn't do it again. Robb would graduate. Robb and Jon would be happy ever after. But their story didn't start with once upon a time, and Robb knew deep in his heart that it wouldn't end with 'and they lived happy ever after.'  
Jon did none of the things. He didn't even look hurt. His whole expression was blank. Robb met his father once, and even though they were completely different, he finally noticed what connected father to son. There was not sadness in his face. Not even disappointment. It was indifference. And that didn't only rip Robb's heart off. It stepped on it, as if it was a spider and Jon was a person that wanted to make sure it was dead. Of course it was dead. A few (lot) of sniffs there, even fewer shots, it was enough to make a heart stop. His beat was a ghost, and Robb had difficult times wondering if his organs were still functioning.   
"Did you take it?" Robb felt as if the voice was slicing him up. No, snow didn't cut you. It burned. Cold could burn, and happiness could make you cry. Before Robb met Jon, he had never experienced both of these feelings. But the tears that were forming in the corner of his eyes, anxious to drop and stain his face were not made of joy. Jon's blank expression seemed to break and show a little of emotion.  
"I'm sorry." Robb said miserable. He was. He was so goddamn fucking sorry that he was so weak. He was even more sorry that he couldn't - or didn't want to - stop. "I'm..." The words were strangled by a sob. "I'm just sorry."  
Robb almost begged him to punch him. To do something. React. "Please," he said, his blue eyes shining with tears, the first ones starting to drop. Why did he always have to make such a mess of things? "Do something."  
Jon sighed and in one second his whole armor came down, and he was that boy that Robb kissed for the first time when it was summer and that used sunglasses when he was indoors. He didn't say anything. Just a nod. A short one and Robb could barely believe it. And then he hugged Robb, or Robb hugged him, at this point, it didn't matter.   
"You really are a fucking asshole." Jon murmured.   
"I know. I know." Robb replied, pulling Jon closer and yet already feeling him dripping away. He opened his mouth to promise he wouldn't do it again, but closed it when he realized that it was a lie. And Jon would know it was a lie. There was no space for lies, not anymore. "I'm sorry." He repeated. "I love you." It was the only thing he was sure in the world.   
"I love you too." Jon breathed into his ear, his hands tangling on his curls. Robb doubted that Jon's lips twitched upwards when he said it.

Theon never felt more like Theon than when he was kissing Jeyne. It wasn't a battle that he would always lose, like it was Ramsay. It wasn't a submission. Jeyne's kiss was calm, yet urgent. They were both desperate, not for sex, but kindness. They would break the kiss from time to time, eyes closed and raggedy breath, Theon's lips touching softly the places were Ramsay had hurt before. He had even the audacity to whisper "It will be alright." because he wanted to make it alright. Sometimes, Jeyne would cry, clutching into Theon, hugging him closer, her head buried in his chest. Theon, once or twice, had cried to. They never said anything in this moment. They didn't have to. They both knew the horror. They knew what each other had gone through, and they both wished that it would all end.   
It was Valentine's day, yet Theon couldn't bring up the courage to kiss Jeyne today. Or even look at her, acknowledge her existence. Last week, Ramsay had almost broke his arms saying that he didn't like what was happening. Theon was trying to sell, but his need was physical. Before he could control himself, he had no heroin, and no money. And Ramsay wanted the money. Theon knew in his heart that he couldn't sleep away this debt. It was too much. Ramsay had no patience with Reek anymore. No kind words, no kisses. Theon didn't even eat for the last couple days and he was finally used to his smell. Perhaps he deserved it. It wasn't like he would find anything better. He had called all the people that were once his friends. Once, when he was allowed to go out. When he knew how to have a nice time, when he knew how to smile. They all turned them down. Said they didn't have money, or that they would pay it next week. Some didn't even pick up the phone.   
There was, however, one person he didn't visit. Best friends forever, like they promised when their lives were all about fucked up dads, annoying sisters and lunch boxes. He missed Jon. In the small lapses of reality he had, that were become smaller each day, he remember how it was to be a person. And then he cried. If Ramsay wasn't home, Jeyne would hug him. If he was, he would make a game out of it. Theon shivered at the word game. Theon shivered at any word that Ramsay said. He was tired. More than once he would wonder how it would be to fly. Maybe he would fall, but he honestly didn't care. At least he would feel the cold wind on his face, and no Ramsay could stop him after he was going down. It would be over in a few seconds. His bones would break, his heart would stop beating. No heroin. No Ramsay. No pain. No fear. Just nothing. No more hurt, no more of this. He would fall like Icarus fell. He already crashed and burned.   
Of course, it took courage. And Reek lacked of it, just like he lacked of everything else.   
His feet were tremble when he got on them, and he pulled his sleeve down. A dozen new marks were on his arm, yet he didn't remember making half of them. He didn't even get high anymore. He took his shots to be able to breathe. Some people breathe in oxygen. He breathed heroin and without it, he would die. Theon left the home, knowing that he should obey and stay inside. But he had to see Jon. If Jon didn't help him, he might as well give up completely, and accept whatever punishment Ramsay had in mind. It wasn't like he felt anything. The pain was even comforting sometimes. Like an old friend, who comes in without knocking and stays for hours. Theon got used with its company, since he knew it wasn't going away soon.   
His fingers were long and thin, and Theon watched for a minute, and for a moment, he could swear they were growing, stretching, reaching out for something they couldn't have, just like Theon had reached out all his life for love. He loved his family, until he realized they despised him. He loved Jon, and perhaps he still did, but he didn't love him back. His brain was too ruined to think of Ramsay without wanting to hide, and what he shared with Jeyne was them both clenching for a feeling of real life. There was once a time when he would believe that he loved Ramsay. Now he wasn't sure. He wasn't sure of who he was. He couldn't tell the difference between life and dream, because it didn't matter which side he looked, it was always a nightmare. Theon blinked and the growing was gone, and so were his thoughts. He pressed the doorbell and waited. Searched for his pockets for money or heroin. Chewed on his finger. Chewed on his lower lip. Chewed on his tongue. Looked up. Thought of running away. Thought of sitting down. And then he heard the key turning and Jon's head appeared. Snow looked exhausted, and Theon almost lost his breath. However, the anger quickly took place. Before he could even blink, Jon's hand was hitting his face. He didn't fall, just took a few steps back in surprise.   
"I told you to back away, you little piece of shit." Jon said, leaving the doorstep and taking large steps to reach Theon by the shirt. Of course, he knew. "I thought all those years meant something. Why did you do it, Theon? Why?"  
"I don't know." Theon whispered. "Please, I don't know." He didn't know. He didn't know anything. Lost, he was so completely lost, and he didn't know what to do or why and he needed Ramsay to tell him that. If Theon had looked at the door again, he would see Robb standing there, watching carefully. "Please, Jon. I need your help. I need some money." He pleaded, trying to make Jon let go of him. "Please, I..."  
"No."  
"W- what?" The answer was, however, pretty simple, and he had understood. He just didn't want to believe it. Ramsay would break his arm, or take out his entire heroin. Theon couldn't decide which one was worse.   
"Get out." He shook his head, desperately. Theon needed the money. Ramsay would hurt him, truly. Didn't Jon understand? "Get out. I don't give a fuck. About you, about how much you owe your physco boyfriend, I don't care. I want you out."  
"Jon, you don't understand..."  
"That's right." Jon said, taking a step back. "I don't. And I don't want to." Theon tries to follow him, but the door was closed in front of his face.

Theon was lost. He had walked too much and for too long, moving away from Jon and from the world. He then realized that it didn't matter how many miles he walked, he would never get away from Ramsay. After Jon closed the door, Theon felt a twinge on his chest, and he found himself missing Ramsay. However, it didn't matter what Theon wished for. He lost everything he ever wanted. He had nothing. He was nothing. Sometimes he felt the need to curl up until he didn't exist anymore. Theon was fucked up from the start. Maybe his mother smoked when she was pregnant and then he came out this way.   
He turned on an alley and sat on the floor, hugging his knees, staring straightly ahead. His eyes followed the brick lines, occasionally covered by paint. Before he could control himself, his hand reached for his phone. Normally he avoided looking at his hands. His fingers were broken so many times that they looked unnatural by now. He typed the number almost automatically, and raised it to his ear. The sound he heard while he waited for Ramsay to pick up was one of the worst kinds of sounds. It wasn't silence, but it wasn't what he wanted to hear. Anticipation. Please, pick up. Silence but not quite silence. Please, please, I need to talk to you. One more ring. He should turn up. If Ramsay wanted him he would call. Once more. Theon almost turned it off, but decided that he couldn't give up now.   
Theon thought about the people who have so much water in their lungs that they drown. He then asked himself if people could drown from the sadness on their chest. Of course they couldn't. He was still breathing, wasn't he?  
Ramsay picked up when Theon was already settling with no answer.   
"What is it, Reek?" He wanted to beg. 'Be kind to me, please.' Of course, he wouldn't say it. Ramsay was kind when he deserved so, and that didn't happen that often anymore. However, it was his fault.   
"I need you." He gasped, his voice breaking. There was no clue of the reason why because Theon needed him, but he did.   
"Where are you?" He could almost hear the smirk on his voice. His eyes searched for the street sign, and took a long time for the letters to mean something, as if they were escaping from his mind. "Reek." Ramsay warned, impatient. He said the street name, the fear making his brain work faster. "Stay there."   
The line was off instantly, but Theon still said "Okay." to the complete silence. It was far more than exhausting. It wasn't something that would go away after a nice night of sleep or some rest. He never rested. Everything was too hard, especially since he had become a slower thinker. Nothing ever made sense to him, not even the simplest things. He pressed the palm of his hands against his eyes until they hurt. Death was a comforting thought. It would be a kindness. Thinking was hard. Breathing was harder. Living, however, was the hardest.   
Theon lowered his hands, blinking to get used to the dim lighting. The sun was setting, disappearing. Happy Valentine's Day, Ramsay. He walked slowly towards him, one hand in his pocket and the other one holding a cigarette. As the steps got closer, Theon trying to see if he was mad of not. He thought of running away when he realized that no, he wasn't happy. A few more steps and he was the closest he could have been, his good, expensive shoes touching the tip of Theon's ripped sneakers. He stood there, looking down at him, judgmental. The smoke escaped from the corner of his mouth. That was all he ever did. He didn't get high. He didn't drink. He just smoked. For Theon, that was also the worst kind of sound. People on the streets, living their lives. Children, grown-ups. There was someone in the apartment they were near to, and even though neither could see it, a couple doing it on the third floor with the window open. Life. How could people just keep going normally when Ramsay was mad?  
"On your feet." He ordered, and Theon obeyed. In his own time, his fingers trying to support his body in the place where two bricks met. He didn't get any help, and he didn't expect to. If he deserved something, it would be a kick on the knee. His intakes of breath were long and raggedy, as if his lungs were quitting their job. He was growing old and wasn't even 18 yet. (Or was he eighteen? He didn't know which month they were in) Ramsay took a step closer and Theon took a step back instinctively, as if he wouldn't get hurt. The wall touched his back and Ramsay blew the smoke on his face, making his eyes water and his nose burn. "Did you get the money?" He looked relaxed now, but Theon knew better.   
"No, but I..." Before he could finish his sentence, Ramsay's hands were gripping on his neck like iron, his eyes showing all the insanity that existed inside of him.   
"But you what?" He hissed. Even if he could talk, he had nothing. But nothing. Theon had tried to get more money, and he couldn't find it. "I told you that today was your last day." A sob tried to escape, but it was stopped by Ramsay's fingers. However, he let him go, stepping away and pacing from one side to another. Theon touched his neck gently, not daring to move away from the wall. His eyes followed Ramsay's movement, expecting him to choke him again. "What am I going to do with you, Reek?" He asked, and for one moment, he sounded truly confused. It was gone so quick Theon believed he was hallucinating. Ramsay got closer again, his cigar on his hand, way too close to Theon's face. "You've been stealing from me." He stated, turning his head to the side, eyeing him carefully. There was no reason to deny it.   
"I didn't mean-" Theon was interrupted again by the cigarette burning on his skin, where his shoulder met his neck. He gritted his teeth together and closed his eyes, trying to control the scream that was inside his throat. And then it was gone, but the feeling continued. He held in his cry and his sobs and his tears, swallowing deep, and Ramsay looked as his Adam’s apple when up and down.  
"Shut up." Ramsay said, dangerously. Theon nodded, trying to ignore the burning feeling on his skin, breathing deeply. He was startled now. This time, he couldn't get rid of it. He could beg or kiss his way out. "You stole from me." He repeated, this time louder. It made Theon cringe. "I noticed it last week. I thought that maybe you deserve a chance. Because Reek... has been... such a good boy... hasn't he?" In each break, Ramsay landed the cigarette on his shoulder, marking a line with four little dots and his eyes sting with tears by the end of it. He threw it away, and Theon felt as if he could breathe again. "I thought you'll pay me from what you stole, and we would just forget about it." Ramsay caressed his face, following his jaw line. "Then I thought I could send my boys to beat you up. But that doesn't help. You're used to beatings. It wouldn't teach you."  
"It would." Theon murmured, before he could help himself. No more burning. Please, just no more burning. Ramsay never did it five times in a row and Theon felt as if his skin was still on fire.   
"Shut up." He ordered, slapping his face. "And then I realized..." Ramsay took a step back, putting his hand inside his waist band and pulling something from it. Theon tried to move even more away when he saw it was a gun. "That nothing would teach a lesson." Theon's eyes followed his hands as he charged it, putting the bullets so casually that it looked as if he was doing nothing more than making a sandwich. "Too bad. I liked you."   
Theon still didn't completely grasp what was going on. It's a gun, his brain told him, run away. He didn't move. He just stared at it. And when Ramsay raised the gun and pointed it to his head, he said the thing that seemed most fit.  
"Thank you, Ramsay."  
The trigger was pulled and Theon felt nothing. Theon was nothing.   
"You're welcome, Greyjoy." He murmured to a Greyjoy that was already deaf, blind and mute. Dead.   
And Theon thought Ramsay wouldn't be kind to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for the kudos!  
> This chapter made me extremely sad, though ):


	23. It will be just like you were never gone

Arya's finger pressed the doorbell and she shifted uncomfortably on her feet. She chewed on her lower lip, and the sadness washed over completely. Usually, she could keep it out of her mind. Distract herself, make herself busy, but not in the best way possible. Every boy from the sophomore year got beaten up by her, and even a few girls. It made her feel bigger, stronger. The best feeling in the world is a bone breaking under the power of her knuckles. But it didn't take more of ten seconds to her to remember that Theon was gone. And then it took all over her and for one moment she couldn't breathe because of the memories. Theon giving him a cigarette when she was crying because her father didn't care, and teaching her how to use the shower steam to hide the smoke from him. And then Theon and Jon smoking weed and her brother who now could sniff up two lines of coke without cringing coughed like an old man with asthma and said that she would never be able to smoke with them. She would never have thought that those skipped class, long afternoons in the parks and endless, sleepless nights would end up with one of them getting killed. Of course, Arya was almost the first one to go, and now she couldn't even smoke a cigarette that Jon would flip. The fact that made everything worse was that she knew. It was awful. Waking up on Monday, getting the newspaper and reading that he was dead. Shot in the head. The murderer got away, but everyone who knew Theon knew who did it. However, the cops also knew that he was addicted to drugs. Once drugs were involved, the victim became the guilty one. But it didn't matter. She was his friends. They were all his friends. And they didn't lift a finger. A bunch of fucking assholes. Arya hated them all, including herself.  
The oldest Stark opened the door and Arya took a step back. She had a difficult time trusting fatherly figures.  
"Hello?" Eddard asked.  
"Hi." She said, fast. "I'm Jon's sister-"  
"Arya, isn't it?" And then he smiled, as if he knew her since birth. She eyed him suspiciously, but couldn't stop the warm feeling that spread through her body. A feeling of trust. She could trust him, but wasn't willing to accept it. "Come on in, have something to eat."  
"No. I mean, thanks, but..."  
"Arya?" The person she was looking for finally appeared and she sighed in relief. "What are you doing here?"  
Robb asked, standing next to his father.  
"Something happened. Bad. Really bad."  
He looked at his father and then at Arya, deciding it after a couple seconds. Robb reached for his coat, sighing.  
"I'll be back for dinner." Robb said, touching his father's arms softly before stepping out of the house and following Arya. She walked fast, but Robb's legs were longer and he didn't need to rush to keep up with her. "What happened?"  
"Theon."  
"What did he do?"  
He could as Arya swallowed dryly and she didn't turn to look at him while she answered.  
"Died." Robb reached for her arm, forcing her to stop walking. His mind knew what the word meant. Theon's heart wasn't beating anymore. His lungs weren't turning oxygen into carbon anymore. He tried to grip the concept and wrap around the idea that Theon was dead. But he refused to believe it. Arya was fucking with him. Arya had to be fucking with him.  
And then the selfish thought that he was desperately trying to push away because he shouldn't think of that because this wasn't about him. But what about the heroin? It didn't leave his mind. And one second later he would despise himself. His friend was dead and all he could think about was how he would get his next dope. He had seen Theon so much in these last weeks. Robb could have helped him. Of course, he didn't. Too busy thinking about himself, as he was doing now. Arya apparently figured it out, since he got a punch on the ribs. Robb complained, massaging the place where she hit him and looking at her confused.  
"What?"  
"Here's what's going to happen. You'll stop thinking of sticking a heroin dart in your skin for a couple hours and be a good fucking boyfriend, because right now Jon is in his bedroom, depressing over his dead best friend. When you're done, you can go home and do the fuck you want. Are we understood?"  
Robb nodded, starting to walk again.  
"I thought Jon hated Theon."  
"Everyone hates their best friends. That doesn't mean they didn't love each other."  
It was a Sunday and the children were running down the streets yelling and Robb craved that he could go back to that time. The time when he would bring a superman lunchbox to school, and he would play hide and seek with Sansa and they would always end fighting somehow. The time when their father would make them sit on the floor or stare at a wall. The time when the hardest math problem was to solve 9 + 7, and he had to learn to write his name. He wrote Robb Stak more times that he would like to admit. The times were he would pretend he was king, standing on his feet on the table, yelling that everyone should obey the king in the north, until his mother came and yelled at him for being on top of the table. The time when he would sing in the bus during school rides and the only syringe he knew was the one that he had to take when he went to the doctor. Back in the days, no one died. They went to heaven. Old people always say that teenage years are the best one, but maybe they're too old and too bitter to remember their childhood. Robb didn't understand how the failed tests and broken hearts could be the best time of his life. Robb couldn't understand any of it. Robb couldn't understand how Theon could be dead. If those were the days, Robb didn't want it anymore.  
Arya opened the door to their place and pointed at the stairs. He went up, step by step, hands on the package of heroin Theon gave him. The last package Theon ever gave him. He let go of it to knock on Jon's closed door. There was no answer. He opened it slowly, walking inside. It was completely dark, the curtains closed, as if Jon hated the fact that was sunny. The whole place reeked like cigarettes and Robb could hear the constant flick of a lighter. He stood there for a moment, his eyes adjusting and he finally made out the shape of Jon in the middle of the darkness. The flame died every time Jon got it to appear, and Robb had to use his hands to find his way to the bed. He sat in front of him, crossing his legs and unconsciously mimicking Jon's position. Robb could guess that he was crying. The sobs were small and shaky, like Jon was trying to control himself, but everyone knew it was useless. Robb reached out and turned on the lamp and the dime light was enough to hurt Jon's eyes and force him to blink strongly twice. His tear-stained face proved Robb's theory that he was crying. Jon turned off the lamp, and Robb sighed, turning it on again. While he completely ignored Stark's presence, still trying to get a fire for his cigar, Robb looked around, and found about ten cigarette butts on the floor. The clicking of the lighter didn't stop, and he could see Jon's hands shaking. He almost burned himself, and didn't even make a sound.  
"Here, give me." Robb said softly, extending his hand to grab the lighter.  
"I can do it." He replied rudely and kept on trying. Again and again and again. Jon tried with such fierceness that maybe he was thinking that getting a flame would bring Theon back. After a minute, which Robb stood completely quiet, just watching Jon's struggle, he gave up, lowering both lighter and cigarette. Robb moved closer to him, getting it from the bed and lighting it up. He handed it him. "I can't." Jon sobbed, putting it on his mouth. Both knew that he wasn't talking about the flame. He waited for him to keep going, but all Jon did was to smoke. He smoked the whole cigarette before he talked again. Inhale, exhale. Theon was dead. Inhale, exhale. The smoke was pretty and if he tried he could make rings with it. Inhale, exhale. Theon was fucking dead. Inhale, exhale. Did Theon smoke a cigarette and make rings with it in his last day? Inhale, exhale. Tears came back to run down his face before he could even begin to think to control himself. "What have I done?" His voice was crying too. Sad and guilty and grieving. He held in a sob, biting down on his lips. "I killed him, Robb."  
"No..." He snuggled closer once again. "No, it wasn't you. This is not your fault." Robb put his hands on Jon's shoulders, his thumb caressing it gently. "It's wasn't you." He repeated. "It wasn't me. It wasn't Theon. It was Bolton."  
Jon shook his head, but didn't pull away.  
"We were supposed to be his friends." He said the thing both of them were avoiding thinking.  
"We couldn't - we didn't know what was going..."  
"I did." Jon whispered. "I knew what was going on. I blamed him. I sent him away. And now he's dead."  
"I-... Jon..." He always had been good with words, but they all seemed to disappear now somehow.  
"He was my best friend. And he was in an abusive relationship. And I let him. I let him. God, why did I do it?"  
"Jon, there was nothing you could do." It was useless. Jon wasn't listening. He was too far gone once again.  
"I'm such a prick. I'm such a fucking prick." Robb held Jon's face and forced him to look at him. His eyes were completely empty, staring right through Robb. He blinked and looked with so much pain into Robb's eyes that he felt his heart shatter. "Am I going to hell?" He asked, his voice as small as a child's.  
"Why- why would think that?"  
"I almost got Arya killed and now Theon's dead, next thing I know I'll be losing you."  
Robb moved forward, hugging Jon and pulling him closer. He shifted until they were both lying down. He could hear his sobs and feel his raggedy intakes of breath against his shoulder. Robb tangled their legs together and played with Jon's hair.  
"You are not going to lose me." He promised in a whisper against Jon's ear. Robb kissed it softly. "I swear."  
"You didn't answer me." Jon mumbled.  
"You're not going to hell, Snow."  
He felt Jon relax under his hug, lying his head on his chest, and Robb knew he believed. Robb kept on playing with his hair, gazing at the wall. His heart ached with grief. Some people say that sadness is the worst feeling in the world. Or rejected love. Or even hate. It wasn't. It was grief. A person that became a memory. An is that became that a was. A not. Theon was not breathing, was not walking, was not getting high, was not kissing, was not. Theon would never do anything anymore. And that left a gap on Robb's heart that made it hurt every time it beat. "You should sleep a little bit."  
"Stay here." He pleaded.  
"Always."

If angels were real, Margaery was sure they would like Sansa. As she tried to steal a kiss from the girl that giggled, she noticed how damn lucky she was.  
"Margaery!" She exclaimed, laughing and trying to push her over. "My mom is home."  
"Well I think it's about time for her to find out that her daughter likes pussy." Margaery said, placing both of her hands on the wall and leaning in for a kiss. Sansa tried to scold, but in the end she smiled and let Margaery touch her lips quickly.  
"There. A kiss." She said, escaping from her and sitting on the bed again.  
"That was certainly not a kiss." Margaery complained, making Sansa lay on the bed, standing on top of her. This time, it was the other who leaned in, Sansa finally giving up on resisting. Her tongue invaded Margaery's mouth and she couldn't help but kiss in the middle of the kiss.  
"Why are you kissing Margaery?"  
"Bran!" She yelled, almost falling out of her bed. Her cheeks became extremely red and she closed the door with all her strength. "What the fuck are you doing here?"  
Margaery wasn't sure if it was her influence or the fact that her little brother just found out that she was a lesbian, but she knew that Sansa didn't use to swear like that.  
"Your friend is here. The other one. Do you kiss her too?"  
"We were not kissing." Sansa said through gritted teeth.  
"It looked like what mom and dad do. Are you like mom and dad?"  
"Oh, I can assure you that we're different when it comes to se..."  
"Margaery." She warned. "Look, Bran, you can't tell mom about it. Or dad."  
"I can't lie to mom. She always knows. She says I always look at my feet before lying."  
"I don't give a f- I don't care" She corrected herself. "You can't tell her. Okay?"  
"Why not?"  
"You just can't." Bran looked at her suspiciously, but shrugged.  
"Okay."  
"If you promise you won't tell, I'll get you a fish."  
"I want a crow."  
"We can't buy crows." She said, finally calming down. Margaery smiled gently.  
"A bird, then."  
"Deal." Bran spit on his hand and offered it to her. She rolled her eyes, and held Margaery's hand.  
"So not happening. C'mon, Mags, let's go downstairs."  
Sansa knew it was Jeyne; it was the only possible person to be, but she didn't know why she was there. After she got that boyfriend of hers, she completely disappeared from the face of the Earth. Sansa barely saw her on school.  
She let go of Margaery's hand right before entering the living room, and it kind of sting on Margaery's pride, but she tried to ignore it. Jeyne was already on the couch when they got there, and Catelyn was consoling her about something. The girl nodded, silent tears running down her face.  
"Hi." Sansa said, quietly. Catelyn patted her hand and got up.  
"Poor girl is a mess. I'll make you some tea." As she moved to the kitchen, Sansa sat beside Jeyne and Margaery followed, feeling slightly out of place.  
"I know we're not that close." Jeyne started, breathing in to keep herself from crying. "But I had to talk to someone." And she didn't have Theon. Jeyne had never fallen in love. She never allowed her to. In 7th grade, when the boys finally became truly interesting, Sansa got all the attention. Jeyne had a few crushes, but she never allowed them to grow into something else. After that, Ramsay came. He was overwhelming, and at first she thought it was in the good way. She ignored the rumors. She ignored the way he treated Theon. She ignored how it hurt every time they did something that was supposed to be called love. But the bruises became way too often, and the mental games got her crying herself to sleep. She was scared to leave his place, scared to look for a boy for too long. Scared of doing anything wrong, because it hurt so much more when he was angry at her. And Theon was always there. Each day looking worse than before. Of course, they would get along. They had the same nightmare, and they were both stuck with it. But she would never have thought she would fall in love. Not in that situation. Not with the drug head, expelled and womanizer Theon Greyjoy. In that dreadful day, she had called her mom, saying she would sleep over at Sansa's. It was Valentine's Day. Ramsay wouldn't let it go clean. The place was empty when she got there, but Ramsay told her to come, and she wasn't brave enough to leave. He came in after two hours, and placed the gun on the table. She still remembered the look he threw at her. As if he was wondering if she was worth killing or not. His hands worked on opening the fly and pushing it down, and she never felt more pain than she did on that day. When he was done, he whispered on her ear that her little boyfriend was dead.  
"What happened?" Sansa asked, holding her hand gently and snapping her out of her memories.  
"Theon's dead." And she was in love with him.  
“Theon is what?” Margaery asked, breaking her promise that she wouldn’t get in the middle of the conversation, but it was too big of a shock to stay quiet. She had to be kidding. Theon couldn’t be dead. No, not so soon. She was helping him. At least, she was going to. Jeyne looked at her, frowning, clearly not happy for saying it again.  
“He’s dead.” She moved her gaze to Sansa, her lips shaking as she tried to keep the tears in. “Ramsay killed him.”  
Sansa didn’t even look at Margaery, too worried about her friend and searching for the right word to say.  
“Are you alright? Did he hurt you?”Jeyne laughed out of despair, passing her finger on her eyes to dry the tears. She couldn’t remember a time that Ramsay didn’t hurt her. However, she shook her head, knowing what her friend meant.  
“He’s gone.” She murmured, looking at her nails. Jeyne had gone to his place when she woke up, not really sure what she was going to do there. He didn’t call her, and Theon wasn’t there to talk to her. It always took her breath away, when she realized that she couldn’t say hello to Theon anymore, or attempt at hugging or kissing him. She always stopped whatever she was doing when the realization struck her, and then had to come back to the real world. That was the worst part. Keep on going.  
“I know…” Sansa said, trying to hug her, but Jeyne pulled away from the touch.  
“No, I’m not talking about Theon. Ramsay. He moved out. His place is empty.” She pressed the doorbell far too many times. She didn’t even know what she was doing there. What was she going to do? Slap him? Scream at him? Get herself killed off too? It was useless. The neighbor was just going out with a cigarette on his hands, probably off to smoke away from his children or his wife, when he noticed her, pressing the doorbell again and again. He told her he had moved out. She didn’t believe at first. But then it only made sense. Ramsay had nothing holding him in that town anymore. Jeyne was nothing to him.  
“The bastard ran away?” Margaery asked, angrily. She wasn’t angry at Jeyne, though. She was angry at Ramsay. She loathed him. But she was angry with herself. However, she wasn’t going to dwell on the fact that she could have helped him. Because she could. She could have forced him out of Bolton’s grip and made him get better. Of course, she didn’t. And saying ‘I wish I had’ now, wouldn’t make a fucking difference. At that made her even angrier. People always do that. They wait until it’s too late to figure that something could be done about it.

Jon didn’t sleep. His eyes closed for a couple minutes, but he just couldn’t fall asleep. Robb didn’t seem to have the same problem. His breathing became softer and his head fell gently closer to Jon’s. One of his hands was still on his hair, while the other arm enlaced his waist, keeping him close. Jon sighed, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to sleep so soon but not wanting to wake Robb up. He shifted closer to him, putting his own arm around his waist, under his coat. He wasn’t sure what he was searching for, but his fingers wrapped around a package. Jon knew instantly what was it. It hurt him somehow, that Robb was doing it again, drowning himself in the pit. But right now, all he thought about was getting away. From the pain, from the guilt for the fact that Theon was no more. He moved, sitting down on the bed and shaking Robb’s shoulder gently. Stark blinked once or twice before looking at Jon confused.  
“I think I fell asleep.” He yawned. “How are you feeling?” Robb looked worried, and seemed determined to make Jon feel better. Of course, he didn’t know how.  
“I wanna do it.”  
“Do... it?”  
“The heroin, Robb. I wanna do it.”  
“Oh.” Jon had already taken the package out of Robb’s pocket. “No, you can’t do it.” Robb had thought of doing it with Jon, once, the first time he took it. But he didn’t want it for him, not anymore. Jon had too much shit in his life to add up another one.  
“What do you mean I can’t do it?” He asked, sounding offended. Of course, Jon was right. Robb didn’t have the right to tell him not to do it, not when he was pinching himself almost every day. But he wouldn’t let this happen, not to him.  
“I mean that you won’t do it.” Robb said, getting the package out of his hand and putting it into his pocket again. “You don’t want this, Jon.”  
“I just want to try it.”  
“It doesn’t work like that. You can’t just try it. You’ll want it again.”  
“I’m stronger than you for this. I didn’t get addicted to coke, did I?” Jon’s words stung, but Robb wasn’t going to let him win. Not this one. However, Jon didn’t seem willing to give up his chance to make him forget.  
“It isn’t about strength, Jon, you just really can’t do it.”  
“Don’t be such a fucking hypocrite. Won’t you shoot it the minute you get home?”  
“No!” It was a lie. Of course he would. Theon had died. He needed a shot. But he wouldn’t let Jon do the same. He wouldn’t let Jon fuck his own life up.  
“Liar.”  
“I just want you to be okay.” Robb said. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fucking fair. Jon wanted it. He wanted it so bad. God, he missed it, even though he tried again and again to convince himself that he didn’t. He missed feeling like there was nothing in the world that could bring him down. He missed being invincible. He missed being carefree. And he had tried so hard not to do it, but right now, he couldn’t take it anymore. And it wasn’t fair that Robb, of all people, didn’t allow him to. Robb, whose arm was filled with dots. The anger built up inside of him. He felt his whole body shaking and he couldn’t think clearly. Deep down, he knew that he was not angry at Robb, but at the world. But Robb was nearer, and he needed to take it out somewhere.  
“Get out of here.”  
“I’m not leaving you alone.”  
“I said,” Jon gritted his teeth. “Get the fuck out of here.”  
“And I said that I’m not fucking leaving you.”  
They were both standing on his feet by now, Jon staring at Robb as if he could punch him at any second.  
“Great.” Jon said, a sly smirk on his face, before he walked out of the room. Robb sighed. When his uncle died and he asked his father why he was so sad about it, Eddard told him that someone’s death could turn the world upside down. He didn’t believe at the time, but now he knew his father was right. His father was always right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for the comments and kudos! <3


	24. I'll follow you into the dark

Three weeks. It was March 7th, and the fact that Theon Greyjoy didn't exist anymore still hurt Jon like a stab of a knife. It wasn't like he would talk about it, though. Robb had apologized, and got nothing more than a nod of Jon. Of course, he was so desperate for something to get his best friend's death out of his mind, that he had forgiven Robb the instant he said sorry. They didn't struck great conversations, and every time he struggled to talk about it, Jon pushed him away. With sex, mostly. In the car, in the school's bathroom, in the bedroom, even in an empty classroom, with the threat of a teacher walking in. When it was in the bedroom, Snow would turn on his back and pretend he was asleep, as Robb told him he loved him. Then he would slip out of bed and into the bathroom, shooting a far too small portion of heroin, trying to save up the most of Theon's last package. That was the moment Jon would whisper that he, too, loved Robb.  
His tongue entered Stark's mouth as he touched his hair, his own leg in an awkward position because of the lack of space, and Robb responded with the same intensity, already lying down on the whole back seat, Jon on top of him. He didn't have much work to do. Jon was on the lead, desperately trying to forget. Since he didn't allow him to use heroin, he might as well let him use his body. It wasn't bad, of course. Jon's kisses and touches would never be bad, but it wasn't like it used to. It felt emptier. Sadder. They were both sadder, so that was probably the matter. Robb felt his hand on his crotch and bit down a moan. He was completely dressed, only the start of his shirt unbuttoned. Jon, however, was shirtless and with his fly open, his hard cock already apparent.  
He had parked the car extremely far from the school, in a street that was always empty, and pulled out a cigarette. He was about to light up one for him and one for Jon when suddenly he was all over him, and in a not at all graceful way, they had fallen into the back seat, the smoking plan already forgotten. He felt like a terrible boyfriend for doing this, for not truly help him. Once every couple days he would feel so guilty that he would attempt to talk to him.  
"Jon." He said, but the moment he heard his moan, he decided to put his hands inside Robb's underwear and start moving. "Jon..." This time, it was a moan. Jon murmured an acknowledgment, his other hand working on getting Robb's pants lower, pulling the underwear together. Of course, he didn't more than a few seconds of Jon's touch to get hard. It would funny, if it wasn't so embarrassing, how just a sigh from him could get him ready to go. With only one piece of fabric separating them, he thrusted. "I think we... Fuck."  
"That we?" He breathed, the fake thrust almost breaking Robb apart. Jon ran his hands down Robb's thighs, even raising them a little bit, as he moved his hips trying to get his own underwear off.  
"We should... Holy shit." Whatever Robb was planning to say, it was obvious he had lost the battle. Jon hips rolled to go deeper into him, and he closed his eyes, groans and moans escaping his throat. Snow supported his hand on the car window as he moved, pulling away only to pound again into Robb, whose mouth was making obscene noises. Jon left no room for him to talk, or even think, but he made an effort. "We should ta-..." He was finally cut off one last time, when Jon's fingers wrapped around him and started moving in the same rhythm as his hips. This time, he gaped mutely, not even knowing what to say, or if he was capable of it. Robb opened his eyes and he saw nothing but fierceness and a little bit of despair in Jon's grey eyes, who stared at an empty place on the seat instead of at him. While his head fell back and his back arched when he came, making a mess in Jon's hand and his stomach, the other followed with nothing more than an animal grunt. Robb tried to catch his breath, and before he even sat down, Jon had wiped his hands on a tissue from the box that Robb keep on the car because of his bloody nose, and was pulling his underwear and pants up.  
Robb used his elbows to support himself, looking at him suspiciously. He still didn't bother to get dressed. "You're not leaving, are you?"  
"Well, I was." He replied, putting his shirt on.  
"Can't you spend the afternoon with me?"  
"I'm sorry. Can't."  
"Why?" He asked, pulling up his own clothes.  
"Just can't." Jon murmured. Robb stretched and locked the door before he could get out. That got him a stare.  
"We need to talk."  
"Are you going to break up with me?" He asked, chuckling, but there was a fear disguised in his voice.  
"Don't be stupid." Robb sighed, putting his shirt on. He looked almost a normal teenager. If he ignored the bags under his eyes and the dots that the sleeve wasn't able to hide, Robb could be a senior getting ready to truly start his life in college. Med school, perhaps. Or law, any of these colleges parents always dream their children to be in. "We need to talk about what happened."  
"And what was that?" Jon asked, already getting a cigarette and lighting it up. He had been smoking like a chimney lately, smoking up every time his thoughts started to haunt him. His eyes avoided Robb while he opened the window and blew the smoke out.  
"You can't pretend it didn't happen."  
"I don't know what you're talking about." He murmured, still not looking at him.  
"Fuck, Jon, look at me!" Robb exclaimed, taking the cigarette out of his hands and throwing it out of the car.  
"I was smoking." He said through gritted teeth, staring angrily at Robb. At least he was looking at him.  
"I don't give a fuck. You can't just go around pretending it didn't happen. It didn't happen. And fucking and smoking won't make it go away."  
"Shut up."  
"Theon is dead. He's gone. We all miss him, but he's gone."  
"Shut up."  
"He's in a better place now."  
"Don't give me this fucking bullshit, Stark. Don't give me the 'he's in a better place' crap. Not you."  
Robb sighed, putting his hands on his temple.  
"Stop doing this." He pleaded, his eyes closed.  
"Doing what?"  
"Pulling away. I can't stand it." Robb raised his eyes and stared into his eyes. "You can't just fuck me and then leave. I'm not a coping method. I'm a person. I'm your boyfriend. And I love you." He took a sharp intake of breath, as if mastering the courage. "I want to help you. I do. But Jon, you have to stop treating me as if I'm some stranger you met in a pub."  
"What do you want me to do? Apologize? My best friend is dead."  
"You think I don't know that? I know it, Jon. I know you. I know how you're feeling. But you can't treat people like crap just because you lost someone." Robb said, trying to move closer. Jon allowed him.  
"I wanna be okay." He said, strangling a sob, but his whole body was shaking. "I wanna go home."  
"I can take you home."  
"No, not like this."  
Robb bit his lower lip and shifted even closer, enlacing Jon's shoulder and pulling him closer into a hug.  
"We'll get a home." He whispered. A promise. A promise Robb wasn't intending to break, but he would anyway. "Together. We'll move after we graduate. Go to the same college. Share an apartment. I'll break glasses and you'll get mad at me for leaving the plates on the sink. I'll help with your tests, even though I'll have no idea what they're about. We could get a dog. I'll get you a home. We'll be happy. I want you to be happy."  
It was easier to believe that he was able to quit heroin when he planned out his future with Jon. It never involved syringes and bleeding. It never involved pain or heartbreak. He was happy, in that little world he invented to himself. He didn't need heroin there. Jon was always happy and smiling there. Sometimes he even wore leather jackets. They smoked a lot, and the owner of the building hated them for it. It was the future he wished for. But each passing day made it seem more and more far away. Not because of Jon's distance. No, he wouldn't give up on him because of grief. But as the days went by, it was harder to spend a few hours without using it. He resembled Theon now, shaking so much before able to get the syringe on the right place that it took him ages and a bunch of toilet paper to clean up all the blood to actually feel relived. Of course, he couldn't just stop. Even the colors of the world seemed wrong when he spent more than five hours without it. The thought of going on forever was impossible. But then again, he wanted to be normal. He wanted to be fine. He would wash his face on the mirror after shooting, and as he stared at the reflection (that couldn't be him, could it?) of himself, that looked like a ghost, a copy of the old Robb. Cheerful, bright Robb. Gone for good, he supposed. He would promise "One week. Only one more week." and in the following day he would say the same and again and again and again. Comforting words are usually made of lies.  
Jon nodded.  
"We could buy two dogs."  
"Anything you want. Just don't push me away. Please, please, don't push me away." He moved from Robb's embrace, his fingers tracing his jawline gently.  
"I love you."  
"I love you too." Robb murmured. Jon leaned in and took his lips between his own. He tasted from the cigarettes they shared earlier that morning, but something else too. Robb's lips tasted like cigarettes and sorrow, and Jon didn't know it by then, but that would be the last time their lips would touch. They never know it by then. 

His fist hit the door. Once, twice, thrice. He was going for the forth when the door was unlocked. Viserys looked the same he always did. Purple eyes, white hair. Robb felt his stomach twist with disgust for himself. He shouldn't do it. But he needed it.  
"What are you doing here, Stark? I thought you were a honorable person." He asked, leaning against the doorway and crossing his arms.  
"You know what I'm doing here." Robb said, entering his place without asking for permission. He got his wallet out of his wallet. A day. That was all he could stay without a shot. Theon's package was over, the last physical memory that he actually existed. The first hours were easy. It seemed possible, that he could do it. And suddenly it was like someone's fingers were holding his neck, choking him. His eyes didn't close the whole night. He had even puked. In that moment, he gave up. He couldn't do it. Stark would die with a syringe in his arm, not old and grey in a wheelchair. Oddly enough, he accepted it. He, and only he, had brought this on himself, and when he still had a chance, he didn't do anything. Now it was all over. A week, a month, a year. Robb didn't know how much time he had left. Perhaps he was already dead. Already a ghost, wandering around, unsure of what to do. Trying to drag people with him, not being able to let go. He was a burden.  
The only reason he had stepped out of the house in the morning was because his father forgot his wallet on the table. Robb didn't want to do it, but it wasn't about his wishes. It hadn't been about his wishes for a long time now. It was far from it. He wasn't in control of his body, of his mind. Before he could even think how despicable it was, he had his dad's money on his pocket and was walking down the street. Eddard was with the car, so Sansa would take the bus, and Jon would notice only at school that he wasn't there. The ride to the Targaryen's place took him almost an hour. He needed to take two buses. One hour. Sixty minutes. Three thousand and sixty hundred seconds. Robb never thought of the concept of time being relative until he compared a hour of craving to a hour of being high.  
Viserys looked at the money Robb was offering him, and took it from his mouth.  
"You're doing heroin now, aren't you?" He nodded. Targaryen left him alone in the room, and Robb wasn't sure if he sat down or not, and decided against it. He was back soon, handing him a package that was way too big for his amount of money. Robb already reached out to grab it it. "It's from the Lannisters." Viserys warned, as if he should worry. Before, the only thing Robb knew about the Lannisters was that Cersei had a prick of a boy who went to his school, and Sansa used to crush over him. Of course, the family went deeper than that. He heard thousands of different rumors, one of the worst being the little story of the twins sharing a bed. And a shower. And everything, to be honest. There was another one, though, that he was trying to push out of his mind. People whispered that it was a Lannister's drug who killed Robb Reyne. An overdose, because the heroin was awful and dirty. How ironic.  
He should be afraid, and buy from someone else, that would charge more for more quality. Right now, he didn't care about the quality. The "how good" didn't matter. Only the "how much".  
"Well, you can send them my regards."  
Viserys smirked, handing him the package.  
"Oh, I will." He replied as he counted the money.  
Robb walked down the street while he thought how he was going to do it. He couldn't go to Theon to shot, not anymore. His father had the car. He would have to go home, but that meant his mother knowing he hadn't appeared in school. She was already furious at him because of his terrible grades in his finals. Robb told her that he just didn't study, not daring to tell her the truth. However, he had no other choice. His school's bag was resting in his room, with the syringe in it. His mind was filled with too much despair for him to worry about being found. 

Robb would hate him for it. God, even he hated himself for it. However, Jon couldn't just stand there, being the usual prick. He had to, needed to do something.  
"Sansa, I need to talk to you." He said, standing in front of her, blocking her way to whatever class she had now. Her autumn hair was straight, so different from Robb's curls. And the eyes. They were blue and stared at him full of judgment. It was a beautiful color, but it wasn't like Robb's. While Sansa was the sky, Robb was the universe. Stars collapsing and dying and exploding, twirling around in a infinite complexions of blues and purples. Robb was his universe. And a Big Bang in reverse was happening to him. He was shrinking and disappearing, and Jon couldn't just stand and watch.  
"What do you want, Snow?" She asked, hugging her books closer as if she was protecting herself from all the heartbreak Jon had caused. He would do far worse now.  
"Robb is doing heroin." Four words. He could even tell how the words began to make sense, and it the moment her expression fell as if someone was crushing her world, and indeed, someone was, he knew she had understood.  
"You're a liar." Sansa said, sternly. She sounded an awful lot like her mother.  
"I wouldn't lie to you about this, Sansa, and you know it." She did. She didn't want to know, however. It couldn't be happening. Not heroin. Even her, that never even put a joint on her mouth knew that heroin was a death sentence. She turned to her locker, opening it and putting the books inside, her stomach twisting as if she was going to puke. Her eyelids closed and she pressed her forehead against the shelf, the tears stubbornly forming. Then she blinked. Twice. Strongly. Closing her eyes so much as if her problems would disappeared if she blinked hard enough. A bad dream. It had to be a bad dream. A nightmare, the ones she used to have when she was seven years old and was still able to curl up into her parents' bed and sleep between them, safe and sound from all the dangers in the world. Bad dreams, bad dreams, go away. Good dreams, good dreams, please stay. The chanting her father taught her didn't help, because when she opened her eyes, Jon was still there and his words still lingered in the air between them. The group of teenagers didn't stop. Going to Philosophy or Algebra I or which ever class they would have now. They were made of honeymoons, or broken condoms in a back of a car. In the shower, or in a little apartment near the downtown. They were wished and waited, or unplanned and loved. A bunch of mess of people who are terrified and excited for the future. Her brother may not even have a future.  
"It's all your fucking fault." She yelled, pressing both of her hands in his chest and pushing him. Some people stopped and looked at them, waiting for more punches or screams and maybe some tears. Jon stared at Sansa, his face emotionless, and she stared back trembling. Slowly, they lost the interest, going back to their schedule.  
"I know." Jon murmured, his armor breaking into pain and guilt. His fault. All his fucking fault. Theon, Arya and now Robb. The blame weighted down on him, making living hard. It was like trying to breathe with someone sitting on his chest. Difficult, and painful. "I- I know."  
"I want you far for him." She stated, stepping closer, her gaze burning into him. Obviously, he wasn't the only one who thought he was guilty. "Really fucking far from him. If you ever talk to him again, I'll end you. I don't care what you did to me. But his my brother."  
"I love him." Jon said and he couldn't tell if he was trying to convince her or himself.  
"You ruined him. He was fine before he met you. He doesn't need you. This family doesn't need you. Go away, Jon, and let him heal."  
Sansa closed her locker's door and threw her bag over her shoulder. She turned away from him and started to walk.  
"Where are you going?"  
"I'm going home." She replied, walking away from him. Maybe Sansa was right. Maybe he should let Robb heal. 

He entered his home and went straight to the kitchen, opening the drawer harshly. His mother followed, entering the kitchen only a few seconds later.  
"Weren't you supposed to be at school?"  
"I was feeling a bit off." Robb lied, automatically. He sneaked a spoon into his pocket.  
"You should have called. You can't just run away from school."  
"They let me. I'll go get some sleep."  
"Why the spoon?"  
"What?"  
"The spoon." She said, pointing at his pocket.  
"Oh. Yogurt." Robb replied, opening the fridge and getting an yogurt which he had no intent of eating. His mind rushed and everything was too intense, too fucking intense. His hands were shaking and he tried to control them, but it didn't seem possible.  
"I think you should go to a doctor." She murmured.  
"Mom..." Robb complained, almost shooting it up in front of her because he just couldn't wait anymore.  
"You're failing. And you've lost so much weight... You don't even speak to us properly. We have to see what's going on."  
"Today." He suggested. "After dad gets home. I'll go to a doctor."  
Catelyn smiled in relief, and caressed his face with a kindness that only mothers could master.  
"So go have your nap. I'll wake you up when we're leaving."  
Robb nodded and almost ran upstairs. He closed the door of his room and locked it. Unlocked it. He did it three times, trying to decide how he would leave it. Finally, he decided to let it unlocked, the key resting on the desk. His bag didn't want to open, or perhaps his blurred vision didn't allow him to do it in the right way. After long, excruciating, terrible ten minutes, he was searching for a vein. He hissed when the needle pinched his skin on the wrong place. Blood dripped out, but he tried again. His hands were shaking strongly, and he hurt himself more times than he would if he had payed attention. Finally, he got it, pressing down the syringe until there was nothing inside it. It was like being pulled out of the sea after almost drowning.  
Robb lied down on the floor and closed his eyes, sighing deeply. He needed more. Or perhaps he didn’t. He felt normal now, but he didn’t want normal. He wanted high and laughing and screaming. He wanted to be as high as the gods in the Olympus. His hands prepared another shot almost automatically. He shouldn’t use it all. He should save it for later, make it last a few days. Right now, he couldn’t think of that. He couldn’t think at anything at all. He had a package full of heroin, so what the hell?  
It wasn’t lke he had anything to lose.  
This shot was easier. The vein was visible, and his hands and mind were in control, or at least more than they were before. His mind rushed, and he had to close his eyes again. However, he did not face the darkness, only explosions and colors. Explosions of colors. Colors of explosions. His world turned and spinned and God, how he missed that feeling. That feeling of invincibility. And then it struck him. And he had to tell Jon.  
His hand reached for his phone on his pocket, and he typed Jon’s number – or at least what he thought it was – and waited. He was in class. He wouldn’t pick up. Wasn’t himself supposed to be in class too? The ringing of the phone almost drove him mad. His package had enough for one big shot. He used it all. Stupid, useless Robb. Maybe he could call Theon and ask for more. Theon was still there, wasn’t he? Of course he was. Robb could even see him, sitting right there on his bed, almost as high as he was, laughing it off. He wasn’t sure what “it” was, but maybe it was life. Life was a fucking joke. Because Theon couldn’t be dead, right? He was right there.  
“Robb?” His voice sounded from the other side of the phone. Jon was supposed to be in class, but after talking to Sansa, he didn’t feel like paying attention to anything anymore, and was skipping it in the bathroom.  
“Jon, I had something to tell you.” He didn’t hear it, but Jon shifted uncomfortably on his place. He couldn’t possibly hear it, but Jon relived Sansa’s words on his brain.  
“You can tell me.”  
“I need to ask you something first.”  
“Robb, are you crying?”  
He was. He didn’t notice it, though. The word crying and the act of crying didn’t make sense in his mind. Nothing made sense in his mind. He just had to tell Jon. And another shot. He needed another shot. Robb supported the phone with his shoulder while he prepared the last shot.  
“Theon is alive, isn’t he?” Jon stood quiet. “Tell me that he’s alive.”  
He’s right there. He has to be alive. He’s laughing at me for being a pussy and crying. I’m not allucinating. I am not insane.  
“He died, Robb.” He said, when he finally snapped out. His voice was calm. “Are you alright? Do you w-“Jon stopped before it was too late. Fortunately, Robb didn’t listen. He had to close his eyes for about half a minute, before opening it up. The world wasn’t supposed to turn like this. He felt like he finally understood how the Earth was truly turning around itself and around the Sun.  
“I got it now.”  
“What… What did you get?” Jon asked, filled with confusion.  
“Life. I got it now, Jon, I do. I thought… I thought it was about grades and college and work and being like my father, I always wanted to be like my father.” He had to stop for a sharp intake of breath, trying to keep his tears inside him. “It’s not. Everything’s so fragile. So worthless. I was right, wasn’t I? Nothing really matters.”  
“Robb, what are you talking about?”  
“Stuff happen and then it’s over and then it’s gone forever. How did Theon laugh? I can’t remember how he laughed, he’s laughing right now but it’s not him, because you said he’s dead, but he’s fucking laughing, Jon.”  
Jon closed his eyes, trying desperately to find something to say. Robb was hallucinating, that was clear. He wouldn’t reach his home fast enough, and he wasn’t sure if he could calm him down using only words. He knew being exasperated wouldn’t help.  
“You said you got something. What did you get?” He asked, gently.  
“Carpe diem. Seize the day, because it can be over in a second. Carpe diem, Snow. Carpe fucking diem.”  
“Robb-“  
He couldn’t have know what Jon wanted, because he turned the phone off.  
“You’re almost there, Robb.” (fake) Theon said, a wolfish grin on his mouth. Did Theon grin like this? He wasn’t sure. However, he nodded, for the third in the last hour searching for his vein. It never seemed so easy, so natural to find it and stick a needle into it. His heart ached in every beat. His vision was becoming black. He pressed down the syringe, and his heart beat faster. And then it was over.  
It was all over.

 

Sansa was walking to her house, staring at the floor, unable to stuff her hands into her pockets because her dress had no pocket. She not only hated Jon Snow. She despised him, and blamed for everything that went terribly wrong in her life. Of course, half the things were indeed his fault. She hated herself for being so completely stupid that she failed to notice what was going with her older brother, again. Once again, he had almost got himself killed, and she didn’t notice until someone was telling her. She would not let that happen again.  
She still had a few blocks to go when her phone rang. An annoyed sigh escaped her lips when she read that it was Jon, but she picked up anyway.  
“What do you want?”  
“Where are you?”  
“Near my house.” She replied, frowning. “Why?”  
“Go check on Robb!” Jon said, sounding desperate. “Something’s up with him!”  
“Yes, he’s fucking doing heroin.”  
“No, that’s not what I meant.” Sansa began to hurry up a little, even though she didn’t know what was going on. It was just a bad feeling. A dreadful feeling in the pit of her stomach, as if something truly awful had happened.  
It was Jon’s voice. It was more than despair. It’s not the “I forgot my phone on the pub” fear. It was the fear of losing someone, of trying to grip them closer to you while they slipped away. The fear that fills your heart when you’re holding onto someone’s hand to stop them falling into a cliff and the sweat make it slip. Jon’s voice sounded like all his universe was being wrecked.  
“What do you mean, then?”  
“I mean that I think he’s doing something stupid.” He said.  
“No.”  
It was the only word she could think as she runned to her place.  
“Mom, where’s Robb?” She asked the moment she got in, already looking around for him. No, not him, not now, not never. Not her big brother. No, no, no. This wasn’t happening.  
“In his bedroom, sleeping. What’s wrong, darling?”  
“He’s not sleeping.” Sansa murmured, climbing up the stairs jumping two steps at a time. Catelyn followed, worried. If she was in a better state of mind, she would have hesitated before opening the door, but right now she sprung inside. Robb was on the floor, his backpack next to him. His phone rested on the floor, and in his right arm, filled with dots, rested a syringe. Sansa knew what happened. She knew how heroin addicts were found when they overdose. However, she kneeled beside and placed a hand on his shoulder, shaking him. His mother let out a cry, but she didn’t turn to her. “Robb, c’mon. Open your eyes. Please, it’s not fun anymore.” When they were little, he would always pretend he was dead. Throwing himself in the floor, closing his eyes, tongue sticking out. Sansa would always have to tickle him for him to wake up. Or cry. Both of them worked. “You’re not dead. You’re not dead, you’re not dead, you’re not dead.” The tears were falling from her eyes, lines of salty water filled with pain and memories. “I won’t ask for the car anymore. I’ll clean your room. I’ll pay the pizza. I’ll babysit Rickon and Bran. But you gotta wake up. Wake up, please, wake up.” She sobbed, shaking him harder. “C’mon, Robb. Come on!” Sansa yelled. “You can’t leave me, please, don’t leave me.”  
Catelyn placed a hand on her shoulder. She was crying too, quieter than Sansa, struggling to keep strong in front of her daughter. Even though she tried desperately not to look, her eyes would always focus in the syringe and then in all the dots. Every time Robb had used it. Every time she didn’t notice. Every time she wasn’t there for him. She loved him since she first learned she was pregnant. And she couldn’t help but feel like a failure. What kind of mother does not see this?  
She made Sansa stand, pulling her away from Robb. Away from the body. That was what her first son was. A body. He had no soul in him, not anymore. He was gone, because she was a waste as a mother.

Jon’s hand were shaking as he turned the car on. Jon’s hands were shaking when he did anything. He wondered if Robb’s hands shoke when he was about to die.  
He wasn’t religious. He didn’t believe in ghosts. Not until when he looked at the drawings in his wall, all he could remember was Robb’s comments about it. And when he looked at his desk, all he could remember was quoting Dead Poets Society to him. And when he opened his wardobre and all he could think about how Robb wore every single one of his shirts. If he was strong enough to search it, he would even find a shirt that belonged to him. That was when he broke down, sitting on the floor or the bed or the chair or whatever was near, because his knees forgot their fuction and he couldn’t stand anymore, the tears running down his cheek for so long that he doubted he had any water left in his system. Not until he walked down the hallways in the school, and he could remember kissing Robb in that place, holding his hand in that other one, even punching him in that first place. Everywhere he went there was a memory or a thought of Robb, and it tasted like blood in his mouth and it felt as if he was suffocating from loss.  
Jon closed his eyes, holding the wheel firmly. He borrowed his father’s car. He didn’t exactly asked for it. But he didn’t really care.  
(he didn’t ask for the heroin he got from Ygritte last night, after the funeral, but he didn’t care either)  
He did to feel closer to Robb, somehow. It made him puke and steal his father car, and it didn’t make him think any less of Robb, but at least he was trying. As he drove away, and he wasn’t exactly sure where, he remembered how Robb’s lips tasted against his own. He remember how his hands seemed to know every single part of his body, like a pirate with his map. Jon couldn’t tell if his heart was beating anymore, because it ached so much.  
He looked at the red light above him, but his feet pressed down on the accelerator in the same way. There was the sound of cars’ wheels trying to desperately stop and it crashed. Jon’s father’s car spun around and around, and suddenly Jon didn’t miss Robb at all. Because he couldn’t feel anything at all. Not even the pain from his heart beating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, the next chapter is the epilogue, and then it's over for good ):  
> thank you for the kudos and the comments! and sorry for all the heartbreak, honestly


	25. When the hell does "you'll get over it" begins?

Emptiness is a weird feeling. It can’t even be called that; it’s nothing, a void. That was what Arya had in her chest. A void instead of a heart. Maybe that was the reason she didn’t cry. The tears didn’t appear and the sadness crushed her by each passing second. If she cried, at least she would be proving to someone that she was, indeed, feeling something. Anything. Unfortunately, she didn’t. Life had taught her that crying would bring nothing back. It didn’t bring her mother. It wouldn’t bring her brother.  
But it felt weird. His room, the door open, because she couldn’t just close it, accepting that he would never enter it again. Filled with his stuff but so empty. It still smelled like him, and Arya could picture Robb sitting there, tears in his eyes, hugging a pillow or a shirt or whatever. But Robb was dead too. They were both gone. Together in paradise, if drug addicts went to paradise. If that fucking place even existed. If it was real, if God was real, Arya hated Him. He would be chilling in heaven, while the damned tried to live through the life they didn’t ask to have. How could He allow it to happen? If God was real, she hoped that He was dead too.  
She barely stayed the whole day in her house. How could she? Everything was Jon. This particular afternoon, she found her feet leading her to the Stark house. Sansa missed school for almost a week after it happened and when she came back she just refused to talk. Staring at nowhere, acting as if she was the one who died. But Arya couldn’t blame her. She would do the same, if she wasn’t such a pussy when it came about feelings. And there was this strange thing. Like Sansa was the only one who understood her. Of course, there were other people who lost brothers and sisters and mothers and fathers. She was such that if she looked a little longer at people in her school, she could point out who had gone through loss in their lives and who hadn’t. But both Sansa and Arya lost their older brother. The inspiration. The one that through all the fights and arguments, was always there. And now they weren’t. Arya couldn’t ask for rides, or go to his room to ask something or just say random shit. She wouldn’t scream anymore, he wouldn’t make her cry. Even the bad things sounded good now.   
Eddard had called her house. She didn’t even know how he found her number, but she figured that he must have gotten it from Sansa. It took some time for her to pick up. She didn’t want to, or perhaps just didn’t care. Eventually, she got out of the couch and searched for the phone in the whole living room, only to find it under a cushion. Arya considered saying no the offer, but the silence of the house – even though the television was on – was becoming unbearable. So she accepted. School year was almost ending. Jon would be graduating soon. He was going to graduate. He wouldn’t anymore. She didn’t feel like graduating either, even though she still had two years to go. She didn’t want those two years.   
Her finger pressed the doorbell and it ringed inside the house, but she couldn’t listen to it. Eddard opened it, and she stepped in for the first time. She didn’t know the place, but somehow she knew that Robb’s death affected it. He had a baby on his arms, who would grow up and only know Robb through old pictures in frames and stories. Arya bit her lip, feeling like a stranger. She was. It didn’t matter how much she wished for, she wasn’t part of this family. Ned wasn’t her father, and Catelyn wasn’t her mother. Sansa wasn’t her sister. Bran and Rickon weren’t her brothers. She could pretend all she wanted, but she didn’t belong there.  
“Come on in, dear.” He said, pointing at the kitchen. They were all there. Puffy eyes and sad looks. Arya took a step back. That wasn’t her place. She couldn’t do it. Of course, it was terrible to stay at her empty home, but it would be even worse to be in a place full of people where she would be the outsider. She couldn’t trick herself. She was no one.  
“I can’t.” Arya whispered, already leaving the doorstep, reading to turn and run away from the chance of a family. “I’m sorry.”  
She ran. She ran so fast that she knew that no one could reach her, her hair getting in her face, her legs hurting after a few miles. The tears finally strained down her face, accepting that Jon was dead, Jon was gone to never return, and it wasn’t fair. They burned her skin with shame, as if she wasn’t allow to feel so deep and so much. She didn’t want to feel like this. She didn’t want to feel like nothing at all. She kept on running, while the sun set, and she knew that she wouldn’t be able to sleep in her house. Even the streets were better than there. The streets didn’t have Jon in their every inch.   
Her hand didn’t search for the doorbell this time. She just knocked, more times than necessary – and stronger than necessary, her knuckles hitting the wood again and again and again.  
“Fuck, Gendry, I need you!” She yelled to the closed door, kicking it. Gendry opened the door a second later, staring at her confused. Arya had been avoiding him since it happened. He was too good for this, way too good. She didn’t deserve him, he didn’t deserve to have to go through her. He would be so much better off without her. If she were a better person, she would walk away. However, she wasn’t. She was a weak, despicable, pitiful human being. She wouldn’t leave him because she needed him. She wouldn’t leave him, event though this would be good for him. Selfishness was bigger than love, right now. She had enough of love for now. She loved Jon. Jon loved Robb. Theon loved Jon. Love just ruined everyone and everything. If life was a war, love would be the grenade, exploding and burning off people’s faces – or hearts – off.  
“Hi.” He said, once his confusion was gone. He was expecting her to show up, that’s why he didn’t search for her. He was certain she would come when she was ready.  
“Jon is dead.” It was more of a sob than a real sentence and before Gendry could answer, she had stepped forward and hugged her with more strength than anyone could expect for that tiny body.  
“I know.” He murmured, raising his arm reluctantly, afraid she would pull back. After a moment, his fingers tangled in her hair, caressing them gently. “I’m sorry.”   
Arya breathed deeply, trying to avoid her sobs escaping from her throat, hugging him closer.  
“Can I sleep here? I can’t go back to my house. I can’t.”   
“Sure. It’s fine.” Gendry said, letting go of her embrace to pull her inside. “My mom’s at work.” She nodded, sitting on a chair and lied her head on her arm, closing her eyes. Denial. Anger. Bargain. Depression. Acceptance. She always hated this physiologic stuff. Bullshit, it had to be. However, the first time she heard her father’s mouth forming the sentence that declared her brother dead, all she could think was no. It couldn’t be true. It wasn’t true.   
And then the lie became truth, and she got at angry. At the world. At her father. Even at Jon, sometimes. How could he dare to live her there? All alone? Her knuckles were still bruised. Of course, she tried to bargain. If only Jon had seen the red light (because she couldn’t – she wouldn’t – admit that he had killed himself), he would still be here. Arya hated ifs with all her heart, so eventually she stopped trying to fool herself. Maybe all the tears and the lack of her emotional shield was the depression part.  
And perhaps it was the cup of tea Gendry had placed in front of her, or the sound of him pulling the chair to sit beside her, or his hand in her hair, the silence promise of “it will be okay” lingering between them. She wasn’t sure what, but something made the truth that Jon wasn’t coming back settle in her chest. It wasn’t okay. But it would be. She would remember him in dates and in things, in words and movies, but as the years went by, it wouldn’t hurt daily. His memory would slip away from her, and it would be like a second death. She would be able to tell stories about him to her kids, even though most of them wouldn’t be appropriate to kids, of course, but the simplest things would just slip away. As the years went by, she would struggle more to remember his favorite movie or book. It was alright. Jon would do the same if it was the other way around. Everyone would. It is how life goes, what makes the planet spin. Forgetting and forgiving.  
He was dead and it wasn’t good, but she would endure it.

Her brain didn’t stop that night. It kept her up, her waist unlaced by Gendry’s arm, his calm breathing assuring her that he was asleep. She moved, shifting until she found herself free from his grip, and tiptoed to the window. It was hot, but she crossed her arms as if to protect herself from the cold anyway. Arya just stood there, quietly observing the world. A group of drunk people passed, chanting shitty songs and extremely happy because of the alcohol in their veins, but that was the only movement of the place.  
She was far too distracted to notice Gendry getting up and standing behind her, and she jumped when he placed his hand on her shoulder.  
“My mom used to say that whenever someone dies, a new star is born.” He said.  
“That’s bullshit.” She replied, but looked up to the sky anyway. “Do you reckon they’re happy?”  
“I doubt they’re sad.” Arya’s eyes shifted from the stars to the street, noticing something moving. Two somethings, to be more precise. It took a while to make up the shape, but once they were under the light, she realized it was two dogs. She frowned as they played and ran together. Before she could pay any more attention, they were gone. “How about you?”  
She knew he wanted to know how she was feeling, but she pretended that she didn’t.  
“They’re fine. I’m sure they’re fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, hm, it's over. It's one of the biggest stories (perhaps the biggest one) i ever wrote, so thank you so much for enduring it until it's end!  
> I would like to thank all of my friends, but especially Bea, Vivian, Giu, Marco and Duda for all the ideas and support <3  
> and thank you all for all the comments and kudos! It honestly means a lot to me.


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